Rose needed comfort and friendship as much as Lisa.
The miraculous result of their friendship amazed them both. Now Lisa loved Rose like a sister, and reaching out to Rose had helped ease some of Lisa’s own pain.
Their friendship had been a huge step for both of them, and Lisa hoped Rose would eventually find her way back to the Lord. Unfortunately, Rose couldn’t see past her feelings of guilt in order to step foot inside a church…let alone pray about it.
As they neared the pier, Rose pulled Lisa into a quick hug. “This is as far as I go. You’re on your own from here.” Then she whispered so softly Lisa barely heard her. “What am I going to do without you?”
“You’ll be fine.” Lisa noted the mist in Rose’s big brown eyes.
“I’m being silly.” Rose swiped at her tears.
“No, you’re not.” Lisa gave Rose a gentle smile. “Your friendship means the world to me, Rose. If Joe comes home, and I pray he does, nothing about our friendship will change. I promise.”
“I don’t know about that. Joe probably won’t like you spending time with me.”
Though she worried about the same thing, Lisa kept her thoughts to herself. “He doesn’t pick my friends. Whether or not you want to believe it, our friendship is blessed by the Lord. In fact,” she hesitated, wanting to say more but unsure of how Rose would receive her next words.
“What?”
Lisa pressed her lips together, took a deep breath, and silently prayed for guidance to say the right thing. “We’ve had a guest speaker at church for the last few weeks, doing a special series on friendship. It concludes tomorrow at the Sunday service.”
The expression on Rose’s face hardened, and Lisa feared she might have pushed too far.
“Don’t worry,” Lisa added quickly. “I wasn’t going to suggest you go.”
“Good.” Rose visibly relaxed. “Because you know I won’t.”
“They’re recording the series of lessons. If you’d like, when I get back, we can listen to them together, and you’ll be able to see the same thing I do. God brought us together for a reason, Rose. Friendship, true friendship, comes from Him, and I’m blessed to have you in my life.” Lisa meant what she said, and now it was her turn to grow misty-eyed.
Rose gave her another impromptu hug. “OK, now. You’d better get going or they’ll sail without you.”
Lisa’s heart started to pound with dread. She tried to smile at her friend, but the muscles in her jaw remained tightly clenched.
“Everything will be fine; you’ll see. When I come pick you up, you and Joe will walk toward me hand-in-hand.”
Tears pricked Lisa’s eyes again. She hoped like anything it would turn out just that way. But given how Joe had distanced himself from her, she sincerely doubted it. This whole thing seemed impossible, and she wished she’d never let Rose talk her into this.
Lisa knew Rose felt guilty not only for the accident, but also for the breakdown of Lisa and Joe’s marriage. That’s why she worked so hard to get the two of them back together, and why she tried so hard to convince Lisa taking this trip did not equal lying to Joe.
“I don’t know, Rose. I just—it’s just—it’s not like he’s going to fall into my arms or anything.”
“No, but two weeks at sea in the same room…he won’t be able to hide from you. Eventually he’ll have to open up and talk. When he does, well, things will work themselves out. I know it.”
“I hope you’re right.” Lisa wished she could be as positive as Rose.
“I am. Now get up that ramp and go save your marriage.”
If only it could be so simple. Despite her doubts, Lisa hugged her friend one last time then turned to face what she prayed wouldn’t end up being a disaster.
As she grabbed the handle of her luggage and headed up the steep ramp, people were everywhere. She could almost feel their buzz of excitement. Was Joe among them, smiling? No. He didn’t smile anymore.
“Please, Lord, let this be the right thing.”
Hope and dread mixed together as each footstep brought her closer to boarding the cruise ship, closer to Joe, and closer to the future.
Was Rose right? Did God want the two of them back together?
Yes, of course He did. God approved of marriage. He wanted to bless marriages. Why should hers be any different?
****
“What’s the matter, buddy? You change your mind about the cruise?”
Joe tore his gaze from the window of the cab, only then realizing he’d been staring into nothingness.
His cab driver leaned over the back of the seat, watching him intently with inquisitive brown eyes.
Joe glanced away and stared out the window again, this time taking note of the large white cruise ship with dozens of brightly colored triangular flags strung from one end to the other.
In the distance, another ship blew its horn, gulls hollered, and people scurried every which way along the sidewalk—most struggling with luggage and heading toward the terminal. Many were family and friends sending their loved ones off with a merry farewell.
Family. Friends. The thought left him hollow, empty. Lisa…Cody…
“No, I haven’t,” he finally replied with a sick feeling in his gut, fully aware his tone belied his words.
“Humph.” The driver nodded. Joe hadn’t fooled him a bit, but Joe offered no explanation. There was no reason to burden this kind, friendly stranger with troubles of Joe’s own making.
Relieved the driver hadn’t asked if Joe was meeting someone, he paid the fare. Grabbing his luggage—a simple duffel bag—Joe headed slowly toward the terminal.
Check-in at the terminal proved uncomfortable and hectic. The clerk kept asking if Mrs. Kendall was already checked in and seemed confused when Joe twice responded he was traveling alone. Finally, she nodded out of sheer frustration then gave him directions and a swipe-card for his room.
“Oh, sir, your bag,” She called after him. “We’ll take it to your room for you while you enjoy the festivities on the Stargazer Deck.”
“No festivities for me,” Joe said. “I’m going straight to my room.”
“But, sir,” she called after him.
Joe didn’t want to be rude, but neither did he want to engage in any kind of conversation where the other party tried to talk him into something. So he kept walking straight through the gate and up the blue steel ramp, until he stood on the main deck of the Northern Lights. People and noise surrounded him, annoying him, and doing absolutely nothing to calm his growing apprehension.
Trying to ignore the chaos, Joe managed to make his way to the Denali Deck. At the door to his room, he hesitated. Apprehension, even more fierce than before, gripped him.
Why was he here? Suddenly he didn’t know, and it scared him. Did Mike really think this time away would fix all Joe’s problems? Did Lisa really think this cruise would help him deal with the loss of Cody? Without a doubt, he’d feel this pain every day for the rest of his life.
And Lisa…Joe swallowed hard. Not hearing her voice on his answering machine every day for two weeks would be hard. Even though he wasn’t supposed to look forward to it, even though he was supposed to close his heart to it, he couldn’t help it. He shut off the wave of longing that threatened to overwhelm him. He couldn’t allow himself to feel anymore. Especially now. He had to stay strong so he could follow through with his decision. Those daily messages from Lisa would stop once he returned and she learned of his plans.
As soon as he returned from this trip, he planned to follow through on Mike’s suggestion and do the one thing he swore he never would. Something he didn’t want, but something for Lisa’s own good. He planned to file for divorce.
Divorce.
The hateful word stopped him cold because the reality of it was far worse than the word itself. It made him physically ill. No matter that it was the way he earned a living. He never encouraged anyone to take that step. In fact, much to his boss’s chagrin, he often tried to talk clients
out of a divorce and into marriage counseling. He and Lisa vowed they’d never let it happen to them. They’d been so naïve back then, so certain their love was strong enough to withstand anything. But then everything changed.
If only they could go back to the days of pain-free innocence.
After what happened to Cody, Joe would never be the same again. Neither would Lisa. And their marriage…it simply couldn’t survive.
He should feel relieved to have come to the realization—no thanks to Mike’s input—but the reality of it cut his heart to shreds. It was the best thing he could do for Lisa. His wife. Soon to be ex-wife. The woman he would love forever.
Joe opened the door to the room. There must have been a mistake. The room was the size of a small bedroom and couldn’t be the family suite they’d booked. Someone somewhere messed up. Not that it really mattered now.
In a twist of irony, there were a set of bunk beds bolted to the wall. Cody would have enjoyed this far better than the family suite.
Another reminder of his son’s enthusiasm. Another grip of pain—no less than he deserved.
Joe dropped his bag inside the entryway and shut the door. The sound of silence greeted him, and he looked around the room.
What should he do now? Sitting and staring would do nothing to help ease the pain and loneliness. He slumped down on the bottom bunk and closed his eyes. For once, he wished he could be like his boss and drown his sorrows in alcohol. He was a hopeless coward, running away: first from his son’s death, then from his marriage, and now from the purpose of this trip.
Lulled by the gentle sway of the ship, Joe could imagine the water lapping at the side. What should be a feeling of comfort was one of torment. He didn’t want to make this cruise without either of the two people who meant the world to him.
Cody. His son. The precious child he’d let slip away.
Lisa. His wife. A woman he’d turned his back on when she’d needed him the most.
As he drifted into a restless sleep, he thought of Lisa and wished like crazy she could be here with him. “I’m so sorry, Lisa,” he whispered. He’d ruined everything. If only he could go back and change things. Make them like they were before.
Rolling over on to his side, Joe choked back a sob. Some things couldn’t be fixed.
****
With a sigh, Lisa shifted her weight from foot to foot in an attempt to keep warm. Since boarding, she’d stood out in the cold on the sandpaper-rough surface of the cruise ship watching for Joe. It had really only been twenty minutes since she’d said good-bye to Rose, but twenty minutes was a long time to stand outside on a typical May morning in the Pacific Northwest.
A bitter gust of salt air whipped against her, prickling her nose and stinging her eyes. Still, it wasn’t enough to make Lisa lift her chin out of her hands and pull away from the cold metal railing where her elbows were propped.
Chilled to the bone, she continued to watch as cars, cabs, and buses pulled up and enthusiastic passengers hopped out. Her husband was nowhere in sight. Perhaps she’d missed him. Or perhaps he’d boarded before she arrived and he’d already settled into his room.
Common sense told her to get out of the cold and find their room, but she couldn’t take the chance of him seeing her before the ship set sail. Again, a jab of guilt rattled her.
Just then, she caught sight of a couple with a little boy tucked between them. The trio walked hand-in-hand up the ramp.
That should be her and Joe…and Cody.
Wishful thoughts. They’d never have Cody again, but they could have each other. If Joe would just let down his guard and open up to her; if he’d lean on her the way she always leaned on him. If he would simply open his heart and arms to her once more, they could have a life again. It wouldn’t be the same life, but they would have each other. They would be together.
Life without Cody was barely tolerable. Not having Joe to share the pain with made it even more difficult. Did Joe ever reach out to the Lord for comfort and strength? She asked herself the same question every day over the last ten months, hoping and praying he did.
Be with him, Lord. Give him what he needs. She prayed he hadn’t lost his faith as Rose had done. Maybe Lisa could help him find his way back.
To the Lord or to you? The stray thought caught her off-guard. To both, of course.
And if you can’t help him? If he doesn’t come back, what then?
Lisa tried to ignore the disturbing thought. Of course she could help Joe, but she didn’t think for one minute it would happen right away. A loving wife was the last person he’d want to see. Her emotions were the last thing he’d want to deal with. And as much as she wanted his dark brown eyes to light up when he saw her, the way they used to, she knew it wouldn’t happen.
Maybe Rose was wrong. Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.
Yes, it was. It had to be. This cruise was about Joe, about getting him back and healing him. No way would she give up now. Their marriage simply had to be saved, so Joe could step back into the real world and live again. Failure wasn’t an option.
3
Though Lisa eventually gave up watching for Joe, she waited until the ship was well underway before she went to look for their room. His room, she reminded herself. At least now he couldn’t send her away. On the other hand, neither could she change her mind and turn back.
Once out of the cold, Lisa pulled a small compact mirror from her bag and inspected herself with dismay.
The misty Northwest air had taken its toll and her short blonde curls sprang in every direction. She fiddled with it to no avail and finally puffed out a sigh. She could do nothing more.
Yes, she wanted to look her best, but it really wouldn’t matter to Joe. She tucked the compact into the front pouch of her floral mini backpack and sighed again.
Even if she looked cover-model perfect, Joe would probably still take one look at her and run screaming into the night. Her heart fluttered, and she willed the sudden butterflies in her stomach to quiet down.
Now was not the time to lose her nerve. Too much hinged on this, and she hadn’t waited all that time in the cold for nothing. She had to reach down into the very core of her being to re-light the spark of determination that brought her here to 608 Denali Deck and the door standing between her and Joe.
Holding her breath, Lisa inserted the key with a shaky hand.
An alarm sounded as she pulled the card from the slot. Startled, she jumped back, waiting for someone to tell her she had the wrong room. People scrambled out of their rooms as someone from the ship’s crew began yelling.
“This is a drill, folks, just a drill. Please, report to your emergency muster sites. Hurry along, now.”
Don’t panic. Just breathe. Everything will be fine. Lisa took a breath and tried to think. If she reported to the muster site, Joe would see her. She wasn’t ready to see him yet.
When she’d come off the elevator, she’d noticed a ladies’ room. She watched while the man yelling instructions turned to answer questions from an elderly couple. While his back was turned, she raced down the corridor and ducked into the restroom. Hopefully no one would come searching for passengers, and she could wait there until the drill ended.
****
It seemed to Joe he’d just begun to drift into a restful asleep when the blast of alarms and sirens startled him. He bolted upright, hitting his head on the bunk above him.
A sharp rap on the door was followed by a young man’s voice. “Emergency muster drill. Please report to your muster site.”
Could nothing be easy? He wanted to be left alone. When the clerk at check-in mentioned the mandatory drill the cruise line had at the beginning of each cruise, he’d hoped it would be quiet and quick, and he could skip it without being noticed. Maybe even possibly sleep through it. No such luck apparently.
With a groan, Joe searched the floor for his shoes then pulled them on.
Just as he reached the door, a knock came again. He opened it to find a f
resh-faced steward in a crisp, white uniform.
“Sir, the muster is mandatory.” He spoke loud enough to compete with the alarms. “You and your wife need to report to the muster site right away.”
“I’m on my way, thanks.” Joe tried to be as polite as possible while shouting to be heard. It wasn’t this young man’s fault his life was falling apart. “But my wife isn’t here.”
A crease wrinkled the steward’s forehead as he consulted the clipboard in front of him.
“Joseph Kendall?”
“Yes.”
“This says Joseph and Lisa Kendall.”
Stepping away from the doorway, Joe gestured for the steward to come in. “I can assure you I’m alone.”
“Sorry, sir.” The young steward crossed the threshold. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, but we’re under strict orders to check all rooms to make sure everyone attends the drill.”
“I understand.” Joe shut the door, hoping to drown out some of the shrillness.
“And this,” the steward tapped the clipboard, “says Mrs. Kendall has checked in.”
“There was some confusion when I checked in, too. But I promise you, I’m alone.” Joe followed him as he opened the first closet then the bathroom door. “If you contact the terminal, they’ll tell you the same thing.”
“It’s OK, sir. I believe you.”
But Joe could tell by the man’s tone and body language, he didn’t.
“Please follow me to the muster site.” The steward stepped to the side to let Joe pass through the door first as if to make sure he didn’t try to escape.
When he opened the door, Joe winced as the alarms pierced his ears all over again. But he did as instructed, thinking of Lisa every step of the way. This continuous mention of her made it seem like God conspired to keep her at the forefront of his mind.
Joe just wanted to push her from his thoughts.
Throughout the demonstration by the ship’s crew on how to use the floatation devices, Joe remained distracted. If someone asked him to demonstrate what he’d just learned about the lifeboats, he would fail.
True North Page 3
