She turned to Jayne. “That wasn’t so bad.”
“She’s trying.”
Yep, and Mo gave Peggy another point for not bringing up the morning program. Had Papa become involved with her before the triad? Either way, Peggy had stuck by him, not abandoned him because his family was linked to Jayne’s. Suddenly Peggy’s decision to spend the Festival of the Way in C3 took on a new significance. “She cares about him.” And that was all that mattered. “I’ll grow used to her, I guess.” Mo looked up at Jayne. “You sure you don’t mind going to the Dance Hall?”
“I don’t mind. It’ll be a new experience, going out for the evening on the festival day.”
Right; Jayne usually spent the day by herself, and went home straight after the morning program. Mo could understand why. The Adams skit had mortified her, especially since she’d laughed along with everyone else in previous years. She couldn’t imagine how Jayne must have felt. Mo had noticed the few Rymellans who’d turned to stare, and that nobody except the Thompsons, Middletons, and close friends spoke to her when she was with Jayne. “If it was up to me, we wouldn’t stick around for the afternoon program.”
Jayne shrugged. “I haven’t seen it in years.” Her face froze. “Please tell me there isn’t another Adams skit.”
“Not unless they’ve added one since the last time I came to the festival with family.” She’d always skipped the afternoon program on the Falcon, sometimes because of her shift schedule. “If there is one, I’m sure Les would have mentioned it.” When her words didn’t ease the dread on Jayne’s face, Mo couldn’t resist taking one of her hands and squeezing it. “Maybe someday they’ll drop the morning one.”
“I doubt it.”
Mo would have said, “You never know,” if she wasn’t fighting the desire to pull Jayne into a hug so she could hold her in front of all the idiots and tell her that the skit didn’t matter. As it was, she hadn’t let go of Jayne’s hand, and caressed its back with her thumb.
*****
Lesley peered at the schedule on her comm unit. “No, there’s no way I can do it. I’ll be at the Military Academy that week. I won’t have time to write opinions, and I don’t have time to write one in advance. She’s already given me enough work to do.” She slid the unit into its holder. “Why is she worrying about this today?”
“You know Blair, when she’s not sleeping, she’s working. And I guess she’s not attending the afternoon program.” Laura pursed her lips. “She seems keen for you to write the opinion. I’ll suggest that she request a delay, but the overseers might not grant it.”
“Thank you.”
“Sorry for pulling you away, but she knows we’re both here, and she wanted an answer this afternoon.”
“Aren’t you the commodore?” Lesley said dryly.
Laura chuckled. “She’s so good at scheduling your time with me, rather than going behind my back, that I try to accommodate her. She knows where the line is. Anyway, I should get back to Brian before he feels abandoned.”
Lesley said good-bye, then turned and— She squinted. Were Mo and Jayne holding hands right in front of everybody, or were her eyes playing tricks on her? Blood pounded in her ears. Her first impulse was to walk in the opposite direction, grab the first person she even vaguely knew, and engage them in conversation. But what would everyone think? Would they wonder why she was the odd one out? Feel sorry for her? See through her attempt to hide? This had to happen sometime, she knew. But why today, at the festival?
She took a deep breath and walked toward them, feeling as if everything was moving in slow motion. By the time she reached them, they’d let go of each other’s hands. Since nothing had registered through her shocked haze, she didn’t know if that was because they’d noticed her approach, or if they’d spontaneously moved apart.
“Was it something serious?” Mo asked.
She shook her head, worried that, if she opened her mouth, nothing but a croak would emerge.
“We were just discussing the afternoon program. I haven’t seen it for a while. There isn’t another skit about the Adamses, is there?”
Lesley glanced at Jayne, remembered Jayne’s face as she’d watched the morning skit. Jayne had tried to mask her dismay and shame, but hadn’t entirely succeeded. If she’d felt even a tenth of what she’d shown...and yet she’d managed to smile as they’d eaten sandwiches, had agreed to go to the Dance Hall, and would sit through the afternoon program when she probably wanted to leave. Lesley had come to appreciate Jayne’s strength, and recalled Jayne’s words at their last Berry lunch: I know the situation is difficult for everyone, but you’re bearing the brunt of it. Lesley could say the same to her today, and was torn between throttling her and supporting her. That went for Mo, too.
Mo blinked up at her. “Les?”
“No, there isn’t a skit this afternoon,” Lesley said, relieved that her voice sounded normal. “Probably because the afternoon focuses on the Law.”
A voice announced through the large exterior speakers that the afternoon program would begin in ten minutes. “We might as well go back to our seats.” Eager to stick her nose in a program, Lesley sauntered away, and quickened her pace when Mo and Jayne followed.
She’d agreed to the Dance Hall outing because she’d already seen Mo and Jayne dance together. But if her reaction to them holding hands was any indication, she could be in for a rough night. It wouldn’t be suicidal for Lesley to march onto the dance floor and demand that Mo dance with her, nor would she behave so rudely. But seeing them in each other’s arms would grate, dishearten, and make her want to cry. She’d have to constantly remind herself that not being Mo’s Chosen would have been worse, though in her weaker moments, she wondered if that were true.
*****
With mixed feelings, Jayne accepted Mo’s hand and walked with her onto the dance floor. Lesley had given them the go ahead, but her mood had darkened since the lunch break at the festival. Had Laura upset her, or had Lesley spotted them holding hands? Jayne hadn’t expected Mo’s tender caress. The gesture hadn’t upset her, and she appreciated the support, but she wished they’d been somewhere more private. Everything she and Mo did, or contemplated doing, felt wrong—and right. The three of them were falling over each other to consider feelings and be accommodating, but all they gained was more awkwardness, and the tension that grew when nobody was saying or doing what they really wanted to say or do.
She was starting to agree with Lesley that they were delaying the inevitable and perhaps harming the triad in the process. On the other hand, if they threw caution to the wind and Lesley couldn’t handle it... Jayne wasn’t worried that the triad would spiral out of control, but only because Lesley would take it all onto her shoulders and let it crush her. She wouldn’t violate the Way, but would she die inside and go through the motions for the rest of her life?
“Ready?” Mo asked.
Fortunately Jayne remembered how to assume position. They fell into step with the music. A minute later, she grimaced. Apparently she hadn’t forgotten how to step on feet, either. “Sorry,” she said, at the same time Mo did. They both smiled. “Why are you sorry?” Jayne asked. “It was my fault.”
“I usually know to move my foot out of the way,” Mo said with a grin.
“Oh.” She’d thought she was doing well, a sentiment that must have shown on her face.
“Don’t worry, you’re doing great,” Mo said. “This is only your second time here. Trust me, Les used to step on my feet, and vice versa. I’m sure we looked like idiots when we were first learning how to dance.”
She would have loved to have seen them, and wasn’t jealous at all of the lives they’d shared until that day at the Chosen House. If anything, it grieved her that they’d never share the life they’d both wanted.
“Not that I’m implying you look like an idiot,” Mo quickly added, her cheeks reddening. “Argamon, I get the feeling I’ll be pulling my foot out of my mouth a lot around you, and not because of your last name.”<
br />
Jayne’s heart skipped a beat at Mo’s sheepish grin. If they weren’t on the dance floor and she wasn’t worried about Lesley... “Do people kiss on the dance floor?” she blurted. Mo’s scarlet face deepened a shade. Mo wasn’t the only one with a mouth that worked faster than her brain.
“Not usually,” Mo croaked.
“I was just wondering, because I’ve never seen anyone kiss on the...” Why continue, when she wasn’t fooling anyone, especially since Mo knew this was only her second time in a Dance Hall. “Never mind.”
Mo lifted her eyebrows, then frowned. “What’s wrong?”
“It’s Lesley.” Jayne had glimpsed her over Mo’s head.
Mo waited until she’d taken a look to reply. “She’s reading her comm unit.”
Yes, but the way her shoulders were hunched... “Maybe we should get off the dance floor.”
“No, she’d hate that. Let’s wait until the dance is over.”
“Will you be okay when she dances with me? I mean, because she’s dancing with me, not because I’m dancing with her.” She wasn’t surprised to see confusion in Mo’s eyes. Spell it out! “Will you be jealous because she’s dancing with someone else?”
Mo took her time answering. “I hate to admit it, but yeah, I will be. This will sound horrible, but I think of her as mine, and I think of you as ours. Not that anybody owns anyone else.”
“I understand what you’re saying.” For Jayne, they were her Chosens and she was theirs. They were a unit, and their relationship was the primary relationship in the triad. Her relationships with them—romantic or platonic—would always be secondary, and she had no quibble with that. She’d never have to struggle to transition from thinking in terms of “mine” to “ours.” They were hers, she was theirs, and they were each other’s. Maybe their relationship would eventually stop overshadowing her relationships with them, but she wouldn’t be upset if that never happened. “Lesley probably thinks in the same terms you do. You’re hers. It will take time for her to see you...differently.”
“Tell me about it. I don’t know how I’ll handle it when the time comes.”
Maybe she wouldn’t have to. Jayne would understand if Lesley never developed feelings for her; in fact, she’d never expected a romantic relationship with either of her Chosens. She was still flabbergasted that Mo liked her in that way, to the point that she sometimes didn’t believe it.
“To be honest, when Les talked to me about your bike ride, I had to restrain myself from insisting that I go with you. I—” Mo broke off while they completed a dance step, then continued. “I know it’s a double standard, and I don’t have any right to be upset about it. But I don’t know how much I’ll get done that afternoon. I’ll be looking forward to supper.”
“We’re just going to ride around the estate.”
“I know.” Mo shook her head. “Tell that to the irrational part of me.”
They stopped talking and focused on dancing. When the band segued into the next piece and dancers who’d had enough walked off the dance floor, Jayne felt both relieved and disappointed. Lesley’s comm unit was in its holder when Jayne and Mo approached her.
“I have to go to the bathroom,” Mo said. Jayne wasn’t sure if she was telling the truth, or offering an excuse for leaving the dance floor after one song. Either way, Jayne was left alone with Lesley, who looked up at her with a strained smile.
Jayne sat next to her and searched for a conversation-opener. “I’m looking forward to our bike ride.”
“I’ll have to work out the most efficient route for what I want to show you,” Lesley said.
Jayne envisioned them racing from spot to spot. “I hope I’ll be able to keep up.”
“We can take our time. I want to avoid too much backtracking and zigzagging, that’s all.”
Taking their time appealed to Jayne very much. Their first lunch had been more leisurely than she’d expected, but the subsequent ones had felt rushed because of Lesley’s schedule. No server interruptions and worries about those at the next table overhearing their conversation would also be a welcome change. What would they talk about? Jayne made a mental note to come up with a list of topics beforehand, in case awkward silences started to outweigh conversation—like now, for example! “Where are Ann and Andrew?”
“They went to get a drink.” Lesley paused. “Would you like a drink?”
Not really, but it would give them something to do. “Sure.” She started to rise.
“No, no, I’ll go. You should stay here, so Mo doesn’t wonder what happened to us.” Without waiting for a reply, Lesley hurried off.
Jayne sank back down. Maybe she shouldn’t worry about discussion topics for their bike ride. She’d probably spend the better part of it staring at Lesley’s back as she rode behind her.
*****
Lesley threw a stone into the lake and dug around in the sand for another one.
“I’m shocked,” a voice rang out behind her. She turned around. A smiling Mo strode across the sand. “Don’t you have a test tomorrow?”
“I always have a test.”
Mo swung up her comm unit and feigned a gasp. “But it’s only just gone 19:00,” she said, pressing her hand against her chest. “Surely you couldn’t have finished studying for it.” She let the hand holding the comm unit drop. “So can you blame me for almost fainting when you beeped me and told me to meet you here? Not that I’m complaining. I don’t think I’ve ridden that fast in a while.”
Lesley chuckled, glad that she’d overcome her hesitation to beep Mo. “Let’s walk.”
Mo fell into step with her. Her forehead creased. “So what do you want to talk about?”
“Nothing.” Lesley took Mo’s hand. “In particular.” Mo’s hand tightened around hers. “I just thought it would be nice for us to spend some time together,” Lesley said, hoping to reassure Mo that she hadn’t summoned her because they needed to have a serious talk. “We don’t do that anymore. Well, not without the triad hanging over us. I’m not saying we can forget about it. I can’t. But if we make time for each other—just us—it might help.”
“Is that why you’re going on that bike ride with Jayne? To make time for just you and her?” Mo’s face was relaxed, but tension strained her voice.
“We’ve only ever seen each other over those lunches for Berry. I have to build a friendship with her that’s separate from you.”
Mo blew out a sigh and stopped to kick a stone into the lake. “I know. And I know I have no right to hate the idea.” She let go of Lesley’s hand and sat in the sand. Following Mo’s lead, Lesley also sat, but several feet away from her. Mo hugged her legs to her chest and turned her head to Lesley. “I like this, though. And I’ll have to be respectful of your time with Jayne. You’re trying to do the same for me, and you have more reason to be upset about it.”
If Lesley did what all Chosens do and developed feelings for her second Chosen, Mo would eventually have reason to be upset. Hopefully Mo would have grown used to Lesley spending time alone with Jayne by then. “I saw you holding Jayne’s hand at the Festival of the Way.” She hadn’t intended to bring it up, but it kept nagging at her. “It was a shock, but I’ll get used to it.”
“We didn’t mean to—I think it shocked Jayne, too.” Mo paused. “I felt bad for her. It must have been horrible sitting through that skit and knowing we were all thinking about her. I just wanted to let her know it didn’t matter. I’m sorry.”
Lesley shook her head. “You shouldn’t have to apologize. I meant it when I said our arrangement is off. But there will be shocks and wobbles as we figure it all out.”
“You’re too flaming reasonable sometimes, you know that? If the situation was reversed, I’d be kicking sand in your face.”
“You haven’t done that in years.”
Mo grinned. “Yeah, because we figured out that kissing on the beach is more fun than fighting on the beach.”
Lesley’s throat tightened. “See, we eventually figure t
hings out.”
Mo let go of her legs and slid over to Lesley. They both stared out at the water. “So is being together like this helping?” Mo asked.
Lesley closed her eyes when Mo pressed against her. She lifted her arm and slipped it around Mo, so Mo could lay her head on her shoulder. “Yes, it is.”
*****
Lesley steered her bike onto the path that would avoid the lake and glanced over her shoulder to make sure she hadn’t lost Jayne. No, she was keeping up, but probably tiring. Lesley’s own muscles ached, and she regularly rode a bike. She kept her eye out for a good place to stop. Five minutes later, she signalled and braked. “Do you want to rest for a bit here?” she asked when Jayne skidded to a stop next to her. “We can sit under those trees.”
“Sure,” Jayne said breathlessly.
They dismounted, walked their bikes over to one of the trees, and leaned them against it. Thirsty, Lesley grabbed her water flask from her bike.
“How much longer do you want to ride?” Jayne asked as she reached for hers. “I’m just wondering if I should pace the water.”
Lesley studied Jayne’s heaving chest and red face. “I figure we can head back now. I’ve shown you most of what I wanted you to see. Not very exciting, I know.”
“It depends on what you mean by exciting.” Jayne sank onto the grass and sat against another tree. “I might want to sketch a couple of the sights. That tree formation didn’t look natural, even though it was.”
“Lightning created it.” Lesley sat next to her and sipped more water.
Jayne nodded. “Nature as artist. My papa—” She broke off.
“Your papa what?” Lesley prompted. Getting to know Jayne included her life before the Incident, uncomfortable as the topic may be.
Jayne hesitated. “Well, he loved seeing art in the clouds and rock formations and sand—everywhere. On cloudy days, he’d point up and ask me what I saw.” She set her water flask down and drew her legs to her chest, reminding Lesley of her evening with Mo at the lake. “Anyway, that old stone wall is fascinating. How many years do they think it’s been there?”
The Triad Page 17
