“Daniel?” My throat tightened. “You named him after me?”
“Yeah.” She swallowed as her head bobbed. “He’s yours, Micha. I haven’t been with anyone but you.”
“Can I meet him?” The words were out before I thought them through. My emotions were crashing over me.
“I want you to. I really want you to, but you have to understand. He’s not like normal kids.” She twisted her hands together in her lap. “He’s sick. He’s been sick for a long time.”
“Sick? Like how?” My brow furrowed.
“Danny was diagnosed with leukemia when he was two. He’s been fighting it, and winning up until now. His doctors want him to have a bone marrow transplant, but I’m not a match.” The tears trickled softly down her cheeks as she stared at a picture on my desk. “I can’t believe you still have that.”
“I could never bear to get rid of it.” I glanced over at the photo. It was the two of us at the winter formal. I thought my life was perfect after that night. “Funny how things change,” I muttered as I rocked back in my chair.
“Yeah.” She nodded. “I’m not trying to pry into your life Micha, but I do need your help. Danny needs your help.” She pulled a card out of her back pocket. “Here.” She handed it to me.
“What’s this?” I glanced at the card before looking back at her.
“You’re his best chance of being a match. You’re a blood relative. Please get tested. I’m begging you. If you ever loved me, please get tested.” She slowly stood and walked to the door. “I haven’t changed my number. If you wanna talk, or meet Danny, just give me a call.” She paused for a moment, glancing over her shoulder before she left me sitting there completely stunned.
ooooooooo
I don’t know how long I sat in my office. It was dark when I came back outside. Everything was closed up for the day, and it was in the evening that I found peace. Max and Hailey had taken care of everything, the only light came from the kitchen where my mother’s silhouette moved about preparing supper. As much as I loved my parents, I really needed to get my own place. It was just that being here was so convenient. I could walk outside, and be at work.
“Smells great.” I forced a smile on my face as I came through the back door. I could hear the TV from where my father was watching in the other room.
“You’re just in time.” Mama smiled as she stirred a pot on the stove.
“I’m not really that hungry,” I mumbled as I opened the fridge.
“You feeling ok, sweetie? You never turn down my homemade chicken and dumplings.”
“I’m fine,” I murmured absently as I searched for what I was looking for. Coming up empty, I turned to grab a glass to pour some lemonade.
“You sure about that?” She touched my forehead. I don’t know what it is about moms, but they think that your head is gonna be hot every time you say you don’t feel well.
“I think I’m going to go over to Max’s for a bit. Don’t wait up.” I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. She was right. I never turned her cooking down, but tonight my stomach just wasn’t into it. All I kept doing was playing over the words from Savannah. I had a son, and he was sick.
ooooooooo
“I wondered how long it would take you to come back here.” My brother was leaning against a porch post, sipping a beer. “Looks like you could use one of these.” He reached down and handed me one that had been sitting by his feet.
“Thanks,” I saluted him before taking a sip, “for everything today.”
“No problem. Now talk.” He pointed to the steps, and we both sank down.
“This sure is a pretty spot,” I mused as I looked out at our old swimming pond. Max had built a house out here last Christmas for Hailey. The front porch overlooked the pond, and at night the moon reflected off the water. Pretty didn’t really do it justice.
“It is, but talking about my view isn’t why you’re here. That woman has had you twisted up for over a week. Talk to me. I’m your brother.” He clapped his hand down on my shoulder.
“Apparently, you’re an uncle.” I sighed as I took a long pull from the beer.
“What?” Max’s head whipped back.
“Yeah. I felt that way too. I have a son; at least she says I do.” I stared out at nothing in particular, just listening to myself say the words out loud.
“Congrats!” Max smiled.
“I don’t really know how to feel about it. I mean, I always wanted to be a dad, but I don’t think I’m ready.”
“Parenthood is something you’re never ready for. If every parent out there waited to be ‘ready’ for kids, the population would soon cease to exist. You learn as you go. Trust me.” He chuckled as he glanced back at his house.
“You’re a great dad,” I mumbled as I polished off the beer.
“And you will be too,” Max reassured just as the front door burst open and Nora came barreling out.
“She won’t go to bed without telling Daddy goodnight.” Hailey sighed from the doorway. “Hurry up. You’ve done enough stalling.” She eyed Nora where she was practically strangling Max.
“Night, Daddy,” she whispered as she pressed a kiss to his cheek.
“Night, sweetie.” Max grinned and mouthed the words ‘you can do this’ over Nora’s shoulder toward me.
“I gotta go.” I stood from the porch.
“See you tomorrow,” Max called as I rushed down the path. Savannah said her number hadn’t changed. I needed to call her. I needed to meet my son. I needed figure all of this out, and fast.
Chapter 14
Micha
I spent most of the night staring at the ceiling above my bed. I tried thinking of something else, but Daniel was the only thing on my mind. What did he look like? Was Savannah telling me the truth? Was he really mine? We’d always been careful, at least I remembered it that way. How different would my life be if I’d just talked to her when she called all those years ago?
I think I finally passed out from exhaustion around two in the morning. I was awoken by the buzzing of my cell on my dresser. “’Lo,” I slurred, my voice heavy with sleep.
“Hey. I thought you were coming over last night.” Brittany’s overly happy voice came through the line, and for the first time in a long time it grated on my nerves.
“Had something come up.” I yawned. I glanced at the clock. It was only seven a.m. Why was she so chipper this early?
“I was thinking you could come over here tonight.” She giggled and I rolled my eyes. She wanted to fuck me; that’s all this was. I’d been reduced to a booty call for her too.
“Maybe. I’ve got a lot going on today.” I yawned again.
“Come by, Micha. I miss you,” she whined. “I’ll be waiting here naked.” The line went dead, and I groaned as I rolled to my side and tossed the phone on the floor.
Was it too early to call Savannah? Would the phone wake the baby? What was I saying… she got up early every day for work, and he wasn’t a baby. I sprang to a sitting a position, scrubbed my hands down my face, and then went in search of clean shorts. I was taking today off. The stand was closed, so Savannah wouldn’t be coming in.
It didn’t take long before I was bounding down the stairs two at a time. “I’ve got some things to do today. Don’t plan on me for lunch.” I waved to my parents as I rushed out the door, and headed for the barn. Max was in the office looking over some paperwork when I flung the door open. “You’re in charge today.” I knew I looked frantic.
“You’re going to go see her, aren’t you?” He grinned as he shuffled the papers he was holding into a neat pile.
“I’ve got things to do.” I nodded.
“Un, huh.” Max chuckled. “Go meet your son.” He shooed me out the door, and as soon as his words registered, I came to a skidding stop. My son. I was gonna meet my son. Was I really ready for that?
oooooooo
Savannah
Today started like pretty much every day did. I woke up at six thirty, gave Dan
ny his meds, and then forced myself to fix breakfast. I was tired. I was always tired. I don’t remember a time that my body didn’t beg me to go back to bed. I’d been following this routine since he was born. Early morning feedings turned into trips to the doctor, and worrying about simple things like a cough turned into wondering if he’d beat this disease. My son has been fighting since the day he was born, and it’s been slowly killing me to watch, but I can’t imagine life without him.
“Want some bacon today?” I smiled as I glanced around the corner. Danny was sitting on the couch with his stuffed dog watching cartoons. The cable finally got hooked up two days ago, and he’s been making great use of it.
“Sure.” He shrugged absently as he stayed glue to the screen.
“Whatcha watchin’?” I called from where I was removing items from the fridge and tossing them on the counter.
“Paw Patrol.” He giggled. “It’s my favwit. Grandpa wikes it too.”
“He does, huh?” I laughed. My dad had told me the night before that he was going to have to tell Danny that he didn’t get that channel anymore if he was forced to watch another episode. Apparently, they’d been watching quite a bit of Paw Patrol over the last couple of days.
“Can we go visit today?”
“Not today, buddy. Mommy’s got a lot to do around here.” I sighed. I still had unpacking to do, and I had this feeling that I might be hearing from Micha today. We hadn’t talked since our conversation in the office, and that wasn’t normal for us.
“Awe, Mom!” He groaned as he flopped back dramatically on the couch. Just then, there was a knock at the door. “Mommy! There’s somebody at the door. I gets it.” I rounded the corner just as he was sliding off the couch.
“We don’t know who it is. I’ll get it.” I smiled at him as he climbed back in his spot. He’s been getting stronger since the last round of chemo ended, but he still gets tired easily. Simple things like climbing on the couch tire him out.
“Who is it?” I called through the door.
“It’s me.” Micha’s voice came back muffled. I slowly turned the lock, and as it released, I opened the door a crack. “Hey.” He shuffled his feet as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his shorts.
“Hey. It’s early.” I pressed my lips together to keep from crying. I’d been dreaming about this for years. “You wanna come in?”
“Truthfully? I don’t know what I want. I don’t know how to do this, Savannah.” He glanced behind himself before looking back at me. “Does he know who I am?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I never told him anything about you. The truth is, I never knew if he’d get to meet you. I didn’t want to fill him with hope that would never come.”
“So what do I say?” His brows dipped as what looked like a mix of anger and fear washed over him.
“I don’t know. We’ll figure it out as we go.” I shrugged. “Do you like Paw Patrol?” I smiled.
“Nora loves that show,” he grumbled.
“Great.” I laughed. “Hope you love it too.” I stepped back and opened the door wider. “You’re just in time for breakfast.” Micha stepped inside, uncertainty radiating off him in waves. “This is Danny.” I stepped in front of the TV to get my son’s attention.
“Mommy! Can’t see!” He rocked to the side to try and look around me.
“Danny, this is Mommy’s friend. His name is Micha. Do you think you can keep him company for a few minutes while I finish breakfast?”
Danny nodded quickly, and I stepped out of the way. “Have fun.” I patted Micha’s shoulder before heading back into the kitchen.
The apartment was small, so I could keep an ear out in case Micha got in over his head. He had a five-year-old niece though. How much trouble could this be?
ooooooooo
Micha
I stood there staring at this kid, my son. He was small for his age, and barely had any hair. It looked as if it was just starting to grow back. “Hey.” He waved. “Wanna sit?” He patted the spot beside him.
“Yeah. Ok.” I moved around the table in front of the couch to sit beside him. He craned his neck and frowned when I blocked his view for a few moments. “What’s on?” I lowered myself onto the cushions.
“Paw Patrol. It’s my favwit.” He grinned, and his eyes lit up. “I’m gonna be a police officer when I get big.”
“Who’s this?” I pointed to the well-worn stuffed dog he was holding.
“This is Buddy. He protects me from bad things.” He continued to stare at the TV as we talked.
“Bad things?” I mused. I figured he’d say something like monsters in the closet and such. Most kids had a fear like that. I know Nora believed that something lived under her bed. Max had to check every night for months before she believed it was gone.
“Yeah.” He nodded. “The needles don’t hurt when he’s there.” His lip started to quiver so I backed off. I knew enough to not push. I didn’t want to make him cry. The last thing I needed was for him to remember that the day he met me, I made him cry.
“Buddy’s been with us since Danny was diagnosed. He’s been a great comfort.” Savannah’s voice sounded from around the corner. “Breakfast is ready.” She stepped out with a huge plate of what smelled like bacon. “I hope you’re hungry.”
Normally I would be starving, but today I wasn’t. I think my brain was trying too hard to process everything that it forgot that I needed to eat.
“Danny loves bacon.” Savannah set the plate down on the table before grabbing the milk from the fridge. “Coffee or milk?” She poured a glass and set it in front of a booster seat.
“Coffee’s fine.” I swallowed. This was so domestic. As we sat there, my head spun. My chest tightened, and I felt so out of control. It was so much, and it was all at once. I didn’t just have a son. I had a son who was sick. How was I supposed to deal with all of this?
“I know it’s a lot,” Savannah murmured as she stood at the sink washing dishes. Danny was back on the couch, and I was kinda standing in the background, lost. “I don’t expect you to stick around. I just want you to get tested. That’s all.”
“That’s all?” I scoffed. “You think that’s all I want?”
“I saw your face at breakfast. I know you’re spinning out on the inside. I get it. I’ve been there. I know what it feels like to have your world completely flipped upside down and to feel like you have no say in the matter. I remember what it was like when the doctors told me he was sick. I remember how helpless I felt. I just need you to get tested. Please.” She turned to face me, holding a dish rag as she dried her hands.
“I’m not the man you think I am,” I balked. “I can’t believe you think so little of me now. Don’t you remember what we were like?”
“You’ve changed.” She tossed the rag on the counter. “We both have.”
“I’m beginning to see that.” I crossed my arms over my chest as I leaned against the doorway. “I can’t believe you think so little of me now. What happened? Why would you think that I would ever turn my back on family?”
“I tried…” She raised her voice, but then slapped her hand over her mouth when she caught a glimpse of Danny in the background. “I tried for months to tell you about him, and you wouldn’t take my calls. What was I supposed to think?”
“I was hurt, Savannah. I loved you. I was ready to marry you, then you left. Why would I want to rip open those wounds every time they started to heal?”
“I’m sorry.” She started to cry. “I wasn’t ready for a commitment like that, and going back to Utah for college was a dream of mine. I wasn’t trying to break your heart. It just happened.” She started wiping the tears from her cheeks. “Give me a minute. I don’t want him to see me like this. He’s seen me cry enough over the last two years.”
“I’ll help you. I’ll get tested. I’ll do whatever you need me to do. I wanna be there for him. I wanna be a dad.” I gripped her upper arms, begging her to look at me.
She nodded as she co
ntinued to wipe her eyes. “Get tested. See if you’re a match. We’ll go from there.”
“I will. As soon as I can.” I stared at her, begging her to believe me. “I don’t have any plans today. Is it ok if I hang out here for a while? I’d really like to get to know him better.”
“We’d like that.” She smiled before stepping back into the living area. “Hey, buddy. Micha’s gonna hang out with us today. Wanna show him your room?”
“Really?” Danny grinned as he bounced on the couch. “Come see my new bed, Micha. It’s a fort.” He slipped off the couch, and half walked, half skipped down the short hallway. I followed in his wake, slowly falling more in love with him every step I took.
Chapter 15
Savannah
Uncertainty. It was the best way to describe my feelings at the moment. We were in between treatments for Danny, and I hadn’t heard anything from Micha in two days. I’d hoped that he’d meant what he said about getting tested, but I knew he wasn’t the same man I’d fallen in love with all those years ago. He’d changed, we both had, but I hoped that deep down inside him somewhere he still cared.
Work has been busy, but the heat seems to be letting up some. I’m hoping to be able to take Danny to the local beach one afternoon. I say beach, but it’s really a sandy area alongside one of the lakes. The pond isn’t really private anymore now that Max built a house on it. I think it was deeded to him too. I’m sure Hailey wouldn’t care if we went back there, but I don’t want to impose.
“Hey. We’re slowing down for the day if you wanna take off.” Hailey brought me out of my musings as she rounded the corner.
“You sure?” I glanced around. She was right. There had only been a handful of customers over the last few hours.
“Ok. Thanks.” I smiled. I grabbed my things, and headed to my truck. It was early enough that Danny and I could do something before dark. I wasn’t sure about the swimming, but maybe we could head down to the playground at the complex.
One Last Time (The Stanton Brothers) Page 10
