~*~
On the long drive home on Sunday I sat in the back seat of Matt's wreck of a car and contemplated where the events of the week left Jack and me. We hadn't talked about our situation since the Friday morning and, although I was trying to convince myself that it was for the best, I couldn't help but miss the time we spent together. After the talk with my mum…well, that is, after being talked at by my mum, I truly did consider whether I should tell Matt about what I had blackmailed his best friend into. But, since I really couldn't even begin to stomach the idea of how he would react I foolishly hoped that, since I was hell-bent on this avoiding thing, there was a chance that Matt would never find out what had happened between Jack and me.
When we pulled up outside our building we all sat in silence for a couple of moments. The week off had started emotionally, but it had still been a time of escapism. Now we were back we had to go back into the fray with the whole Simone, Micky, Sam thing and Jack had to face the interview and aptitude test on Wednesday and the requirement test for the scholarship on the Thursday. It had been such a long time coming that it seemed strange that Jack's moment had almost arrived.
Eventually Matt broke the silence saying that he had to go and meet up with some of his sports science mates and Jack said that he was going to cram in some more studying. Feeling at a bit of a loose end, I helped unload the car and then called Adam to see if he'd come back from his folk's place yet. He had and was well up for hanging out with me and catching up on the past week.
I noticed Jack's sour face when I told them where I was going, but I didn't comment on it. Jack needed to concentrate and I needed to stay far away from him, especially since with Matt out it would be just Jack in the flat. Adam was a good laugh and I knew he would distract me from the prospect of the possibility of time alone with Jack.
I spent the rest of the day and well into the night at Adam's flat watching Kung Fu films with him. Although I had fun, I was a little distracted as I couldn't stop my thoughts drifting to Jack all alone in our flat studying for his chance to win his chance to go far, far away from me.
It wasn't fair, it really wasn't.
Adam seemed to notice that something was up with me, but he didn't pry and instead did his best to keep me amused and occupied. I appreciated his efforts more than I could say and decided, as I sat there sipping a vodka and coke, that I would spend a lot more time with him. Not only did I enjoy his company, but being with him would also give me somewhere to escape to when all the madness amongst my small group of friends got too much.
I returned back to the flat reluctantly, hoping that Matt would have returned home before me. No such luck. As I walked in through the door Jack looked up from the kitchen table where he had sheafs of paper and numerous textbooks scattered about and smiled tiredly.
"You've been out late," he remarked innocently and I bristled immediately.
"So?" I snapped. "It's not like it makes any difference to you." And, with my daily bitchiness quota fulfilled, I stomped past him into my room.
And that was how the next week passed. I spent an inordinate amount of time at Adam's place and, if anyone remarked on it, I told them it was so Jack could study in peace. When I was at the flat I was irritable and rude, the strain from keeping my distance from Jack something akin to having knitting needles stuck repetitively in my back.
This feeling eased briefly on the mornings of Wednesday and Thursday as I broke my Jack-fast to give him quick, awkward hugs to wish him well with the scholarship tests. Matt was present at both these times and I held myself so stiffly the moment felt even worse than before Jack had desensitised me somewhat to physical contact. I felt a little thrill of panic at the idea that after everything it would have been a total waste of time because I had relapsed.
Matt and I stood in the car park waving Jack off on the Thursday morning, feeling like parents waving goodbye to their child on their first day of school. Neither of us could settle to anything for the rest of the day, we just mooched around waiting for Jack to come back and tell us how he had gone.
When we heard his Ute pull into the car park late in the afternoon Matt and I jumped to attention and pretty much ambushed Jack as he came through the door. He was an unhealthy grey colour, but his eyes were bright and he seemed to crackle with energy. At the sight of him I felt my heart attempt to rip in two with some of it wanting to sink in disappointment and the other half leap in celebration.
"So, how'd it go?" Matt asked, somewhat unnecessarily I thought considering the answer was written all over Jack's face.
Jack shrugged and grinned, "It was tough but I'm pretty sure I did alright."
"You blitzed it!" Matt threw himself at Jack and they did a manly hug followed by much pushing and thumping of backs.
"We'll see," Jack said modestly but Matt and I knew better. 'I'm pretty sure I did alright' from the normally excessively modest Jack was akin to anyone else swinging from the rafters shouting: 'I'm a genius!' And, on top of the aptitude test and interview he'd had yesterday during which the head of the scholarship program had told him that he was exactly the kind of candidate they were looking for, it seemed that Jack was a shoo-in and Cambridge bound.
So Much to Learn Page 41
