“Are you okay?” I said.
The pained look went away and she beamed at me.
“I’m fucking awesome. I feel like I should get drunk or scream on a rooftop or something.” Renee leaned down and started examining Hannah’s hand. Having a sister who was a nurse was always a plus because it always came in handy.
“You don’t look at her, you don’t think about her, you never even breathe near her, or else I will make you regret it. Got it?” Dusty was still tearing the guy a new one while his friends tried to puff themselves up, but were definitely intimidated by the presence of Hunter, Dusty and Mase, none of whom looked like they would back down if it came to blows.
“We need to get some ice on this,” Renee said, putting her arm around Hannah. Taylor and Darah got our coats and we left the party. Some people clapped, but most were just disappointed that the fight was over and hadn’t gotten more interesting. The guys followed us once they knew that no one was coming after us.
“Was that everything you thought it would be?” Dusty said, hurrying to catch up with us.
“And more,” Hannah said, the gleam still in her eyes. I could see it even in the dark.
“How about you wait here and I’ll bring the car over,” he said as we walked down the lawn.
“Good idea,” Renee said, her attention still on Hannah’s hand. We all sat on the sidewalk and waited for Dusty to get back with the car. The other guys had stayed with us as protection. They’d gone completely alpha. Any minute they were going to turn into werewolves or something.
Hannah’s hand had started to swell and turn colors. Renee used her cell phone as a flashlight to make sure that none of the bones of her hand were broken.
“I think you’re going to be okay, but we need to get you back to the house. Where is that boy?”
Tires squealed and the Golf appeared right in front of us.
Renee and Hannah got in the backseat and I climbed in with them.
“See you at home,” Renee called out as the rest of the group walked toward the parking lot. They waved and told us to be safe.
Dusty drove a bit too fast away from the house, and when he hit the highway he floored it.
“You’ve got quite a hook there, Hannah Gillespie. I think he’s going to be feeling that for a few days,” Dusty said. “I know not to mess with you now.”
“Would you have messed with me before? Because I have another hand and I’m totally cool with using it.”
“Whoa, easy, Rocky. I was just saying.” He laughed a little, and I saw his surly facade cracking. Must have been hard to keep it up.
We got home, and Renee went into nurse mode, getting ice and wrapping Hannah’s hand up.
“Does it feel like déjà vu?” Taylor said when the rest of the household got back ten minutes after us.
“A little bit,” Renee said. “I don’t know why you do this to yourselves. A knee to the groin is just as effective and less damaging to you.”
“I wasn’t really thinking about it at the time, but you make valid points. I shall take them under advisement for next time,” Hannah said.
“Next time?” I said. “Were you planning on punching out d-bags on a regular basis?”
“If I didn’t encounter d-bags on a regular basis, I wouldn’t have to,” she said.
“Fair point,” I said, sighing.
“Shit, I need a drink,” Renee said after she got Hannah all patched up. Paul went to the fridge and pulled out a few beers.
“Anyone else?” he said. Everyone nodded their heads.
“Can I get one of those? You know, for the pain-numbing effects?” Hannah said. Renee cracked the top off her bottle and rolled her eyes.
“One. You can have one.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Hannah said as Paul passed her one.
“Dusty?” Paul said, holding one out for him.
“No, thanks. I’m set. I’ll take a Coke if you have it.” Paul tossed him a can and handed the bottle Dusty didn’t want to me. I stole a glance at Renee, but she seemed determined to look the other way. I opened the bottle and took a swig. Damn. It had been a long time.
We all adjourned to the living room and sat down on the couch.
“Is anyone else, like, exhausted?” Taylor said, curling up in Hunter’s lap as they passed a bottle back and forth. “I feel really old right now.”
“You were working it pretty hard there, Missy girl.”
“We all were,” Darah said. “I feel like it’s been years since we went to Blue, but it’s only been a month. We need to go out more, I think.”
“Amen,” Mase said. “Especially if you shake it like that, Dare.”
“Are you saying you enjoy my booty-shaking skills?” She raised an eyebrow and it disappeared under her bangs.
“Yeah, you could say that.” He pulled her chin to his mouth and gave her a kiss. Hannah made a gagging noise.
“Jesus, are they always like this?” She held her beer in her left hand, a bag of peas draped over her right.
“Pretty much,” I said, taking another swig. “It’s almost impossible to live with them.”
“Hey!” several voices said at once.
“What? You guys are, like, disgustingly cute and in love, and sometimes I just want to tear my hair out and scream at the perfection of it all.” Wow, I did not mean to say that. I couldn’t even blame it on the alcohol because I’d only had two sips and it hadn’t even hit me yet.
The room went silent, and it was like I’d completely frozen the conversation.
Shit.
“Jesus, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just hard sometimes, you know? Now I sound like an ungrateful bitch. I’m sorry.” I held the beer with two hands and looked at it so I wouldn’t have to see everyone watching me have a meltdown.
“Do, um, do you guys mind if I crash here tonight? I don’t really feel like going back to the dorm,” Hannah said, trying to come to my rescue. Oh, I was such a lost cause at this point.
Everyone chimed in that they would be more than happy to offer her shelter for the night.
“I’ll go and make up the couch in the man cave for you,” Taylor said, the first to think of a way to extricate herself from the room.
“I’ll...help,” Hunter said, hurrying after her.
“I should clean up the kitchen,” Darah said. Mase just got up and followed her without a word.
“Well, I know how to clear a room,” I said, drinking again for something else to do with my mouth, other than putting my foot in it.
“Dude, I’m sorry I brought it up,” Hannah said.
“No, it’s not your fault,” I said.
Dusty still hadn’t said a word, but he’d been watching me. I knew he was watching me like I knew exactly how he was sitting without having to look at him. Like how I knew when he was behind me, even though he was so quiet. He was always in my mind, even when he wasn’t here. He was always with me, and that scared me like hell.
“You’re probably about my size,” Renee said to Hannah. “You can borrow some pj’s of mine.”
“Great, thanks,” Hannah said, setting her beer bottle down on a coaster and following Paul upstairs.
“Jos?” Renee got up and sat next to me.
“Yeah?” I looked up from the bottle to see that worried look on her face that I’d seen on so many faces, so many times before.
“Are you happy here?” Dusty shifted in my peripheral vision.
“Maybe I should go...be somewhere else,” he said quietly.
“No, it’s okay,” I found myself saying. I didn’t mind having him here.
“Are you sure, Jos?” He said my name so soft, like a caress, as if he was afraid to break it. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the image that had risen to the front of my
mind of how close we’d been to kissing earlier.
“Yeah. You can stay.” I meant for now, but somehow it sounded like I was talking about a longer period of time.
I set the bottle down on a coaster.
“You just seem so...lost,” Renee said. “You were so happy before.” I wasn’t. I was just really good at pretending.
I shook my head.
“That girl...that girl that I was, she wasn’t happy, Renee. She was just really good at pretending. I even believed myself sometimes. Just because I looked happy and together, it didn’t mean that I was.”
“I don’t understand,” she said, shaking her head. I wasn’t sure if I could ever really explain it.
“You never met that girl,” I said, turning to Dusty. “You would have hated her, I bet. She was stuck-up and uptight, and she dressed like Hillary Clinton.”
That comment earned me a little smile. “I could never hate you, Red. Not even if you wore an ugly pantsuit.”
For some reason talking about pantsuits made me start to laugh, and then I started to cry.
“She would have avoided you like you were going to get mud on her pumps, buddy.” This only made me laugh and cry harder, and once I started, I couldn’t stop. Renee looked lost, like she had no idea what to make of me.
“I think I need to see evidence of these pumps. You wouldn’t by any chance have some still, would you?” Was he flirting with me? In front of my sister? He seemed to realize what he’d said a second later and coughed.
“No, they’re all boxed up with the rest of my former life at my mom’s house. That girl is gone, and she’s not coming back. This is who I am now.” I shrugged.
My laughter stopped, and I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand.
Dusty got up, dashed out of the room and was back in a flash, handing me a paper towel.
“Thanks,” I said, wiping my face and my nose. The towel came away with smears of makeup. I realized too late that I was wearing it. I never would have forgotten before.
“What happened, Jos? Sometimes...” Renee ran her hands through her hair. “Sometimes I just want to pin you down and get you to tell me, like when we were kids and you used to try and keep secrets from me.” She always got it out of me back then. Renee was always good at finding out about what she wanted to know.
“I’m not a kid anymore, Ne,” I said, balling up the paper towel and putting it next to my beer.
“I know. That’s what makes this so frustrating. I just want you to talk to me.”
I was about to answer when Hannah and Paul came down the stairs. Hannah had a tank top and shorts that I recognized as Renee’s. They must have been lurking up there, worrying about interrupting. Darah and Mase had also been pretty quiet in the kitchen. I also hadn’t heard a peep from downstairs.
“I feel like we should all get to bed. This has been a very exciting night,” I said. “Plus, I forgot how hard it is to breathe in a dress. So I’m going to go change.” I got up and went downstairs, finding Taylor and Hunter watching something on the giant television.
“What are you watching?” They both looked up as if they were shocked to see me. I no doubt looked like a mess anyway.
“Are you crying?” Taylor said, getting up.
“I’m fine.” Hannah opened the door and came down the stairs behind me. “I’m just really ready to go to bed.”
Exhaustion hit me like a sledgehammer, and I realized how long of a day it had been and how much I wanted it to be over.
“Yeah, sure,” Taylor said, taking Hunter’s hand and leading him up the stairs. “Night!”
“Have a good night, ladies. Take care of that hand, Killer,” Hunter said, giving Hannah a wink.
“I’m going to change and wash my face,” I said, going to my room. I stripped off the dress and let my skin breathe for a minute. I found some loose pajamas and put them on before I went and washed my face and avoided the mirror so I wouldn’t see how blotched my face was.
If I was one of the girls from the movies, I would have been able to cry and look gorgeous doing it. But this was real life, where my eyes puffed up and my face blotched and my nose ran all over the place. I took my hair out and gave it a quick brush.
When I came out to the living room, I found Dusty talking to Hannah.
“Hey,” I said. “I thought you would have gone home.”
“I was just saying good-night.” He got up and walked toward me, his eyes sweeping from my just-brushed hair that fell loose on my shoulders to my baggy Coldplay T-shirt to the shorts that had definitely seen better days, and hung from my hips because the elastic was worn out.
I hadn’t planned on wearing this outfit in front of anyone but members of the house and Hannah. I didn’t care about them seeing me dressed this way. But Dusty was another story entirely.... It didn’t matter that he’d seen more of my skin earlier when I’d been wearing the dress. I felt completely and utterly exposed.
And yes, I wasn’t wearing a bra, either.
And yes, his eyes were resting quite heavily on that particular area. I fought the urge to cross my arms and tell him to look at my damn eyes instead of my chest.
“So, um, good night. Red.” His eyes finally worked their way up to my face, and his voice had that soft quality again. I was acutely aware that Hannah was there and pretending that she wasn’t by being really quiet, but I could see her head peering over the top of the couch and watching us.
“Thanks for...thanks for coming.” Lame, Jos. Super lame. Why couldn’t I ever say goodbye to him in a cool way? Or at least a normal way?
“Thanks for...for not being mad at me for earlier.”
“Oh, I’m still a little mad.”
“Could you tell me what you’re specifically mad about so I can figure out what I can do to make up for it? Like, will bringing you Skittles and M&M’s cut it, or will I have to make the jump to flowers or chocolates or elaborate picnics with string quartets and candles?”
I gaped at him for a second. Was he for serious?
Hannah made a squeaking noise that she couldn’t suppress and jumped up from the couch.
“Before you go any further, dude, I think I’m going to excuse myself, because I feel very inappropriate being here. And also like a creeper. So, yeah. I’ll be lurking in the living room.” She skipped up the stairs and shut the door loudly.
“I...I’m lost, to be honest,” I said, going to the couch and sitting down, grabbing a blanket off the back so I could cover my boobs without making it obvious that’s what I was doing.
“Well, I was just wondering what part, specifically, made you mad. Was it because of what I said? Or what I did? Or didn’t do?”
I really wasn’t mad, exactly. Frustrated was a much better term for it. And honestly, not all of it was his fault. I could blame myself for a lot of it.
“I don’t know, Dusty.” He sat down with plenty of space between us. “I’ve never had to work this hard, at something like this.” Whatever this was.
“I’m not trying to make it hard on you, Jos. Shit,” he said, leaning back. “I’ve never worked this hard. I usually don’t have to.”
That made me snort.
“Cocky much?”
“I don’t mean to be. I only went with girls who pursued me. Made it easier that way. Plus, I didn’t get hurt when it ended, because I’d never really wanted it in the first place.” He shrugged as if it didn’t really matter.
“That’s kind of a dick thing to say about other girls, Dusty.”
He nodded and half smiled. “I was kind of a dick.”
“Kind of?”
“I told you, Red. I was a different guy. Like you were a different girl. I don’t judge you now based on that person you were that I didn’t even know.” He had a good point.
“Fine, but
I still think you were a dick.”
“You have every right to think that.”
Neither of us seemed to know what to say next, so we just sat and stared at each other. Any minute now the soft music would start to play, and he would lean in and we would share our first sweet kiss. If my life had been written by John Hughes, that would have been what happened.
What actually happened was a little different.
“Fuck it,” Dusty said and lunged across the couch at me, and I was caught so off guard that it took me a second to realize he was pretty much on top of me. “I can’t take it anymore,” he said, holding my face between his hands. “I’ve wanted to taste you since that first night, and now I’m going to.”
I opened my mouth to respond and he seized his moment and kissed me.
He made a sound that was halfway between a growl and a moan, and I let myself go. Stopped thinking about if it was right or wrong, if I should or shouldn’t. This wasn’t a movie, and I didn’t know what my next lines would be. This was life. This was living.
I touched my tongue to his and he took the invitation, and we moved, our lips dancing together for the first time. It was a little rough as we tried to figure things out. It wasn’t perfect, but it was so, so, so good.
He tasted a little like beer, and his mouth was gentle, yet firm. His hands dived into my hair, using it to pull my mouth closer. At this point, he was completely on top of me, with only the blanket between us. That didn’t stop me from feeling just how much he was enjoying the kiss.
This was only a completely different planet compared to all the other kisses I’d had before. Those had been...adequate. Serviceable. Good enough. Kissing Dusty was like...quenching a thirst I’d been living with my entire life. And once I got one drop, one taste, I knew I wanted more. I kissed him like I was drinking him in, taking him and making him a part of me. This was a life-altering kiss.
I did things I could never imagine myself doing. Like trying to pull his shirt off. Or wrapping my legs around him. Or moaning when he sucked on my bottom lip. I now understood why people had sex. Got carried away. This was why.
My Sweet Escape Page 18
