by Ranae Rose
He held her like that for a while, one arm crossing her body and his fingers tangled, knuckles brushing her skull while he maintained a steadily-increasing rhythm below. With her on top, he went faster and deeper than he had when it’d been the other way around. By the time he came, it would’ve been hard for her to endure it if she’d still been riding him, her back straight. But with him holding her close, she didn’t just endure it; she savored each moment of the intensity.
Even after he was finished, he didn’t let go of her. They still lay chest to chest, hearts beating against each other’s. Later, after he finally pulled out, they reentwined and slept in a similar position. He got up a couple times to take care of Emily when she woke up, but he always came back.
It was the best night of Arianna’s life, and the really amazing part was knowing that she’d have plenty more just like it.
* * * * *
7 Years Ago
“You know we open in 20 minutes, right?” James stood in the doorway of Jed’s apartment above Hot Ink. Below, the shop was empty. Tyler wouldn’t be showing up until around three.
“Yeah.” Jed stood at the stove with his back to James. He’d dressed himself in jeans and a t-shirt, but his hair looked like he hadn’t touched it in days. Months ago, he’d shaved it all off – for Alice – but it had grown back in and was just long enough to make him look crazy. He had a bad cowlick on the back of his head, and the rest of his hair stuck up at weird angles too, begging for a comb.
“I’ll be down in a little while,” Jed said. “I’m making some chili. Gotta finish it – can’t leave it to burn.”
So that explained the scorched-pepper and onion scented fog that was making James’ eyes water. “What’s the chili for?”
“To eat.” Jed stood there stirring the pot, still not facing James. “Don’t order anything for lunch today – you can have some of this.”
James bit his tongue as the kitchen air scorched his lungs. “I didn’t know you cooked.”
Jed shrugged and pointed to a lone takeout container that sat open on the counter. “Ate some bad Chinese last night. You don’t want to know what happened afterward, trust me. Figured it was time to get my head out of my ass and learn how to make something for myself.”
“So the recipe then … it’s one of Alice’s?” Saying her name felt like stepping on broken glass, hoping it wouldn’t crumble beneath his weight.
“Nah. She was too good of a cook … I needed something simple. Got this off the internet.”
James let his gaze rove over the kitchen, taking in all the signs that marked it as Alice’s domain: the decorative canisters lining the counter and the brightly-colored spoons hanging on a rack above the stove, the tea tins and patterned kitchen towels. It didn’t seem like she could possibly be gone from a place that was so clearly hers, but Jed – disheveled and trying to make the place his, out of necessity – proved that she was. The signs of his attempted takeover were there too: coffee grounds spilled on the counter, dirty knives and a pile of chopped-up vegetables that looked like mangled confetti.
“You want some help?” James offered. He didn’t know shit about cooking, but neither did Jed, so what could it hurt?
“No.” Jed dumped the mess of mystery-vegetables into the pot. “I can do this.”
“Okay man. But just so you know … you look like shit. No offense, but you might want to run a comb through your hair or something before you come downstairs.”
He didn’t want anyone else to see Jed as he really was: broken from the inside out, now that Alice was gone. It just seemed wrong, somehow. Like if he really cared, he’d help Jed protect that side of himself that was so at odds with the rest of him: the unshakable, driven person James had met when he’d first walked through Hot Ink’s doors. The man who’d been master of his own domain, completely at home in the business he’d built from the ground up…
Of course, now James saw that Alice had been half of all that, half of the force behind Hot Ink and half of Jed, when it came down to it. But she was gone and James knew the last thing she would’ve wanted would be for Jed to let it all fall apart.
“Tell me the truth,” Jed said as he dumped a shitload of red powder into the chili pot, “do I look like some crazy bastard who should be living on top of a mountain?”
“Turn around,” James replied.
Jed did, exposing a jaw darkened and roughened by stubble that was almost thick enough to be a full-blown beard.
“Yeah,” James said, “that about sums it up. I didn’t know you were so self-aware.”
Jed turned back around. “Alice always said I looked like a mountain man when I went too long without shaving.”
“She was right.”
“Some days I think I’d rather live alone and batshit crazy on the side of some mountain than wake up here and not see her in our home. Our shop. Without her it’s just … not right. Not fucking right at all.”
“Yeah, I know,” James said, because he did and because he knew saying otherwise wouldn’t lessen Jed’s pain. “Your first appointment is in 10 minutes. Should I tell your client you’re lost somewhere in the mountains?”
“Nah. I’m coming down. Thanks.”
“No problem.” James didn’t ask what he was being thanked for. He didn’t need to; his time at Hot Ink had already taught him what he’d always suspected, which was that it was better not to be alone. No matter how bad things were, having a place to be and people to be with made it better, at least by a little.
* * * * *
As the best man, James had an up-close view of Jed and Karen’s wedding ceremony. And he had to admit, it was more than worth having been cornered and lassoed with a measuring tape over.
Karen looked beautiful, and Jed looked better than he ever had. More importantly, they both looked really happy.
Everyone knew Karen was a perfectionist when it came to photos and had bent over backwards to plan her wedding in time to have a certain photographer present at the ceremony. Still, it was like she didn’t even notice the click or flash of perfect, expensive photos being captured as she and Jed stood holding hands.
They exchanged vows they’d written themselves, and then rings. James could remember the last time Jed had worn a golden band, and those memories underlaid the new ones being forged just a few feet from him.
No man was an island, that was for sure. The threads that tied everyone in the small chapel together were many and multi-faceted. In the audience, there were husbands and wives, brothers and sisters. Friends and colleagues, too. Lots of people who all mattered to each other in lots of different ways.
And then there was Arianna. James couldn’t help but look at her sitting in the second row of chairs, holding Emily in her lap. And it occurred to him that she’d made herself an island – or at least tried to – for way too long. The past had cut her deep and though she gave selflessly to people like him, Emily and even her sister, who didn’t treat her that well, it seemed like nobody had given back to her in a long time.
He knew she hadn’t wanted that. He knew because he’d been alone for a long time and had hated it, even though he hadn’t known what to do to change things. Now, he loved her and wanted to give her everything, including the ties he shared with the people who filled the room. He wanted her forever, and he wanted her to be happy. Finally, it no longer felt like those two things had to be mutually exclusive.
* * * * *
“Don’t tell her I told you this,” James said, speaking softly into Arianna’s ear, “but Karen told me she’s going to throw her bouquet at you.”
“At me?” Arianna sat a little straighter in her seat at a dining table in the reception hall, glancing around in search of the bride.
Karen was several yards away, posing for a picture with her maid of honor, Mina, and Mina’s little sister.
James nodded. “I was the last one at Hot Ink to get into a serious relationship, so she figures she needs to do everything she can to make sure I don’t go b
ack to being the only single one. That’s what Jed says, anyway – he warned me about the bouquet thing. When Karen tosses it, she’s going to try to make sure it goes right into your hands.”
Arianna let her gaze rove over James for the millionth time that day. He looked perfect in his tux, and the way the tattoos on his hands peeked out from beneath the cuffs of his sleeves was hot as hell. “You can tell Karen not to worry – I don’t plan to let you go back to being the only single one.”
He smiled, but before he could say anything, Emily piped up. Now more than two months old, she’d recently discovered her voice and had gotten into the habit of cooing when she wanted to be heard.
“Make sure you hand her over to me before the bouquet toss,” James said. “I wouldn’t want her to get hit by the flowers.”
Arianna picked up one of the wedding favors from the table – a tulle satchel full of chocolates – and dangled it in front of Emily. The shiny candy wrappers glistened as the bag spun, and the baby batted at the makeshift toy with one chubby fist.
“Deal,” Arianna said. “But consider yourself warned: the fact that I won’t be holding a baby means that I’ll have my hands free to catch the bouquet. And if Karen will be aiming at me…”
“Catch away,” James said, straightening the hem of Emily’s frilly, glittery dress. “I’m not afraid. And it’ll make Karen’s day.”
Arianna wasn’t so sure about that. Judging by the way Karen looked at Jed as she glided across the room to press a kiss against his jaw, nothing could possibly make her day better. Still, if James didn’t have any qualms about Arianna catching a fated bouquet, neither did she. There were much harsher realities to contemplate than a lifetime spent with him.
“You guys!” Karen looked away from her new husband long enough to wave in James and Arianna’s direction. “Come on. We’re doing a group photo with everyone from Hot Ink.”
James stood while Arianna remained seated, the baby squirming in her lap.
“You too, Arianna,” Karen said. “You’re a loyal client, after all.” As Arianna followed James, she thought she heard Karen mutter something along the lines of ‘and you’re practically family too’, but it was hard to tell for sure.
“Mallory and Sam, come on,” Karen urged, motioning toward a woman with sable curls and a tall, muscular guy with reddish hair. “And Jess, no way are you getting out of this photo. Hot Ink clients love your artwork.”
By the time Karen had finished summoning people, nearly a third of the wedding guests were gathered for a photo. Shoulders and elbows rubbed together, but everyone seemed happy. Even Emily smiled as the flash bathed the group in white light.
“I’ll make sure everyone gets a copy of the best one,” Karen said after the photographer had taken several more photos.
As the group broke up into smaller segments, dividing naturally as people got caught up in conversation with one another, James turned to Arianna. “Let’s get one of us together.” He tipped his head toward the photographer.
“Turn the baby so her face will be in the picture,” the woman behind the camera said. “This will be a great family photo – you all look so nice.”
A little heat crept into Arianna’s cheeks as she complied, trying to position Emily at the best possible angle as James wrapped an arm around her waist. Neither of them bothered correcting the photographer, and Arianna leaned lightly against James as her mind whirled with images of what a future with him might bring.
Maybe someday they’d be a family for real. James had grown up without one, and although Arianna loved her parents and sister, the bonds she shared with them weren’t as strong as she would’ve liked. Unlike when she was around them, she never felt judged with James, and didn’t doubt the depth of his affection. He was exactly the sort of person she could imagine spending the rest of her life with.
“I’ll make sure Karen gets us a couple copies of that,” James said when the photographer turned to photograph another couple instead. “I want one for my place, and it’d look great in your living room, next to your picture of you and Miranda.”
His words made her smile. “Yeah, it would.”
“Hey, look.” He nodded to the left. “I think Karen’s getting ready to toss her bouquet.”
Sure enough, Karen was motioning to many of the women present. Mallory and Jess drew close to her, as did several other women whose names Arianna didn’t know. No sooner had Arianna laid eyes on the bride than Karen motioned toward her, smiling brightly.
“Watch out for Mallory,” James said. “I think she’ll be your fiercest competition – she and Tyler are already engaged.”
“You sound like you’re counting on me to catch this bouquet,” Arianna teased as she handed over Emily.
“I am.” He smiled, but his gaze was intense as it locked with hers. “Catch it, and your fate is sealed – you’re mine forever.”
Arianna opened and closed her hands, imagining the feel of rose stems against her palm, the sensation of a ring sliding onto her finger – the beginning of forever. “Mallory doesn’t stand a chance.”
James grinned.
She smiled back and hurried toward the bride, her eyes on the dozen roses she held, bound together with white ribbon. When she joined the other women, she glanced over her shoulder at James, unable to help thinking how good a golden band would look on his left ring finger, shining bright below the dark ink that marked his hands.
Forever couldn’t come soon enough.
EPILOGUE
It wasn’t a surprise when Crystal walked through James’ apartment door – she’d called ahead of time to let him know she was on her way. The sight of her still had him on edge though, torn between anger and relief. Finally, she’d come back for her daughter – now if only he knew she could be trusted to care for four month old Emily.
“Hey.” She stood in his living room, looking the same as ever. Long, straight blonde hair and green eyes, a slender build that made her look even younger than she really was. James had to admit, she looked good – not like a junkie. Hopefully, hers wasn’t a case of deceiving appearances.
“Hey.”
“Where’s Emily?” Crystal rocked up onto her toes, craning her neck to look around the apartment.
As if on cue, Arianna emerged from James’ bedroom, cradling the infant against her chest. Emily was freshly changed and wearing a clean pair of pajamas she’d needed after spitting up on the last ones.
“You must be Crystal,” Arianna said as James’ sister rushed forward and scooped the baby from her arms.
“Yeah. And you’re…”
“Arianna is my girlfriend,” James said.
Crystal held Emily tight, like she’d been separated from her by some circumstance beyond her control. James had to bite his tongue, though at least Crystal was happy to see her kid. That was more than he could ever have said about his and Crystal’s mom.
“Oh.” Crystal barely spared Arianna another glance, appearing absorbed in her baby instead. “Wow, she’s gotten so big… Thanks for taking care of her for me, James.”
“Arianna deserves just as much thanks as I do. I have a job you know, and I couldn’t afford to keep her in day care all the time. Arianna’s been watching her a couple days every week.”
Crystal took a longer look at Arianna this time. James braced himself for what she might say. If she complained… His jaw ached from the tension. Crystal had sacrificed any right to complain about anything when it came to Emily the day she’d abandoned her.
“Thank you,” was all Crystal said.
The stunted conversation slipped into silence, the quiet broken only by the occasional coo from Emily.
“Well, you don’t have to worry about day care and stuff anymore,” Crystal eventually said. “And if you tell me how much you spent on it, I’ll pay you back over time once I get a job. It’ll probably take a while, but…”
“Do you have a job lined up?” James asked.
Crystal shook her head.
&
nbsp; “What about a place to live?”
“No. I’ve been searching the classifieds for jobs and apartments. I’m planning to take whatever I can get.”
James sighed. “You know I’m not going to just let you walk out of here with Emily, right?”
Crystal froze. “What do you mean?”
“You can’t just leave with her. You don’t have a job – you don’t even have a place to live. You just got out of rehab, for fuck’s sake. What were you planning to do, live in your car?” He’d done it before, and it wasn’t something he’d let Emily endure for even a minute. For that matter, he didn’t want his sister to go through it either, no matter what she’d done.
“I thought maybe I could stay in a motel until I find something else. I have a little bit of money.” She bit her lip. “A really little bit.”
James swore. “You’re not whisking Emily away to some fleabag motel. And even when you do find an apartment and a job, you’re not taking her until you’re ready to take care of her.”
“She’s my baby!”
“Yeah, well you abandoned her. Don’t try to play the concerned mother card now – you left her hungry and alone on my doorstep.”
Crystal’s eyes grew doubly bright with unshed tears, a familiar sight from their lousy childhoods. “He wasn’t supposed to leave her like that! He promised me he’d give her to you. He was never supposed to leave her side until you had her. He promised.”
“That’s what happens when you trust a shitbag junkie. Was he the father?”
Crystal shook her head. “Just a friend. I paid him almost everything I had to get him to drive here from Philly and drop her off with you. The father left a long time ago – I don’t know where he is.”
