by K. F. Breene
“Should we call dibs now, or later?” Lump asked.
“Adam!” Flem and Claire shouted at once.
“Moose,” Lump said with a smile.
“He’s too nice for you, one,” I noted, looking down the steps. “And two, he’s got a girl. Okay, everyone grab banister. These steps hold no prisoners.”
I led with the first sure-footed step, looking for all the world like it was the easiest thing to do, ever.
I continued the conversation, “I would’ve gone for Brad in the beginning if he didn’t have a girlfriend.”
“Ah crap, he’s got a girlfriend?” Jane asked. She must have been last in the progression judging by the slightly distant voice.
“Not anymore. Go for him. He’s cute and nice.”
“Yeah, I need to get laid. I haven’t been out, I haven’t been seeing anyone, and I haven’t had any fun. Seriously, school is kicking my ass. But if I get through, I will probably make bank!”
“Money is nice.” I made it to the bottom with a sigh.
“William’s got loads, huh?” Claire asked, next down and looking around the half-full dance floor.
“Yeah. It’s nice, but kind of awkward. I mean, I’ve got not a lot, so he doesn’t really understand life without money. Plus, his mom thinks I’m dating him for his wallet.”
“Eh, mothers!” Lump rolled her eyes.
“Okay, enough talking. I am ready to wipe the floor with your asses,” I declared, grabbing Claire and heading into the fray.
I was easily the most trained dancer among them, but when there are club beats, if a girl knew what she was about, lessons meant nothing. And the girls I was with, even Jane, knew exactly what they had to work with, and they made the most of it! We moved our hips, shook our bodies, and got into the music together. No holds bar.
Sometimes we danced together, sometimes we branched out and danced with other guys. At one point I glanced up toward our area and saw a line of men, leaning against the banister in various forms of relaxation, looking down on us like we were a Las Vegas show. I pointed it out to the girls and, laughing, we put on a helluva show. We didn’t need a dance-off to get attention. And no, that wasn’t always a good thing. Actually, it rarely was.
Still, we went for it anyway. I noticed guys calling more men over, many trying to get as close as possible to William to say something or other. Regardless of conversation, or lack thereof, all eyes were on us, which was why I figured we’d done enough. I knew people here, and what’s more, a lot of people knew William. I didn’t want this talked about negatively.
I waved a finger in a circular motion, calling for the girls to wrap it up. Flem did an extravagant humping of Lump, who pushed her off and slapped her in the arse, and then we flipped everyone off and went back to normal dancing. Just a splash of humor.
Sometime later, when the girls were looking a little flushed and sweaty, I stepped out of the cluster of bodies and off to the stairs. There was still a line of men from our area, eyes still mostly on one or many of us, but they weren’t so single-minded in their staring. I figured that was a good thing. If we’d made too big a spectacle, or were still making one, there would be much more drool.
Flem joined me. “Time to go up?”
“I’m hot. You want to stay?”
“No. I’ve worked myself sober. Hanging out and drinking for a while would be good.”
“Hey,” Lump said, joining us. “Going back?”
“Yeah, that okay?”
“Definitely. Should I get Jane and Claire? They are trying to out-do each other.”
I shrugged. I was in no hurry.
“Oh wait, here they come.”
“Hey ladies, want to join my buddies and me?” It was some ugly man in tight jeans and cowboy boots.
“No, thanks,” Jane said as she walked up.
“I’m fucking roasting!” Claire roared, stepping in front of the ugly man and fanning herself.
We all eyed the stairs.
“Why the feck did they make these things so steep?” Claire asked, her hand on my arm.
“Bar. C’mon.” With a determined look, Flem grabbed the banister and Lump’s hand.
“Wait, let me get toward the banister,” Lump said, trying to angle behind Flem.
“No way!” Flem yelled. “You have the best balance of us all. You’re going in the middle.”
“What, so you can drag me down with you?”
“Yea.” Claire stepped in front of me and grabbed onto Lump.
Lump shrugged. Apparently death wasn’t a big of a deal to her. The woman never cared about much.
In a random, haphazard progression in which we all held heads high and tried to keep our eyes up and our bodies confident, we traversed the steepest stairs in America. One self-assured step at a time. Until Claire misjudged the height and stubbed her toe.
“Fuck!” was the only indication that something went wrong.
Claire wildly grabbed onto Lump as she pitched forward, kicking a foot back and hitting me in the shin. That threw me off balance, and I clutched onto Jane next to me, who dove for the banister as she tipped backwards. Lump, seriously the best I knew at balancing, which was why she earned the spot she did, planted her heeled feet, gripped Flem’s shoulder, who was in turn gripping the banister with both hands, and grabbed Claire by the back of the neck. She pushed a swaying Claire down toward the stairs, making the other woman nearly lay on it, while keeping herself firmly braced between two stair levels. Her shoulder, back and arm muscles, though not bulky like those of Moose, were cut and defined under the strain.
We teetered, Flem and Jane, our anchors, taxed.
Finally we stilled, regained balanced, and breathed. Claire straightened up with a firm hand on Lump.
“Holy fuck! I nearly broke my head!” Claire exclaimed before she started laughing.
“Stop laughing. We have half the stairway to go,” I said through the chorus of giggles.
“Near death experience,” Jane muttered, clearly shaken. She obviously thought she was going down, backwards, headfirst.
When we finally made it to the top we met my bouncer friend. He was known to be the hardest bouncer here. An asshole to everyone. In his forties, with a solid tenure, he didn’t give a shit about anyone. But he’d taken me up and down the stairs the last time I’d been here. Why? Because I was fun and nice. That’s all it usually took.
Well, and in need, but I didn’t go around advertising that.
He was out of breath and wore a fierce scowl when he got to us. “If you girls can’t walk up the stairs on your own, would you call me so’s I can get ya?”
“Yes,” we answered like petulant children in chorus. He let us pass with a stern look each.
Next came Adam, Moose and William.
“Ah crap, we sounded the siren,” I mumbled.
“What do you mean?” Lump asked with a wary look. She didn’t like being rushed by a group of large men. I didn’t blame her.
“Ever since the first Dusty incident these guys have been a little…protective over me. With the second incident they are downright overbearing.”
“Well, that makes sense. You’re a nutcase. But stairs?”
“I did say overbearing.”
William was the first to reach us, the other two right behind.
“You girls okay?” he asked, looking at my shoes.
“Did ye see that, lads?” Claire laughed. “I nearly domino’ed the whole lot of us!”
“Close one,” Moose affirmed, a smile tickling his face.
“Jessie, you shouldn’t wear those kinds of shoes.” Adam tsk'ed like a mother hen, also looking at my new cute stilettos.
“Jesus, give the girl a break. She’s nearly thirty and she hasn’t died yet,” Jane stated, pushing past us. “Excuse me, gents, but the bar calls.”
“Flem,” Lump said, following Jane with her eyes. “What have you done to Jane? We leave and you turn her into you?”
“I beg your pardon, she is w
ay worse than me!”
The boys, being a solid wall of muscle, weren’t quick enough in letting Jane past. Instead of trying to force her way—she was too smart for that…also too little—she stood back and looked up at all of them.
“Listen, William. Or Willie. Or whatever. I know you don’t know me from Adam—get it? Adam?—but I have seen your woman shit-ass drunk, with a broken heel—“
“No Jane!” I shouted to interrupt. I knew the story to which she was referring, and it wasn’t one of my finer moments. Being that I had a lot of non-fine moments in their presence, this one was a real dozy.
It was also all relayed to me second-hand.
“—crawling on the beach ten miles from the bar—“
Lump started laughing. She was the one that eventually found me.
“—with Celeste’s shirt—“
“It was Celeste’s shirt? No wonder it had been two sizes too big. That woman had boobs for days,” I reflected.
“—at six o’clock in the morning—“
“Oh yeah!” Flem remembered.
“—after doing a strip-tease on a bar a foot wide—“
“With one shoe with a broken heal!“
“Don’t help Lump,” I whined, hiding my face.
“—yes, that’s right, with one shoe with a broken heal. Not only did she survive, even after Claire helped her out of that jam by getting her down—“
“I pushed the bitch off,” Claire shouted, laughing.
“Oh yeah!” Flem cackled. “I remember that. We all debated who was going to get up, out of our comfy seats, to go get Jess down, and you lost because you could stand the longest without wobbling, so you walked up to her, yelled at her that she was making an ass of herself, then, when she ignored you and made another ten bucks, you reached up and pushed her off. You didn’t help her down or anything, but just freaking pushed her…off the five-foot high bar! She fell off the other side into a bartender!”
Claire laughed harder. “She wouldn’t listen to reason.”
“That’s where all the bruises came from. Thanks a lot, Claire.” They hadn’t told me that part.
“Like I was saying,” Jane continued, patiently, “if she could survive that, she can survive going up a few steep steps while mostly sober. Now, let me pass.”
I peeked up at William. He was staring at me with an incredulous look. Adam was shocked as well. Moose had a huge, and I mean huge, smile.
I shrugged. “Don’t judge. It was Mexico.”
All the girls nodded. They had some serious stories, too.
“Plus,” Lump said, dragging me between Adam and Moose who had finally made room for Jane, “she made a hundred bucks off that stunt and got us free drinks for the rest of the night.”
“Lotta good it did me.”
“But how did you get to the beach?” Moose asked, thankfully cutting off William and Adam, who still didn’t think the story was as funny as everyone else.
“Still a mystery,” Jane said, pushing through a swarm of man bodies. “She was talking about wanting to see the ocean, and the next thing, she was gone. It was Lump that figured we should go looking for her at the beach.”
“When she hits a point, she goes home,” Lump explained. “She couldn’t find home, so she went to the beach.” She grabbed Moose and pushed him in front of her. Too many guys were stopping to talk to us. Moose parted the crowds like Moses.
“Crawling?” Moose was loving this story. I had a feeling it would be repeated.
Jane would be so sorry for this. After she stopped being so scary, that was.
“She was long past walking,” Flem said, pushing in with us at the bar.
“How did I get Celeste’s shirt?” I asked, not really wanting to know.
“You sold yours after the strip tease.” Jane had a crooked smile.
“Okay, but how does Celeste fit in?”
Claire was still laughing. She hadn’t stopped. The rest of the girls joined her at this point.
“You punched her in the face and took it,” Lump said, doubling over. “You literally walked up to the girl, told her she owed you, and demanded her shirt because you had a buyer for yours. She said no, because all she had was a tiny singlet on underneath, and you said…what was it you said?”
“Listen you—“ Flem and Jane said together with a fist out in front of them like they were John Wayne in an old western.
Flem continued while Jane laughed, “I’ve had about’a enough of your flapping gums. Give me your shirt or else.”
“Or maybe she thought she was John Wayne,” Jane reflected.
“Yeah—“ Lump wheezed, trying to catch her breath.
“No, don’t go on. I don’t want to know.” I pushed Lump.
“No, go on,” Moose said, eating it up. Taking mental notes.
Lump couldn’t stop laughing, so Jane went on. “She, our little flower there, was shaking her fist at Celeste when she said ‘or else.’ Celeste of course said, ‘Or else what?’ Jess responded with, ‘Or else you’ll get a punch in the nose, that’s what.’”
“I mean,” Flem commented through manic giggling, “she was talking like she was in an old nickelodeon! She sounded like an old man. Then with the fist shaking—oh my God it was funny!”
“Dare I want to know what happened next?” William asked.
I risked a peek at him. He had that haphazard smile he got when something I did really shouldn’t be funny, but I was so dense that he couldn’t help laughing at me. I saw that smile often.
“Well, Celeste refused, of course,” Lump went on, wiping tears from her eyes. “Then Jess shook her head, like the world was on her shoulders, and said, ‘Now, don’t say I didn’t warn you.’ With that she punched Celeste right in the face!”
“Celeste was a slow cow and didn’t even flinch!” Flem said. “She watched it coming with an ‘Oh shit!’ expression until it landed. She fell flat on her back—“ Flem squeaked out more laughter, then continued again through her maniacal giggles, “and kinda flopped around like a freaking seal!”
“Jessica, not caring in least about punching someone in the face,” Jane continued, all business at this point, “unceremoniously went about stripping Celeste of her shirt.”
“You punched a girl, then stripped her, Jessica?” Moose asked incredulously, his smile taking up his whole, stupid face.
“Moose, you better not tell anyone about this!” I raised a finger of death. “Or I swear I’ll do that same thing to you!”
“Will you talk like John Wayne when you do?” Lump asked with a grin.
“Jessica,” Adam said, disapproval plain in his voice, “I knew you was crazy, but this is a bit overboard.”
“Don’t make me start telling your stories, Adam,” Moose warned ominously.
“Ah now, everyone knows I’m ass backwards. But Jess there has a reputation of angel to uphold. Ain’t that right, Willie?”
Apparently that was a grand joke because everyone laughed. But me. Jerks.
We all wandered away from the bar and mingled. I hung out with Moose, who didn’t know if his girlfriend would show because she was having dinner with her parents. Adam was getting chatted up by Claire, Jane was after Brad, and Flem was nowhere to be seen. It was here, wondering where William got to, that I realized he’d stayed behind at the bar. With Lump.
My heart sank to the pit of my stomach.
I tried not to notice and talked with Flem, who joined us with two guys in toe. The conversation was lively and pleasant, but I didn’t hear much of it. More women and men joined us in our area, some even joining our group, but none of them I knew, or listened to. More drinks were served, and yet still Lump and William talked. I was getting increasingly sick to my stomach.
I knew I could trust William. I knew I could. And I knew I could trust Lump. She had never gone home, or even on a date, with a guy that tried to get her by going through me.
But still.
What if William realized that his soul mate was rea
lly Lump? What if he didn’t share Adam’s view of appearance? Worse... what if he cheated on me?
I realized Flem was looking closely at my face, saying my name. I tried to concentrate on her. She looked behind me at Lump and William, then back to me. I saw that Adam was looking at me closely, too. I hadn’t realized he’d joined the group. Jane and Claire, who also snuck back, were purposely looking elsewhere.
Was I that transparent?
“I need to pee,” Flem announced.
Adam started and looked at her with obvious embarrassment.
She looked back. “What? I do! C’mon Jess.”
She dragged me away from everyone toward the VIP bathrooms.
“She wouldn’t, Jess,” was the first thing she said.
“What?”
“She would never. And not only that, he wouldn’t. I know southern boys. That guy was brought up right, and he loves you, Jessica. He obviously doesn’t know you that well based on the fact that he thinks the sun shines out of your ass, but he does love you. You are a gross couple. At best.”
“Can’t help but being worried, though, you know? She’s taken so many by not even trying. And then they were talking all close...”
“I know. She knows. But she would never do it. She is loyal like a man. I know you. I know you are hung up on that. But let it go. Let the trust reign for your friend and for Little Willie.”
We didn’t talk for the rest of the bathroom trip. I was thinking on my worries and wondering if William had ever cheated on a girl. We got back and I saw William look at me anxiously. I could tell he wanted to come over, but didn’t.
I walked to him; half nudged by Flem, and put my hand through his.
“Hey,” I said.
He looked down at me apprehensively.
“Do you want to get a shot?” he asked.
“Uh, just us?”
“Yes.”
Suddenly everything Flem said didn’t mean anything anymore. I was terrified this would be bad news. I shook my head.
He nodded his head in return. Hurt entered his expression and he calmly led me to the bar.
He ordered two Patron shots. Tequila. Bad news. I hope I don’t end up dancing naked on the bar. Again.
