“It’s everything we could take from the van,” he replied, followed by the loudest burp the apocalypse had ever heard, “Sorry about that. Gassy lager.”
Butty and Dave went on to explain how they had intended to ransack the newsagents on Russell Road but when they arrived someone was already inside and their van had been left open. So whilst the owners were looting the shop, Butty and Dave swooped in and stole the stash from the van, transferring over as much as they could to the Thunderbird before buggering off back home. They made it sound so simple but my brother’s poker face was awful. I can always tell when he’s lying as he looks like he needs to take a shit.
“As simple as that was it? You just waltzed up to the van and stole their gear without them noticing and then you came straight back here? Pull the other one, Russell Road is only 5 minutes away and you’ve been gone for a lot longer than that. Come on, out with it. What really happened?” I asked.
"Pretty much what Butty said Ace, give or take a few minor details," Dave replied, sparking a cigarette and also helping himself to a beer.
"Come on Uncle Butty what really happened? I bet Russell Road was really filled with zombies and you and Dave had to fight your way to the shop, slaying hundreds of walkers just so we could eat pizza and you could have your smokes. Is that what really happened?" Emily asked excitedly.
"I bet Emily's right. How did you kill them all? With the battle paddle? Crow bar? Stomping on their heads with your boots or did you use your bare hands?" Jonathon asked, almost as enthusiastic as Emily.
I looked Butty and Dave up and down. They didn't have any zombie splatter on them and looked as fresh as they did before they left. Whatever happened, zombies were not involved and I could see Butty's terrible poker face wavering under pressure from the Runcorn Gestapo.
"Butty if you don’t tell me the truth, I will tell everyone about that time when we were kids and I caught you in Granddad's shed with our next door neighbour's bra, Vaseline and a cheese grater," I threatened.
That did the trick!
"Alright you bunch of bastards. If you must know then I'll tell you…" Butty started.
The minor details that Butty had omitted were that when they had approached the blue van a man jumped out of the vehicle attempting to protect his loot but he had done so clumsily, falling heavily to the floor, cracking his head and knocking himself out. Butty and Dave derived from the botched attack that the man was trouble and instead of helping him, they took as much of the loot as they could and left him lying in the road with blood gushing from his head.
I would be lying if I said this didn’t worry me. Not because they had left a man dying in the road. We have just as much to fear from the living as we do from the dead and the way they had described him he wasn’t exactly friendly. What worried me was this man's companions, the ones that Butty said were inside the newsagents. Had they seen what had happened? If they did then would they hold Butty and Dave responsible for what happened to their friend?
"Don’t worry Ace, we were like lightning. In and out in no time. I doubt anyone saw what happened. It's not like they would be able to track us down if they did. Runcorn is a big place kidda, made even bigger by the dead twats roaming around. Even if they did come looking for us this place is pretty secure. Just look at the size of the overgrowth outside. And with all the stakes you've hammered into the ground… You would have to be wacko to attempt anything, especially now it's getting dark outside. We'll be fine lar now grab yourself a beer and I'll cook up a few of these pizzas. We've had a shit couple of days, it'll do us all good to unwind a little," Dave said.
Dave was a man that took everything in his stride, even the zombie apocalypse. I was often surprised at how little things fazed him and I had found his outlook calming. Although I still held concerns, it was clear that Dave and Butty were not worried so I was prepared to put it to the back of my mind, crack open a beer and do as instructed and unwind or try to at least. We had been through a lot and an evening relaxing with my family and best friend sounded perfect.
"Whilst Dave sorts out the grub I'm going to do a final perimeter check, just to be on the safe side. I won’t be long and I might have a little surprise for you all when I get back," Butty said leaving the room.
Emily and Jonathon had already opened some of the chocolate and I could see them eyeing up the booze but daring not to take any.
"Now then love birds. At fifteen years old you are both well under the legal drinking age. But those rules belong to another time. Things are different now and by my reckoning fifteen in apocalypse years makes you… oooh twenty one I’d say. But go easy, don't be taking advantage of my good nature," I said.
"Thanks Dad, you’re the best!" Emily said flinging her arms around me.
"Yeah thanks Mr Diant, I mean John," Jonathon said reaching for a bottle of whisky then changing his mind and opting for a beer after seeing the stern "Don't you fucking dare!" look on my face.
I may not win father of the year but with any luck, a little beer buzz will help cloud Emily and Jonathon's mind sufficiently enough so they forget the horror of the last few days. At least for a little while anyway. I was hoping for the same and the first few beers were some of the best I had ever tasted. The cold golden nectar felt amazing as it passed through my mouth, coating my throat then spreading a warm fuzzy feeling through my body. The beer was doing its job superbly and I was pleasantly relaxed. That was until Butty reappeared with bottles of his cheese beer. I don’t really remember anything after that!
Revenge
Ged flicked ash onto the thick shag pile carpet that covered the apartment floor. Yesterday felt so far away and his previous life as a notorious loan shark a distant memory. Peering through the window, he took a long pull on his cigarette, wincing as the inhaled smoke burnt through his throat. He was not a heavy smoker but he had found himself sucking down cigarette after cigarette for the past few hours. Not through the stress brought on by the zombie apocalypse, the loss of his home or the knowledge that almost everyone he had ever known was now dead. He couldn’t care less. But instead to mask the smell of the quickly decaying elderly woman he had viciously murdered the night before when himself, his cousin Joni and his three employees, Tom, Ed and Andy, took the apartment for themselves.
His employees had felt the death of the old lady was unnecessary but had not spoken out. Knowing their volatile employer as well as they did, they thought it best to stay quiet and fall in line. They valued their lives too much to cross the boss and didn't want to suffer the same fate as the poor elderly lady.
Joni became extremely animated following Ged's killing of the old lady and watched in delight as his cousin wrapped his hands around her thin frail neck and squeezed the life out of her. Then, to make sure she would not return as a zombie, he took a knitting needle that had been resting next to a ball of wool in her lap and stabbed her through the forehead. Joni was so engrossed in the kill, that he had stood behind his cousin and mimicked his every movement, placing his dry flaking hands around an invisible neck as he felt the rush of the kill. Then he stabbed an invisible knitting needle through an invisible forehead. Filled with bloodlust, he had not wanted Ged to stop, begging his cousin to hang her dead body from the window to display her murdered corpse to any survivors thinking of taking the apartment for themselves. Knowing how excitable Joni can be, Ged calmly refused his suggestion, stating that the first person to try and take the apartment would be his to kill and to do with as he pleased. This eased his psychotic desires.
Joni was an exception to Ged’s rules. Being family he felt self-assured in his cousin's presence and was cocksure with his behaviour towards the others. He was a small man with a terrible skin condition. It was dry and would crack and itch constantly. This caused flaking and puss filled sores to cover his head, face and neck. Because of his condition, he continually scratted at his skin and would leave a trail of flaky flesh everywhere he went.
Despite his physical appearance, Joni he was alway
s acting the big man and revelled in talking down to Tom and Ed. Especially Tom, who was often the victim of verbal attacks from this weasel of a man. Be it Tom's size or his intelligence, Joni was relentless with his insults and mocking. This bully boy behaviour did not sit well with Ed who liked to think of himself as an older brother to his friend. He felt protective of Tom and saw it as his duty to keep him away from trouble. Without Ed's calming influence Tom may well have lost control and lashed out, ending the insults permanently. Ed had often fantasised of what would happen come the day when Ged was no longer a concern and he could let Tom loose on Joni. Every outcome for this scenario played out the same. It ended with Joni's death. Fantasies would have to suffice for the time being though because in reality there was nothing Ed could do to stop Joni's persistent petulant behaviour. He was the boss' cousin and, despite his annoyances, Ged valued Joni above all others and would not have a bad word said against him.
When not in his cousin's presence, Joni wasn't so arrogant. He would turn to whining with threats of telling Ged if anyone mistreated him. Knowing the dislike the others held for him he dared not berate as he would if his cousin was there.
The only person other than Ged that favoured Joni was Andy but this had been a recent development and he had only done so to stay in the boss' good books. Ged liked his staff to be obedient, to not ask questions, be punctual, to do exactly as instructed and, most importantly, to be loyal. If you worked for him, you worked for no other and that included any side businesses you ran privately. Andy had been dealing in stolen vehicles without informing his boss, knowing very well that he would be made to stop immediately. What's more, he had been acquiring the stolen vehicles during the hours he was meant to be working for his employer. It had not taken long for Ged to realise what was happening and he had summoned Andy to his home to confront him and establish where his loyalty lay. You were given one chance to redeem yourself if you worked for Ged and this was Andy's.
It was Joni that delivered the message and had the responsibility of escorting Andy to Ged's home. Andy had known instantly what it was about and he was petrified. His greed and lies had not, as he had hoped, gone unnoticed and now he had to answer to the boss and at his home too. Almost nobody who went to the boss’ house was seen again. Ever.
The zombie apocalypse hit Runcorn as Joni was taking him to see Ged and they were involved in a car crash, swerving to avoid a small horde of zombies that were ripping a police man limb from limb in the road ahead. Joni found himself trapped in the wreckage. With his seat belt jammed, he was strapped tightly to the driver's seat. Andy had a difficult decision to make. Leave Joni and run, run and try to make his way on his own, or save his boss's cousin and take him to Ged thus proving his loyalty and value. He chose the latter, returning home with Joni first to retrieve his trusted and beloved blue 55 plate Citroen Relay transit van. With all hell breaking loose, he figured he would stand a better chance with Ged and his men than he would on his own – a choice that would ultimately lead to his death.
They arrived at Ged's home to find it on fire, with Ged stood on his garage roof, surrounded by flames, manically throwing petrol bombs at the encroaching zombies. Now instead of just walking corpses wanting to eat him, they were also walking fire balls.
With minutes to spare he jumped from his garage, landing on top of Andy's van. They then sped to the Dockside Pub, their regular meeting place. There they found Tom and Ed surrounded by the undead, desperately defending themselves, using pool cues and broken beer pumps as weapons. If they had not arrived when they did, both Ed and Tom would surely have died.
Allowing the smoke to seep out of his mouth and engulf his face, Ged looked upon his reflection in the apartment window. It appeared distorted in the thick nicotine smoke. He noted his image was not unlike that of the undead that in their droves were shuffling past his window. For several hours he had watched as more and more zombies passed by, slowly walking by the apartment. At first he hid himself from view, nervous that if they saw him he would draw their attention. As the minutes then hours ticked over he became daring, gradually showing himself to the zombies more and more until finally standing in full view, watching in disbelief as they ignored him and instead slowly lumbered along the road, heading to the same place - The Pavilions.
After a time, he started to feel offended by the lack of interest shown towards him and even went as far as yelling and banging on the window but still they shuffled past. It was lonely trying to make the undead want to eat you. Why were they not showing an interest? At first he could not figure this out but then, whilst searching for a transmission using his elderly victim’s radio, he tuned into the Halton Community Radio emergency transmission, informing survivors to make their way to the Pavilions if they needed shelter. Everything fell into place. The lure of so much living flesh in one place was too much for the undead to ignore and they must somehow have sensed their presence. Why show interest in a pitiful singular snack when there was an all you can eat human buffet down the road?
"Have you seen this?" he said to the dead elderly lady in the chair, "Nah of course you haven’t what am I thinking? That knitting needle is obstructing your view."
Ged approached the woman and pulled the knitting needle from her forehead forcefully. Blood few from her wound as the needle was removed and sprayed across the window.
"Now look what you've done. Well that's going to have to be cleaned isn't it? No it's fine, don’t get up, you stay where you are, I'll do it. What was that? Yes I know I'm talking to a dead person but I've been on my own all day with nothing to do but smoke cigarettes and scream at zombies. Lesson learnt I guess. I’ll get one of the minions to hold the fort next time and I'll go out killing zombies and looting shops. It beats being stuck here talking to you. No offense, dear, but you're not exactly the life and soul of the party now are you?"
The sound of Andy's van could be heard screeching to a halt outside the apartment. Ged looked through the window in time to see it pull up and smash into several of the undead. The van then backed up, pushing its rear against the door to the apartment.
"Finally!" he said, moving away from the window, rushing to the apartment door.
“Now Tom remember what I told you. You just stay quiet and let me do all the talking and if Ged does speak to you, what do you say?” Ed asked of his nervous friend.
“I just, I just say there was two men. There was two men and I say nothing else. I won’t say a word, Ed, I promise, I promise I won’t,” Tom jittered, nervously fidgeting with a tin of corned beef.
“That’s good Tom, remember that and leave the rest to me. Everything will be ok, there’s no need to be nervous. I got this,” Ed reassured, leaving the driver’s seat and clambering into the back of the van.
He took a deep breath, composed himself then opened the rear van doors. Waiting in the apartment doorway was Ged, eager to inspect the bounty that had taken his men all day to scavenge.
“And where have you fuckers been all day? I sent you out for supplies, not to find the Lost Cities of Gold!” Ged complained, not yet realising Joni and Andy’s absence.
“We ran into a few unexpected problems,” Ed said solemnly.
It was Ed’s response or more so the delivery of it that grabbed Ged’s attention. He looked into the van, past Ed and to Tom, who was slumped in the passenger seat, sniffling with fear whilst stuffing his face with corned beef. A fire started to burn deep within him and his vision blurred with rage.
“WHERE IS HE? WHERE’S JONI?” Ged yelled with spittle flying from his mouth and his face shaking in anger.
“Andy was…” Ed started.
“FUCK ANDY, WHERE’S MY COUSIN?” Ged growled.
Ed took a breath. He had not anticipated being interrupted and needed to quickly compose himself before restarting his story.
“We were ambushed by two men, heavily armoured. Tom and I were inside the newsagents on Russell Road whilst Joni was guarding the van. They shot him then took the loot. I’m so
rry Ged, he’s dead. There was nothing we could do. If we’d have left the shop then we’d be dead to!” a nervous Ed explained.
Consumed by anger, Ged jumped up into the van and grabbed Ed’s throat, pushing him against the floor of the transit.
“I... I know… know what they… look like. We can find them…” Ed choked.
“One had a lamp shade around his neck and was wearing really tight pants. The other had sunglasses on and was holding a giant spoon. They had a really old car too,” Tom said quickly before returning to shovelling food into his mouth.
Tom’s description forced Ged to loosen his grip on Ed’s neck and his rage subsided enough for his mind to process a structured thought. If these men were as distinguishable as Tom had described, then maybe they could track them down. Their death would be much more satisfying than Ed’s.
He retracted his hands from Ed’s neck.
“Take me to Joni, I want to see him,” Ged demanded.
Ged said nothing during the short journey from Sandy Lane to Russell Road. Instead he sat, stony faced, staring straight ahead whilst Tom whimpered and Ed drove, informing his boss of the truth regarding Andy’s demise and the lies about Joni’s killing.
It was a strained ride and Ed’s heart beat faster the closer they got to where Joni was left. He just hoped that the zombies had eaten enough of him so Ged would buy his bullshit story. If not, then the lack of a gunshot wound was going to be difficult to explain.
As the shops became visible so did Joni's body, or what was left of it. Two Zombies knelt next to him, devouring what remained of his corpse. Before Ed could bring the van to a stop, Ged climbed over Tom and opened the door, pushing the big man out of the way then jumping from the moving vehicle. He tumbled onto the road before quickly pulling himself to his feet, running at the zombies whilst screaming like a man possessed.
The Death in a Northern Town Trilogy (Books 1-3): Welcome To Dead Town Page 26
