by K. F. Breene
"What? Am a nitwit?"
"You have blossomed like a flower. I know that you always thought I was the pretty one and you were always mediocre, and maybe where you were in life that was true. But out here you've blossomed, like I said. You have come into yourself. All confidence, smiles, love, all of it.” She paused with a sad smile. “Listen to me." She let escape a sardonic laugh. "I’m starting to sound like Jane."
"Lump, you'll find someone. You really will. You are crazy gorgeous. Crazy silly gorgeous. And good at everything. Maybe the move, or maybe meeting the violence from your past without backing down, will be your catalyst. Your sun and water to open your flower. Ew. That reminded me of virginity.” We started laughing. “Okay, look, I’m no poet. But little miss, you will find a guy. William knows a ton of hot ones! Seriously. We'll go to the bull riding thing and get you hooked up."
"Bull riding thing?"
"You'll see. I rode one. Because I rock, obviously." I did a little strut as we were walking. "But you didn't tell me. How did you and Adam disentangle and get back to your rooms last night?"
"Well, we shared our stories and comforted each other..."
"You didn't have sex did you?!"
"Noooo!" she said with a roll of her eyes. "Not even close. He held onto me and rubbed my back for a while—I let him. It felt really good to have someone that close. Then I felt him start to get...excited."
"Oh my God," I gasped.
"Would you relax?" She play punched me in the arm. I pretended that that arm went dead.
"When I felt…that, it kind of blended in with the good part of the night, and I lifted away from him just enough to look into his eyes."
"Uh huh?"
"And he politely asked if I wouldn't mind walking a little. I could tell he was uncomfortable. He said he would take me back to my room. He was going to head home and wondered if I might thank Gladis for the offer to stay the night. And that was it. We walked around the house, he took me to my room and hugged me good-night. The end."
I breathed out heavily. "What a letdown."
"It was smart, Jess. I would have kissed him, which would have led to other things, and then we’d be in a pickle today when I woke up next to him realizing that he freaks me out. The whole thing would have been doomed because I needed contact when I shouldn't have gotten it."
"So..."
"So what?"
"So, we need to get you laid so you can think straight."
"God! Or at least a make-out session! It has been a long time. I am craving some contact. And I imagine Willie is off limits?" She looked at me with a straight face.
"I might rent him out on the weekdays when I need a break. You best get a job, though. He'll be expensive."
Lump chuckled and we headed into breakfast.
That day was a sad affair. I shuttled everyone to the airport depending on their flight times. I dropped them off and tearfully hugged each good-bye, promising to stay in touch. I knew it would be another bunch of months before I could see them again. My only consolation was that I got to keep one. One friend would stay behind.
Next time I promised to go to Los Angeles to visit, and yes, I would try to bring William with me; the little devil on my shoulder kept muttering that the fates might pull William and me apart before then. I tried to shush that asshole, but doubt takes roots if you let it.
After each farewell I arrived back home to less and less people. William managed to take off Monday and Tuesday with me, so he stayed at Gladis's house, monitoring me and drinking with Gladis. Every time I got sad I would find him by my side, rubbing my back or telling me jokes, or just there for me to lean on.
Finally I had to take Flem, the last to go. Flem was mostly drunk, as was Lump. I had been the only one not drinking all day because I was the driver.
Flem hugged us both and abruptly turned and walked away. She hated good-byes and preferred not to say them. She told me I had one week to plan a vacation to L.A. One week and plans would need to be made. I was told to aim for January. Lump was told to move home—home being L.A. of course.
And they were gone. Only Lump remained.
Gladis and William were high as kites when we got back. Gladis never really let herself go, but today was an exception. She was probably dealing with the prospect of once again having a mostly empty house. We joined them in the ever-lively lounge, two marauders joining a celebration.
“Lump, hurry up. How much did you take in there?”
I was sitting in an uncomfortable chair with a few boyfriends, waiting for Lump to finish trying on half the store. Unlike the random collection of boyfriends next to me, who were patient and resigned, I was inpatient and irritable. Trying on clothes did take a second, but it wasn’t rock science. If you didn’t know if something looked good, walk out and get a second opinion for cripes sakes.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Lump yelled. “How much money do we have left?”
“I don’t know—a few hundred, I think.”
We were on a giant shopping spree, spending the gift cards William would not let return. I’d tried everything: putting it in his things, leaving it in his center console, slipping it in with his bills, even tucked into his wallet (it was torture not to peek at what else he had in there, but I stayed strong). Every time I left it somewhere, I found it a week or more later attached to my fridge with a clippie magnet. He never said anything, never hinted about it, but every time it was there, waiting for me to use it.
Finally, after giving Lump a week to settle in, which didn’t seem like much, but in Gladis’s house was plenty, I’d told her we were going shopping, and ignored her protests that she had no money. I then ignored her protests that I should spend the gift cards on my own. I wished her very merry un-birthday, then punched her in the arm when she refused to try on clothes. It was testimony to how eagerly she wanted to be talked into shopping when she let my punch land.
“Okay, okay, I’m ready.” Lump walked out of the changing booth with three things in hand.
We were in the big mall, buying nearly everything in sight. Freaking William had so much money on those cards it was like Christmas. We’d already been shopping all day, and only used about three-fourths, which was something like fifteen hundred dollars.
“I never thought I’d say it, but I’m getting tired,” Lump said, showing me her purchases.
“That shirt is cute. I tried it on but I looked flat-chested in it.”
“Yeah, I plan to wear a good bra and this cute little shirt under it. It’ll work.”
“Hey, didn’t that shirt have a stain on it? I thought you got rid of it?”
She was wearing this super cute white shirt that was tight in all the right places, but loose in the shoulders to give it a unique style. It looked great on Lump, and we were all totally jealous when she bought it, but true to the nature of great finds, she spilled ketchup on it half a day later.
“I just couldn’t part with it. It is so cute. I always had hope some dry-cleaner could get it out. Then, two days ago, it was folded up with my other clothes.”
“What, do you have elves?”
“Yes!” Lump rolled her eyes. “If I don’t shut my door, my room is cleaned, my bed is made with fresh sheets, all my laundry is done, and I get fresh flowers. The first day someone organized my closet and ironed all my clothes! Panties included! They ironed my freaking thongs! I feel like royalty. It's weird.”
“Sounds invasive.”
“It is. I asked the maids to leave my room alone, but they said if the door wasn’t closed, they would forget.”
“So close the door.”
“Yeah, I know. But it means overriding twenty years of not caring and leaving the door open. I even put a sticky note on the door! First time I forgot to shut the door, the sticky note vanished.”
I shrugged. We were headed to the spa. I figured a mud bath and a facial would fix us right up.
“Anyway, this shirt was in the pile of clean clothes. Stainless! I was so exci
ted I went around to each of the maids, asking which one did it. They all thought I was accusing them of stealing. The head maid—Sally—assured me that she would get to the bottom of the problem, if I would just slow down and tell her what it was!” Lump started laughing. “I felt like a dunce. So yeah, I thanked everyone. And here I am, looking cuter than you.”
“Yeah right.”
Lump and I, together, were expert shoppers, whereas separate we were merely good. Lump knew how to dress for body type, and I was the trend setter, so together we hemmed and hawed over the best looks for each. We didn't worry about being frugal because it wasn't our money, so we got things that were a little out of our price range and flattering as hell.
After our spa treatments, we went to a nice dinner. Nothing William would buy when he was trying to impress me, but enough that I was able to impress Lump. I had to do it while I could, because I knew William would throw fancy at her the first opportunity he could. The guy was overly generous mixed with a natural ability to show off. Over-doing it was inevitable.
“Now what?” Lump said, rubbing her stuffed belly.
“Well, we could go back to Gladis’s and veg out. Or we could put on our favorite low-key purchase and convince William to convince his friends to go out so we can show off.”
“Showing off it is.”
We walked into a place called Candy. It looked like a chain restaurant, with most of the building taken up with a dining area, and a small section set aside for the bar. Per William’s instructions, we went into the bar portion, which was plenty spacious with booths lining the erected wood walls separating the bar from the restaurant, and joined the boys in a giant booth in the corner.
We were glowing from our spa treatment and the joy of spending someone else’s money on a bunch of cute stuff as we came to stand in front of the circular table. No one noticed us. All eyes were on the large flat screen TV’s that adorned every available space of the bar. William, Moose and Ty, all sitting on the same side of the booth next to each other, all with giant beers, were all more interested in the game than a live grenade landing next to them.
“Anti-climactic,” Lump said, glancing at the baseball game behind us.
“Suddenly thinking we should have showed off for Gladis. This is damned depressing,” I said with a hand on my hip.
“Jessie.” It was Adam’s deep voice behind us.
I jumped, startled that he snuck up on us and ready to laugh about it, but Lump spun with lightning speed and flung me behind her, ready to defend me against the boogeyman. Or, more likely, past horrors that Adam embodied.
The grin on Adam’s face, which would have blossomed and matched my chuckle, fell before being lost altogether when he realized what Lump was doing. Resignation replaced understanding, and he stepped back.
“Sorry Betz. It’s usually funny when I startle Jessie is all. Didn’t mean no offense.”
“How many bodyguards does Jessica need?” Moose asked, missing Lump’s fear that Adam was dangerous.
“None, but no one believes me!” I said, stepping around Lump’s protective body.
She stepped aside to let me past, but kept her distance from Adam. She hadn’t been kidding when she said she didn’t trust him. Judging by the hurt Adam was trying to cover, he knew exactly what the score was, and wasn’t too fond of the reminder.
Just to ease the troubled waters, I punched Adam in the arm. I pretended not to see Lump flinch behind me. She needed to learn that Adam was 99% kindness; that he wasn’t going to turn into the Hulk because stupid me gave him a wimpy dead-arm.
Instead of acting like I hurt him, like usual, Adam gave me a straight arm to keep me from inflicting further harm. “Don’t get yer friend riled up, Jessie. Besides, you beat on me the last time. It’s gotta be Moose’s turn by now.”
“You’re no fun.” I pouted, noticing that all the other boys were still watching the TV.
Adam slid into the booth, steering clear of Lump.
“Isn’t anyone going to notice our cute clothes?” I asked, louder than I needed to. Lump had just made this whole outing extremely weird, and I wasn’t sure staying around was the best of ideas.
Luckily, the guys were making the decision to go elsewhere way too easy, being that they still hadn’t looked at us for more than a few seconds.
“William?” I prompted.
He glanced back as he said, “Babe, the game’s almost over. I’ll look closely at each new shoe when they win, okay? Almost over.”
Lump was still standing awkwardly to the side. Adam was fixedly watching the game.
“Alright, well,” I said, pretending the game was the deciding factor, “maybe we’ll just head to Gladis’s and try on all our stuff. Meet me there later?”
“Sure,” William said, staring at the TV.
Lump was walking before I’d even finished my sentence. I wanted to talk to her about it, but she had one of those looks of concentration that meant she was figuring things out. If I asked she’d probably get all pissy and then the fashion show would be ruined, too, so I quietly followed and drove us home. Boo!
In the next three weeks I had seen Adam once, which was the one time I was with William without Lump. We were out for dinner and Adam met us at the restaurant. He didn't say a word about why he had been absent and would always change the subject when I asked. The guy could be elusive as all hell when he wanted to.
Lump, for her part, never mentioned the scene at the bar, and never brought up his name. Not once. Not even in passing. She wasn’t rude about it. If his name came up by William, me or anyone else, she would politely listen, but would not participate. Not even if I asked her what she thought. She’d just shrug and say she didn’t know him well enough to comment. The end.
Besides her issues with Adam, though, Lump got along great with all William’s friends. She was lively and fun while still her normal easy-going self. She got along as one of the guys, but glammed it up like one of the girls. She was the yin to my yang, and I was so damn happy she was around that my face hurt from smiling all the time.
The only worry was that my friend was not finding her groove. Sure, she joked around and smiled often, but she was missing something. She felt bad that she was taking me away from William, which was stupid because he got more time to for sports and never complained, but it meant she spent more time alone. She couldn't seem to find a job she wanted to settle into, being picky for the first time in her life, and grew increasingly listless. Gladis even started making some calls to friends to see if she could find a good fit. Everything seemed to be topsy-turvy for Lump.
Until John.
John was an average guy from Chicago. He apparently trained in the same class of Muoy Thai kickboxing. They went to class at about the same time and were in the same level. Apparently it was an instant match, though Lump never exactly specified why.
Being that William and I were strong armed into a double-date, we found ourselves sitting with Gladis in the parlor, awaiting Lump’s new squeeze.
“Are you nervous?” I asked with a grin.
Lump was looking fabulous in a slinky red dress and matching lipstick. I gave her Ami’s necklace to borrow, until Gladis one-upped me and gave her bigger jewels. Which she tried to decline. Until a maid chased her around.
“Um…I guess,” Lump said, shrugging.
“A young lady should never say ‘um’, Betsy. It makes her seem dense,” Gladis corrected.
“I am dense, right Willie?” She smirked.
The doorbell rang and immediately Lump was chased from the room with a shocked face. I don’t think she realized how serious Gladis was about this step in dating.
In walked Romeo. He walked like a panther cub. There was grace there, but it was lost on a natural clumsiness due to growing into one's limbs. This guy was way past growing pains, though, so he just looked odd. And short. No way was he taller than Lump.
“Hey,” he said, kind of flopping to a stop. His gaze took in my cleavage, then my legs.
William shifted forward, arm extended. “I’m William. Nice to meet you.”
Speaking of dense, that flat down gaze didn’t have much behind it as he sized up William and completely ignored Gladis.
Not good.
“This place is nice, huh? This Lump-O’s money?” The guy rocked back on his heels with his hands in his pockets.
“Please, have a seat,” Gladis said, her mouth a thin line. "Betz, the woman you call Lump-O, will be down shortly. She is finishing up. Would you like something to drink?"
Adam had been calling her Betz since that night. Gladis, finding out her real name, took to it as well.
Except when Gladis was being devilish. Or crabby. Then it was Betsy.
William tried to adopt it, too, and I told him, in no uncertain terms, that I would not do a thing to stop Lump punching him in the sternum when she got pissed off. I don’t think he took me seriously, but he did continue to call her Lump. For now.
"Good,” the hopefully nice guy said. “Well, yeah, whatd'r y'all drinkin'?" It was obvious he wasn't from the south by his lack of accent. Therefore, his use of southern slang sounded stupid.
He sounded like a tool. I hoped it was just because he was nervous, or else why would Lump find this guy appealing? Where was this exact match she spoke of? It couldn’t be that William just spoiled me, because I had seen the guys Lump usually dated. They were more attractive, smarter, and all around better. And they weren’t all that great as far as good guys went. So… WTF?
"So, Will, you're a big guy, huh?"
"I would guess I am." William was unimpressed.
"Yeah, you are pretty big. How much you bench?"
"I don't, generally."
"What's that haus?"
"I don't lift weights."
"That a fact? You look big. Steroids?"
"Uh... No, actually. I work on a farm. I get all my exercise there and through pick up football games now and again."
