by Nikki Groom
“You okay, man?” Ram asks, settling my feet gently on the ground and tucking me behind him. He pushes his shoulders out to maximum width, and I have to lean to the side to look around him.
“I’m just fucking peachy,” Ruck replies, shooting Ramsey a twisted smile and raising his almost empty glass in our direction.
“Why don’t you go outside with the others, bruv? They’re partying up a storm in the yard.”
He pushes himself off the door jamb and steps forward, dropping his cigarette on the carpet between Ramsey’s feet. “You’d like that wouldn’t you.” He twists his face into Ram’s with narrowed eyes. He’s wired—completely gone. “Why don’t you go out to the yard?” He prods Ramsey in the chest, and I feel Ram tense in front of me and widen his body even more so I’m hidden behind him. I feel behind me for the door knob just in case I have to let myself in quickly. “Oh yeah, you have a new toy.” He points in my direction with his hand shaped like a gun.
“Ruck,” Ramsey warns. The timbre of his voice rumbling up through his body. As though someone knew we needed divine intervention to diffuse this standoff, a girl appears in his doorway, wearing just her underwear and giggling like a schoolgirl.
“We’re waiting,” she says, her voice saccharine sweet and slutty as fuck.
Ruck grins and takes an unsteady step backward. “Enjoy your whore, big brother,” he says, provoking Ramsey in the worst way possible. Ramsey almost bites, but I grab his upper arm, reminding him that I’m right there behind him, and that now isn’t the best time. Not only do I not want to get in the middle of a sibling fight, but Ruck is so wasted that I’m certain that Ramsey would do him some serious damage, in what would be an unfair physical exchange. I have no idea what their relationship is like—if it’s usually volatile or not. Whatever is going on, I don’t want to be in the middle of it, not tonight.
Ramsey drops his chin to his chest and takes a deep breath, holding it in then blowing it out again.
“Maybe I should go,” I say, unsure of my place here now, when just a few moments ago, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. How fucking stupid of me.
“No,” he snaps, turning to me. He looks me up and down, then closes his eyes, composing himself. He then pushes the door open and leads us in, closing it quietly behind us and flipping the lock. He pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, and I stand there waiting for him to do whatever he needs to settle his racing mind. Then he looks at me looking at him, and his whole demeanor changes. He’s gone from almost losing his shit and using every last bit of strength to rein it in, to looking like he wants to devour me. I gaze up at him through my lashes, and he steps toward me, slow, calculated— a hunter stalking his prey. He places his hands on the door, on either side of my head, caging me in, informing me that the last few minutes did nothing to quell the electricity between us. “He’s wrong,” he says, his voice deep and low. I frown, unsure what he means. “Ruck said you were a whore. He’s wrong. I want you to know that I don’t look at you like I looked at the others. You’re …different.” Vulnerability tremors through his voice, and I come to the conclusion that this is big for Ramsey. He’s used to keeping his distance—keeping his feelings locked away. He’s survived on carnal satisfaction only so he preserves his heart. I know this because I’ve done the same. He might make out that he doesn’t have a heart, but he does, and deep down all anyone wants is to have someone to love and be loved back. It’s human nature. It’s not until you meet a soul that speaks to yours that you realize the full potential of your life. A life shared.
I’m lost. Drowning in my thoughts while looking into his eyes and losing myself in their depths. The only thing that stops me from being petrified is the fact that I can see it’s the same for him too.
Souls speaking together in silent words.
Hearts reaching out in the darkness of our lives.
Bodies screaming to be touched and joined in pleasure.
“Ramsey,” I breathe out on a whisper. But my breath is cut short as he rushes in to kiss me, unable to hold off any longer and not wanting to waste any more time. His hands are everywhere, tugging my tank up and over my head, kneading my breasts and thumbing my nipples through the thin fabric of my bra.
He kisses a path from my ear to the middle of my breastbone then stops, looking up at me and muttering breathlessly, “If you’re gonna back out, you gotta do it now, Sadie. I mean it, once I’m past this point, there ain’t no going back,” he warns.
I take his face in my hands, wanting his lips on mine, and I whisper against them. “I don’t want to go back, Ramsey.”
The strength of my whispered words adds gasoline to an already raging fire. He kisses me fiercely as I walk him backward until his knees meet the bottom of his bed, and I break away, smiling up at him seductively and pushing his chest with my index finger so he falls backward with a bounce. He glares up at me, a smirk tipping the corners of his lips, but as fast as they rise, they fall, and he’s sitting up, pulling me into his lap. He kisses me hard, bruising my lips, but I push harder into him, wanting to be closer, needing to be as close and as raw with this man as I possibly can be. I’m overtaken by lust and desire as I wrap my legs around his waist, and his hands leave my tangled hair to grab my ass and pull my hips into his as he grinds up into me.
“Too many clothes between us, babe,” he mutters, kissing his way down my skin as I lean backward and give him access to my chest. He bites my nipple through my bra, and I hiss in a breath, making him growl. I reach back, unhooking my bra, and sliding it down my arms. He watches intently in the low lamplight that bathes the room with a seductive glow, picking up the sharp angles of Ramsey’s cheekbones and highlighting the flame in his eyes. I wriggle off his lap, and he tucks his hands behind his head as I stand before him. I slip off my boots, kicking them to the side, and position myself between Ramsey’s legs, unbuttoning my jeans, and lowering them slowly over my hips, watching the anticipation burn him up from the inside.
“You tryin’ to kill me, Sadie?” he asks.
“If I was, you’d already be dead,” I retort. This doesn’t do much for his restraint, and he lunges forward at me, making me jump back but not far enough. He tugs me back to him with his fingers in my belt loops and buries his head in my stomach—kissing, licking and sucking my hypersensitive skin until I forget where I am, who I am, and what I’m doing here. He shoves my jeans down over my legs, covering the bare skin they leave behind with nips and licks until they’re around my ankles, and I’m covered only by my little black G-string.
“Always in black, huh?” he muses, admiring my choice of underwear.
“Just like my heart,” I reply, a hint of sadness twisting in my gut, but followed by the feeling that maybe, just maybe, there’s a corner that might have let a little sliver of light through.
He stands, towering over me. “I like black,” he says quietly. “I like you in black,” he says, tucking his thumbs in either side of the bands of my g-string. “But I prefer you out of black.” He pulls hard, yanking the scrap of fabric that practically disintegrates at his forceful touch.
“Fuck,” I whisper under my breath, taken aback at how powerful he can be when just a few seconds ago he was dropping feather-light kisses all over my body. His eyes narrow, his jaw sets hard, and in a second, I’m picked up and thrown down on the bed on my back. Ramsey runs his thumb over his bottom lip and shakes his head before smirking. “You look like a fucking dream come true, Sadie, girl.” His voice is deep, and sensual, and twinned with the way he’s eyeing me, hunter and hunted, at his mercy, to do with as he wishes, has me swinging my hips from side to side, a motion that has him ripping the button of his jeans open and casting them aside faster than I can blink.
We come together in a frenzy of passion. Teeth clashing, fingers exploring each other’s bodies for the first time and breaths turning to desperate moans as we fight to get closer to one another.
“I don’t want anything between us, Sadie. No clothes, no secrets
, nothing.” He slides his hand between our bodies, finding my apex, working his fingers in circles until I gasp. “I want you raw and untapped. Writhing and unhinged.”
“Yes,” I manage to breathe out. I’ve been on the pill since I was sixteen, although I’m still careful with casual hook-ups, but this is anything but a one-night thing—from my perspective, anyway. If whatever this is lasts, I want our first time to be different. I want him bare inside me. I want his heart laid out like mine. “It’s safe,” I whisper. Safe to have sex without the worry of becoming pregnant. Safe for my heart and soul? Who knows. But I’m prepared to make that leap.
He wastes no time, using his fingers already wet from being inside me to lubricate his cock, stroking back and forth before positioning himself to enter me. He gazes up, holding still, giving just a fraction of a second for me to change my mind. I’m not changing my mind. I want this so bad. I want him so bad. He watches my eyes flutter, my jaw slacken, and the moan escapes my lips as he pushes deep into me and grinds his hips in slow, calculated circles, touching deep within me.
“Oh, Raven,” he shudders. “Can’t promise I’m gonna last long, but I can promise it won’t be the only time we do this. I’m gonna take you places you never knew existed. Gonna make you hoarse from screamin’ my name. I’m gonna make you blind with crazy fuckin’ desire that makes you only see me.” He draws back fast and thrusts without warning, then his hips gyrate, his muscles flex as his body twists against mine, and his lips kiss every inch of my flesh as he works us into a sweat and takes my body to a high point I never knew was possible.
“Ramsey,” I pant. Unable to form a more coherent sentence.
“You close, sweet Sadie?” He growls low in the back of his throat as I tighten my muscles around him.
“Yes.” I thrust my hips up to match his. Stroke for stroke. Breath for breath. I throw my head back, unable to refrain from closing my eyes tightly and relishing in the feel of him, of us together. He grabs my face roughly, framing my cheekbones in his big, powerful hands, forcing me to open my eyes and look directly at him.
“You’re gonna look at me when you come. I’m the only thing you’ll see when you come from now on. Me, and then stars.” He starts to pick up the pace, hammering rhythmically and relentlessly as my body climbs to a peak of pure, previously undiscovered ecstasy.
I swear I almost black out as my body shudders and jolts as Ramsey roars his own release and takes my mouth with his, swallowing my screams and whimpers, riding our waves of pleasure until our bodies stop violently jerking against each other.
We lay for a long time just holding each other. Fingertips gently exploring the curves of each other’s bodies. Kissing, touching, holding. Unspoken words of affirmation that this is something different, something very real.
Chapter 18
I pull her tighter to me, stroking her hair and watching her sleep in my arms. As I brush my thumb across her cheekbone, she moans quietly and nestles her head into my chest.
I sigh.
My life is complicated.
It’s messy and violent, and I never thought I would want the burden of keeping someone else safe. This was what JJ meant when he said I was better off alone. I get it. But now I’ve met her, had her, still have her here in my arms, it’s made me realize that there was a corner of my soul that couldn’t be filled with meaningless sex, drugs, and guns. I craved her from the second I saw her. I wanted her body underneath me and my name on her lips in a breathless cry. Now, I want her to see nothing more than me. I want to lock her up from the world and keep her for myself.
“What time is it?” She groans, stretching her arms above her head as she looks up at me with a sleepy smile.
“Six,” I reply.
“What’s wrong?” She props herself up on her elbow and looks down at me with a frown.
“Nothing.” I smile, my eyes never leaving hers—getting lost in a silence I never knew existed before now. A place where I just see her, a calm to my raging storm. A quiet to my noisy thoughts.
“Why so serious?” She pouts, and I stroke her bottom lip with my thumb.
“I’m always serious.”
“Always?”
“Yup.”
“You weren’t so tense and serious a couple of hours ago,” she says seductively, circling her index finger along my chest.
“Oh, I was serious alright.” I grin, taking her hand in mine and flipping her onto her back. She squeals and wriggles under my grasp, but it’s a feeble protest, and a ploy to make me pin her harder. “I was serious about making you scream my name so loud everyone knows who you belong to.” I nip at her neck. “I was serious about giving you the best fucking orgasm of your life and making you sore enough that you’ll think of me pounding into you when you sit on the back of my bike later, and for the rest of the day anytime you sit your pretty little ass down.”
“I like it when you’re serious,” she whispers, reaching up to kiss me. “Even if you are a little big-headed and cocky.”
“Damn straight you do,” I growl against her lips.
She drops her head back with a groan and angles it to the side, baring her neck. I can’t resist her pale skin and the way my stubble leaves marks as I brush against her. Rough against smooth. Marring her perfect complexion, marking her—my mark. I lick and suck down to her collarbone, nipping when she least expects it, and she reacts instantly. Her breath picks up and travels fast through her chest, coming in desperate pants and urgent pleas.
I release her hands as I travel further down her body, kissing her chest between her perfect tits, and licking my way to her navel as my hands find her nipples. With a pinch and a twist, she cries out, her body starts to heat up under my touch, and her honest, immediate reaction sends my head into a spin.
I’ve had plenty of women. I know my way around a woman’s body, so it’s not hard for me to know what makes her scream. But this girl, her reaction, her body, it’s different. It’s like I’ve finally found a wavelength that connects to someone else’s.
Her fingers tangle roughly in my hair as she pushes my head further down her body in desperation for me to go down on her. I’ll willingly oblige, but not before I make her beg for it. I brush against the sensitive skin of her lower belly and kiss her hip bone as she shoves her hips up and in my direction, fighting for more contact, more kisses, more everything. She rips one hand from my hair, snakes it down her belly and lets out a gasp as her fingers slip between her legs and she finds her sweet spot.
I watch through a lust-filled haze that’s also tainted green with jealousy. Part of me is desperate to rip her hand away, to replace it with mine, my fingers, my tongue, my teeth. But I don’t.
I watch.
I watch the sexiest fucking show I’ve ever seen—the sexiest woman I’ve ever seen, work herself up, almost into a frenzy, and make her way to climax. When a moan slips out from between her lips, I take her hand roughly with mine and pin it to her side. She lifts her head, grinning at me with lazy lips and pleasure-filled eyes.
“You gonna finish what you started?” she asks.
“Bossy little bitch,” I reply, licking my lips in anticipation. She widens her legs as my head dips, just a breath away from making her see the sun, moon, and stars, all at the same time. Then, as if you couldn’t make this shit up, someone hammers on the door so hard it sounds like a herd of elephants are trampling outside.
“Ramsey, put your dick away and get to my office. You have two minutes to cover up your hairy ass and hot foot it out here.” It’s JJ, and if my gun were within reaching distance I would shoot the fucker through the door for disturbing us, but he never knocks unless it’s urgent.
“Fucking hell!” I scream out in frustration, matching Sadie’s sigh as she mumbles under her breath, “No fucking way.”
“No excuses, Ramsey. Two minutes,” he calls through the hardwood door before stomping down the hall. I launch myself off the bed, scrubbing my hands through my hair and over my face. I’m in a haze—
all I can see is sex. I can smell it, smell her, feel her, even though I’m not touching her right now, and all I want to do is touch her, everywhere, almost as much as taking my next fucking breath.
“He sounds serious,” she says, tucking her knees into her chest and slipping the sheet over her.
I grab my jeans and yank them on roughly, begrudgingly followed by my t-shirt, and then shove my feet into my boots. I spin around and slam my hands down either side of where Sadie is sitting and push my lips into hers, kissing her roughly. “I haven’t finished with you. Do not go anywhere.”
She nods with a small smile, looking up at me with those fucking great big eyes that I could get lost in for days. Depths that promise relief from everything that troubles my mind from the second I wake until the minute I drown in a bottle of Jack.
“Go,” she orders quietly, pulling away from me.
I kiss her cheek swiftly before I make for JJ’s office.
“Sit,” he says, gesturing to the chair opposite him at his desk.
“I’m not a fucking dog, JJ.”
“Quit with the sensitivity bullshit, Ram. I ain’t in the mood for it.”
“What’s the emergency then, Prez? What could be so important that you have to hammer down my door and demand my presence at six am?”
“Two things … protection run. I need boys I can trust on this job—you and Tex. It needs to be clean, quiet, and unproblematic. Monday night.”
“Why me and Tex?”
“Because I trust you two more than anyone else. It’s a cartel deal. Big boys, big bucks.”
“Fine. Is that what you hammered down my fucking door for?” I ask, annoyed as fuck at him now.
“No.” He closes his eyes and drops his head back, sucking in a deep breath before leveling his eyes on me. “I don’t want you messing about with that girl anymore.”
“Because she has a disease you don’t want me to catch?” I joke, but the penetrating look he gives me tells me he’s serious. “Why?” I ask, leaning forward eyeing him intently.
