He got a kind of half smile, like maybe he was onto her, and said, "So, you stopped in here for a reason?"
Genie willed herself to keep her eyes off the muscular chest that was not more than a few feet away, and said, "I stopped in out of curiosity to see if maybe you were teaching Ferdinand how to break dance. I heard music and thumping and it seemed a logical assumption." Josh smiled and his eyes brightened the way they had the first time she entered his hospital room and announced she was his nurse. He had a wonderful smile that got to her then, and it was getting to her now. It was also a dangerous smile because she could already feel her resistance weakening "You overreacted with Abby in not letting her ride Ferdinand," Josh said. "There's no safer animal on the ranch. I've worked with him since he was six months old and he's never shown a hint of aggression. I can stand on him and crack a whip around his head and he doesn't blink."
"That might be so," Genie replied, "but Abby's too young to know the difference between a docile bull and a mean one when they're out in the pasture chewing their cud."
"You said she's almost four. Every kid on the Dancing Moon knew how to ride by that age, and they also knew how to respect horses and cattle and be aware that one kick could kill them. Abby needs to learn too if she's going to be here a while, and Ferdinand's the best place to start. She can learn to ride on him, but she'll also learn never to be around him unless I'm there. Then I'll show her Matt's breeding bull and explain that he's off limits too because he's there for only one reason and that's to keep the lady cows happy."
"And I suppose you have an answer for Abby when she asks how Matt's bull does that?" Genie asked.
"Sure, I'll tell her the truth," Josh replied. "That's the way it is on a ranch with kids."
"Abby will not be learning about sex at age four," Genie said.
"Who said anything about sex? Dad told me when I was Abby's age that the bull was there to give the cow baby calves. I was nine before I began to wonder how he did it, but by then I was beginning to get the idea, especially when the bull got horny and dropped his doodad, even though I hadn't yet experienced the real joy of having a doodad."
"Yes, well, Abby's not ready to learn about doodads either," Genie said, feeling a flurry of awareness she was determined to squelch, "but maybe I'll let you teach her to ride on Ferdinand."
Again that smile, which set Genie's heart tripping. She could see this as an ongoing problem. While she was mulling that over, Josh scooped his tank top off the floor, shrugged into it and said, "Abby needs a pony to groom."
"We won't be here long enough for that," Genie replied. "We're only here for three weeks until I decide what I want to do."
Josh eyed her, curiously. "You never said why you took a leave of absence."
"That's because the reason for doing so is complicated." Deciding she didn't want to get into a lengthy discussion about something that wasn't even clear to her, she said, "Meanwhile, there's something I've wondered about ever since the first time I had to medicate your bum."
"Okay, I'll go along with this for a few minutes," Josh replied. "What do you want to know?"
"How you got into rodeo bullfighting in the first place. Well, two questions, actually," Genie corrected. "The other one is why, after a bull busted your bum and temporarily left you with testicles the size of grapefruits, you keep doing it?"
Josh eyed her with wry amusement. "To answer your first question, a few years back I was entered in three rodeos in one weekend, and with the last one the clown didn't show. I was with my buddies when a stock contractor asked if any of us were interested in filling in. My first reaction was to say 'no way,' because until then my buddies and I got a kick out of needling the clowns and blowing their punch lines, but when the contractor said he'd give the same pay he would a professional clown in addition to paying turn-out fees, I said I would, and the next thing I knew I was wearing a vest and facing a freight train with horns. Riding bulls after that paled in comparison, so I was hooked."
"And the answer to my second question?" Genie asked, though she realized she was being foolish getting personal with Josh. When he was in the hospital it was routine keeping icepacks on his swollen testicles. She was his nurse and it was all in a day's work. At least that's what she tried to tell herself. But the fact was, she'd been affected by the sight of Josh's muscular male body and to counter it she went into Nurse Ratched mode. It worked. Until then Josh had been flirting with her, but once she set him straight, along with the ice water bed bath, he backed off, and she remained Nurse Ratched…
Josh still had the hint of a smile when he said, "The answer to your second question is I jump rope a lot and I keep my butt out of the bull's face."
"So you didn't learn anything from that experience?" Genie asked.
"Sure," Josh replied. "Stay out of Nurse Ratched's ward. It's the best incentive I know for staying out of the way of a bull's horn."
Genie couldn't help but feel exasperated with Josh's lack of concern for his own safety, and frustrated because there was nothing she could say or do to change things, so she made the decision to ask him one more question, then let the whole subject of rodeo clowning die on the vine, along with her irrational feelings for a foolish man. "And your ultimate goal now is?" She waited, knowing already that Josh would not come up with a reason that could put him in the running for husband and step-father.
"Besides being chosen as a bullfighter for the National Finals Rodeo, I want to be a contracted bullfighter with the CBR—Championship Bullriding Circuit. They're a great group, with personnel that work hard but have fun putting together the best riders and the best bulls. It's also good pay so I could support a family."
"While also serving yourself up as a target to tons of bucking beef," Genie added. "So what do bullfighters do when not waving red flags at bulls, other than jumping rope?"
"Are you interested, or just making polite conversation?" Josh asked.
"Call it curiosity," Genie replied. "I'm trying to find some logic in this ludicrous profession you've chosen."
"Then I'll give you a little heads up that might surprise you," Josh said. "I happen to agree that bull riding's ludicrous, but since I have brothers and rodeo buddies who like it, I want to make sure they stay safe, and acting as a bodyguard for those guys gives me a lot of satisfaction. So when I'm not waving red flags at bulls to stay on top of things, I get together with other bullfighters for contests where we work one-on-one with a bull, but we also lose points for getting run over by it, which is why I jump rope."
Josh's words were thrown out casually, like the scenario was inevitable. "So you never worry about ending up in emergency with a busted spleen, cracked sternum, multiple fractures, concussion, broken collarbone, toes, arms and fingers, all from the same incident?" Genie asked, her words dripping with irony.
Josh shrugged. "If it's your passion and you do it to help other guys, those injuries are simply battle scars."
"So, the bigger question is," Genie pondered aloud, "how far are you willing to go, and how many battle scars are you willing to sustain before you're willing to quit?"
"I'm not a quitter," Josh replied.
"Which means the bull will have to end it for you," Genie concluded.
"There's an age limit," Josh said. "After around age forty the reflexes aren't what they used to be so I might consider backing off some. For now, when it's all going well and I'm responsible for every bull rider at the rodeo getting out of the arena without major injuries, there's no better feeling in the world."
"And if it isn't going well and a rider is permanently injured, or dies in the arena because you didn't get the bull to come after you in time, would you just write it off as a bad day at work and keep going, or would that be enough reason to quit?"
"I've had that happen," Josh said, "no deaths, but there have been serious injuries. The whole scene goes through my head over and over, but then I have to catch myself when I start asking if the guy might have been okay if I'd done something d
ifferent because the reality is, when anyone enters the rodeo arena, whether it's on top of the bull or on the ground, there's a 50-50 chance the bull will win, and the bull rider knows the risks just as I do."
When Genie said nothing, because there was really nothing more to say, and she was exhausted with the subject, Josh said, "So does your silence mean you're through grilling me?"
Genie shrugged. "I wasn't grilling. I was just trying to clarify a few things."
"Things like what?"
"Like why I give a damn about a man like you in the first place."
Realizing she'd said more than she intended, Genie turned and rushed out of the barn.
Maybe Annie could set her straight about staying away from rodeo cowboys the way she'd tried to set Annie straight when she was deliberating over what to do about Ryan when he was intent on riding bulls. But for Annie, Ryan simply gave it up. With Josh, there didn't seem to be any chance on God's earth he'd give up what he was doing, so the sooner she got that through her very thick skull, the better. She just wished she could get the exasperating, wearisome, annoyingly frustrating man out of her mind.
***
Ryan intercepted Josh as he was walking between the barn and the bunkhouse. "Hey bud," he called out. "Genie came rushing out of the barn and you look like you've been run over the coals. Is there something you want to talk about?"
Josh let out an exasperated snort. "Yeah, I want to know how one damn woman can have me ready to boot her out of my life in one minute and wanting to take her home to Mama the next."
"Umm, you might want to explain that one."
"I would if I could," Josh said. "The woman drives me crazy. And no, I refuse to give up bullfighting for any woman, not that I'm anywhere close to having to make that choice, but when I think I've about had my fill of hearing her rant about what a stupid idiot I am for doing something I love, she throws me a curve like telling me in a convoluted way that she likes me."
"Okay," Ryan said, "I won't try to convince you of the obvious, so I guess my only advice is to stay away from her and let it all die down. You've had the hots for the woman for years and that won't go away as long as you make yourself available."
"I don't make myself available," Josh said. "She's the one who keeps popping up in my life. And what do you mean by trying to convince me of the obvious?"
"It's simple. Genie likes you… actually more than just likes you according to Annie, and she's fighting it as much as you, but it's more important to you to have bulls in your life than a woman who cares about you, and in Genie's mind it's more important to have a functioning male in her life than one in a body cast, so you've both reached a deadlock. I can tell you from experience that she's not going to change, and since you think giving it all up for a woman is tantamount to her wearing the pants in the family then kiss it all goodbye and give it no more thought. Meanwhile, Annie's expecting you for a barbecue, and no, it's not veggieburgers. I'm grilling a salmon. Annie's anti beef, pork, lamb and chicken, but fish don't have fur or feathers and big hopeful eyes."
"Annie's expecting me and who else?" Josh asked.
"You guessed it," Ryan replied. "You can pass if you want. I'll explain to Annie. When you don't show up it would also send a message to Genie that you're not available."
"I'll go for that," Josh replied. But even as he said the words, he knew they were a bald faced lie. He'd show up for the barbecue and sit across the picnic table from Genie and fixate on how it would be if all those female curves were in his arms and she was kissing him with the same passion as when she was telling him what an idiot he was, and he'd ask himself, ad nauseam, why the woman had such a hold on him.
CHAPTER 4
Genie was both relieved and disappointed when she learned that Josh wouldn't be coming to the barbecue. She hadn't heard it directly, but she did overhear Ryan tell Annie that Josh passed on the invitation because he knew she'd be there. She decided that was a good thing because after the jump rope session she was more confused than ever. The confusion came with the reality that she was becoming increasingly attracted to Josh, yet after their exchange about rodeo bullfighters she also understood more clearly why the relationship would be a dead end, now that she was entrusted with Abby's care. Why she couldn't shove thoughts of this particular man aside she couldn't began to understand. Every time they shared the same space, sparks flew.
"I'm glad you came western," Annie said. "That's one of my favorite shirts, but it is a little snug across the front on you too since you're about the size of me when I'm nursing."
Genie glanced down at the shirt and saw that it was snug, but most shirts were on her. "At least it's not stiff and new like the guests are wearing," she said. "If I don't ride a horse they might think I'm one of the gang here."
"You are one of the gang. Now have some veggies," Annie said, pushing a platter of baby carrots, broccoli, and cauliflower florets in front of her. "The veggies are lightly steamed so the fibers break down more readily, and the stuff in the bowl in the center is a vegetarian dip made from tofu and herbs, and this…" she pushed a small bowl toward Genie "…is quinoa with mustard greens and herbs. Ryan loves it. He's actually become almost entirely vegetarian now, although he sneaks over to Mom and Dad's on occasion and has a steak."
Ryan, who was standing at the barbecue brushing melted butter over two large slabs of salmon, turned from the grill and kissed Annie on the temple, and said, "Honey, I do it for you. You want lots of kids so I need to keep my testosterone level up and that takes lots of protein."
Annie tipped her head back to receive a kiss directly on the lips and said, "Sweetheart, that's a terrible excuse. Your testosterone level is definitely not lacking. Besides, I make a point of combining vegetables so their amino acids make up whole proteins."
Ryan winked at Genie then returned to the grill, and Genie wondered why Ryan's younger brother couldn't find love the way Ryan had, and love so deeply he'd be willing to give up his foolhardy dream of tempting fate and live a normal life with a woman who could love him back just as deeply. She'd never felt that way about any man before, not even Cal, she realized in retrospect, but she could see herself feeling that way about Josh. It was perplexing and disconcerting the way things were happening, especially since beneath it was no logical basis.
"Well, look who decided to show up," Annie said, glancing beyond Genie.
Genie turned to find Josh walking toward them. He was again wearing his usual jeans, boots and a western shirt that hugged his broad shoulders and muscular chest. The sober expression on his face when he looked at her told her he wasn't exactly glad to be there, which made her wonder why he was. Then he caught Annie's eye and his expression changed as he said to her, "Ryan said we'd be having salmon instead of veggieburgers so I decided to chance it. Is it the kind of salmon that swims in the ocean or is it something pink that's shaped like a salmon and comes in a package labeled imitation?"
"It swam," Annie replied. "We're all glad you came."
Josh's eyes darted to Genie, like he was waiting for her to either agree or disagree, and when she made no comment, he said, "Grilled salmon beats having canned beans in the bunkhouse."
He sat beside Annie and across the table from Genie, which Genie found unsettling. When neither of them initiated any conversation, Annie said to Genie, "Dad brought Abby over on the horse. She was riding in front of him and she had a grin that stretched from ear to ear. Josh will definitely have to take the two of you for a ride in the hills. She'd love it."
Genie shifted her gaze to Josh, who didn't look too happy with the suggestion, and she said to Genie, "Abby doesn't need to ride in the hills."
To Genie's surprise, Josh eyed her across the table, and replied, "Actually, it's a good way for her to learn to ride. She'd be in front of me so I could show her how to hold the reins and turn the horse. You'd learn something too."
"Then we'd be going on the trail ride with the other guests?" Genie asked.
"No, we'd go after I get
off work tomorrow," Josh replied. "I can't have a kid with me when leading guests because I have to be free to take off if a horse bolts with an inexperienced rider."
Genie looked at Annie, who had a smug smile on her face, then at Ryan, whose back was to them, but from his profile she could see that he too was smiling, which made her wonder what this was all about. She didn't think they'd put Josh up to it, but she was beginning to think they were a couple of matchmakers, which, in a convoluted way, made sense. If something got going between them, Annie would have a half-sister on the ranch, and Ryan would have a brother, except that Josh had no intention of settling in one place because his goal was to trail along after rodeos like a vagabond cowboy.
Annie stood. "While you two figure it out, have some veggies and I'll stir the beans." She shoved the platter between Genie and Josh and went over to where Ryan was basting the salmon, leaving Genie staring across the table at Josh, which was awkward because he was waiting for her answer to his suggestion about going riding, and she was fighting the urge to say she would, knowing it was a bad idea. She was already far too enamored with the man for her own good.
While she was deliberating, the sound of Cody crying came from inside the house.
"I'll get him," Josh said. He left the table and went into the house.
Genie eyed the closed door for a moment then looked at Annie, and said, "Is Josh always like that with Cody?"
"Yes," Annie replied. "He takes his role as uncle seriously."
Genie tried to picture Josh with a baby in his arms, which wasn’t all that hard now. He'd looked comfortable with Abby, maybe too comfortable, like he could be a potential step-father someday, the someday being once he gave up dancing with bulls, which of course he wouldn't do, which brought her back to reality. "Cody's bound to be wet after a nap. Will Josh change him?" she asked, curious.
Dancing With Danger: Book 8: Dancing Moon Ranch Series Page 4
