by Imogen Nolde
I started walking away.
“Vera. Get back here.”
Zoe grabbed hold of me and pulled me back to my chair. She sat me down and pulled her chair close to me.
“Come on then. Tell me all about it.”
“He gets me to do shit for him.”
“Me too, right.”
“No. He makes me wear a camera and talk to him when I’m in my apartment.”
“What’s the camera for?”
“So he can see what I’m doing. At all times.”
“Okay…”
“We have a relationship.”
“How so?”
“Like, when I went out with James last night, I was supposed to bring my camera then. He wanted to be with me while I was on the date.”
“Why?”
“So we can share the experience.”
She wasn’t convinced. “So you’re saying last night you went out to dinner with James, and while you were there you were wearing a camera filming him, and Mr. Redthorn was calling you on the phone –”
“I wear a headset. But no, that’s not what happened. We got into a fight before I left.”
“Which is why you slept with James?”
“What? No. I was going to sleep with him anyway. Mr. Redthorn was going to watch.”
“Eww.”
“Look, it’s not what you think.”
“Sure about that?”
“You don’t understand. We have a connection.”
“Uh-huh.”
“Like, when I got home from James’s, I was talking with Mr. Redthorn. He made me tell him about what happened with James. He made me describe it to him.”
“That’s fucked up.”
“No, I wanted to. That’s the whole point.”
“Do you have any idea how weird this is?”
“Yes! Shit yes! But, I’m … I’m like totally obsessed with him. He fucked my head in so much –”
“Vera, Vera easy,” she said hugging me. “It’s going to be okay.”
“I am okay, I’m just –”
“There, there…”
I closed my eyes, the tears falling out.
“What do I do? What can I do?”
“That’s simple, dear.”
I broke away from her.
She handed me tissue. “Here.”
“Thanks.” I wiped my eyes. “What’s so simple?”
“You say you’re in love with him?”
“Yeah.”
“That you’d do anything for him?”
“Yes.”
“And you have a relationship?”
“We do.”
Zoe stared at me, nodding. “Well, then you have to see him. You have to see him today.”
7 Vera
It was so simple for her. She could see a thousand paces ahead of me in every direction, and she had used that knowledge to declare what I knew to be true in my heart. Zoe had said it. Right then and there. At last we would have to meet.
Our postures straightened, our hair tidied, our lips moistened – we boldly walked the floor up to the lawyer’s office and stood outside the door.
Zoe turned her gaze towards me.
I nodded and curled my hand into a fist.
I knocked three times.
“Enter.”
We opened the door to find that indeed Lucy was here, hunched over the glare of her computer screen, every other corner of the room dipped in shadow.
“Sit.”
I sat down in the chair opposite her desk. Zoe pulled an armchair off the wall and moved it to sit next to me.
Lucy didn’t look up. “What is it?”
“We need your help with something,” I began.
“Yes?”
“We need you to call Mr. Redthorn in,” Zoe finished.
“Why?”
Zoe and I looked at each other. “It’s personal,” I said.
“You have Mr. Redthorn’s number,” Lucy said. “You can call him yourself.”
“He’s not likely to come if it’s us calling.”
Lucy looked up. There was a glimmer of a sneer attached to her face.
She removed her glasses.
“Why should I help you? What’s in it for me?”
“I don’t know,” I said.
“What do you want?” Zoe asked.
Lucy sighed. “Five hundred dollars.”
“Five hundred?” I exclaimed.
“A thousand,” Lucy amended.
“You just said five hundred,” Zoe snapped.
Lucy leaned back in her chair. “Two thousand.”
“That’s too much,” I said.
Lucy shrugged. “Nothing is free, girls.”
“Two thousand dollars to just call Mr. Redthorn down here?” Zoe repeated back. “Don’t you think you’re being a bit on the harsh side.”
“I’m not calling Mr. Redthorn here. We all know he wouldn’t come.”
“Then what are you offering to do for us?”
“I’ll get you an appointment with him. You remember where you had your interviews don’t you?”
“He’s there today is he?” I asked.
Lucy nodded.
“Last time he was sitting behind a screen,” Zoe said. “We could only see his shadow.”
“I’ll get you a meeting with him. Face to face.”
“Okay,” I said. “For one thousand. I’ll write you a check.”
Lucy considered. “Deal.”
“That’s a bleeding rip off,” Zoe insisted.
“Doesn’t matter,” I said flipping through the check book. “By the time I’m done with Mr. Redthorn he’ll be paying for this, and then some.”
A short while after lunch, Lucy put her head out to inform me that I had a 5.43pm meeting with Mr. Redthorn for seven minutes. My cover was that I was a business woman named Ms. Melantha, and I had a suitcase of contraband for sale that Mr. Redthorn was interested in. “What’s the contraband?” I asked before Lucy could disappear again.
“Doesn’t matter,” Lucy replied. “It won’t come up at reception.”
“Okay.”
Lucy briefly went inside her office before poking her head out. “Make sure you’re an hour early.”
I nodded.
The door was closed.
I turned to Zoe.
“Do you have a suitcase I can borrow?”
Zoe shrugged. “Only that stuff I brought in this morning.”
I got up and went to corner where the camera bags were. I picked one of them up and lugged it over my shoulder. “Guess it will have to do.”
Time passed slowly that afternoon. I kept expecting to get a call from Mr. Redthorn with work related instructions, or maybe he’d want to have a conversation about what happened last night. Maybe he’d want to apologize. Set up a proper date with me. So I wouldn’t have to resort to these extreme measures.
All I got though was a text from James, which I didn’t reply to.
A bit after four I decided I’d head out. Zoe gave me a hug and wished me luck. I asked her what she was doing later that night in case things went haywire and she said she had a date with Dylan, the stoner guy who works here two days a week, which caused some awkward laughing from both of us.
“I know what you must think,” Zoe said. “I’m pretty desperate.”
“Oh yeah, you’re desperate,” I joked. “You with your normal date with your … semi-normal guy. I’m only stalking my boss who I haven’t even met yet –”
“All right, get a move on, before you talk yourself out of it.”
“You think I’m at risk, do you?”
“I don’t want to see you waste a thousand dollars for nothing,” Zoe said ushering me down the corridor. “Even if it doesn’t work out, it’ll get these fantasies out of your head.”
“Hopefully.”
She held open the fire escape door for me.
“I’ve always found it easier going down than up, so there’s that.”
“Stay po
sitive,” I said waving her off. “And good luck with Dylan.”
“Fuck you,” Zoe laughed. “Now scram.”
Soon enough I was in the car and on my to the city, the bag with the camera sitting nicely in the backseat. My phone was in the holder beside me. Still dark. Still untouched. I would have closed my eyes if I didn’t have to keep them on the road. My heart was beating fast, butterflies were churning in my stomach. I was nervous. Embarrassed. I loved the way Zoe got me all pumped up for this. How she made me believe that I was doing the right thing, the only thing. Unfortunately that also meant doing the scary thing. She said that at least if it didn’t work out then my fantasies would disappear. Maybe that’s what I was afraid of the most.
Before I knew it I’d parked the car and was walking through the busy street area, one foot after the other. I stopped outside the steps of the building, my eyes following up its polished exterior. I checked my phone one last time and found the message waiting for me.
The message from him.
Things got a bit prickly last night. Let’s cool things down a bit, shall we?
“Shall we…?” I repeated aloud. “Shall fucking we…”
My lips twisted and adrenalin surged through my chest.
I wasn’t having any of this.
He could go and get fucked.
I climbed up the stone steps and made my way through the swiveling doors and through the lobby area. I went to the elevator and pressed the button to Mr. Redthorn’s floor. And then I was there, seconds later.
The elevator doors opened and the atmosphere was cool and scented. I walked across the marble tiles to the front desk where four model-esque secretaries were wearing headsets and taking calls.
I looked at each of them, jealously stabbing me all over.
Was he on the phone with any of them?
Was his voice in their ears?
I put my finger to the gold bell and pressed it down.
One of them looked up, forcing a smile. “Be right with you.”
She then continued her conversation.
I turned around slightly, leaning against the desk.
There were panels of frosted glass on the wall opposite. They’d been exquisitely crafted, with intricate patterns and lines.
Between the cushioned chairs in the waiting area were banks of colorful plant life. Pinks and purples and greens and reds and blues –
“How may I help you?”
I turned back around. “Ms. Melantha to see Mr. Redthorn. I have an appointment.”
Her fingers clicked away at the keyboard. “Take a seat Ms. Melantha. We’ll call you when a spot opens up.”
I hesitated. “It won’t be too long, will it?”
“Mr. Redthorn is very busy. If you’d prefer to reschedule –”
“No, that’s alright. I’ll wait.”
I stumbled away over to the waiting area and sat down, my back to the front desk. There wasn’t anyone else here at the moment.
I let out a long sigh.
The flowers in front of me, reached out. Wanting to know if I’d be able to dive into them.
Vmmm. Vmmm.
My phone was vibrating.
I pulled it out and saw Mr. Redthorn was trying to call.
“Hello?”
“Vera?” he said.
“Yes.”
“Did you get my message?”
“Yes.”
“So you understand my position?”
I gave a snort. “Aren’t you supposed to be really busy?”
Silence.
“Hello?”
“It was important to me that I be sure you understand my position.”
“Which is what exactly?”
“We’re tempering things down. Going back a step. I have … other interests. I’m sure you do also…”
I bit my teeth together. “Your position is noted.”
“So…?”
“So what?”
“So you’ll be leaving now then?”
My eyes lifted.
I saw the surveillance camera watching me.
“You can see me?”
“I can always see you, Vera,” he said.
I stood up from my chair. “And now I’m going to fucking see you.”
8 Redthorn
The line went dead in my ears. My eyes moved upwards to the wall behind me. A smile began to surface on my lips.
Beeeeep –
“Sir, we have a situation heading towards –”
“Leave it,” I said.
“Sir, are you sure you –”
“Leave it.”
I pulled the headset off and let it fall to the floor. I put my hands on the desk and leaned into it. Little Vera was on the monitor, running as hard and fast she could.
I hesitated. Put my fingers through my hair.
Took a sip of vodka. Set the glass back down.
Then felt around for the switch.
The lights went out the second she opened the door.
“Hey!” she shouted. A mixture of anger and confusion.
And spectacular awe.
“Close the door,” I said moving across the elevated platform.
“No, I won’t let you –”
“Vera. Please.”
She looked at me. Desperate and wanting.
I knew my face was cloaked in darkness.
She let out a growl between clenched teeth and then turned to the door. She pushed it shut.
“Are you happy then?” she asked. “Now we can’t see anything.”
“That isn’t exactly true,” I said stepping off the side of the platform. “If you watch closely, you’ll be able to see the running water.”
We both turned to the fountain in the centre of the room.
Gradually blue light began to fade in from the base.
So we could see it. The water.
And the outline of one another.
“I’d prefer it if you stay where you are,” I said. “If that’s alright.”
“Are you afraid of me or something?” Vera asked.
“Do I sound afraid of you?”
“No.”
I inhaled deeply. Attempted to clear my mind.
“So,” she said. “Are you going to say something?”
“I’m just thinking,” I said. “How I’m going to handle you.”
“With your hands?”
“Maybe. Would you like that?”
“Well, gee, Mr. Redthorn. Are you coming onto me?”
My tone went down a notch. “No.”
I saw her shudder a little. She seemed agitated.
“We have something, you and I. Don’t we, Vera?”
She nodded. “Yes. Something … weird.”
“You do things that I tell you to. You are not satisfied, until I am satisfied.”
“A little one way, don’t you think?”
“Do you not take pleasure in being my servant?”
“So, I’m your servant now? I thought I was your slave.”
“Vera.”
“Mr. Redthorn.”
“It seems you have little trust in me.”
Her face lowered some. “So?”
“Relationships are built on trust. Are they not?”
“What’s your point?”
“My point is that your mistrust, your impatience. Your insecurity. These are not your best qualities.”
“Oh. Right. I’m to blame.”
“You shouldn’t take my physical anonymity so personally. Even meetings, such as we are having now, are held in this darklight.”
“Oh, so those girls out there have never seen your face?”
“No.”
“And Lucy – you’ve never met her either?”
“She hasn’t seen my face.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Well, you will need to if you wish for this conversation to continue.”
She folded her arms.
I folded mine back.
“Tell me why
then. Why do you keep your face a secret from everyone?”
“I can’t tell you that.”
“Because you don’t trust me.”
My eyes narrowed. “So make me trust you.”
Vera took a step back. Her body swayed.
Conflicted.
“Mr. Redthorn, I’m in love with you. There I said it.”
“Which is why you had to see me?”
“Yes!”
“If you love me, then you can trust me, can’t you?”
Her head went down. “I’m afraid you’ll hurt me.”
“Of course I’ll hurt you.”
“See?”
“Love and pain are intertwined. One cannot escape the other.”
A pause. “Do you love me?” she asked.
“I don’t give my feelings away so frivolously.”
“Well, thanks a lot.”
“I am fond of you. I’m attracted to you. I may even be infatuated. But I keep my heart reserved. Only when I am completely satisfied, shall it be opened to another.”
“So your heart’s in hiding then? Like … your face.”
“In hiding. And under guard.”
“Are you … are you involved with anyone else?”
“No.”
“And I just believe that then?”
“I would hope so.”
“Look, I … I can’t keep doing what we’ve been doing. I need more. This … talking to you in person. Is a good start. But I can’t go back to the weirdness. Me … fucking other guys … then telling it back to you… It’s disturbing…”
“I’m not normal, Vera. I have strange tastes. You know this.”
“Right.”
“You seem conflicted. So I’ll make it easier for you.”
“Okay.”
“You have one of two options. You can either submit to my will. Do as I say, when I say. Do not question me, or argue. Or feign hesitation. If you want to be mine, then you must give me your all. If you can’t or won’t do this, there’s the door. You may have twenty seconds to decide. If you’re still here after they’ve elapsed, then I shall resume my direction over you…”
9 Redthorn
Whether she knows it or not, this is her first real test. All that other stuff, the getting-to-know-yous – it’s all just preliminary. A process of elimination. My rules are simple, direct and unbreakable. I am not a callous person. I understand the importance of relating to others. But there’s a song here – there’s music, there’s drums, there’s orchestration. There’s fire. She can either sing along with me, or she can dance to someone else’s tune. On this there will be no compromise. She must. Submit.
