Kirin winces. “Your mother.”
“What about my mother?” I climb out of bed and pull on my boots.
“She’s here.”
My jaw drops. “M-my mother? She’s here. Like here in Goblin?” I jump up and walk through the door. “You’re sure it’s my mother?” My heart pounds a heavy rhythm similar to war drums. Half of it from being startled awake, the other half in trepidation of what my mother’s presence means.
“We’re sure. She’s refusing to speak to anyone until she sees you’re unharmed.” Kirin raises his arms in a kind of shrug and a what-the-hell-can-you-do gesture.
“What’s the vibe we’re getting from her? Is she stable? Has she lost her marbles?”
“Eryn said she’s equal parts calm and worried.”
“Okay, well, that’s better than her usual flat line of indifference. Where is she?”
“Main hall, of course.” Kirin turns and walks backward so he can face me while we talk. “You okay, Ev?”
“What do you mean? I’m fine.” My stomach feels like it’s full of rocks tumbling against each other, but other than that and the complete and utter shock that my mother is in the Goblin Kingdom, I’m fine. So long as I keep repeating those two words, I shouldn’t break apart. It’s been working for weeks.
Kirin stops walking and halts me with a hand on my arm. “Ev. It’s me. Don’t bullshit me with, ‘I’m fine.’”
I put my hands on my hips. “I’m not sure what I am, Kirin. I’m angry as hell that she left me with so many unanswered questions, I’m nervous to see her, because the gods only know what she’s got up her sleeve, and I’m happy that she’s alive. She’s still my mother even though she’s not going to win the mother of the year award anytime soon.”
“What can I do to help? Name it and it’s done, Ev.”
“I need you to send Eryn back to Arela and make sure she’s protected. Dagan or Dax should be with them as well. I need you to let Axel and Doyle know that my mother is back. They don’t have to come back. I’d rather they stay on Head Guard Frederick because he’s next on my list, but just let them know to watch their six. Last but not least, I need information. Who’s in there with her?”
“Tore, Teag, Dare, his brothers, a few guards, and Eryn.”
“Where are the Druids?”
“The library, I think. You want them with you?”
“Send Brodie to Arela. Ask Amren if he can come observe. I’d like to have some sort of lie detector in there with me but I don’t want Arela anywhere near her. I have no idea why she’s suddenly shown up now. Seems like pretty opportune timing.” Regret colors my tone as I speak the words. I shouldn’t have to suspect the worse from my own mother but experience has been a harsh teacher.
“On it.” He grabs me up in a tight hug before letting me go. “I’ll take care of all that stuff starting with Eryn when we get in there. You ready?”
“Ready.” I pause with my hand on the cool copper of the door handle. It’s shaking, but I tighten my grip on it and it’s unnoticeable. “And, Kirin?”
“Yeah, Ev?”
“Thanks.”
I close my eyes and push the door open. My stomach somersaults like it does when you go over a hill in the road too fast as I see my mother for the first time in months. She’s as regal-looking as I remember. Her sea-green hair is in a perfect braid down her back and her posture is as stiff as ever. The door clangs shut and she turns those moss-green and royal-purple eyes my way. Happiness expands in my chest and I take a step toward her. I want to hug her. I wasn’t sure if she was dead or not while she was missing and remorse hung heavy in my heart at the thought that our last words to each other had been angry. I stop short as she turns her nose up and spins back to King Teag and Tore. Pain lances through my heart at her quick dismissal but I bite the inside of my cheek to stop the tears of disappointment from spilling.
“Now that Ever has graced us with her presence, I will accept your offer of something to drink.” She walks toward a small table in the corner of the room. Before she sits, she brushes off imaginary dirt from the bench.
I look to Kirin and he springs into action, whispering in Eryn’s ear. She nods and turns to Dagan and Dax. Dagan scowls and shakes his head. Eryn’s eyes flash with anger before she grabs Dagan’s sleeve and drags him forcibly behind her. Kirin follows after them, hopefully finishing the rest of the list I gave him.
Dare meets me in the middle of the hall as I walk toward where my mother is perched.
“Are you okay, mo grá?”
I reach for his hand and find it already waiting for mine. I weave our fingers together and try to take as much strength from him as I can. “I think so. Ask me after we’ve talked to her.”
“You know I will.” He leans forward and brushes a kiss against my forehead. The press of his lips on my skin warms me to my core and the writhing mass of worries and nerves that has taken up permanent residence inside of me stills.
As one we turn, hand in hand, and walk toward my mother. I watch her closely for any reaction to our display of affection, and other than the slightest widening of her eyes, she gives nothing away.
We walk around the table and sit across from her, our backs to the wall. Everyone else shuffles around us but I stare at my mother intently. Why is she here? Why now? How did she know I was in Goblin?
“Are you going to stare at me with your mouth hanging open, Ever, or are you going to introduce me to our hosts?”
I can’t help the chuckle that escapes me. “Oh, I don’t think you need an introduction, Mother. Nonetheless, King Teag, I’m sure you remember my mother, Callista McElva, sister to King Caddox of the Light Elven Kingdom.” My mother bends her neck slightly in acknowledgement and I continue. “I’m sure you don’t need an introduction to Tore, so I’ll skip that one.” Callista’s face flushes a light shade of pink and I chastise myself for getting so much enjoyment out of making her squirm. “The rest, I’ll let them go down the line.”
“Don’t bother. I’m not here to talk with the help.” She keeps her focus on King Teag. “I’ve come to request Sanctuary.”
A hush falls over the room at her words and all side conversations stop.
“Sanctuary?” Teag looks to Tore and quirks a brow before turning back to my mother. “And why would I grant you Sanctuary?”
“You’ve obviously given it to my daughter. Why wouldn’t you give it to me?” Callista keeps her gaze steady on Teag’s.
Teag laughs. “I’m not sure you understand what Sanctuary actually means. Your daughter was in danger from everyone around her. Including you. She has proven to be valuable to my kingdom. I’m not so sure you could prove to be as valuable.”
Teag’s words are harsh, but I can’t fault him for it. Granting someone Sanctuary means that you will fight for them and do everything within your power to keep them safe. Asking a king for Sanctuary is something else entirely. If he grants it to her, he gives his vow that he’ll be willing to go to war on her behalf if her circumstances warrant it. It’s a dangerous thought to give my mother the backing of the Goblin Kingdom. I love her, probably more than I should, but even I know that she’s conniving. As much as I wish I could trust her word at face value, her actions my entire life won’t allow me to be that naive.
“If I may, King Teag?” I raise my hand like I’m back in a MECA classroom and wait for him to allow me to speak. Normally I’d just speak and damn the consequences, but I don’t want my mother to know that I’m not really under Teag’s rule. Not until I have some answers from her.
Teag waves a hand. “By all means.”
I turn my attention to my mother and harden my heart against the questions I have to ask. “Where have you been the past few months?”
She flips the braid of sea-green hair over her shoulder. “Does it really matter?”
“Yes, it does. You disappeared quickly after trying to push me on Cashel. Are you aware of the outcome of those events, Mother?”
“Again, does it
matter?” She purses her lips.
My patience is wearing thin, but I sit on my hands so I don’t reach out and slap her. I’m so mad at her I could spit. She started all of this because she couldn’t stand up to one of the royal brats from the Light Elven Kingdom. “Yes. It matters. A great deal. Let me tell you a little story, Mother.”
Dare’s hand on my thigh clenches. I move my hand to rest on top of his and start tracing circles, hoping to keep him as calm as I can while I recount everything that’s happened. It’s not a happy story for either of us.
“Cashel had a maid abduct me and bring me into the Light Elven Kingdom. At her hands, I was drugged, abused, and forced to escape a very dangerous situation in unfamiliar territory. After that, Cashel threatened my crew. He didn’t succeed at hurting any of us at first. Then, a month ago, he abducted Arela. She’s now a part of my family and under my care and protection. He tortured her physically and mentally. She’s only fourteen.” I spit out the words like a curse and grind my teeth to keep from screaming at her.
Callista opens her mouth to interrupt me but I hold up my other hand.
“I’m not finished. Cashel also conspired to have me kicked out of MECA. My crew came with me, also losing their protection. I’ve met the man who I’m told is my father, but no one but you can confirm it.” I stand and lean over the table, my breathing fast, my anger boiling over. “Do you have any idea the emotional distress you’ve caused? The consequences of your cowardly actions have hurt not only me this time. So tell me, Mother. Tell me why King Teag should give you Sanctuary after you’ve hurt so many. After you have proved over and over again that you only care for yourself. Because he’s not just responsible for one person, but an entire kingdom full of them.”
Callista blinks at me but doesn’t open her mouth to respond. Disappointment grips my lungs until I’m struggling to pull in each breath.
“Nothing? You’ve got nothing to say, Mother?” I turn to Teag and shake my head. “She’s all yours. Do what you will.” I step over the bench I’ve been sitting on and walk away without another word.
*
I barely make it back to my room before the tears spill over and streak down my cheeks in hot lines. I bite my knuckle to keep the sound of my disappointment and frustration from emerging before I shut the door.
The click of the latch sounds and I press against the wall. Rough stones scrape my back as I slide down until I’m sitting on the floor. I wrap my arms around my legs and I let everything I’ve been pushing back crash into me at once.
The terror that something will happen again to anyone I love escapes in a hiccup of anguish. The acceptance that there’s only so much I can control shakes through my bones, and sorrow for the wrong decisions I’ll be forced to make escapes my lungs on an exhalation of breath. I push my fingers through my hair and pull. The pain tickles my scalp but it’s not enough to distract me from the crushing weight of every other emotion piling on top of my chest until I feel like my ribs will crack from the pressure. At every turn, all I see is heartbreak and turmoil. Another wave of tears flows and I struggle to breathe through my sobs.
The door clicks open and I don’t look up. I can’t. Shame that I can’t hold all of this back fills me and I press my forehead into my forearm.
“Mo grá.” Dare’s rough voice hits me like a shot straight to my hurting heart.
I wanted to keep all of this from him. I wanted to show him that I could withstand this furious storm of trials put in my path. But I obviously can’t stand on my own. I’ve failed everyone.
“Ever. Look at me.”
I shake my head, my tears making my arms wet as I continue to cry into them.
I hear him move in a rustle of clothing and then he’s beside me, pulling me into his arms, still curled up in a ball, until he’s surrounded my shaking body and wrapped me in his protection. He stands and I’m rocked in his arms as he walks to the bed. He lays us down and I curl into a ball on my side, my face pressed into his neck, and I break down in a flurry of tears and broken words.
“I-I-I’ve f-failed everyone.” I pull in a shuddering breath between each sound of misery. “I c-can’t do this. I’m n-not meant to.”
Dare’s large hand runs sweeping passes down my back, each caress calming my breathing just a little more. “I don’t believe that, Ever. I think you can do anything. You’ve just forgotten that you don’t have to stand alone in this.”
I look up at his stubbled jaw through watery eyes. “I don’t think I can protect everyone, Dare. I don’t think I can live with myself if I’m the cause of anyone else’s pain.”
“Ever, you have to stop this. You are not the cause of anyone else’s pain.” He presses a finger over my lips when I open them to interrupt him. “You didn’t make Cashel take Arela. You didn’t force Aradel to kidnap you. You did not tell that seer to foretell a prophecy. None of this is your fault. And none of this is your sole responsibility.” He sighs and runs a hand over my hair. “You are so strong, Ever. Stronger than even you realize, but in order to stay strong, you must learn to let others help you.”
I wipe at my tears, my breath still coming in puffs as I try to calm down. “H-How? How can I let others fight my battles for me, Dare?”
“You aren’t letting them fight your battles for you. You’re asking them to help you keep everyone safe. Your entire crew wants what you want. For everyone to be safe and happy. But one person can’t be responsible for that. It’s not possible.” He tilts my head back with a knuckle under my chin and I look into his autumn-colored eyes, dark with an emotion I can’t place. “You have to let them in. Let them help. Let me in. No more of this hiding behind closed doors and licking your wounds.”
“I don’t know how.” I brush a hand to his cheek, pushing his chestnut hair out of his face.
“Then I’ll have to teach you. Whether you want to learn or not. I won’t take no for an answer.”
A small chuckle crackles through my sorrow and I shake my head at him in amazement. This man. His patience, his persistence, and his protection are all things I didn’t know I’d ever need. And yet, here I am, my tears staining his shirt, grateful that he didn’t let me push him away.
“I’m not asking for you to ask for help, Ever. I’m demanding you do so. Everyone around you besides Arela is fully capable of taking care of themselves.” He frames my face between his hands. “In fact, most of them would lay down their lives for you without a second thought. It’s not what you want to hear, but your loyalty to them is returned, tenfold.”
“That is definitely not what I want to hear.” It’s not what I want to hear, but it’s what I needed to hear. “I’m not ready for any of what’s going to happen, Dare. I can feel it in my gut. Whatever’s coming is going to be ugly, heart-wrenching, and leave me with a gaping hole in my chest where my heart used to beat.”
“You can’t be ready for everything, Ever.” His large hands rub up and down my arms, and the chill that had crept in is battled by his determination to keep me safe and wrapped in love.
“I know I can’t, but I don’t have it in me to not try and prepare for the worst.” The tears start again, this time slowly, like a bubbling brook rather than a raging waterfall. “Is it okay if I just lie here for a while and you hold me?” My voice cracks and Dare pulls me in tighter to him.
“Whatever you need, mo grá. Give me your pain and I’ll shelter you from this hailstorm as much as you’ll let me.”
I don’t respond. That crushing helplessness hits my ribs again and I feel like my lungs won’t expand. So I let it out. I make peace with every scrap of desperation that explodes, every piece of my heart that falls away, every shred of my soul that fractures, and every fiber of my being that will be forever altered. I make my peace and I clutch Dare a little bit tighter while I sort through the debris and the wreckage. Bit by bit, I sew it all together into an armor that I’ll wear proudly. And as I drift off to sleep, my eyes dry and my body heavy, I vow that I’ll use it all rather than b
oxing it up and storing it away.
CHAPTER
SIX
Three days later my spirits are higher, but the mood inside the castle is somber. Today is the day that the former queen, Odaine, will pay for her crimes.
I skip down the steps leading to her cell and the dungeon below, my boots scuffing against the stone.
“Listen to me!”
I stop mid-step and try to identify who is speaking. It doesn’t sound like Puck, who asked me to come down here.
“Did you ever love me, Odaine, or was it all a game?”
Shit. I look back up the stairs to see if anyone else is coming down, but I’m alone. I should go back and give Teag his privacy for his one final chance to speak with Odaine and get some closure, but I can’t tear myself away.
“Of course I did, my love! You must know. Don’t let me pay for someone else’s crimes!”
I roll my eyes at Odaine’s response. Someone else’s crimes. Yeah, okay. And I was born last night.
“The evidence is irrefutable, Odaine. Instead of coming to me about an issue, you chose to try and decide the fate of my kingdom on your own.”
“That’s not true, my love.” Her tone is pleading and just the wrong side of pitiful.
“It is. Just admit it! Give me some peace before you leave this realm.”
“Let me go, Teag. Let me go, and you’ll never see or hear from me again. Just let me live.”
I cross my arms over my chest and shake my head at her ploys. Un-fucking-believable.
Teag growls something under his breath I can’t catch. Boots scrape against stone and before I can dart back up the stairs, Teag walks through the door leading to Odaine’s cell and stops. I don’t flinch. Instead I meet his stare head on.
He rubs a hand over his face, and for the first time, I notice the lines around his mouth. Teag looks exhausted. His clothes aren’t quite as perfect as they always are, his beard is scraggly, and his shoulders are hunched.
Throne of Secrets (Wicked Kingdoms Book 3) Page 5
