by Emerson Rose
When I arrive at his door today he’s not in his bed. They couldn’t have discharged him, he was in terrible condition and nowhere near able to care for himself.
I grasp the doorframe on both sides and look around the room with wild eyes, and thank God in heaven above I find him sitting up in a chair next to his bed. Our eyes meet and for the first time, he doesn’t pretend to sleep.
Maybe it’s because he’s in a chair, and he would look strange sleeping sitting straight up. Or maybe it’s because he’s finally ready to see me. I have to get the healing process underway. Marcus will be waking up soon, and somehow I need to get Brian on board with the surgery again.
I have to make him believe I care about him. Just the thought makes my skin crawl. I’ve never faked my feelings toward anyone before. It feels wrong and dirty, but this is my future and my husband’s life I’m fighting for. It’s time to go to war.
Seventy-Five
“Can I come in?” I ask, not daring to move a muscle. This is my chance, and I don’t want to blow it by being too eager.
“Yes.”
I take two steps into his room and look around. I actually feel kind of bad for him. The room has no personal effects, no visitors, nothing. The ICU doesn’t allow a lot of decorating but I figured since Brian works here occasionally he might have a few special privileges.
Marcus has privileges. His however, don’t stem from respect or gratitude. His are provoked by fear. I’m sure some money has changed hands to allow us to decorate his room with the Christmas tree, photographs, and little touches of home. Not that he enjoys any of it but it makes me feel better.
Bitterness seeps back into my brain and pity is replaced by a burning anger aimed at Brian for interfering. Why couldn’t he have just come and done his job and left me out of it?
Because I was the end goal, not Marcus’s surgery, that’s why.
He nods toward a chair across from him. I cross the room to sit feeling his eyes all over me.
“How are you, Brian? You look much better.” I smile and try to make it look genuine.
“Don’t, Imani. We can skip the small talk. I know you’re only here because you want me to do Marcus’s surgery, it’s not a secret.”
I shift in my seat and slide my hands under my thighs to hide my wedding ring. How did I forget to take them off? I lean forward and give him all of my attention praying he didn’t notice.
“Brian, I’m here to thank you for warning me. I had no idea what I was involved with. I was shocked I… I didn’t know what to think. I’m sorry I fainted. It was pure bad luck that he found you trying to help me. When I came around I was horrified at what he’d done to you.” I lower my gaze to my feet before I go on. “I’ve wanted to come and say that for days, but you wouldn’t see me.”
I’m not much of a liar or an actress, but I’d have to say that was a damn good performance. A little female desperation in my voice and a good view of my chest didn’t hurt either.
While I talked, I worked my rings off my finger and into the palm of my hand. I didn’t expect him to see me today. I must remember to be more careful.
He's looking at me, sizing me up trying to determine whether I'm being truthful or not. I raise my concerned eyes and wait patiently.
“That’s why I came, Imani. You’re in danger with that man. I hope your concerns are sincere because I want to help you.”
Bam––hook, line, and sinker he’s taking the bait!
“Yes, of course. I mean, look at you, who’s to say he wouldn’t have done that to me eventually?” His eyebrows draw together in a frown.
“Imani, he’s already hurt you. I know about your neck. I spoke to the physician at that rinky-dink hospital he took you to. He owns it, you know. That’s where he takes the people he tortures when he’s done with them, if they manage to live through it.”
Keeping my composure isn’t easy. I don’t want to believe a word he says but I have a feeling he might be right. That was the old Marcus, he doesn’t know anything about the man he is now.
“Yes, he hurt me, but he wasn’t himself.” I shouldn’t defend him, it does little for my case, but I can’t help it. The instinct to protect my husband is instinctual and strong.
Every part of me wants to stand up for him. I want to scream that he doesn’t know my Marcus and the man he’s been researching is not who I’m in love with.
I am standing up for him, though, just not in the traditional way. I’m doing it by sneaking around lying and manipulating another man’s feelings for me. Marcus would be furious.
“I know that’s no excuse. He hurt me and I don’t deserve that.”
He sighs heavily at my pathetic response and winces. “You OK? I can get the nurse to give you some pain medicine if you want.”
He holds up the button of a self-administered pain pump showing me there is no need to call a nurse. He presses it. “Broken ribs?” I ask.
“Yes, among many things.”
“I’m so sorry, Brian. I know you’re in pain. Is there anything I can do for you?” He stares at me deliberately. My body goes into high alert. I’m not going to like what he says next I can feel it.
“Leave him, Imani. Leave him and come home to Seattle with me. He’s never going to wake up, and if he does, you risk being killed. If you really want to do something for me, do that.”
I was right. My blood is boiling inside my veins and my vision vibrates with fury at his confirmation of his intentions. Deep down I knew he came to take me away from Marcus. Any benefit of the doubt I had given him is erased with that damning comment. I dig deep to settle my physical reaction. One deep breath and a change of position later, I test my voice.
“I can’t just leave him here, he’s in a coma. I’m not in any danger unless he wakes up, and you said so yourself that he’s never going to wake up.” There, that’s good, calm and convincing.
“Imani, I can offer you so much more. He’s not coming out of this. You can’t sit in there forever watching him waste away. I know you want to go home. You’ve got to miss your family and your job. He brought you here against your will, didn’t he? You were sick before you disappeared from the hospital. That’s not exactly the ideal time for a vacation to Italy. You were running a fever of 104, wasting away, dehydrated and suffering some crazy bacterial infection.”
Holy shit, he’s been stalking me. No one but my doctor should know details like that.
“I’m sorry, Imani. I know it was a violation of your privacy. I wasn’t your doctor, but I was concerned. You hadn’t been to work and when you were, God, you looked like a walking zombie.”
I can’t listen to another word. “Excuse me, please, Brian. I’ll be back in a minute.”
I stand and as calmly as I can I leave his room. My mouth is watering and my hands are clammy, there is no avoiding it, I’m going to be sick.
The few steps to the privacy of the restroom feel like a mile. I slam the door against the restroom wall, run into a stall, drop to my knees and vomit violently.
There’s nothing worse than hurling a stomach full of food. Elena and I had just eaten a snack, so much for that. When my stomach is empty I collapse back onto my ass and hug my knees tight against my chest and cry.
“You OK?” A voice comes from behind me.
My head snaps up. I hadn’t even looked to see if anyone was in here. At first glance, I don’t know who was standing over me because the light behind her body makes her face dark, but that voice, I recognize it.
“Home is good, you should be home, your smoke is gone, gone. You need your white smoke to protect you.”
It’s the Smoke Lady. Fuck, this day keeps getting worse. I’ve seen her once or twice passing the door to Marcus’s room but I stopped worrying about her. I figured she must have family in the ICU and she hadn’t approached me again.
I have no idea what the hell she’s talking about. And why does she want me to go home? Everybody wants me to fucking go home.
“Do I know yo
u?” I ask.
“You know me, everybody knows me. Can you believe her?”
I’m not exactly sure who she’s talking to now. She started out talking to me but then she directed a question to the empty space beside her. She’s delusional. What the hell did they teach us about dealing with psych patients in nursing school? Damn, I wish I’d paid closer attention. Who knew it would be so important someday?
“I’m sorry, but I don’t know your name, will you tell me?”
“Queen Tamila. You should go home. You’re losing your light. His darkness is making you sick. Go home.”
Wow, okay, I have to get out of here. I stand on wobbly legs and side step around her never turning my back until I reach the sink.
She follows me with her absent eyes. She’s here, but she’s not. I reach behind me to the sink and turn on the cold water. I don’t want to pass out and I feel like shit; cold water on my wrist will help.
I catch a glimpse of a woman in the mirror behind her. She’s pale, covered in hives and disheveled. She’s me.
“I’m going to leave now,” I say hoping she will think I’m taking her advice to go home and move out of my way. She’s the only thing between the door and myself.
She strikes up a nonsensical conversation with someone else; someone I can’t see. I take advantage of her distraction and slip past to the door, leaving her chatting away with her imaginary friend.
Now if I can get past Brian’s room without him seeing how upset I am I’ll be safe.
When Elena steps into the hall at that exact moment looking either way down the hall, I consider that ESP runs in the family. She spots me, her eyes go wide and she starts down the hall.
“Imani? Oh, honey, what’s the matter?” She meets me halfway and as if she knows I need shielding she wraps her arm around my shoulder and leads me past Brian’s room and into ours.
I drop my head just enough so that my hair protects my face from his line of sight until I’m safe. I heave a deep sigh. Who knew a trip to the bathroom would be so eventful? I’m staying right here from now on. I just won’t pee or brush my teeth ever again.
“Imani, what happened? You’re a mess, and you’ve been gone a long time.”
She needs to know about my plan. I can’t let her think I’m leaving Marcus.
“I went to see Brian.”
She drops her comforting arm from my shoulders and her body stiffens, “You what?”
“Listen, Elena, I have a plan and I want to let you in on it, but you have to swear and promise on a pile of Bibles you won’t breathe a word of this to anybody, not even Enrique.”
“I knew you wouldn’t leave this alone. I think that’s one of the reasons my brother loves you, you’re a shit-disturber, just like he is. What kind of trouble are we getting into?”
“The kind that’s going to save Marcus’s life.”
Seventy-Six
“So, can I trust you? You won’t tell anyone?”
“I would like a little more information before I go ‘swearing on a stack of Bibles’ as you put it, and, of course, you can always trust me.”
“Okay good, come over here.” I hitch my thumb toward the furthest corner of the room and hopefully out of his earshot. I lower my voice to a whisper and lean in close to her face.
“Marcus has to have that surgery, and Brian is the only one who can do it. Apparently, everyone else is too scared to operate on him.” I stop to glare at her. I know she kept all of the Mob shit to herself. She may as well know it pisses me off.
She averts her eyes, looking anywhere but at me, but I keep talking. “Brian is willing to do the surgery. Well; he will be because he’s…” I pause and make sure my back is fully turned to Marcus before I mouth the words “in love with me.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake!” she rolls her eyes so hard I’m afraid they might stick.
“Shush!”
“Imani, that man is in love with you and you’re willing to let him cut open your husband’s brain? He could easily kill him. What is wrong with you? Brian will never do it, and Marcus will never let him.” She crosses her arms across her chest daring me to come up with a solution to her proclamation, so I do.
“He can hear you, you know,” I remind her, “And there is nothing wrong with me. I was trying to tell you I have a plan. First of all, yes, Brian has a thing for me. I don’t know how deep his feelings are but after what he said to me this morning, I’m positive he’s a stalker.
I’m going to make him believe that I’m leaving Marcus for him but with one condition, he has to do the surgery, and I have to know Marcus’s OK before I’ll go. When it’s all over, and Marcus is fine, I’ll back out. He’s going to be pissed as hell, but that’s the beauty of it.
Elena frowns looking skeptical. She still has her arms crossed over her chest, but now she’s tapping her foot in irritation.
“Imani, this isn’t going to work. Brian might be a loon, but he’s also a doctor. He won’t be stupid enough to fall for that. He’s going to know you’re going to let him fix Marcus up and then dump him.”
“Ah, that’s where you’re wrong, what’s one thing that reassures a man that he’s won a woman’s heart… besides sex?”
She drops her arms to her sides, “I don’t know, what?”
“Marriage.”
Elena starts to turn and walk away from me. She takes a step and turns back narrowing her eyes and pointing her finger in my face. “You can’t marry him, you’re already married!”
“Exactly, he doesn’t know that though. Hell, I’ll marry him in his hospital room in a fake ceremony if it’ll make him believe that I love him. I’ll tell him to leave Marcus in good condition so the Mob won’t come after us.”
Hope fills her eyes, but she still has her doubts.
“He can’t marry me when I’m already married. It won’t be legal.”
“Have you considered that you’re going to have to let him touch you and kiss you? You’ll have to spend time with him before he actually marries you, Imani. It won’t be very believable if you don’t.”
That is the part I don’t want to think about and have tried very hard to ignore, but yes, it’s part of the plan.
“And how are you going to convince Marcus to go along with all of this if he wakes up?”
“When… when he wakes up, Elena. I’ll have to tell him what I’m doing. I don’t keep secrets from him, like I could. He’s a damn mind reader, I couldn’t lie if I wanted to.”
“Well then, there you have it. You may as well axe that plan right now because he will never in a million years go along with it.”
“I think he will.”
She shakes her head, “Uh-uh, no way, never.”
“He hurts me when the other part of him takes over, Elena. Knowing that kills him, if we hadn’t already tried to live without each other we would break things off for my protection. But you know as well as I do that we can’t do that.
If I put it to him that way, how can he say no? He needs this surgery. He will go permanently blind, his memory will deteriorate, the pain will increase and he could die. I can’t watch that happen. I won’t, not without a fight.”
She reaches out and draws me into a side hug. “Okay, just tell me what I have to do.”
“I’ll keep working on Brian. He’s getting better. I don’t know if he will be in the ICU much longer. I think he’s still here because administration is showing him some favoritism because he’s a staff member. I have to get as close as possible before he gets discharged. Brian needs to think I’m all in, like now. I need you to go see him on your way out. Just stop by casually, but then let it slip that I’m leaving Marcus now that I know about his association with the Mob and his past. Tell him I just can’t take it, it’s too much. If he asks why I don’t leave his bedside tell him that I think he has someone watching me, and I’m scared.”
“Okay, but where I am supposed to stand in all of this? He’s my brother; won’t he be suspicious that I’m telling him al
l of this?”
“He’s never met you, I mean, I’m sure he knows who you are. It seems like he’s pretty informed about anything to do with Marcus, but he doesn't know if you support the relationship or not. You two aren’t close, you live on opposite sides of the country. Tell him you have wanted to tell me about Marcus’s past for a long time but you couldn’t. Say you were worried about me and that you’re glad he finally had the strength to tell me. Make him feel like a big fucking hero or something. I don’t care just make it believable. I’ll go and see him again later, take him some food or something and reiterate everything you’ve told him.”
She takes a big breath and puffs her cheeks before blowing it out.
“Okay, Imani, I really hope you know what you’re doing. I’ll play along, but only if you swear you’re telling Marcus when he wakes up. Your mind isn’t the only one he reads, that man knows everything.”
For the first time all afternoon, I smile. “Yes, it seems he does.”
We spend the rest of the day planning tomorrow’s Christmas celebration. It’s hard knowing that my family is so close staying at Marcus’s… our house.
Enrique and Elijah stopped by to check in on us this afternoon, they brought us dinner but Elijah had to hurry back to Dominus to handle things. I feel guilty that he is shouldering all of the burdens of the business, but I simply don’t know enough to be of any help yet.
With the last bite of Cavatelli on my fork, it dawns on me that no one else can know we are married. I’d hate to have the staff mention it to Brian on accident.
“Elena, who knows that Marcus and I are married?”
“Just you two, the lawyer, Enrique and I, why?”
“If we are going to pull this off no one else can know. The nurse this morning called me Señora Castillo, it took me by surprise. How did she know?”
“She must have assumed. We haven’t told anyone and you are, after all, wearing a huge wedding rin… hey.” She glances at my left hand. “Where are your rings?”
