My heart thumped as I walked into the surgeon’s office. It was ultra-modern with a black and white color scheme, sleek lines and plenty of chrome. I sat on a black sofa and buried my nose in a book I’d brought. I tried reading but couldn’t concentrate enough to focus. I didn’t have to wait long.
“Scarlett?”
I looked up from my book.
“Dr. Edwards is ready to see you.”
I followed the nurse down the hallway to a room at the end on the left. “The doctor will be right in.”
About twenty seconds later, a tall, handsome man with gray hair walked in. He held out his hand. “Hi, I’m Dr. Edwards.”
“Hi. Thanks for seeing me.”
He opened the laptop he’d carried in with him and showed me the images the radiologist had shown me. “See this area here.” He pointed to the tiny squiggly white lines. “These are calcifications and what we need to biopsy to make sure they aren’t cancerous. From looking at the pattern, I don’t think they are, but we can’t be sure unless we check them.”
I hadn’t realized I’d been holding my breath until then. I exhaled and felt my anxiety float away like a helium balloon released outside. He doesn’t think it’s cancer.
He explained the procedure, using an anatomical breast model, assuring me I’d have only a barely noticeable scar along the outer edge of the areola.
“How much of the breast tissue will you remove?”
“Just enough to make sure I get a good sampling of the calcifications.”
“Can you get all of the calcifications?”
“I’ll take what I need and try to get most of them, but I don’t want to disfigure you. I wouldn’t do that to my wife or daughter.”
I winced when he said “disfigure.” I wanted him to remove all of the calcifications in my breast. I hated the idea of having something in there that didn’t belong. But I also didn’t want to be left with a big indentation.
“Do you have any other questions?” he asked.
“How soon can we do it? Waiting to see you was hell and I just want to know what I’m dealing with.”
He nodded. “I understand. The nurse will schedule the biopsy. It’s outpatient but you should have someone drive you home.”
I bit my lip.
“Is that a problem?” Dr. Edwards asked.
I shook my head, wondering if Mom would stay with me and delay moving to Florida.
I met with the nurse and we checked the doctor’s surgery schedule. “He has an opening two weeks from now.”
“He doesn’t have anything earlier?”
She looked at the schedule again. “No, he’s pretty booked.”
I called Shonna afterward while driving to work and told her what the doctor had said.
“Good. It sounds like he thinks the calcifications are benign.”
“He put it at eighty percent, so there’s still a twenty percent chance it’s cancer. I’ll just be glad when it’s done so I know.”
“So, how was the rest of your weekend?”
“Changing the subject, eh?”
Shonna laughed. “I really do want to know how the rest of your weekend went.”
“Working out is killing me! I’ve been so stiff and sore. Renee said soreness is a sign my muscles are benefiting from all the hard work, but man, it stinks. I’m sore in places I’ve never been sore before, but I’m not giving up. I want filler.”
I could hear the confusion in Shonna’s voice. “What does filler have to do with working out?”
I explained what Renee had said about the red-flag period. “So, once I make it through those weeks, I’m rewarding myself with filler. I want fuller lips. My lips are too thin.”
Shonna laughed. “I never noticed your thin lips.”
“That’s because you don’t look at my lips. If you did you’d see they were as thin as red licorice laces.”
Shonna laughed at my comparison. “Just don’t get them too plump that you have a trout pout.”
I laughed. “Trout pout! Never heard that one before. And no trout pout or duck bill for me. Just a little augmentation that looks natural. I’m tired of my upper lip disappearing when I smile. “
“Just research it before you do it. A girl I work with had it done and she ended up with very bruised and lumpy lips.”
“Will do. I also checked out the property downtown I told you about.”
I gave her the Cliff Notes on the old TV supply store.
“Wow, you’ve been busy.”
“So, what do you think?”
“I say go for it. Like I told you yesterday, why not? You’ve always wanted to own a boutique. Do it! It might not be in New York, but it’s still more bustling than where you live now. I’m just worried about the money. Will you be able to survive on what you make? And then there’s healthcare and all that jazz.”
I remembered the item on my list: Make lots of money. But I wasn’t sure that was as important anymore.
“I’d sell my house and live on top of the shop,” I explained. “That’s what the previous owner did. And I wouldn’t do it all at once. Maybe I’d buy the place and move in and work on the shop as I had time and money. And I’d probably have to continue working, at least at first, and hire someone to look after the shop.”
“Sounds like you have it all figured out. And if there’s one thing I know about you, it’s that, once you decide to do something, there’s no stopping you.”
I pulled into the parking lot at work and turned off the car. “Just arrived at work. Talk to you later. And thanks for listening.”
“Always.”
I grabbed my purse and headed for my office.
I worked about twenty minutes from my home. My boss, one of the vice presidents, was half my age. His father owned the plastics company and he’d been given the title a couple years out of college. It fit him like a pair of baggy pants, but little by little he was filling them out. His biggest problems were time management and attention to detail. He had a lot of innovative ideas for growing the business, but when it came to implementation fell short. That’s where I came in by keeping him on track with spreadsheets and matrixes. And it was the part of my job I loved the most. I’d always loved planning and, in a different life, might’ve been an event planner. And that’s when it hit me. I could be an event planner. I could be anything I wanted to be. Why not open my shop and be an event planner. Do the later first.
The rest of the day I couldn’t stop thinking about being an event planner. Maybe I could start now. I didn’t have to quit my job to do it. I could start small. One client was all I needed to prove I could do it. I’d have to research it when I had time.
I knew Renee wouldn’t be at the gym tonight and was almost tempted to skip and go home and research being an event planner, but I didn’t. I arrived at the gym a little later than usual and the parking lot was packed. I wondered if there would be any free machines. The girl at the front desk scanned my card and I walked inside. It was definitely more crowded than yesterday, but I spotted a few empty treadmills and headed to the locker room to change.
I pulled my sports bra over my breasts. What if I had cancer? What if my breast had to be removed? Like Ethel Musser’s. It didn’t feel like it was cancerous, but what if it were?
Stop it, Scarlett. Remember what Shonna said. Ninety-nine percent of the things we worry about never come to pass.
I tied my sneakers and, after a quick bathroom stop, headed for an empty treadmill. I started out slowly. My calves and thighs were still sore from the day before and I didn’t want to do too much too soon and then give up because I was hurting too much to continue.
I listened to the music app I’d downloaded onto my phone. Renee had shared her playlist of upbeat tunes and showed me how to create my own. The driving rhythm of the songs made me want to walk faster and faster. It drowned out my pain and exhaustion and before I knew it an hour had passed.
I wasn’t p
lanning to do anything else, but I hopped on a recumbent bike nearby and decided to exercise twenty minutes more. I couldn’t believe how good listening to music and working out felt. I’d even forgotten I might have breast cancer – until I went into the locker room afterward to shower.
While showering I seized the opportunity and did a breast exam. Nothing felt different. Both breasts felt like they’d always felt. They were the size of navel oranges and doughy.
When I got home, I sat on the sofa and Muffin jumped up beside me. “I wonder if dogs can get breast cancer, Muffin.” I reached over and picked up my iPad and Googled: Can dogs get breast cancer. The answer: yes, but it’s called mammary gland cancer. And, just like in humans, if caught early it’s very treatable. Then I went to a medical website, which was a big mistake. I should have known better than to do that. An hour later I was an expert on breast cancer treatments and had had my fill of seeing images of reconstructed breasts.
Then I remembered about wanting to check out being an event planner. What exactly were the qualifications? After reading about ten pages of information, I realized being an event planner was a much bigger job than I’d originally thought.
I had most of the skills for the job. I was good at organization and time management. I was detail- and deadline-oriented. A self-starter and a team player. I had the interpersonal skills the job required as well as being good at both verbal and written communications. But after reading everything it involved, I wasn’t sure event planning was for me.
Event planners worked long and non-traditional hours. And if I was going to open a boutique, I wouldn’t have time to give the job my best. Ugh! I needed to find something that didn’t require such a heavy commitment. I needed a job with regular hours; one that, when I left at the end of the day, I wouldn’t be spending the night thinking about it.
I shut down my iPad and went up to bed. I pulled out my list, wondering if I’d have time to do all of the things on it. I decided to talk to the kids about selling the house and buying the property downtown. I hadn’t stopped thinking about the place since Ed showed it to me. I wasn’t giving up on my dream.
Chapter 9
I sat in the airport baggage-claim area waiting for David. I pulled out my list and laughed at Have four kids listed below Marry Jake. I’d always wanted a big family, but I had a lot of trouble carrying Tory and the doctor advised me not to have anymore. “You have two healthy children,” she’d said. “Why chance it?”
I crossed off the item using a red pen to indicate I wasn’t going to pursue that goal. I had a few with red lines through them. Besides this one, I’d ruled out Marry Jake and Grow three more inches. I was pretty sure I’d never grow three inches. I’d always be five-foot-five and, even with heels, have to look up at my kids.
I heard his voice before I saw him. When I stood, my six-foot-four-inch son,hugged me so tightly I coughed. “It’s great to see you, Mom.”
It was hard to believe I’d been my son’s age when I had him. I smiled through tears as I was swept up in a fast-moving current of memories. Skinned knees. Plastic frogs in the ice dispenser. Preschool graduation. Sneaking out in the middle of the night. Life had whizzed by, and I wondered if the back half would go as quickly as the front half. I hoped not. The older I became, the more I realized I’d spent too much time wishing for tomorrows. Now I’d give anything to go back to yesterdays. The suspicious mammogram only intensified my feelings.
David retrieved his luggage from the baggage carousel and we rode the escalator to the second floor and headed for the parking garage. He talked nonstop about his job, taking night courses for his MBA and dating a girl he’d met at his gym.
“Would I like her?”
“Totally, Mom. Katelyn’s not high-maintenance like Ashley.”
Ashley had been David’s high-school sweetheart. They dated through most of college until David grew tired of her pressuring him for a ring. He told her he didn’t have money to buy a ring and wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment. She went ballistic and threatened to break it off. David surprised her and did it first.
Ashley was an only child and used to getting her own way. Let’s just say she wasn’t great at compromising. I was relieved when David finally called it quits. I wanted him to be happy, and I could see for years that he wasn’t. But every time I started to say something, I’d remind myself to stay out of it. He had to figure it out for himself.
But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about who David would end up with. Let’s face it, when a man married, it always seemed as if the couple spent more time with her parents than with his. It was that way for Mike and me. I just hoped that, whoever David ended up with, I’d have a good relationship with her. I hoped for the kind of closeness I’d never had with Mike’s mom. She was critical of everything I did and very outspoken. We were like toothpaste and orange juice and I found myself chasing the bad taste she left in my mouth with too much tequila.
I pulled onto the freeway and glanced over at David. “How’s the workout regimen?”
David flexed his bicep. “Great. How’s the gym?”
“It’s going okay. I can’t believe how stiff and sore I’ve been. But I’m determined to run a marathon.”
“Really?” David said. “Wow.”
I glanced over at him. “You mean your sister didn’t call and tell you?”
“Actually, no. She didn’t mention the marathon. She just said you joined a gym. Why the sudden need to get fit?”
I shrugged. “Well, I’m not getting any younger and it’s on my bucket list.”
“You have a bucket list? I thought only old people had bucket lists. Not that you’re old or anything, Mom.”
“Thanks… I think. I wrote the list when I was seventeen and recently found it while sorting through some boxes in Grandma and Grandpa’s basement.”
David laughed. “So what else is on the list?”
“Well, now that you’ve brought it up..” I hadn’t intended to share all of my plans with David in the first half hour of his visit, but, when he’d asked, I decided to tell him.
“So, I’m thinking about moving.” I glanced over at David, who suddenly became very quiet.
“I found a property downtown,” I continued.
“Downtown as in the city?”
“Yeah. I always wanted to live in a big city.”
“But you did do that,” David said. “Before you had me.”
“True, your dad and I lived in New York the first few years of our marriage. But now that you and Tory are on your own I’d like to return to city living. I mean, why not? Right?”
David shifted in his seat. “But won’t you be scared living in the city by yourself?”
I shook my head and told David about the property and my plans to open a boutique and coffee bar.
“Dang, Mom. I know you mentioned opening a boutique before, but I hadn’t realized you were this serious about it. That’s some major stuff you’re thinking about. You’re not having a midlife crisis are you?”
“That’s the same thing your sister asked.” I sighed. “I don’t know. Maybe. When I found that list and realized how few of my dreams had come true, I felt sad. You get to a certain point in your life, David, when you realize the value of time and that you don’t have forever. I looked at that list and at all of the things I wanted to accomplish and realized I still could. I can tell by the sound of your voice you think I’m crazy. Maybe I am. Maybe I’ll try this and fail. But if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s that failing is better than not trying at all.”
David held up his hand. “Don’t get me wrong, Mom. I think it’s great. It’s just a lot of changes all at once, but I want you to be happy. You deserve to be happy.”
I reached over and patted his knee. “Thanks, David. I appreciate that.”
I’d dropped Muffin off at the kennel before picking up David so we could head straight to Tory’s college. “Are you getting hungry?”
David rubbed his stomach. “Actually, I am. I only had a granola bar for breakfast.”
I pulled into a diner and we went inside. The lunch crowd had descended like ants at a picnic and there was a thirty-minute wait for a table so we grabbed the last two seats at the counter.
In between bites of his cheeseburger and fries, David talked. “Are you going to be okay when Tory moves away?”
“I’ll be fine,” I lied.
“But Grandma and Grandpa are moving, too. You’ll be all alone.”
I felt tears pool in the corners of my eyes. David must’ve noticed them because he quickly added: “Sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s okay, sweetie, you’re right. You and Tory are grown and don’t need me anymore. Grandma and Grandpa are moving someplace warmer so they can enjoy retirement. I don’t blame any of you for leaving. That’s the beauty of life, ever changing and growing and evolving into something wonderful. Your dad and I raised you and Tory so that you’d spread your wings and fly. You’re soaring. Now it’s Tory’s turn to see where the wind will carry her. I couldn’t be more proud of both of you.”
David nodded and downed the rest of his chocolate milkshake. He insisted on picking up the tab and I let him. I think that was his way of showing me the eaglet had flown the nest and was making it on his own.
David and I talked nonstop for most of the ride to Tory’s and by the time we pulled into the parking lot by the school bookstore, I was dying of thirst. I had stashed some bottles of water in the trunk and would have to grab one when we got out. I realized I hadn’t thought of possibly having breast cancer even once.
David had texted Tory and she and Mike, who’d arrived a half hour before, were waiting for us at the bench in the courtyard next to the library. Not just any bench. The bench.
The four of us surrounding the bench where Mike and I shared our first kiss and he proposed to me was surreal and I wondered if Mike remembered.
A Year of Second Chances Page 6
