One wish list, a whole new future!
When Scarlett comes across a box containing her most precious items from her teenage years, she’s forced to confront the adult she has become. As a divorced mother of two twentysomethings, Scarlett has to admit her life has ground to a halt! Whatever happened to that girl whose hopes and dreams were so naively displayed in a wish list for her life?
So, armed with the list, Scarlett sets about checking off each and every item possible, determined to fulfil her promises to her younger self. Some are easy. Dancing in the rain? Bring on the next thunderstorm! Marrying her high-school sweetheart? Not so easy when married Jake lives clear across the country!
But what started out as a challenge to herself quickly takes on a life of its own, catapulting Scarlett out of her slump and into a life even her younger self could never have dreamed of!
Also by Buffy Andrews
The Christmas Violin
The Moment Keeper
It’s in the Stars
Our Fragile Hearts
A Year of Second Chances
Buffy Andrews
ONE PLACE. MANY STORIES
Contents
Cover
Blurb
Book List
Title Page
Author Bio
Acknowledgements
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Epilogue
Excerpt
Copyright
BUFFY ANDREWS
lives in south central Pennsylvania with her husband, Tom, and wheaten cairn terrier, Kakita.
By day, she works for USA Today Network as its Regional Engagement Manager for the Northeast.
By night, she writes middle-grade, young adult and women's fiction.
Some of her fiction ideas pop into her head at the most inopportune times, such as during a sermon or in the shower or when she’s supposed to be listening in a meeting. She’s written all over church bulletins, jumped out of the shower more than once to write down an idea and turned meeting handouts into storyboards.
If you see her out and about, don’t be surprised if you see her pull out the notebook she keeps in her purse. She’s forever taking notes she’ll use later. After all, life is full of wonderful details to capture.
I thank God for walking with me each and every day, for giving me the strength and courage to push forward despite whatever obstacles I might face.
I thank my husband, Tom, and sons, Zach and Micah, for their endless support and encouragement. I love you guys more than you’ll ever know.
I thank my friends and family who have cheered me on and have always been there when I needed an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on or arms for a warm hug. I love you all so very much!
Lastly, I thank my editor Victoria Oundjian who has pushed and challenged me to make this book the best it could be. Thank you for your unwavering support and for helping to bring this book to the world.
Blessings to each and every one of you, Buffy
To Tom,
The love of my life
Chapter 1
I kept telling myself I wasn’t going to die, that the radiologist simply wanted to double-check my right breast to make sure it was as benign as the left. Nothing more than a big ball of size 36C fat. But the C word kept popping up like that irritating “unexpected item in the bagging area” message I always seem to get after scanning every third item at self-checkout.
I called Shonna on my way to the imaging center. I’d already talked to my bestie the night before and she’d calmed me down, but I needed her reassurance again.
“I think I’m going to die,” I blurted into the phone.
I could hear Shonna turn on the faucet.
“Are you listening to me? I said I think I’m going to die.”
“Now stop it. We talked about this last night. Don’t jump to conclusions. Even if they find something it doesn’t mean you’ll die. They probably just saw something suspicious and want to take a closer look. I’ve had other friends who’ve had mammogram callbacks and they turned out to be nothing.”
“But what if it’s something?” I pushed.
“Then we’ll deal with it, but remember, ninety-nine percent of the things we worry about never happen.”
“I know you’re right but I can’t help thinking the worst. I’ve never received a callback before.”
“Deep breaths, Scarlett. One step at a time. For now they simply want to get a closer look.”
By the time I arrived at the imaging center, my heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest. I tried to calm myself by taking deep breaths. My anxiety was surely even greater because my boss’s mother had had breast cancer and died, so of course that’s all I could think about.
The imaging center was busier than during my previous visit but I found a seat in the back facing the wall. I didn’t feel like exchanging small pleasantries with anyone. I just wanted to get the scanning over with and find out if I had the big C. Would I divide my life BC/AC, Before Cancer/After Cancer, I wondered.
Finally, I was called back by a technician who introduced herself as Linda. She looked to be about my age. I changed into a pink floral top that snapped down the front and followed Linda into a room with a huge white machine standing in the middle of it.
“Please, sit down,” she said. “Do you know the date of your last period?”
I reached inside my purse and pulled out my monthly pocket calendar. I noted when I got my period by writing a P in the tiny date boxes, a habit that had carried over from my teen years when there really was a chance I could get pregnant because I actually did have sex. “April 20.”
“Are you sexually active?”
I shook my head.
“I’m sorry, is that a no?”
Yes, it’s a no. I haven’t had anything hard in five years!
“Yes. I mean no, I haven’t had sexual relations with anyone for quite some time.”
Linda furrowed her brows. “Oh, okay.”
She thinks I’m weird. Should I explain I want to have sex but there’s no one special in my life and I’m not into hooking up?
No, let it go. I can’t be the only forty-nine-year-old who’s wasting the prime years of her life on a purple rabbit vibrator I nicknamed Jack.
Linda nodded toward the machine. “Stand in front and slip your right arm out of your top.”
I stood and walked over to the machine and did what she said. She peeled off a little sticker with a tiny bead in the middle of it. “I’m going to mark your nipple. It helps the radiologist who reads the mammogram. We wouldn’t want him to mistake it for an abnormality.”
How can a nipple be mistaken for an abnormality?
“If the nipple rolls during comp
ression the area might look suspicious.”
She read my mind.
“Think of your nipple like the North Star,” she continued. “It’s a point of reference for the radiologist and helps him read the mammogram.”
Visualizing my nipple lighting up the north sky made me giggle.
She thinks my nipple is big. It is big. Big and probably cancerous. Mike always liked my nipples. Screw Mike. Stop it, Scarlett.
I stepped toward the machine, placing my hand where Linda had instructed. I winced as she positioned my breast against the cold support plate and compressed it, flattening it out like she was prepping a piece of chicken to coat with bread crumbs and seasoning and bake.
“Are you okay?”
I nodded. Just take the damn picture.
Linda dashed to the console behind a see-through barrier to take the image. “Don’t breathe, don’t move.”
I held my breath and exhaled seconds later when the compression plate retreated.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
I nodded. “We women know how to take pressure!”
She laughed and proceeded to take additional photos of my right breast from different angles.
“We’re done,” Linda finally said. “You can have a seat in the waiting area while the radiologist checks these films. Don’t get dressed until I tell you to in case he wants additional images.”
I grabbed my purse and headed to the waiting room, which was packed. It was much smaller than the other waiting area so I had no choice but to sit next to someone. And it was just my luck she was a talker.
“Is this your first time getting a mammogram?” asked the woman, a petite brunette who looked to be thirty-something.
I shook my head.
“It’s mine. I’m only thirty-four but my doctor felt a lump during my annual exam.”
I nodded.
“Did you ever have a lump?”
I shifted in my seat. “No.”
“I hope it’s not cancer.”
I wasn’t sure what to say so I said something really stupid. “I hope so, too.”
I should’ve told her that eighty percent of breast lumps aren’t cancerous and that they often turn out to be harmless cysts, but I didn’t have time. The nurse returned and told her she could get dressed. The radiologist was ready to see her.
I picked up a magazine and started reading an article about the First Lady when Linda popped in to tell me I could get dressed. I took it as a good sign that the radiologist didn’t need any more views.
Five minutes later, I was in his office staring at images on the screens.
Dr. Johnson sat in front of two monitors and pointed to the images on the left one. “These are the images taken last Friday. See this area here? I wanted to double-check that.”
He then pointed to images on the other monitor. “These images, taken today from other angles, give me a better look at that site. Do you see these fine white specks?”
I nodded.
“They are calcium deposits within the breast tissue.”
My heart started to race. “Are they cancerous?”
“Calcifications are usually noncancerous, but I’d like to send you to a surgeon to have a breast biopsy to be sure.”
I’m dying. I knew it. Oh, stop, Scarlett.
“You said calcifications are usually noncancerous. What do they look like when they are?”
Dr. Johnson opened his desk drawer and pulled out a laminated sheet showing two types of calcifications. He pointed to the top image. “These are macro calcifications. They are large, round and well-defined and are more likely to be benign.” He then pointed to the bottom image. “These are micro calcifications, or tight clusters of tiny, irregularly shaped calcifications. Certain patterns might indicate cancer.”
I looked at the image on the laminated sheet of paper and then at the image on the computer screen. “Mine look like the bottom photo.” I started to tremble. I knew it. I had cancer.
“That’s why I’d like you to see a surgeon. Just to make sure they’re benign.”
I tried to stop the tears from coming, but it was no use. My face felt like it was on fire. All I could think about was dying.
Dr. Johnson handed me a tissue.
“So who do you recommend I see?”
“Dr. Edwards. He’s excellent and it’s who I’d want my wife to see if this was her mammogram.”
The next ten minutes were a blur. The nurse returned and asked me to come with her. We went into a small room and I sat while she called the surgeon’s office to schedule an appointment.
“You don’t have anything sooner?” I heard her ask. The nurse looked at me, covering the receiver with her hand. “The soonest they have is next Friday.”
I sighed. “But that’s a whole week away.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Ask them if they’ll call if someone cancels.”
I heard the nurse ask and then confirm the Friday appointment. She hung up and handed me a slip of paper with the doctor’s address on it. “Dr. Edwards is the best. You’ll be in good hands. Good luck.”
Good luck? It’s not like I’m going to play tennis with him! I don’t need luck; I need prayers. “Thanks”
The nurse showed me to the exit and as soon as I crawled into my car I broke down, the tears coming as fast as a waterfall that crashes onto jagged rocks below.
I called Shonna and in between sobs managed to mumble breast, biopsy and cancer.
“Calm down,” Shonna said. “We need to take this one step at a time. It might not be anything.”
“But it probably is. I’m probably dying. I’ll never get to see my kids marry or play with my grandchildren.”
“Scarlett, stop it. Stop it right now. I’m not trying to minimize this, but a lot of people have breast calcifications and they’re usually benign.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve never been like most people.”
We talked some more and I drove to Mom and Dad’s, wondering how I was going to keep a happy face the rest of the day. I wasn’t going to tell Mom and Dad. I didn’t want to worry them and feared they’d let it slip to the kids. I’d tell David and Tory if I needed to.
I’d already arranged to take the day off when I got the callback. My parents were moving to a retirement community and Mom had asked me to sort through boxes in the basement to see if there was anything I wanted to keep. I couldn’t imagine finding anything of value, but I promised Mom I’d look anyway.
Chapter 2
I stared at the list I’d written when I was seventeen. Thirty-two years had passed since I scribbled my hopes and dreams on the white napkin and tucked it inside my high-school yearbook. A knot formed in my throat as I scanned the items. Marry Jake. Take a road trip with my bestie. Live in a big city. Overcome my fear of heights. Buy a sports car. Make lots of money. Own a boutique. I must’ve listed twenty things. My dreams had sparkled like bright stars in the night sky, waiting to be plucked one at time. What happened? Some stars had faded; others had long been forgotten, swallowed by life and its twists and turns. The things you never see coming when you’re seventeen.
A tear slid down my cheek, and I wiped it away with the back of my hand. I suppose there comes a time in everyone’s life when you realize you have fewer years ahead than behind you. And suddenly it becomes important to make sure that, when winter comes, you’ve lived the best life you could. Facing the possibility of having breast cancer only intensified my feelings and need to grasp hold of whatever time I had left.
And that’s when I decided I had to make some changes in my life. The kids were grown and each night I went to bed lonely in a house I’d once shared with Tory and David and their dad. Mike gave me the house as part of the divorce settlement along with the mini-van. We’d been married nineteen years and the last five were riddled with insults and angry outbursts. We fought all the time about everything and nothing. The kids. Work. Money. Even where
we should go on vacation. The year we turned forty-two, we’d decided to call it quits. We both wanted to end our marriage before we hated each other. So, I got the house and the mini-van (he, by the way, had a sports car!) and he moved to a condo across town. We’re both still single and, to be honest, I haven’t met anyone in the past seven years who’s made me feel the way Mike once did.
I heard Mom’s voice but, from the musty corner of her basement, I couldn’t make out what she’d yelled. I walked over to the steps leading to the first floor. “Sorry, Mom. I couldn’t understand you.”
“I asked if you were hungry.”
I rubbed my stomach. “I’m starving.”
“Good. I made one of your favorites. Chicken corn soup.”
I smiled. “Just let me finish packing this box and I’ll be right up.”
I returned to the cardboard box with “Scarlett’s Stuff” scribbled on the top in black magic marker. I’d apparently stashed it down here when I was still in love with Jake, my high-school sweetheart. Besides the list, the box held other treasures from my high-school years. A program from my senior class play. The roses Jake gave me for our first Valentine’s Day (now a crisp bundle of tan petals tipped in Pepto-Bismol pink). My honor society certificate, encased in a black frame chipped at the corner. A photo of my best friend Shonna and I posing in our puffy-sleeved prom dresses. We couldn’t have looked more different. She was six foot and I was barely five. She had long chestnut hair and mine was long and strawberry blonde. She had brown eyes and I had green. And yet our friendship had lasted and, like fine wine, gotten better with age.
Besides the high-school mementos, I found a shoebox filled with items I’d made for Scarlett’s Shop. I laughed, remembering my pop-up store. I’d sell my homemade items at school, at home, anywhere I could display them and make money. Popsicle-stick picture frames. Painted rocks with magnets on the back. Clothespin caterpillars (think colorful pom-poms glued to a clothespin with googly eyes). I picked up a bookmark I’d made from a Christmas card Mom had saved. A wave of memories washed over me. I’d always wanted to own a boutique. It was another dream never realized.
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