by Owen Sheers
Women
It’s not re-living it. It’s living it. You’re in it. You’re there, doing it.
All
Worse at night, always worse at night. Worse at night, always worse at night.
Men
Scared. Scared to close my eyes. Scared to put my head on the pillow.
Scared. Scared to close my eyes. Scared to put my head on the pillow.
All
It’s not re-living it. It’s living it. You’re in it. You’re there, doing it.
Worse at night, always worse at night. Worse at night, always worse at night.
Richard For two years I couldn’t sleep. Every fucking night. Just images, flicking through. Being blown up. Yanks on fire running into walls. Prodding through dead bodies in some fucking IED factory. Just all sorts of crazy shit, flicking, bouncing from one to the other. I’d be banging my head against the wall, just to take my mind off it, then … then I’m like, yeah, that fucking hurts.
John It’s not re-living it. It’s living it. You’re in it. You’re there, doing it.
All
Worse at night, always worse at night. Worse at night, always worse at night.
Roger I had to stay up. I forced myself not to go to sleep. As soon as you close your eyes you see them again. All sorts of situations. Rounds going past your head. Mortars landing metres away. Bodies of kids floating downstream. And you think to yourself, why am I fucking here? Why aren’t I dead? Who’s looking after us?
Angus Scared, scared to close my eyes. Scared to put my head on the pillow.
Women
It’s not re-living it, it’s living it. You’re in it, you’re there, doing it.
Leroy Mine has its own timetable. It’ll come and go. It’s like, really awkward. It’s space that brings it on. If I sleep in a double bed, then I dream I’m on patrol again. But in my sleep I can control where we go. I still get blown up, though. Every time. Sometimes I’m in my wheelchair, but no one says anything, like, ‘Why’s Leroy in a fucking wheelchair?’ But, yeah, if I sleep in a corner, up against a wall, holding my stumps, that makes it go away.
Charlie For my missus I’m the nightmare. Sweating, reaching for my weapon, taking cover across the carpet. She has to sleep in the corner of the bed. Or I just stay awake, listening to the night. Sometimes I hit myself in the face. To take my mind off it. Or you drink. Hopefully between finishing drinking and falling asleep you don’t have too much time to think. Hopefully.
Richard If you do you’re fucked –
Chris Fucked –
Roger Fucked –
All Fucked.
Lauren He was drinking so much he’d just collapse into bed and then, God! The snoring! All night.
Michelle He thrashes around. And the sweating. The sweating’s the worst. One night he was shouting, ‘Contact!’ ‘Contact!’ So I touched him, to wake him, and … and he punched me in the face.
Sarah For months he didn’t sleep. We’d just read until morning. Or talk. He doesn’t like the silence, it gives him time to think.
Lauren One night, I feel bad saying this, but one night I leant over and whispered into his ear, ‘Gas, gas, gas!’ Like I said, I felt bad, but I did get some sleep.
Sarah I have it too. It was five in the morning when they came to tell me. And now I wake every morning at five. That knock on the door, it’s in my head, in my body clock, forever.
Women
It’s not re-living it, it’s living it. You’re in it, you’re there, doing it.
All
Worse at night, always worse at night. Worse at night, always worse at night.
Men
Scared, scared to close my eyes. Scared to put my head on the pillow.
Scared, scared to close my eyes. Scared to put my head on the pillow.
Women
It’s not re-living it, it’s living it. You’re in it, you’re there, doing it.
All
Worse at night, always worse at night. Worse at night, always worse at night.
Richard It’s the pain that triggers it. It’s always there, bubbling away, but worse at night. Always worse at night.
Chris Sometimes I just cry, because of the pain, the things it makes me think about.
Leroy It won’t go away. It makes me want to smash something. I can’t do anything to stop it. Like nails under the skin.
Roger It’s all down the left side of my neck, in my brain, down my shoulder and into my back. I try to put it in on a shelf, over there. I use distractions too – reading poetry, stripping my weapons, a shitload of drugs. But then sometimes it just takes over and that’s when I have to ring the kids’ mum and say, ‘I can’t have them this weekend.’ And that’s terrible, because its my kids that keep me going.
Becky As the nerves in my leg began to die I developed neuropathic pain. For three months I lay on the floor holding my leg, screaming as 10,000 volts went through my body. Whenever it wanted, for as long as it wanted. I put my fist through a computer screen. I hit people. You can’t focus on anything but the pain. You take the meds and they make you live in a fog. So I asked them to cut my leg off, but now I have phantom pain. Those 10,000 volts still going through a leg I don’t have. Nails being driven into my heel. A lit match stuck under my toenail and left to burn for days.
All exit.
SCENE FOUR – BRIEFING 2
Daniel enters upstage in his major’s uniform. He begins to walk downstage.
Daniel Nostalgia.
Melancholia.
Wind contusions.
Soldier’s heart.
Abreaction.
Effort syndrome
NYDM (not yet diagnosed – mental)
NYDN (not yet diagnosed – nervous).
Exhaustion.
Battle exhaustion.
Combat exhaustion.
Shell shock.
Neurasthenia.
Traumatic neurosis.
Psycho neurosis.
Fear neurosis.
Battle neurosis.
Lack of moral fibre.
Old sergeant syndrome.
War syndrome.
Combat fatigue.
Acute stress disorder.
Acute stress reaction.
Combat stress reaction.
Post-combat disorder.
Post-war disorder.
Post-traumatic illness.
Post-traumatic disorder.
Post-traumatic stress disorder.
Daniel exits.
SCENE FIVE – COMMON ROOM
The common room of a PRU. A group of wounded and injured soldiers congregates around a singing teacher who leads them in ‘The Grand Old Duke of York’.
All
The grand old Duke of York,
He had ten thousand men.
He marched them up to the top of the hill,
And he marched them down again.
And when they were up they were up,
And when they were down they were down,
And when they were only halfway up,
They were neither up nor down.
Singing Teacher No, no, no. Stop, stop. Enunciate, enunciate. The Grand Old Duke of York!
Leroy (wheeling away) This is bollocks.
Singing Teacher Leroy. Leroy, where are you going?
Leroy For a fag.
Leroy exits.
Others begin to drift away.
Singing Teacher Right, OK. Yes, OK, let’s take a break. Fifteen minutes. Back here at two!
The Soldiers disperse. Chris is on his laptop. Frank inserts a DVD into his and starts working. The others sit in a group.
Ali Who does he think we are? The Army Wives’ Choir?
Marc Ah come on! It’s for BLESMA. You have that leg off and the cash we raise’ll be going straight to you.
Ali Well, we’d better come up with something better than ‘Grand Old Duke of York’ then, hadn’t we? Cos last time I checked a top-of-the-range C-leg cost more than fucking 50p.
Rog
er Sixty grand. That’s what I heard. Same as a Javelin missile.
Richard I took out a Tali with one of those once. Fucking pink mist mate, pink mist.
Ali That, my friend, is the power of economics. They pay a farmer ten dollars to take pot shots at you, and you fucking obliterate him with sixty grand’s worth of missile.
Roger All’s fair, like they say.
Charlie In war maybe. Not in fucking love.
Ali You’re not still bleating about your missus, are you?
Charlie Yeah, I am actually. You got a problem with that?
Darren I’m telling you, you’re better off without. Mine fucked off before I got back. I wasn’t even injured yet. They look nice enough, but they’re all fucking nuts.
Ali Yours didn’t even look that nice.
Roger That’s no way to talk about your mother, Ali.
Ali Fuck you.
Darren He’s a got a point. Not that I ever saw that much of her. Which was a bit ironic seeing as she worked for Ann Summers. Had sex toys coming out of my ears, but no sex. Three double penetrators but no one to fucking penetrate.
Becky enters wearing her prosthetic leg. She carries a clipboard.
Becky Anyone still want to sign up for kayaking down the Amazon?
Dave When is it again?
Becky September.
Dave Can’t. Rowing the Atlantic.
Frank Kilimanjaro.
Ali Is Harry on this one?
Becky No
Ali Right, I’m in.
Marc Cheryl Cole?
Becky Not yet, Marc, but I’m sure if you ask her nicely. Anyone else? Last chance to put your name down. Come on, guys, any volunteers?
Ali, Marc, Richard, Roger and Simi exit. Becky exits.
In the brief quiet we hear Chris on the phone. Darren begins to fall asleep.
Chris It’s blue. On the top. There’s a go-faster stripe down the side? No? Oh, OK, well thanks.
He hangs up, looks up another number from his screen and begins to dial.
Leroy enters. Charlie has taken the sock off his stump and is massaging his scar.
Leroy How come your stump’s so fucking Gucci?
Charlie Gucci? What’s so fucking Gucci about my stump?
Leroy The scar. Yours is well neat. Mine’s like a fucking arse.
He rolls up his trouser leg.
Look, it’s got bum cheeks and everything. I could fart out of this fucker.
Charlie You should get some ink on that.
He looks at it more closely.
I mean, I was going to make mine a shark’s mouth. But that. You’re halfway to a whole face there. Or even a knob.
Leroy Already got one of those thanks. Don’t need another one.
Darren stirs.
Darren Unless you’re into double penetration.
He falls back to sleep.
Leroy What did he say?
Charlie Do you still feel yours?
Leroy My knob?
Charlie No! Your legs.
Leroy Yeah. Not always, but sometimes. If I sit on the floor it feels like my legs are going through the floor. It’s fucking weird.
Charlie I get this itch in my ankle. The one that isn’t there any more? Drives me fucking mad. Feels like my whole leg is in a really thick ski boot.
Chris Um, Nike, I think. Yeah, Nike.
Leroy Charlie, you been offered much porn work?
Charlie What?
Leroy Porn. Since you lost your leg? You been offered any work?
Charlie Er, no?
Beat.
Why, have you?
Leroy Yeah. Loads.
Charlie Really?
Leroy Yeah. Must be a double amputee thing, I guess.
Charlie That’s sick.
Beat.
You ever do it?
Leroy Went along once. But, nah. Didn’t follow through. She was really fat. And she had this weird birthmark.
Charlie Er, right. And of course you’re fucking Tom Cruise.
Leroy You’d be surprised. Women love this. They do.
Chris Hello. Is that the White Horse? I was just wondering if you’d found a leg … It’s blue, on the top. It’s got a trainer on it. Nike … OK, thanks.
Chris hangs up.
Charlie Chris, what the fuck are you doing? You sound like Cinderella.
Chris Trying to find my leg, aren’t I?
Leroy Where’d you last see it?
Chris In the Black Lion, I think.
He points to Frank.
You was drinking out of it!
Frank Was I?
Charlie Actually, now I come to think of it, yeah, you were. Snakebite and black.
Frank Nice.
Chris Yeah, great. Only now I’ve got no fucking leg for the weekend, have I?
Leroy What you doing on there, Frank?
Frank Editing Jonesy’s tapes innit.
Charlie Jonesy? 42 Commando?
Frank Yeah.
Charlie Killed same day as … oh Christ, what was his name?
Frank Steve.
Charlie Yeah, yeah. Steve Owens.
Leroy Why you editing them?
Frank His mum found them in his stuff when it was sent back. She wants me to put them on to DVD, so she can watch them. So now I’ve got to fucking edit them all, haven’t I?
Charlie Why?
Frank Cos half of them is him saying he loves his mum, what it’s like in Afghan an’ that. But then the other half’s this fucking stuff.
Frank presses play. The sounds of two people having sex. Frank shows the laptop to Charlie and Chris.
Charlie Jesus fucking Christ!
Leroy She’s wearing his beret!
Chris joins them. As one they all turn their heads to the side, until they are horizontal to the screen.
All Fuck!
A Delivery Man enters, holding a pair of mannequin’s legs.
Delivery Man Er, anyone know where I’m putting these?
Frank, Charlie, Chris and Leroy all look up at him. For a moment they stare at him, the sound of Jonesy having sex still coming from the computer.
Leroy Are you taking the piss?
Delivery Man Sorry?
A second Delivery Man enters, carrying the body of the mannequin. It wears a ‘Team GB’ lycra top.
Charlie What the fuck?
The Delivery Man looks down at his docket as Becky enters.
Delivery Man This is, er …?
Becky Yes, it is. Thanks, I’ll sign for those. (To the Soldiers.) Perhaps we can let Jonesy rest in peace now?
Frank turns off the volume.
Becky (to the Delivery Men) Just through there please, next to the display for the Paralympics. Thanks.
The Delivery Men go to exit. As they pass Charlie takes one of the legs.
Charlie You won’t be needing this. It’s for the Para Olympics?
The Delivery Man shrugs and exits with just the one leg. Charlie hands the leg to Chris.
Here you go, Cinders. Until you track down your glass slipper.
Chris Fucking great, thanks.
A Nurse enters.
Nurse Corporal Fowler?
Charlie Yes ma’m! You come to take me away from this tea party? Please say you have.
She hands him a package.
Nurse This came for you. (To all.) Meds in five minutes!
Ali enters with the rest of the group who left. Charlie begins to unwrap his package.
Ali Thank fuck for that.
Darren stirs again.
What’s with Sobey?
Roger It’s the meds, isn’t it? The Tramadol. Or the MSTs. Knocks you clean out. It’s why I’ve started drilling my kids.
Ali You drill your kids? What the fuck for?
Roger In case they have to get out the house when they come see me. Escape ladders, fire blankets.
He points at Darren.
I mean, I’m not going to be much good to them if I’m like that, am I? Their mum only lets them stay
if she’s seen them do the drill.
Darren stirs.
Darren I just take paracetamol round the kids. Can’t let them see me like this. They think I’m drunk.
He falls asleep again.
Ali He’s like the dormouse, the fucking dormouse from Alice in Wonderland! Calling Sobey! Are you receiving us?
Charlie pulls out a rectangular piece of metal from his package.
Charlie Sweet! Take a look at that, motherfuckers.
He turns the object around to reveal a personalised numberplate. N0 LEG 14.
The group nod in approval.
Roger Herrick 14?
Charlie Yeah.
Richard What you got coming?
Charlie BMW 3 series. Black. If I’d lost a nut or the other leg I’d have gone for a Merc, but you know, needs must.
Ali I swear, it’s getting like a footballer’s driveway round here. What is it with you lot and the cars?
Leroy Motobility, isn’t it? You go for having that off and you’ll qualify too.
Ali Don’t joke, mate. I’ve been thinking about it. I mean, it’s still killing me and I’m still in this wheelchair when other blokes who’ve lost their leg are up and about already, aren’t they? Climbing fucking Everest. I mean, what?
Leroy Just watch out for the small talk, that’s all I’d say.
Ali What?
Leroy I’m not kidding. It’s the worst thing about it. You wheel into a room and you can fucking bet some old regimental duffer will clock you and think, ‘Oh, young bloke, no legs, I’ll go and talk to him.’ It’s like, I just want a drink, or some food but I can’t because I’m too busy passing the fucking time of day with Colonel Blimp about having no fucking legs.
Three Nurses enter carrying trays of medication.
Roger Eh up! Make room for the cavalry.
The Nurses begin going about the room, handing out the medication.
Ali and Roger (singing)
And when they were up they were up
And when they were down they were down
And when they were only halfway up –
Darren is woken by the singing.
Darren
They were neither up nor down.
Ali Wa-hey, the Kraken awakes! Welcome back, Sobey, my son! Just in time for round two.
The Nurses reach the group. As they hand them their medication they begin singing ‘The Meds Round’.
All (sung)
