I nodded. “How often did you work out?”
“Three times a week at first, but eventually I tried to do at least something every day. Why don’t I show you around?”
I followed Renee to the main area. The treadmills and elliptical trainers on the second floor loft stood like sentinels watching over the rows of weight machines below. To the right of the sea of machines were racket ball courts with glass walls and a gym where Renee explained they held classes. To the left of the machines was a room for indoor cycling and beyond that a pool. The facility also contained a full basketball court.
“Do you ever have any trouble getting a machine when you come?” I asked.
“Not really. Obviously late afternoon, right after work, is busy, but never so busy I can’t find an empty treadmill or elliptical. As you can see, we have a lot of equipment.”
I followed Renee as she showed me the locker room, which contained a sauna and whirlpool and was conveniently connected to the swimming pool.
By the time we’d finished the tour I was sold. I at least had to try.
“Let’s go over the paperwork and get you started,” Renee said.
I followed her back to her cubicle and thirty minutes later walked out with a plastic membership card bearing my name.
My cell phone rang. It was Tory.
“Hi, sweetie! How’s the studying going?”
“Not bad. Sorry for not calling last night, but I was at the library with a group from my marketing class finishing our final project.”
“Did you finish it?”
“Yes, finally.”
“Feels good, doesn’t it?”
“Definitely.”
I opened my car and climbed inside. “Is everything set for graduation?”
Tory sighed. “I think so. I made reservations at the inn for Dad, you, me and David.”
“Keeping up the family tradition, eh?”
Tory laughed.
Tory and David had opted to attend the same college as Mike and I, and eating at the inn following the graduation ceremony was something each of us had done.
“Where are you?” Tory asked. “Sounds like traffic in the background.”
“I just walked out of a Fitness Fanatic.”
Tory coughed. “What? You were in a gym?”
“Yep. Just joined.”
“But why? I mean, I thought you didn’t like working out.”
“I don’t, but I hate gaining weight more. Long story short, I decided to make some changes in my life. One of which is to get fit.”
“That’s great, Mom. But why the sudden urge to change your life?”
“Lots of reasons. Mostly because I found a bucket list of sorts while helping Grandma and Grandpa pack that I wrote when I was seventeen. I guess looking at all those teenage dreams scribbled on a white napkin taken from a dispenser at the local pizza shop got me thinking about my life.”
“Don’t tell me you’re having a midlife crisis,” Tory said. “Jackie’s dad had one of those and ended up with a broken collarbone after buying a motorcycle.”
I laughed. “I’m not going to do anything as dangerous as that. Maybe run a marathon, but that’s hardly riding a motorcycle.”
“Run? You’re going to run? A marathon?”
“Yeah! Why not?”
“Uh. I just don’t think I’ve ever seen you run. Well, maybe when David and I were really little and in trouble. Maybe then you ran to grab us and put us in a time-out. But not run as in arms pumping, feet digging.”
I buckled my seatbelt. “Well, I guess you will now.”
“Does David know?”
“No, but I’m sure you’ll call him as soon as you get off the phone with me.”
Tory laughed. “So is everything set for next weekend on your end?”
“Yes. I’m picking up David at the airport Friday morning and we should be at the university by late afternoon. Your dad is driving up separately, but we’re all staying at the same hotel.”
“Sounds good.”
“Did you buy your graduation gown at the bookstore?”
“Not yet, but I will tomorrow.”
“Tory, you’re such a procrastinator. I would’ve had that hanging in my closet months ago.”
“Why? It would just take up space, and I hardly have enough closet space as it is.”
“Ugh. You’re impossible. It’s not like it’s a puffy winter coat.”
“Oh Mom, stop worrying. If worse comes to worst, I’ll borrow Jackie’s sister’s. She has one since she graduated last year.”
Before hanging up, I reminded Tory to call her grandmother and pulled out of the parking lot onto the highway. I could’ve started my workout right away, but I’d opted to return tomorrow afternoon. I figured the gym wouldn’t be full on a Sunday and Renee had agreed to meet me. Besides, I had to go to the store and buy carrots, celery and a cartload of other good-for-you food. I was determined that, in addition to exercise, I was going to start eating right, too.
I didn’t think I’d ever spent so much time in the produce department at the grocery store. I bought cucumbers, peppers, carrots, tomatoes, strawberries, blueberries and raspberries. I even bought heads of romaine lettuce to chop up for salads instead of buying it prepackaged. Yep! I was turning a new leaf. No pun intended.
“Scarlett?”
I turned round to see my ex carrying a shopping basket. Dressed in jeans and a white button down, he looked handsome, and I wished he didn’t.
I hate men. They get up, throw on a pair of jeans and a tee, run their fingers through their hair and look as if they could pose for the cover of a Harlequin romance. They don’t have to work nearly as hard as women do to look great.
I should’ve known I’d run into someone I knew at the grocery store. It always happens. I plan to get in and get out without being noticed, but I always seem to run into someone when I look my worst. Not only was I not wearing any make-up, but I’d woke up with two zits standing like sentinels on either side of my mouth. Ugh! What forty-nine-year-old still gets pimples? Me! That’s who. I was pretty sure these were stress-related. I was having issues with two co-workers not completing their assignments on time, so I named the pimples after them! Doris and Chuck.
As Mike neared, I smelled his cologne, a scent I’d purchased for him years ago and that he obviously still liked. I waved. “Hi, Mike.”
He glanced at my grocery cart. “I don’t remember you liking vegetables so much.”
I shrugged. “Well, yeah. I didn’t, but I’m trying to make some changes.”
He nodded. “I talked to David and he said you’re picking him up at the airport. Are you sure you don’t want me to?”
I shook my head. “No, I’m good. Thanks.”
He nodded. “I also talked to Tory and she said she made dinner reservations at the inn.”
“Are you bringing Kelsey?”
Mike shook his head. “I don’t think so. Tory’s never been crazy about her and I thought we’d keep this just family.”
Kelsey had been Mike’s girlfriend for several months. She was seventeen years younger and very needy. Tory called her a “trophy girlfriend” whose biggest concern was what color to tell her technician to paint her nails.
“I’m sure Tory will appreciate that. It’s been a long time since she’s had her dad to herself.”
Mike huffed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
I rolled my eyes. “Why do you have to take everything so personally? I’m simply saying it’s been a long time since you and Tory shared daddy/daughter time.”
“That’s because every time she comes home she’s with you.”
“Really Mike? Do you really want to go there? She’s with me because there’s been a revolving door of women parading in and out of your condo for the past five years.”
He shook his finger at me. “Well, there wouldn’t be if you wouldn’t have left me.”
“An
d I wouldn’t have left you if you wouldn’t have fucked your secretary.”
I was a little too loud and an older woman pushing her cart past us turned around and glared at me.
I sighed. “Look, no more fighting. Did you rent the truck for next weekend?”
“Yes. We should be all set to move Tory to New York.”
I felt tears pool in my eyes and nodded. Mike reached out and patted my shoulder. “Look, Scarlett, sorry for arguing. I’ll see you next weekend.”
I waited until he walked away to let the tears flow. I felt stupid standing in the middle of the produce department, bananas on one side and onions on the other, crying. I pulled a tissue out of my purse and blew my nose. A woman who looked to be about my mom’s age noticed and wheeled her cart over. “Everything okay, sweetie?”
I nodded. “The onions get me every time.”
I managed to make it the rest of the way through the store and avoid Mike. I hated that he always looked so good, not a hair out of place. I hated that he always seemed to see me at my worst. Fat clothes, no make-up and bed head. And I hated that I cared he always saw me at my worst. Just once I wanted to feel sexy and beautiful and have him look at me with longing and regret. I wanted him to think, Wow, I really did have a beautiful wife. I screwed up.
To be honest, I didn’t have a lot of self-esteem following the divorce. I blamed myself for not looking better. I told myself that maybe if I wouldn’t have gained so much weight, Mike wouldn’t have found someone else. I knew I needed to get my confidence back. If I could achieve some of the things on my list, such as running a marathon, maybe I would.
Chapter 6
I stared at the list and my eyes kept settling on: Have a career I love,
I wasn’t sure I’d ever had a career I loved. I’d had a job, one that allowed me to be off when the kids were so I could take care of them. And when the kids got older and I swapped my job as a school cafeteria monitor for that of an executive assistant, it wasn’t because it was a career I loved, but one that paid more. But today, if I could do anything I wanted, what would it be? I wondered.
Oh, to be young again and have my whole life ahead of me. I had a degree in marketing, but so much had changed since I’d graduated. Listening to Tory talk about behavioral segmentation, SEO, brand social sites and myriad other terms foreign to me made my head spin. The world I’d once studied had changed completely and I was no longer qualified to do anything more than answer the phones. I knew I could go back to school and learn what I didn’t know, but did I want to?
I Googled How to find a career you love. Among the advice I found: leverage your interests, think about what you enjoy that you also do well.
I clicked on a link to take a quiz that would tell me what type of career fitted my personality. I wasn’t surprised to see sales and marketing and business operations and management among the areas suggested.
I realized that, over the years, I’d limited my career options. Practicality and how much money I made had been my primary criteria. But what if they weren’t? What would I be interested in doing if money was of no concern?
I wondered if I was chasing an elusive dream. Did anyone get real fulfillment from their job? I wasn’t sure I could leave my job without knowing what I was going to do next, and yet I imagined how freeing it would be, having time to invest all my energy into finding the next thing. Still, the sense of urgency that would accompany such a bold move might be paralyzing. But if there was ever a time to do it, that time was now. I had to stop letting financial pressures dictate my choices. I really wanted to spend the rest of my life doing something I loved.
I pulled the painted rock magnet out of my pocket and turned it over in my hand. Why not? I thought. Why can’t I open my own boutique? It was on the list.
For the past several years, the city had experienced revitalization with specialty shops and eateries sprouting up along the main corridor. Just recently I’d ventured downtown to buy some handmade soap and saw a beautiful brownstone for sale. My head started spinning as ideas began swirling around, turning my gray matter into bright, bold colors.
My phone rang. It was Shonna. “How’d the gym visit go?”
“Well, I joined. My first workout is tomorrow.”
“You go, girlfriend!”
“Yeah, and then I ran into Mike at the grocery store looking like I’d just crawled out of bed. And I had two zits! Two of them! And of course he looked great. No zits. No wrinkles. No gray hairs.”
Shonna laughed. “Men suck like that. And I have a zit, too. On my chin. Where’s yours?”
“On either side of my mouth. I named them Chuck and Doris.”
Shonna cleared her throat. “After those two jerks at work?”
“Yes, because I’m pretty sure that’s why I have them.”
Shonna laughed. “I’ll have to start naming mine. The problem is they’d all be named Roger.”
“Things still aren’t any better?”
Shonna sighed. “Everything he does is really beginning to annoy me. He doesn’t know how to be quiet in the morning when I’m sleeping. He leaves beard shavings in the bathroom sink. He can’t watch anything on TV unless it’s sports. He’s always putting his hand inside his pocket and scratching his balls. And he says he wants to take me out but never plans the outing. Oh, and this is a good one – he gives observations instead of compliments. It drives me crazy!”
“Give me an example.”
“Okay. Here’s one. The other day I came home and he said, ‘Oh, you changed your hair.’ Instead of telling me that my new haircut looked nice.”
“I didn’t know you got a new do. Send me a selfie.”
“I will but you get what I’m saying, right?”
I laughed. “But all guys scratch their balls.”
“I know, but when Roger does it I’m more annoyed than when I see other guys do it. Enough about Roger. Any list updates?”
I told Shonna about my career research. “Do you love your job?”
I could tell from the pregnant pause that Shonna was thinking about it. “I used to, but I’m not sure I do anymore. Working in non-profit management has paid the bills and it’s been easy for me. But sometimes I regret not going to law school like I’d planned.”
“So what’s stopping you from going now?”
“Well, to be honest, I have looked into it off and on over the years, but it’s incredibly expensive. And now I have two kids, both of whom I’ll be helping with college tuition, pursuing my passion is out of the question.”
I shifted in my seat. “Have you ever talked to Roger about it?”
“Once and he pooh-poohed the idea, telling me it would be a lousy investment because there are so many starving lawyers. After that, I never brought it up again. And, to be honest, I was hurt he hadn’t listened to what I was saying. I tried to explain why it was so important to me, but he only saw dollar signs. Instead of working with me to figure out a way, he shut me down. So why all the job talk?”
“Well, having a career I love is on the list, so I’ve been thinking about what I’d do if money wasn’t an issue.”
“And?”
“And, well, maybe I’d sell the house, move into the city and open a boutique.”
“Wow! You have been thinking about this.”
“Look, Tory is graduating and I don’t need this big house anymore. While living downtown isn’t like living in New York City, it’s at least closer to my dream than living in the suburbs surrounded by rolling farmland. Not that it’s not pretty; it’s beautiful. But I’m ready for a change.”
I heard Maggie in the background and Shonna telling her she was on the phone.
“Well, I can see the boutique. You’ve always wanted to own a shop. Remember the one you had when we were kids?”
I laughed. “I found some of my old inventory in the same box I found the list in. Magnets, bookmarks, bracelets.”
Shonna laughed. “Oh my gos
h. Too funny. Remember the noodle necklaces you made? You’d paint penne pasta and string them together using colored plastic cord.”
I smiled. “Yeah, I found one of those in the box, too.”
I told Shonna about the property I’d seen for sale. “It would be great to find a place where I could have the boutique on the first floor and live upstairs.”
“You should do it,” Shonna said. “You should absolutely do it. You have nothing to lose. You’re right. Tory’s moving. Your parents are moving. If you want to stay in the area, why not move to the city and do something you’ve always wanted to do?”
As soon as I ended my conversation with Shonna, I looked up the property and called the real-estate agent who’d listed it. We made plans for him to show me this property as well as a few others the next day. I’d have time to work out with Renee, come home and shower, and meet Ed by one.
I was nearly finished making Tory’s graduation gift. I knew she’d expect it because I’d made a quilt for David when he’d graduated. I’d saved scraps of her clothing over the years and turned them into quilt patches. There was a patch from her first Easter dress. One from her Brownie uniform. Another from her first ballet costume. Looking at the patches on the quilt flooded me with memories. Life really did go by in a blink.
I heard Muffin scratch on the door and opened it so she could join me in my sewing/craft room. She hated being alone as much as I did. I pointed to the floor beside the chair. “You sit there while I embroider this tag.”
I pulled the black strand through the cream-colored cloth, finishing the date. Then I looked at my handiwork.
To Tory
Love you with all my heart, Mom
May 8, 2017
I held it up to show Muffin. “So, what do you think, Muff?”
She cocked her little head and made a low-pitched moan.
“Now to sew the tag on and wrap it.”
I looked at the backside of the tag with its knots and loose threads, and then at the front. Funny how something could be both beautiful and ugly, depending on your perspective. It occurred to me that life was like that, and I wondered if we had to see ugliness to know beauty. Or if there was beauty in ugliness.
A Year of Second Chances Page 4
