by E. M. Moore
I pulled my legs in and shut the door. “Seatbelt,” Christian said.
I pulled it around and locked myself in before facing front again. He drove through the night without speaking a word. The stars in the sky winked down at us from above and I was surprised to realize I didn’t once think about my car accident on that drive. It wasn’t until Christian had pulled up to his parents’ house near The Fort, keyed in the code, and pulled around in the large circular driveway that I even thought to notice we were in the car and moving and I wasn’t telling myself not to freak out. That was a first.
I got out of the car when Christian did and followed him up the steps that led to the massive front door. He pulled me inside, locked the door behind us, and then leaned against me. His weight cemented me to the door like the gravity of all this. His breath mixed with mine. His hands came up to settle on either side of my face and I just stared at him. His eyes were more gray than blue in the darkness of the house. He trembled, his hands, his chin, all the way down to his torso, he shook. I wanted to reach out to him, but I didn’t dare.
“Don’t hate me,” he said.
I closed my eyes and swallowed. Even he should know that was impossible. There was no way hate would ever enter my head when I thought of Christian Ravana. I picked my hand up and placed it on his cheek. He trembled beneath my touch. It was contagious because it made my whole body tremor. It had been less than a week since we’d seen each other, but damnit, it was far longer than that in my head. I didn’t think I’d get to see any of them for weeks, maybe even months, and I’d already tried to desensitize myself to that. But here he was, in front of me, and we were centimeters away from breaking the law. “Why are you here, Christian? I told your mom—”
He bit down on his lip. “Yes, I know all about what you told our mother.”
The harshness to his words reeled my head back. It thunked off the door at my back.
“She wouldn’t even let us come to you afterward. We’ve been dying wondering if you’re angry, wondering if you’re okay or hurt or in trouble. You had no right to take that goodbye away from us. Then, you don’t answer your phone and worse, you powered it down so you couldn’t even hear it ring anymore.”
Okay. That did sound awful, but I was doing it for us. “The temptation is too much. Anyone could see what we write to one another. What if they saw our phones? What if—?”
His eyebrow arched. “God help me, but I’m going to channel Nicolai for one second. I could give a flying fuck what anyone else does.” He leaned in closer, his lips within grazing distance. A taste, a taste would be all it took…
I pushed him away. “Don’t.”
His features softened. For the first time, he caught the agony in my gaze even though I felt as if I was wearing it like a winter coat. “If this is about the decision, let me explain. Checkov had us cornered before we even walked in the room. We agreed to a temporary law change before something else could be arranged. The fear in the room was palpable and if Gregor didn’t do something, we would’ve played right into Checkov’s hands. It is not permanent, and will not be permanent.” His gaze raked over me. “But why do I feel like it is with you? You can barely even look at me.”
Terror seized me. I’d barely even heard the words he said and I refused to let them sink in. “When I look at you, all I want is us back. I can’t have that so it’s better if I don’t even look at you. It’s painful, Christian. It’s like a knife twisting in my gut. Every time the phone rang was like another reminder of what I had, but couldn’t really have. I turned it off. I didn’t need the temptation. Don’t you think you guys are going to be looked at more closely now? They were already asking you guys such awful questions, especially Stephan. I will not see that look on his face again when he has to explain why he bothered to save me.”
Christan shook his head and took a step back. “You thought that was bad? You should’ve seen the look in his eyes when we found out you were there when the guard was killed. You should see the deadness to him when he tries to call you and you don’t pick up. You should see the fear, the loss, the mourning, Ariana. This is nothing like it was at The Council meeting. It’s ten times worse.”
Panic clawed at my throat. Stephan, no. He was already hurting too much. It wasn’t supposed to be like that. “I thought you would all understand.”
“There are other ways,” he gritted out. He turned around abruptly and ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re exactly like Nicolai said. I just want to shake you!”
Tears tracked down my face. It wasn’t so much his words, it was his recount of Stephan and the similar lost look to his own eyes. I’d noticed it earlier when he walked across campus to head to the Rajyvik main house. He was different, and I’d done that to him. “I’m sorry.”
Maybe it was the tremor in my voice or the telltale squeak, but he immediately turned. All appearances of anger were gone and he moved toward me again. “Are you still in this with us, Ariana? Are we still fighting for something?” His gray eyes searched mine.
“More than ever,” I said, pulling my hand up to wipe away at my face. “I just thought it would be easier without the constant reminder of something we couldn’t have. I thought if we stayed away from one another, we’d be more apt to see this through, to not get caught in our web of lies. I was trying to do it for us, Christian. You have to believe me. I’ve been hurting, too.”
He looked down, his face pulling into a frown. “You’ve lost weight. It was the first thing I noticed when I walked into that classroom. Damn if I didn’t just want to pull you to me right there in front of everybody.”
“It’s the training.”
“It’s not just the training. You’ve overtraining and you’re not eating enough.”
I rubbed my cheek. “How do you know? You’ve not even been around.”
“I just know. I can recount every inch of you. I can tell you’ve been working out because your muscles are showing through more, so you haven’t totally given that up, but you’re also not eating enough because there’s no way there would be such a difference in so short amount of time.”
I shrugged his contemplative gaze away. I hated it when he used it on me. I loved it any other time, but when he delved deep into me, I was worried about what he would find. “I’ve been trying to keep myself busy.”
“Come here.” He dragged me into his arms and I crumpled there like I’d been trying to hold up too much weight and just couldn’t do it anymore. “Shh,” he said, his hands making slow passes over my back. He picked me up, my feet dangling as he moved me to the couch. I clutched at his shirt, breathing him in. It was all Christian as he laid me down and snuggled in next to me. He just held me there against his chest as the familiarity rolled though me again. It took me a few minutes to get used to him. I’d tried to block out all the sensations I usually felt around my princes, but they were all coming back to me with a vengeance. Eventually, I softened around him as one-by-one he toppled my barriers. “There you are,” he said, pulling me even closer and sinking his head into the crook of my neck. “I’d wondered where you’d gone.”
Tears sprang to my eyes. Real ones this time. Real ones with the gravity of everything I’d tried to dismiss for the last few days. How could I ever think I could put the princes out of my head? I was delusional, completely and utterly in need of a psych ward. In an instant, I saw it all in front of me. How I’d deluded myself into thinking I was focusing on the right things when all I’d done was put myself in danger. Any time I’d thought of them, I pushed it out of my head. I wouldn’t let myself obsess over them, but by doing that, I’d lost myself. “I’m sorry,” I said, the words coming out much tighter and higher than they did when I said them the first time. “Oh God, Christian, what have I done? I just kept thinking about you guys losing Jake and your parents and how they would feel if something happened to you guys, and it would be all my fault. I didn’t want that to happen to you. I tried so hard to forget so I wouldn’t be the reason for your
suffering, but—”
“Instead you broke yourself?”
I swallowed, my lips thinning. “Yeah, I kind of did.” I pulled away, my hands still clutched at his t-shirt. “Is everyone okay? Please tell them I really did think I was doing something right. I just didn’t realize how far I would take it.”
“Shh,” he said, his hand covering my cheek. “They’re all fine. They all understand… Well, maybe not Nicolai. He’s—”
“Furious?”
My gut clenched as Christian nodded. “To say the least. We practically had to restrain him to get him out of the house. We were all fighting with mother, but he was the worst. I’d never seen him so angry.”
“I told Isabelle to keep you from me.”
He tracked my lips with the pad of his thumb. “We know. I think it’s one of the most selfless things, Ariana. I’m in awe of you. I don’t fault you for that, but baby, we’ve been trying to get a hold of you. There are other concerns, other ways to go about this besides radio silence. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing right now. We can still be smart and stay connected.”
“Is that why you’re here?” My fingers tightened in his shirt as if he was going to pull away from me at any moment. I wasn’t going to give him the chance. At this point, I’d have a hard time being convinced to go back to my room at The Fort tonight. What a stupid, fragile creature I’d been.
“Yes, and no. I’m here because of something else that happened, mainly, but of course, I have my other reason that is laying down right next to me now.”
He pulled me closer even though there was no space between us to cross. I let him, understanding the need to still check and see if he was there.
He kissed the side of my head above my ear. “Samuel asked one of us to take over for the vamp-human politics class for his sister, Natalie. We all knew she wasn’t going to be able to do it, the only issue was who was going to take it over. With everything that happened, Samuel thought it should be one of us. He wanted a Ravana there to show the guards that we weren’t all that bad.”
“A political move?”
A grimace crossed his face. “I hate to call it that, but sort of? It’s not only that though. It’s the rogue clan, too.”
My brows furrowed. “T-the rogue clan? What do they have to do with anything here?”
Christian reached up and started to stroke my hair. It immediately made me ease back into him. “We’ve been tracking them. They’ve made their way from our estate, down through southern New York, through Pennsylvania. The last time we checked, they were a few hundred miles away.”
“From here? You think they’re coming here?”
He nodded wordlessly.
The conversation, or what I could hear of it, between T.J. and Christian worked its way into my brain. T.J. thanked Christian for being there. It couldn’t all be a coincidence. “That’s why T.J.’s here, too, isn’t it? Because of the rogue clan?”
“Yes. He’s the best stake handler there is so it’s obvious to put him in the stake instructor role, but really, he’s working closely with Samuel on the defenses of The Fort…in case.”
“But why would they come here? We’re just trainees. We’re nothing better than peons at this point. What would attacking The Fort prove?”
“I don’t think they just want to attack The Fort, Ariana. I think they want to obliterate it.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
No wonder why they were so worried. No wonder why Christian was masquerading as an instructor here. I was here, and there was a major threat to the school. If I’d been in their places, I would’ve been freaking out too. A wave of nausea rolled over me as what I’d put them through fully sunk in. I was surprised there weren’t suddenly three more positions at the school that Nic, Stephan, and Connor would slip into. “I’m sorry.”
Christian pressed warm lips to my forehead. “You didn’t know.”
“I put you guys through hell.”
“Some things are just worth going through, Ariana. Now that I’m here, we’ll all be able to relax a little more.”
A sudden image of Nicolai appeared in my head and I stifled a laugh. “Nic probably hasn’t been able to stop pacing since you guys left.”
Christian’s lips tipped up. “You have no idea. I swear he even does it in his sleep. I talked to them after I saw you in class earlier and it was all a big relief to hear you’re alive and well. Stephan is admittedly concerned about your weight loss.”
I looked down at myself. “Is it that noticeable?”
“Let’s put it this way, I think he’s going to set up an intervention as soon as he sees you next. I think there’s a lot of protein in your future.”
I nuzzled my head down into his chest. “And Connor?”
“He hasn’t said a funny thing in days.” Christian pressed his finger under my chin and lifted it so I could meet his gaze. “My mom thinks he’s broken. She wanted me to apologize to you.”
“To me? Why?”
“She said if you cared for us half as much as we care for you, she was sorry she left you to go through that all alone. At least we had one another. You didn’t have anybody.” I shrugged, thinking I got away with the least amount of it. “Don’t even do that,” Christian said, his eyes burning into me. “You retreated inside yourself, you dropped a significant amount of weight in too short a time, and there are shadows under your eyes that were never there before. Don’t act like you should feel all this. It wasn’t just you. We were all being stupid and naive and ridiculous. We need to work together, as a unit. We’re stronger together, that much is one-hundred percent clear now.”
He was right, of course. Christian always thought too hard to be wrong. We were going to need our strength for one another and to fight these rogue vamps. If they were in fact targeting the school, we needed everything we had. “Why do you think the rogue vampires want the school?”
Christian fretted over his lower lip. “There are a few hypotheses. One, because they’ll be hitting us at our defenses. The trainees are our future security. If they take you guys out, it’ll be easier to overthrow us, the current Council. Two, Gregor, though you may not realize it because since you’ve been here, nothing seems to work out like planned, but Gregor is progressive. He wants to foster the guard relations, not hinder them. If the rogue vampires take out his guards, it could be seen as a personal attack on him.”
“And number three?” I asked, almost afraid of what I might hear.
“Well, three is kind of Nicolai’s conclusion. He thinks they’re just blood-thirsty a-holes who like the idea of overpowering guards instead of regular humans. It’s more of a challenge for them.”
“He’s saying that because I told you guys what that one rogue vampire said to me. He told me I tasted better.”
Christian nodded. “Nicolai took that and ran away with it.”
“I can tell you don’t agree,” I hedged. There was doubt written all over Christian’s face even though he would never tell Nic that.
His jaw ticked. “Honestly? I don’t know what to believe. It could be all three or none at all. My priority is making sure that you’re safe. That the rest of the trainees keep safe. That we uphold the society standards that my father has put in place. As an aside, I’m kind of hoping we can use this attack as a way to bolster the outlook on guards in some of the vampires’ eyes.”
My eyes turned hard, remembering the way Checkov looked at me, and all the other Council members with their stoic faces. “What do they think about all this?”
“They’re appalled. Anything that threatens their way of existence strikes fear in them. I hate to say it because I am one, but for being so powerful and strong, we have some of the worst personality traits. Over time, I think we can smooth those out. History hasn’t always been kind to the vampires. It makes us paranoid.”
I’d second that, but there was no use getting into that now. It must have been a generational thing anyway because it wasn’t as if I saw any of that hesitation i
n the Ravanas’ minds. Or maybe that was testament to how Gregor and Isabelle raised them. The only other young vampire I’d met tried to make me his blood whore so I really didn’t have much to go on there. I really needed to meet more vamps in my age bracket to get a sense of where they all stood. I propped my head up on my elbow. “So, what do we do?”
“Well, I am tracking the rogue vampires with Samuel and T.J.. I kidnapped—” I narrowed my eyes at his word usage and he laughed. “I absconded you because I needed to make you see reason.”
“Do you think you’ve done that?” I asked, teasing.
“Sometimes I wonder if that’s even a possibility.”
I needled him in the side and he laughed harder. He only said it to bring a smile to my face because I was probably the most reasonable person I’d ever met. It was fun to tease and talk with Christian in this way. It was just good to have a lifeline back. “When is Samuel going to tell the trainees about the rogue vampires?”
Christian settled down and looked as he tugged a piece of hair behind my ear. I couldn’t tell if he was avoiding the question or hiding his reaction to it. “Since we’re not sure if The Fort is even their target, we were keeping quiet on it until we had to.”
Shock filtered through me, but I tried to hide it from Christian’s ever-present curiosity. “You know the trainees are the best line of defense we have if they try to get into The Fort. What better way to train than to throw them in there? I learned so much by being at your house, just listening and then actually going out on scouting with Lex, T.J., and Matthews. Nothing is better than real-life scenario.”
“We’re hoping it doesn’t come to that,”Christian said. He’d locked his jaw down again and was staring at me as if he was losing me again.
