She dared not look him in the eye, and before he could answer she continued.
“I would really love to spend time with you as a friend…I don’t really know too much about you, and being new to this business I could really do with a friend who will guide me through and help me if I go astray… but this? I’m not even sure what this is, so right now I’d just like to get to know you as a friend, I’m sure my big mouth has already got me into trouble and I’m sure…”
At that point Tony took her face softly in his hand and kissed her. It was hot, moist and overpowering. Laine was surprised that – A: someone had dared to stop her mid monologue, and B: she actually liked this Tony- kissing-her business.
Whether she logically wanted to respond or not was out of the question as her lips had already sealed her fate and given the subconscious game away. The kiss lasted for what seemed like an eternity. It was he who drew away first.
“My beautiful Laine, you are a pure diamond”. He spoke softly. “I will of course respect your wishes and will do whatever is in my power to help you. You’re right”, he sighed.
“Sadly my reputation does go before me. Some of it is true, some of it not so true. One thing you can guarantee, Laine, is that I will never force you to do anything you don’t want to do. I respect you way too much”.
He was looking straight into her eyes and she was melting.
“Hi Tony, Hi Laine, funny seeing you in the park…explain?” Laine turned sharply to see Ambra and Adam with some unknown pooch standing in the path of the sun.
“Thought I’d bring Toots for a walk…it’s such a nice day that I even managed to persuade Ambra to leave the office”. Adam’s voice gave nothing away.
Laine was stunned and mightily embarrassed. She had no idea how they had found her and was now unsure as to what to do. Tony, as smooth as usual, got up and shook Adam’s hand. “How good to see you both!” he said with true conviction.
Laine was amazed at how natural he had sounded, with no note of disappointment or irritation at being interrupted. That, she thought, was a sign of a “true pro”.
“Mind if we join you?” said Adam, throwing Laine a sideway wait-till-I-get-you-home kind of look.
“No not at all”, they said in unison.
The next thirty minutes was “shop talk” with no reference made to what they were doing in the park or WHAT they were doing in general. Tony poured more wine (a limitless supply it would seem) and Laine retreated to her comfort zone of letting Ambra and Adam carry the conversation. Laine could not be sure if the kiss had been witnessed by Adam and Ambra, but she decided that she would fess up when they got back to the office just so that everyone knew the score. Although to be honest Laine wasn’t really clear as to what the score was.
The kiss had unsettled her. Not because it had happened, she had half expected that, but because of her response. With that level of betrayal by her own feelings she knew something was definitely not right between her and Danny. She had always been staunchly loyal and faithful to him and had never even so much as thought about anyone else. Distant bells of warning were beginning to chime somewhere in her subconscious and a general sense of unease made its presence felt.
After a while Tony made his excuses and made his way back to the car. Laine, Ambra, Adam and the dog started to walk back to the office. They crossed Holland Park Road and took the back streets back to the mews that was Vestal HQ.
“Nice touch with the dog - whose is it and how on earth did you find me?” asked Laine, genuinely impressed.
“You have Temi to thank for that”, said Adam. “She read the note you gave her to give to me and sent Toby on his bike to follow you and report back”.
“Bloody hell she’s in the wrong job, she should be a spy”, laughed Laine.
Toby was one of the two couriers that Vestal employed to deliver the new releases and pick up packages from around London. No matter how stoned they were, both Toby and his partner Ben always got the job done, which earned them the nick name “Hash Harriers”. Temi was their direct boss and gave them enough freedom to be able to pull in favours every so often.
“And the dog?” quizzed Laine.
“Ah the dog, well, that was the proverbial icing on the cake”, Adam said, beaming with pride at how clever he and Ambra had been. “Just as we were leaving to come and rescue you, Mandy the print specialist arrived with pooch in tow. She was asking Temi if it was OK to bring her dog in from the car as it was quite hot. We offered to take it to the park. Should’ve seen her face Laine, it took her a while to realise we were serious”. Both Adam and Ambra laughed and started congratulating themselves on how clever they had been.
“Rescue me? I didn’t realise I needed rescuing, a helping hand definitely, but…”
“Oh really? Well from where we stood it looked like you needed to get a room”, Ambra said sarcastically. OK so they knew about the kiss. Laine wondered: will I ever live this down?
“Fair point, Ambra.” Laine dared not say much more, otherwise she may start displaying how she had really felt when they had kissed. She knew she would be in for a lot of ribbing over the next few days but would try everything she could to act as though she didn’t give a damn. Thanks Shakespeare, she thought, you were right - life really is a stage.
Homeward bound, waiting for the 52 bus she reflected on the day’s events. Too tired to go to the pub with the rest of the crew she had opted for a reasonably early night. Danny would be out DJing so she had time and space - two things she loved.
Boarding the bus she bagged the seat at the front to the left of the driver - her favourite seat. Ever since she was a little girl she had always loved this seat, as silly as she knew it sounded it made her feel in control. Laine liked being in control: after all for most of her life she had not had this option.
There was talk of London Transport bringing in some new fangled modern bus without a conductor and all closed in, no open back. Laine hoped that would not come to fruition. She loved the familiar carpet-like seats with their brown leather and orange patterns. She loved the excitement of seeing her bus at the traffic lights and being able to run and jump on to the back of it just as the lights started to change. The sense of joy at achieving this small insignificant victory was thrilling every single time.
As the bus rolled down Bayswater she reflected on the day’s biggest event. She had not known why she had responded to Tony the way she did. Perhaps it was the wine, but in her heart of hearts she didn’t really believe that. A connection had been made, that much she knew, how solid or real a connection remained to be seen. As the bus continued down Park Lane she tried to analyse her relationship with Danny. Danny had been there at the right time for her. Being older he had seen she needed to escape from home and had offered her a way out. He loved her - which she knew. What was unknown and now bothering her was whether or not she loved him. Had she ever loved him? Her stomach felt as though she had swallowed a secret whose weight was now making her face the truth.
Until now she had not even dared ask herself the big question, but if today showed her anything it was that she needed to deal with how she felt.
She had tasted freedom for the first time with Danny, and because of that her fondness for him had grown. Before Danny her life had been dominated by her mother’s need to control everything and everyone. She had been allowed to go to and from school and to her Saturday job on her own but that was pretty much it. Danny coming along had freed her. She had seen how much life there was to live and had seized each and every ounce of it. He had given her the strength she had needed to break free of her mother’s control. Until now she had not really thought much deeper than that. Each day with Danny had been like breathing for the first time. There was no pressure to conform, no need to tread on eggshells for who she was. He had accepted her for being her. Uncomfortable as it now was, she had feelings she did not know what to do with. It was as if she was standing at the bus stop waiting for the number 52; she could see it approaching
and knew that it was only a matter of time until she had to board it…the difference was that she knew the route of the 52 and she knew where to get off.
The bus reached Victoria without much delay, the train to Brockley would take about 20 minutes and then a five minute walk from the station. She would be home by 8pm.
3
She had managed for a few months to steer clear of Tony Black, keeping herself busy, almost too busy, trying hard to forget that moment in the park.
Laine had managed to swerve Tony at every junket she had to attend. Ella became her look-out so she could make a quick exit, and so far this had worked. Avoiding Tony’s phone calls was a different matter; she had no way of knowing who was calling. Contrary to all of her perceived wisdom she had for the last few months had some really decent conversations with him. Neither had mentioned “Parkgate” as she and Ella called it, but they had managed conversations which displayed a developing trust between them. Laine looked forward to their chats; she was getting to know Tony without having the pressure of seeing him. He had confided in her about his latest love interest and she in him about her feelings for Danny. A real friendship was developing, and she had to admit she liked Tony Black regardless of his reputation. He had been true to his word and had not made life difficult for her in any way. Maybe soon she could cope with seeing him as well as speaking to him, she thought.
“I need a holiday, Laine”, puffed Ella as she lifted a couple of boxes of Bandit 7” singles into her car. Ella worked in promotions and was responsible for getting Vestal bands onto TV shows up and down the country. Obviously Top of the Pops was the biggy, but there were many others that wanted bands to perform. Each and every week Ella would meet up with various TV researchers and pitch Vestal’s latest wears.
“Why don’t we go on holiday together Laine?” asked Ella, still piling boxes of 7” promos into the boot of her company Renault 5.
“What about Danny, Ella, I don’t know…” said Laine, helping her friend clear the backlog of boxes piled on the pavement.
“Danny won’t mind, surely, anyway he’s travelled – you, my lovely, haven’t.”, said Ella, loading the final box and slamming the boot with more force than was needed.
That was true, the furthest Laine had been was a day trip to Calais. She did like the idea of going on holiday with Ella. She was really on her wavelength, and by the time she got home that evening she had made up her mind she was going to go.
Laine and Danny rented a one-bed first floor flat, a conversion of a two up two down Victorian terrace in Brockley, South East London. It was adequate for their needs; Laine had managed to jazz it up with a variety of charity shop finds. Having the bathroom off the kitchen was a bit of a pain, although it had proved useful when she had accidently set the frying pan alight and had dumped it in the bath!
Laine arrived home to find Danny busy loading 7” singles into his DJing box by the front door. She explained with some excitement her planned holiday with Ella the following May and before she could even finish her sentence Danny was nodding in agreement. Danny loved Laine unconditionally. He was always positive about whatever she wanted to do. He was always for her; she could not remember a time he had been anything but for her.
Before meeting Danny, Laine was used to fighting tooth and claw for any freedom she had wanted. Danny’s positivity surprised her every time, it was one of the many reasons she was fond of him.
‘Before you go to Italy, Boots…” (Danny’s nickname for Laine, on account of the ‘Nicholas Nickleby-style boots she liked to wear) “…I think you should get a little bit of European travel in, just so you know what to expect”, he said, eagerly angling for eye contact. “I was thinking maybe Amsterdam when this round of gigs finish?” He found it really hard to read her face. ‘I was going to surprise you with it next year but I think now maybe at the end of the tour we should go, spend some time together – what d’ya say?” he asked.
Laine smiled softly. Why didn’t she love this man, she wondered: he was kind, he was thoughtful and he cared so much for her?
“I think that’s a lovely idea”, she said tenderly, holding his face in her hands gently. She affectionately kissed the top of his head.
“I’m sure I can get the time off”, she said.
The furthest Laine and Danny had been was taking in the sights of Blackpool, Doncaster and Market Harborough on his DJing rounds. Right now Danny was DJing for well-known pop/rock band The Gram’s farewell tour. Laine had managed to get to a few of the dates and had made friends with some of the merchandising crew. There had been a lot of in-fighting and after eight successful years together the band had decided to call it a day.
On a few occasions Laine and Danny had ended up back at the band’s hotel worse for wear after post gig drinks and a variety of lock-ins. Laine had never been “on the road” before but was not fazed by any of it. James, the band’s lead singer, had taken her under his wing. He had recognised how green she was and tried to steer her in the direction of people who would look out for her. Brian and Debs were those people. Whilst running the band’s merchandising they were also dab hands at looking after waifs and strays and immediately adopted Laine as one of their own.
The band’s UK leg of the tour spanned the whole of the autumn, with a few days off here and there. Laine had dipped in and out as work permitted, although it had meant that Danny had been away off and on for nearly three months.
For Laine, the timing was much needed, as she had head space from her encounter with Tony Black - and also from Danny. The final night of the tour had been outstanding. Ending on December 11th in Brighton, The Gram had given the performance of their lives, the roof of the Brighton Dome only holding on by a thread. Everyone knew it was the end of an era and had partied post-gig until the sun came up.
With heads like thunder and tinged with sadness Danny and Laine boarded the early morning train back to London. As the train made its way through suburbia Laine thought about the time she had spent on the road. She had found somewhere she felt she belonged. The sense of family and caring she had experienced was like nothing she had felt before. These people felt like her family, a family she had been able to pick. A family whose beliefs and values cut to the heart of what was for her important - acceptance. As in most families, they had argued and had differences of opinion. Many drunken nights had been spent discussing the plight of the miners, who were having a very hard time indeed. Standing up for what was right was never easy, thought Laine. The strike the year before had been averted but another showdown with Thatcher was inevitable. Laine and her new family had discussed this at length. Among the many things they had in common was a sense of social justice and fairness, which regardless of the discussions had pervaded their conversations. You looked after your family, your community. Everything was for the good of everyone – Laine understood this and believed it wholeheartedly. From the outset she had felt aligned to the miners and their plight. Thatcher was not going to let it rest, she thought. Thatcher had let the miners win the battle but the war was still to be decided. Laine knew her young shoulders were holding up well in the light of the social changes that seemed to be ever present.
She would not see her Gram family again; the farewell tour was truly to be their farewell although the ties of conscience would remain forever. Laine knew that however many years may pass between next seeing James, Brian, Debs and the crew she would be welcomed with open arms, picking up as if no time had passed at all. Three days later they left for Amsterdam.
4
Amsterdam confirmed what Laine had in her heart of hearts already known. She loved Danny, but as a brother, a friend - not as her soul mate. They visited Anne Frank’s tiny house on Prinsengracht. Overcome by the injustice that Anne and her family had suffered and the sheer evil that the world to which she belonged could produce, Laine found it hard to breathe, and had run out of the tiny house onto the cobbled canal side. An attempt to visit the famous Bulldog coffee house had been rethought as both
she and Danny were put off by the smell of the people coming out of the place!
Laine was a classic and embarrassing tourist; she had tried on clogs, taken pictures of their ears outside of The Van Gogh Museum and paid far too many Guilders for a canal boat trip. She was happy, yet not satisfied with the way things were between her and Danny. Predictable and sometimes claustrophobic was how she could sum up her life - she knew where she was with that. Danny was attentive and supportive; he made her laugh and instructed and educated her on the finer sides of rare 60s soul records. Yet she did not feel any passion when they made love, and most of the time she just went through the motions of what she thought was “expected” of her.
Danny had never asked anything of her - that to her was fine. She knew where she was in that world and she was always in control.
Returning from Amsterdam, Danny was offered a job running a record store which suited him down to the ground. Laine’s workload increased with each day as Vestal seemed to turn into a hit factory producing No.1 singles one after the other. Work took over their lives, Danny always working late or attending some management training event whilst Laine went to gig after gig with Ella followed by club after club. Her relationship with Danny had turned into a humdrum feeling - a comfortable arm chair, too old for Laine’s young bones. Ella was now her guardian and best friend, and their relationship grew stronger with each month that passed. They were the best of friends, hours spent drinking, dancing and giggling. The bouncers at the Wag club, Reg and Joe, became familiar, regular parts of the girls’ lives, letting them sneak in more often than not, and propping them up and into a taxi in the wee small hours. When Laine got tonsillitis and hadn’t been clubbing for a few nights, Reg and Joe rang Vestal to make sure both girls were OK. Laine unconsciously gave the impression of vulnerability which brought out the compassionate side of most who met her. Men in particular could not help but want to shield and protect her from life’s arrows.
All Tomorrow's Parties Page 3
