Big Bang: Cyborg Cowboys of Carbon County #2: Intergalactic Dating Agency

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Big Bang: Cyborg Cowboys of Carbon County #2: Intergalactic Dating Agency Page 6

by Elsa Jade


  “You mentioned earlier that you’d avoid shooting him. Will he show you the same courtesy?”

  “We are matrix-brothers. But…” He frowned. “He didn’t come to us before this, and even now he hides. It makes even less sense than your really, really good bad Christmas movies.”

  “Maybe he was stuck in the Land of Misfit Toys too,” she muttered.

  Cosmo didn’t answer, focusing instead on the narrower road flanked by homes on both sides. The houses, and the distance between houses, was getting progressively bigger.

  Vic whistled under her breath. “I didn’t realize Diamond Valley Depot had rich people.”

  “All those minerals went somewhere,” he pointed out. “Mostly, they left on the train out of town. But the Cross family always kept a stronghold here.” He angled the truck toward a high iron gate blocking a cobblestone driveway.

  The black spikes were stark against the rolling white lawn, and even the gentle undulations of greenery strung from the upper horizontal rail couldn’t disguise the defensive perimeter.

  Leaning forward to peer out the windshield, she muttered, “I can’t imagine he’s going to let us in—”

  As they approached, the gate swung silently back.

  She narrowed her eyes. “Did you by any chance download my ‘bad horror movie’ folder?”

  “Yes, but I have not yet parsed the contents.”

  “Quick recap. In a horror movie, never go down in the basement. Don’t have sex. And the alien is always right behind you.”

  He frowned. “I’m right next to you.”

  “Other aliens.”

  “Is that who you’d have sex with?”

  “What?” She swiveled her head to stare at him. “No. I’m not really… Look, you’re the killer robot, so I’m sure you’ll be fine. But in these movies, it’s always the cute brown girl who doesn’t make it.”

  “Doesn’t make out with the aliens?”

  “You know what? Forget any of the sex stuff.”

  “I also downloaded your ‘really, really good pr0n’ archive.”

  “Whaaa…” She thumped her forehead lightly against the dashboard. “Promise me you won’t parse that particular folder.”

  “I cannot promise that. By you calling attention to it, I have now reviewed the contents of that archive and did you misspell pornography on purpose?”

  “Yes,” she muttered toward the floor.

  “That makes even less sense than goats wearing pants.”

  “And yet here we are.” Without lifting her head from the dashboard, she gestured toward the gate. “Might as well continue onward to our doom.”

  He patted her shoulder. “That is exactly what an Omega would do.”

  When she just grunted, he drove through the open gate and headed for the house at the end of the drive.

  Leaving one subroutine to catalogue the pr0n archive (This…this is not an appropriate gift to celebrate the holy season! said the Christmas movie voice in his head) Cosmo focused the rest of his attention on the tactical opportunities. Although the house was centrally located, the large, fenced lot with mature trees all around left it almost as private as the ranch, but with the relative advantages of Earther tech and society. Of course a Theta, shrewd and secretive, would’ve found a way to leverage the existing populace and terrain for his own use.

  Although it was supposed to be for the good of the matrix.

  Except that wasn’t quite right either. Everything was done in service to the keyholder.

  Tanner Cross could not be their keyholder. Cosmo’s hands clenched on the wheel, and all the windows cleared as he sucked the nanites back inside. He would blow his cloud and leave a smoking crater amid the garlands if Cross opened his mouth to issue a single order.

  But when they stopped at the peak of the half-circle driveway, it wasn’t Cross in the doorway.

  “Is that your Theta?” Vic stared out the windshield. “Although…you never saw him, did you? Since you were trapped in stasis until after the crash and you never found any others of your matrix.”

  “That’s the Theta.” A strange rush went through him. Not like his nanites, but like one of the cold winds through the badlands where he had his own stronghold. It was nothing like this, of course. His lair was not sleek, elegant, and decorated for the Earther holiday.

  His was bleak, dank, and deep in the earth where it was always night. Actually, his home was a cave.

  But then, an Omega was nothing like a Theta.

  “Cosmo?”

  He looked down at Vic’s hand on his, still clenched around the wheel. Or what was left of it.

  Clenching his fist around the chunk of plastic and metal that he’d accidentally ripped from the wheel, he pulverized the materials and let the nanites feast.

  They would’ve preferred diamonds or burnt toast.

  As the silvery fog pulsed around the debris and then retreated into his body, Vic made a fist of her own, her fingers curling away from his.

  If he went inside the Cross estate, he’d probably find diamonds. And if he unleashed the Omega protocol, he’d have burnt diamonds.

  All of Diamond Valley would be burned.

  He let out a slow breath. “Stay with me.”

  Vic glanced at him askance. “Where else would I go?”

  “Thetas are…tempting. That is part of their code and weaponry.”

  An Omega was dangerous too, but that was obvious so she didn’t need that warning.

  Together, they exited the truck and crossed the cobblestones toward the big house. Cosmo couldn’t help but compare this situation to Cross’s desperation-tinged entreaty at the foot of the stairs at Strix Springs.

  The Theta watched them with a half smile curving one corner of his mouth.

  He wasn’t as big as the rest of the matrix-kin, though he was tall enough to make an impression against the open doorway behind him. But the lean silhouette, as sleek and elegant as the house, couldn’t quite hide the shroud menace that hung around him like an invisible nanite fog.

  “Come inside,” he called, pitching his voice to carry over the short distance so that somehow it still sounded intimate in Cosmo’s ear. “It’s cold.”

  “Shrouds don’t mind the cold,” he said, just to see the other’s reaction.

  The Theta’s smile didn’t waver. “We’re not all cowboys.”

  CWBOIs. Custom War Bionic/Organic Impersons. Cosmo stiffened. “Where’s Cross?”

  “Otherwise occupied on my orders.” The Theta flicked one hand, and the ring on his thumb glinted in the light of the snowflake-shaped lights dangling from the roofline. “Like his father before him, he’s been useful. But once he failed his task with you, I knew his usefulness was coming to an end.” Now his smile widened, lifting the other corner of his mouth. “But you know all about ends, don’t you, Omega?”

  “His name is Cosmo.”

  Who winced at the brave words from the Earther beside him.

  Vic put her hands on her hips. “And you are…?”

  “Troy Lehigh. At least that’s my current incarnation.” His smile vanished when he looked at her. “But always Theta.” His gaze drifted back to Cosmo. “Won’t you come in? Maybe you aren’t cold, but she is.”

  Cosmo knew he was being maneuvered. The combined insights from the Christmas movies, the horror movies, and the pr0n all agreed the Theta was bad.

  But so was the Omega.

  He walked up the steps to join his brother.

  ***

  Ooh, this was bad. Vic knew wicked when she saw it. But Cosmo walked right up just like he’d gone to pet Wog—as innocent as the child sold out of his guardian’s arms.

  And as pretty as Wrath of God the cat was, Troy Lehigh the Theta was even prettier. He was rocking those French cuffs, rolled casually back over strong, smooth forearms. The striking fine-line tattoos inked from wrist to elbow might’ve seemed merely upscale hipster affectation…if she hadn’t guessed they were hiding his nanite pathways. She wondered how
much control he was constantly exerting to stop the microscopic Scrubbing Bubbles from purging the invasive pigment.

  Probably not quite as much control as he had over his man bun and perfectly groomed beard, both styled with just the right amount of oil to gleam in the twinkle lights, like his low-heeled boots, equally shiny. His trousers were crisp and tailored close to his trim body in a way that screamed bespoke. Shiny and bespoke in Diamond Valley was not a thing; despite the town’s name, everything here was rough, unpolished, just mined from the earth.

  Damn, he was terrifying.

  She wanted to tell herself she was joking, but as she sidled closer to Cosmo, the Theta glanced down at her.

  And his eyes were as cruelly green as Wog’s.

  The door closed behind them with a hollow sound, leaving them in the two-story entry of a classic overstuffed-yet-soulless McMansion.

  “Is that all you needed, Mister Troy?”

  At the question from behind her, Vic whirled around. As jump-scares went, the petite Hispanic woman probably rated somewhere behind the Ghost of Christmas Past. Not that it mattered to Vic’s blood pressure. The woman smiled at Vic.

  The Theta looked back over his shoulder. “You left refreshments in the parlor?” When she nodded, he waved with another flash of the ring. “That’s good, Maritta. Thank you. Oh, and Tanner asked me to remind you that you should take the rest of the month off.” He pulled an envelope from his pocket with a flourish that left the ring winking again. “Here’s the Christmas bonus he mentioned.”

  From the thickness, Vic guessed it was cash in the envelope. A lot of it. From the widening of Maritta’s eyes, she guessed the same thing. Saying something in Spanish that the Theta responded to in the same language, the woman all but floated out the door.

  Better floating than being “otherwise occupied” in a rolled-up carpet with cement shoes dropped into the deepest lake in Montana, or wherever Tanner Cross was, judging by the Theta’s smile. Vic hoped Cosmo had found the “bad gangster movie” folder.

  Cosmo hadn’t budged from the foyer, staring at his matrix-brother. “Why are you here and not with us?”

  She winced at the discordant tones of accusation and hurt in his voice. Didn’t he know he couldn’t give himself away like that? He was practically begging the Theta to use his feelings against him.

  Of course he didn’t know, she reminded herself. He might be a lethally powerful weapon wrapped in a shell of muscle, defensive technology, and nihilistic tendencies, but he was also one of the most purely naïve beings she’d ever met. And she’d worked with a statistically relevant sampling of the universe’s species searching for love among the stars—who could be more naïve than that?

  For his part, the Theta seemed equally nonplused. “You didn’t need me. You shouldn’t even be awake.”

  Vic almost snorted. If Troy thought common sense and logic was going to get through to an Omega, he was the one who wasn’t awake.

  Cosmo glowered at him. “We are a shroud matrix,” he said, as if that explained everything. “You should be home with us.”

  Under the disguise and distraction of the beard, Troy’s expression twisted for just an instant. “I will,” he murmured. “I’m trying.” He took a long step back. “Come. Let’s sample Cross’s best before he comes back. We can catch up.”

  Cosmo followed him into the “parlor” which was just the living room as far as Vic could tell. There was something off about the Theta’s diction, as if he was still clinging to the old time speech from when their transport had first crashed. But at least it seemed Cross wasn’t dead if he was coming back.

  Unless Thetas could animate the dead with their nanites…

  She shivered, hunkering down into her puffy jacket. Maybe she needed to delete her “good zombie movies” folder.

  A low credenza in the living room was set with platters of food and decanters. Oh sure, like she’d eat or drink anything offered by a slick grifter like this Theta.

  And yeah, courtesy of her parents, she knew a grifter when she smelled one. They always smelled like sincerity and other people’s money.

  Too bad the empanadas and mini cheesecake tarts smelled divine.

  Cosmo didn’t seem any more interested than she was. “We don’t need to talk,” he said brusquely. “You need to come back to the ranch with us. Vic wants your source code to unlock the keyholder control.”

  Ooooh shit.

  When those sinister green eyes pinned her, she tried not to shrink back behind Cosmo. She did not want the Theta looking at her like she was a tasty bit of burnt toast.

  He tilted his head, studying her, and she’d seen animatronic movie dinosaurs with more humanity in their gaze. “My keyholder code. Really. What for?”

  When Cosmo drew another breath, she interrupted. “I work for the Intergalactic Dating Agency. As you might not know, beings from all over the universe join the IDA to find true love among the stars. But, well, the space between stars is really vast—uh, that part you probably do know. Anyway, it’s hard to find true love anywhere, even with all the collated data and algorithms to put the right beings together. So the IDA has become interested in expanding their repertoire to, er, sexbots.”

  Both shrouds stared at her.

  “What?” Cosmo demanded, while the Theta just narrowed those peculiar green eyes to laser points. “I don’t know anything about sexbots.”

  She gave him an arch look. “Of course you don’t,” she said, modulating her voice between soothing and condescending.

  She saw the moment the Theta believed her. Because Cosmo was clueless and she was basically admitting to ignoring him, just like Troy Lehigh would do.

  As shamed as she was to use her parents’ ploys, something about the Theta was sending all the little hairs at her nape into max overtime prickling. She and Cosmo needed to get away from him.

  She quickly elaborated. “These sexbots wouldn’t be sentient like cybernetically enhanced beings such as yourselves. But the imprinting technology would go a long way toward simulating love. Just until the real thing can be found, of course.”

  “Of course,” Troy murmured.

  Cosmo stiffened. “I am a real thing.”

  She wanted to grab him and run, but first, she didn’t think Troy would let them go so easily—not when he could bat them around like little field mice for his cat-like amusement—and second, she didn’t think she could budge Cosmo.

  “Very real,” she assured him. “So real. Really, really solidly, densely, impenetrably…real.”

  The piercing green stare lightened as Troy watched her squirm. “This world already has sex robots.”

  “Not very good ones,” she said. Then she flushed. “Or so I’ve heard.”

  Troy laughed. “If I’d known of this need, I would’ve invested myself instead of profiting off…other endeavors.” He flicked his fingers again.

  It didn’t seem like a conscious affectation, she decided. He wasn’t trying to call attention to the big ring on his thumb. It was more like an irritation that he couldn’t get rid of.

  Cosmo glowered at her; he never cared about drawing attention to himself. “Does the Alpha know you intend to build sex robots from our code?”

  “It…didn’t come up,” she muttered.

  Troy snickered.

  Great, the one shroud with a sense of humor and who actually appreciated good food was the one who probably kept extra body parts in his freezer.

  Not his own body parts either.

  She gave him a weak grin. “I think Mach doesn’t appreciate how hard it is to find love. But the IDA might be interested in other savvy investors.” If he thought they were in contact, even indirectly, with planetary authorities, maybe he wouldn’t add them to his freezer. And he obviously got plenty of money from someplace, so he had to be the sort to at least consider the potential opportunity.

  Cosmo towered over her. “You are supposed to be saving us.”

  “I am,” she murmured. “I will. But we can
profit at the same time.”

  The Theta was hooked, she sensed it like she’d felt the moment in a revival—in the breathless pause right after a glory, glory hymn—when the congregation was ready to open their wallets. But Troy played it cool, ambling to the credenza and picking a bite-sized tart from the dessert platter. “What do you need from me?”

  “Just a quick scan to start.” At the safety of the ranch, with Mach and Delta and their blaster-rifles nearby.

  Cosmo turned away from them. “She says it doesn’t hurt. But it does.”

  She glanced sidelong as him. With his drab drifter semblance, he looked utterly out of place against all the homey holiday ornamentation. His thick, heavy features in profile were like lines of brutally efficient code: no elegance, definitely no flourishes, not even an annotated comment or two to give developers a better understanding of what was going on under the hood. “It hurt you? I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “Of course you didn’t,” he said, echoing her earlier inflection.

  Damn, he might not have the full range of human emotion but he really nailed sarcasm and guilt.

  Troy laughed. “If I’d know you were this fun, I would’ve joined you decades ago.”

  “Vic wasn’t here then,” Cosmo told him. “And soon she won’t be again. She wants to leave Earth.”

  The Theta’s smile didn’t falter, but she sensed some darkness unfurling within him. “Don’t we all.”

  “No,” Cosmo said loudly from where he stood with his back to them. “I like being not unconscious and/or blown to bits.”

  “Well, we all have our own self-interested priorities.” Troy turned to Vic. “When shall I bring you my code? And where? I presume your Earther equipment is at the Fallen A?”

  “At Strix Springs.” She thought quickly. Couldn’t bring him back until they had some sort of containment for him. “But I’m still running Cosmo’s code. And you know how slow Earther computing is.” She echoed his laugh.

 

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