by Liz Czukas
“It’s fine.” Schroeder stepped away from the X taped on the floor in front of the backdrop. “I don’t need to remember being the only one without a date.”
“I wasn’t your date,” I said automatically, and instantly regretted it. It had sounded more teasing in my head the nanosecond before it came out of my mouth. Out there in the open, it was harsh. Mean.
He didn’t seem to react, though. Just crossed his arms.
“Are we done?” the photographer asked in an icy tone.
“Nope!” Ally declared. “Group shot! Everybody in! You too, Heart.”
“I don’t know if—”
“Oh, come on! You’re exhausting me.” Neel grabbed me by the arm and yanked me into the shot. I fell awkwardly against him as the camera flashed.
“Exit to your right. Next, please!” the photographer shouted.
I slid my arm through Ryan’s, towing him out the exit and back to the lobby. “Come on,” I said. “I want to go dance again.”
He groaned. “Not again.”
“Please?” I folded my lips into a tight line.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“You were in there, right?” I nodded back at the photo station.
Ryan’s eyebrows raised in understanding. “Chase?”
“Yeah.” My face felt hot. Embarrassment, guilt, anger. Who knew exactly what emotional mix was cooking my head like that?
“I’m telling you”—Ryan looked over his shoulder as the rest of the crew emerged from the curtains—“he’s flirting with you. I think he likes you.”
I sucked in a breath and shivered before I could stop myself. Then I screwed up my face and grumbled, “Well, he’s got a funny way of showing it. Now can we please go dance?”
“Do we have to?”
I looked back at my friends, feeling like there were football fields between us, instead of a few feet. “Right now? Yes.”
“All right. But this is the last time.”
“We’ll see.”
16 In which Troy obviously forgets who I am, and I plot my escape
HEADS
Troy was now beyond drunk. He could barely make eye contact, but he’d reached a stage where he thought he was the coolest guy in the room. Phil was proud of himself.
“See? I told you he’d forget about Amy.”
“You guys, he’s like two seconds away from losing consciousness, or dancing on a table. Neither one is a good idea.” I scowled at my brother and Tara, who were happily taking a break on some chairs near the dance floor. Tara’s princess crown had gone lopsided, but somehow it looked intentional and devil-may-care on her. And this is why everyone is jealous of pretty girls and talks about them in the bathroom.
“That’s why you’re supposed to be keeping track of him.”
“He’s your friend,” I reminded him.
“But if he gets kicked out, so will you,” Phil said.
“That doesn’t even make sense.”
He shrugged. “Try it and find out.”
“I hate you so much right now.” I shoved off my own chair to go after Troy, who was standing directly in front of a speaker, laughing like a maniac.
I caught the big oaf by his wrist and tugged him gently toward the center of the dance floor. The chaperones were all on the perimeter, I reasoned, so it would be best if I kept him surrounded by a good buffer of other kids.
“Heart!” he bellowed, throwing his arms around me. I staggered against his weight. “There you are! Where did you go?”
“I’m right here,” I said, still tugging on his wrist. I could make out a pair of teachers eyeballing him from the nearest corner. “Come on, buddy, you gotta come with me.”
“Anything for you, Heart.” He grinned and tripped over his own feet as we got a few people deep into the dancing. “Hearty Heart-Heart.”
I wrinkled my nose. My name was bad enough without having it turned into some weird chant.
“The dance is almost over, huh?” I said brightly, indicating my ugly tiger corsage like it was a watch.
“Then we can really go party!” he whooped.
My heart sank. I’d expected to chauffeur Troy home and pour him through his front door at the stroke of midnight.
“I don’t know about that!” I was using my best fake enthusiasm, hoping to trick him into cooperating with my peppiness.
Suddenly he pulled me closer and wrapped his arms around my waist. The sheer weight of his arms was enough to trap me against his sweaty shirt. And just when my dress was finally starting to feel dry all the way through.
“I don’t know how I could have gotten through tonight without you.” His voice was thick.
I tried to ease back, but he didn’t seem to notice, so I concentrated on keeping my feet beneath me.
“I mean it, Heart. You don’t know what it was like having Amy rip my heart out like that. I couldn’t imagine coming to prom with anyone but her. It’s my senior year! Tonight is supposed to be the best night of my life, and she just threw it all away.”
“Oh come on now, I’m sure there will be more important nights—”
He cut me off. “But then you said you’d come with me and I knew. I just knew everything was going to be good again.”
“Uh . . .” I tried to think of anything I’d done to deserve this other than show up in a dress and not punch him in the stomach for getting me a snarling tiger corsage.
“You’ve always been nice to me, Heart. Do you know that? Always.”
That was when I started to panic. Just a little, but there was no denying it. He was giving me all kinds of bad signs. Signs that he was having . . . ideas. I squirmed back from him as far as I could manage and gave him my best friendly smile.
“Aww, thanks, Troy. Just glad to help out a friend.” I really laid into that last word. If I could have managed it, I’d have punched him in the shoulder and called him buddy.
He wrestled me a little closer, hands clasped behind my lower back. I hadn’t really appreciated how much material was in the skirt of my dress before, but I was extremely grateful for it now that Troy’s fingers were in such close proximity to my butt. It was a built-in butt buffer. Maybe that’s why the girls wore such floofy clothes back then. Men didn’t know how to take no for an answer.
Around his shoulder (I definitely couldn’t see over the top of it) I could make out the basic shape of Amy and her date dancing not too far from us. Thankfully, Troy was facing the wrong direction, because Amy and her mystery man were up close and personal. Very up close and personal. So, when Troy tried to rotate us as part of his limited dance repertoire, I dug in my heels and tried to prevent it.
I was, not surprisingly, a total failure. I could tell the moment he laid eyes on her, because he sucked in a breath and swung me around so she was out of sight.
“Does she know I saw her?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” Peeping around his shoulder again, I saw Amy snuggle closer to her date and shoot a quick glance in our direction. “Yeah, I think so.”
“How can she be doing this to me?”
“Don’t worry about her.” I shook my head. “Who cares what stupid Amy Byers thinks anyway? You’re going to graduate soon and move on to way better things than her.”
His big teddy bear’s face was all crumpled up, but he actually seemed to be listening. “You really think so?”
“I know so.” I patted him on the shoulder. “You’re a great guy, Troy. You deserve better.”
Looking him in the eyes seemed like the right thing to do, but instantly, I could see my mistake. He was so much taller than me, I had to tilt my head back to make eye contact, putting my whole face in a vulnerable position.
There was nowhere to turn when he laid a wet, alcohol-soaked kiss on me.
His tongue was like a fish flopping on a dock in my mouth, but hot instead of cold. I yanked back against his arms and tried to turn my head, but he just moved with me. Finally, I balled my fists and pushed hard against his chest. He
stumbled back, looking confused.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
I wiped my mouth with the back of my wrist, trying not to shudder and let out the overwhelming EWW! that wanted to explode from my throat. So instead I just shook my head and held up my other hand in a silent Stop.
“I’m not . . . no,” I said. “We’re not like that, got it?” I gestured between us. “Friends, okay? No more.”
“I thought—” he started.
“I know. But no.” I shook my head again. “I’m sorry, but no.”
“Heart . . .”
“I need a minute.” I spun on my heel and wove through the crowd until I found Phil and Tara dancing under the disco ball.
“Phil! I can’t do this anymore.” Wiping my mouth again, I shuddered. “Troy just kissed me. I want to go home.”
“He did?” Phil broke into loud belly laughs. “That’s awesome.”
“It was not awesome!” I punched him in the arm. Hard. “In what world is that awesome?”
“In the world where it means he’s getting over Amy.”
“He did it right in front of Amy.”
“Still.” My brother shrugged. Tara at least had the good grace to wrinkle her nose.
“Still nothing. I’m done with this. I want to go home.”
“You are completely overreacting. It was just a kiss.”
“But I didn’t want him to do it.”
“Don’t be such a baby.”
“I’m not being a baby! I’m saying I want to go home.”
“Stop freaking out. You’re going to ruin prom.”
“I’m going to ruin it? Are you kidding me?”
“Heart. It was a kiss. Deal.”
I curled my fingers into tight fists, barely feeling the bite of my own nails into my palms. “Don’t you even care what I want? I’m your sister.”
“Yeah, and Troy’s my friend. He wouldn’t hurt anyone. He probably thought you wanted it.”
“Phil!” Tara put up a token protest, but I didn’t miss the fact she was still dancing with him.
My chin started quivering, and I knew I had to get away before the angry tears breached my lids. I turned and rushed toward the bathrooms, desperate to get out of anyone’s sight before I let myself cry.
But then, just outside the ballroom doors, I came across Cassidy and Ally sitting in a couple of wingback chairs near the photo backdrop where the professional pictures had been going on all night.
Ally had her shoes off and one foot propped up to rub at a sore spot on her ankle, but she let her foot drop back to the floor as soon as she saw me. “What’s wrong?”
And that’s when I burst into tears.
“Oh my God. What happened?” Cassidy got to her feet, putting an arm around my shoulders.
After a few shuddering breaths and some serious blotting of my eyes, I managed to tell them what happened.
“I’m sorry, Heart, but your brother can be such a dick sometimes,” Cassidy said when I was done.
My instincts rushed to defend him. “He’s just giving me crap. He always does.”
Ally shook her head. “I don’t think this qualifies as giving you crap.”
I shook my head. “Whatever. That’s just how he is.”
“You mean . . . a dick?” Cassidy supplied.
“No.” I felt fresh tears ready to join the fray, so I rolled my eyes up toward the ceiling, refusing to blink. “Never mind. I’m just . . . it’s been kind of a rough night.”
“That so sucks.” Ally made a sad panda face. “If it makes you feel any better, my feet are absolutely killing me.”
I laughed. One of those thick, tear-clotted laughs, and finally let myself blink. A tear escaped down my left cheek, and I wiped it away tiredly. “Not really.”
“Seriously. Look.” She extended one of her feet into the air, showing off three blisters in a row around the back of her heel, and another one near her pinkie toe.
I stared at her. “I just had the most disgusting kiss in the history of kisses.”
Cassidy laughed and rubbed my back. “I’m sure it was bad, but come on, Heart.”
“I’m serious! Troy just shoved his tongue in my mouth. It was like being Frenched by a German shepherd.”
“Troy kissed you?” Schroeder’s voice came from behind me.
Of course. Why not?
I turned, shaking my head. “More like mauled me.”
“Are you okay?” He reached toward me but couldn’t seem to pick a landing spot for his hands.
“I’m fine.” I sniffed and wiped my eyes. “It was just gross. I’m going to go . . . rinse my mouth out with soap or something.” Heading for the bathrooms with determination, I didn’t notice Schroeder trotting up to catch me until he was close enough to touch my arm.
“Hey,” he said. “You sure you’re okay?”
I tried to nod, but my eyes were burning again. I was going to cry, I knew it. I looked down, pressing my fingertips under my eyes.
“Whoa, um—okay.” He put one hand on my shoulder. “Did he, like, hurt you?”
“No,” I squeaked, swiping angrily at my eyes. “I’m fine.”
“You don’t look fine.”
“Shit,” I whispered, clenching my fists. I tried to take in a breath that would end all my tears, but of course, no such thing exists.
“Come here.” Schroeder guided me closer until he could wrap me into a hug with my face pressed against his chest. I left my arms hanging limp at first, afraid to give in to the self-pity and anger, but when he pressed his fingertips into the tight muscles at the back of my neck just right, I relaxed into him, looping my arms around his waist.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” he asked after I’d managed to get my sniffling to a minimum.
So, I told him about Troy, and about Phil’s unhelpful reaction after. His fingers dug in just a little harder when I talked about Phil.
“That’s not cool,” he said. “Why was he being such a—”
“Jerk?” I supplied.
“I guess that’ll suffice.”
“I don’t know.” I turned my head, letting my cheek rest on him. “He’s been drinking all night.”
“Hmm.”
I didn’t know what that meant, but I didn’t really want to talk about it, anyway, so I just let it go. Closing my eyes was much easier. Just existing was good enough for the moment. I hadn’t been able to do that since I’d started pinning up my curls hours and hours ago.
“Are you worried Troy’s gonna try . . . ?” He left it hanging, but I knew what he was asking.
“God, I hope not.” I sighed and sagged into him a little harder. “With any luck he’ll pass out soon.”
Schroeder laughed softly, the sound of it vibrating through me from his chest. “You’re really having a crappy night, aren’t you?”
“I’ve had better.” I sighed again. “Maybe I should just call my dad to come and get me.”
“Why don’t you just come with us after the dance?” he asked. “I don’t know if you heard, but we’ve got a pretty sweet ride tonight.”
I tilted my head back to look at him, confused. I had no idea how they’d all gotten here.
“It’s a fifteen-passenger day-care van.” He nodded, smug. “Oh yeah.”
For some reason, I wasn’t surprised. Like I’d known what he was going to say already, but his expression made me laugh. “Aww, I’d feel so at home in that. My dad drives a big panel van, too.”
“See? It’s fate.”
“I don’t believe in fate.” It was automatic. My response since I’d decided not to let my maternal genetics and my porn-star name choose my future for me.
“Why not?”
“I don’t like the idea that I can’t control the outcome of something. Your choices should be the only influence in your own life.”
“Doesn’t leave much room for being surprised. Or magic.”
I eased back from his embrace, smiling up at him. “You believe in magi
c?”
He looked at me like I was nuts. “You don’t?”
Laughing, I shook my head at him. “You’re a strange one, Schroeder.”
“Well, whatever.” He shrugged. “Just come with us.”
“That actually sounds perfect.” I pressed my palms into his cheeks for a second. “I’ll tell Phil he can be Troy’s boyfriend for the rest of the night.”
“Good.” He grinned. “Feel better?”
“Not quite.” We weren’t too far from the bathrooms, so I pulled away from him so I could get a drink from the fountain. Even though he was watching, I swished and spit three times before I was satisfied. It was very ladylike, though. Audrey would have approved.
“Better?” he asked when I straightened up.
“A little.” With no other option, I dabbed at my mouth with my fingertips.
“That bad, huh?” Schroeder smiled a little but seemed distracted by something on the floor, so I couldn’t read his expression.
“Imagine someone stuffing a kitchen sponge soaked in dishwater and vodka in your mouth. Only first they put it in the microwave for a minute and a half.”
He recoiled. “That’s, um, descriptive.”
“If that’s what he’s been doing to Amy for the last six months, I’m not surprised she dumped him.” I shuddered.
“Harsh. You’re a tough critic.”
“Well . . . it was bad.”
He looked at me squinty-eyed for a second, and hesitated twice before speaking. “Do you know what it takes for a guy to actually try to kiss a girl?”
I rolled my eyes. “Believe me, that was totally effortless on his part. No thought involved.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I was there.”
“I’m just saying, it’s not that easy. You’re really putting yourself out there as the guy.”
“Do you go around kissing a lot of girls you’re not sure want to be kissed?” I raised an eyebrow. “I think that’s called first-degree sexual assault.”
“Believe me, it’s hard to tell with some girls.”
“Well, I’m completely positive I was giving Troy the ‘Don’t kiss me’ vibe, so this one’s on him.” I wiped my mouth with the back of my wrist for good measure.
“You do have that vibe down pretty well.” Schroeder sighed and looked down the hall.
