Seizing Control

by Kylie Hillman

  Benji rushes forward, ready to have a piece of Brendan as well. This scene is escalating right in front of my eyes and I need to shut it down quickly before it blows into a full scale brawl. This is my fault for being a slut tonight and I don’t want the boys to beat Brendan up any further because of it. I quickly realize that I need to take him away from here and call it quits gently before this gets any worse. I feel like kicking my own ass because I know I should have followed my instincts when he gave me the commitment ring and ended it months ago. Tonight could have been avoided.

  Squeezing Mik tightly before squirming out of his comforting embrace, I plant a sly kiss on the side of his neck before grabbing Benji to stop him. It's time to put an end to this drama.

  "It's okay, Benji. I'm going to take Brendan home. Let's not let this wreck our party, hmmm?” I beg my twin, pleading with my eyes for him to back me with this but I'm left disappointed when he shakes me off angrily.

  “What the fuck? You aren't going anywhere with this cunt.” Mik instructs me.

  “I need to. This is my fault,” I plead. “We agreed, remember?”

  “It's not your fault. Plus I agreed before he was a dumb fuck who fucking pushed you over.”

  “Fuck, Maddi, you don't owe this fucker anything,” Benji interrupts. “You're my sister and I say you're not taking him anywhere. Let him put his money where his mouth is and face what he just did like a fucking man.”

  They're so wrong. I do owe him. Even though he can be pretty nasty, he hasn't really done anything that deserves what I did to him tonight. I owe it to him to help him get his drunk ass home safely and to break up with him without an audience.

  I ignore them both when they continue telling me what to do and approach Brendan, who’s slumped on the ground and actually keeping his mouth shut for the moment. Grabbing his arms I pull him to his feet, trying not to acknowledge the burning in my shredded palms when I close them around his forearms. It takes all of my strength but he finally finds the coordination to use my assistance to stand.

  “We’re going to leave now aren’t we, Brendan?” I ask him, my tone leaving little room for argument. Mik gapes at me in disbelief. I know I’m breaking my promise but this is going to escalate if I don’t get Brendan to leave. He didn't mean to push me over; he's just drunk and angry that I disappeared. I snap my fingers in front of his face and Brendan finally acknowledges me.

  Draping his arm over my shoulder, he leans on me heavily. His extra weight makes my grazed knees scream. I think I'm going to be pretty stiff tomorrow. Using his arm to pull me closer to him, Brendan smiles down at me, a devious leer lighting eyes as he finally answers me.

  “Yes, we are. Lainey. Going home and straight to bed,” Brendan emphasises his use of Mik’s nickname for me with his slurring, taunting voice. Mik growls and makes a step towards him, ready to put him on his ass again. I hold my palm up to stop him and he heeds my silent request. Barely.

  “Don't call me Lainey,” I tell Brendan without apology. “You have two options right now. Annoy me and you'll only have one. Either you pull your head out of your ass and let me take you home so we can talk and you can sleep this off, or I'm going to leave you right here and let them deal with you. Which one do you pick?”

  “I need you to take me home,” he answers speedily. Maybe he actually possesses a sense of self-preservation after all? Mik starts to object but Joel speaks up. He's been standing back watching everything with interest, ready to jump in if needed.

  “Come on, Mad Dog. Just let my soft-hearted, dumbass sister take his fucked up ass home. Dad’s gonna be back soon and we don't need the cops being called when he goes apeshit and the Club backs him.”

  “This is absolute fucking bullshit. He's not your problem.” Mik rounds on me angrily, still not on board with my idea regardless of Joel's sensible—and slightly insulting—defense of my plan.

  “I said it’s okay, Mik. Everyone’s just had too much to drink and I’m not letting this wreck our party. I’ll see you at home tomorrow? Just like we organized?” I half promise, half question him. I hope he understands my vagueness and realizes that nothing has changed. I'm still breaking up with Brendan tonight, I'm just doing it somewhere else.

  “Don't go with him, Lainey,” Mik says one more time. “Please, Angel?”

  It pains me to ignore his wishes but I start walking away. Brendan finally works out how to use his own two feet, and stops leaning on me. Instead he moves me in front of him, hands on my hips, and out of everyone’s sight. He's steering me towards his vehicle when he lets me go and he slaps me hard on the backside, just before we fall out of hearing range. I try my hardest not to flinch as it will ignite this powder keg of tension.

  “Get a move on, wench,” he says loudly and I hear Mik growl.

  I walk faster towards the parking lot, eager to get out of here before this turns into the all-out brawl I’m trying to avoid. Behind me I hear the hall door being pulled open as Mik and my brother’s head back inside. The last thing I hear is Mik's angry voice.

  “That cunt comes near her again after tonight and I’ll fucking kill him!”

  Silently, we walk the rest of the distance to Brendan’s vehicle, and we still don't speak when I fish his keys from his front pocket. He’s in no state to drive while I’ve only had two drinks all night and they were hours ago.

  Abruptly, he pushes me against the driver’s door and kisses me hard. I can feel his erection grinding against my stomach before he lifts me up and settles himself at the junction of my thighs. He pushes against me. I’m tender and sore from making love with Mik. My guilt increases exponentially.

  “Promise me you didn't let him touch you tonight?”

  He bites my shoulder, hard enough to leave teeth marks even through my shirt, as he rocks his hard bulge against me. Ouch, that hurts!

  I slap against his shoulders and squirm in his tight hold but he doesn't let me down. This is the last position I want to be in when I’m trying to end things with him. My backwards conscience feels like it is betraying Mik with each of Brendan’s touches, although it was suspiciously quiet when Mik and I were together.

  “Of course I didn't. We went for a walk, that's all. He needed to talk.” I lie through my teeth, muttering a quick prayer that God— and my mother—will forgive me for compounding my sin with lies.

  “Put me down. We need to talk,” I tell him firmly.

  I’m glad we’re ending this before he was able to persuade me to have sex with him. As bad as I feel for cheating on him, tonight has taught me that my instincts were right about us so I’m thankful I never gave him my virginity.

  “Lainey, please…I need to be inside you. I’ll get my head on straight if I can feel like you’re all mine. This waiting is driving me crazy.”

  He’s pleading loudly now, still grinding against me, and I’m worried that the people milling around outside might hear him. I’m pretty sure I can see my Dad towering above the crowd, indicating he's returned.

  “Don’t call me Lainey. My name is Maddi and you know that. Come on. Let’s get out of here so we can talk.”

  I wriggle forcefully down him until my feet touch the ground and push him around the front of his vehicle. I push him into the passenger seat before dashing back to the driver’s side.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Lainey

  Four and a Half Years Earlier

  The ten minute drive out of town to Brendan’s house is completed in absolute silence. I’m hoping he’s passed out. At least then I can make him comfortable for the night and put the confrontation off until the morning when he's sober. After parking, I lean over the gear stick to see if he’s still conscious. He shocks me when he grabs my shirt and pulls my face near his.

  “Why’s he allowed to call you Lainey and I’m not?”

  I don’t know how to explain this in a way that won’t hurt his sensitive feelings and make him mad at me again. I drop my eyes to his lap and reply carefully, “It’s nothing personal against y
ou, Brendan. The only people who have ever called me Lainey are my Mom and Mik. When she died, I leaned really hard on him because my Dad fell apart and he started calling me Lainey like she did. His Mom died two months before mine so we understood each other's pain. It’s been his nickname for me ever since. Nobody else calls me Lainey because they know it’s something special that’s wrapped up in my mother. Mik kept a special part of her alive when everyone else forgot and now he’s the only person I let call me Lainey. It’s not specifically to do with him, it’s more to do with my mother. Since you didn’t know her like he did, it feels wrong to let you use her name for me.”

  Lifting my eyes back to his, I notice that his eyes are a bit clearer. He’s sobering up.

  He purses his lips at me. “I think I get it. I don’t like it but I get it. I would like it if one day soon you have a rethink it and let me call you Lainey instead of him.”

  His statement just proves to me that he doesn’t get it but I bite my tongue because I’ve got bigger fish to fry with him tonight. He gestures to the back of the vehicle.

  “You said we need to talk?”

  I nod, relieved that he’s changed the subject. He lifts me into the back tray. I take off my boots so I don’t get dirt on his swag and he takes his off as well. He pulls his shirt off and wads it under his head as a makeshift extra pillow. He lies down with his arms behind his head and eyes shut, and I sit next to him feeling awkward. How do you break up with someone nicely?

  I rest my head on the back window and enjoy the warm night in silence for a few minutes, zoning out as I listen to the leaves of the tall gumtrees surrounding us rustle in the gently blowing breeze. It's a beautiful, peaceful night. Taking a deep breath, I poke Brendan in the arm to get his attention. His eyes fly open and he turns to me in surprise.

  “I’m really sorry, Brendan, but our relationship isn't working for me. It's completely because of me not you.” I give him a thin smile when I say this because it's not entirely the truth. “You are an incredible man and whomever you end up with is going to be very lucky.”

  His face goes blank at my declaration.

  “It’s just not going to be me,” I tell him firmly. I’m hoping he will make this easy and not want to argue the point, considering I'm taking all the blame. Thankfully, I left my car at his house this morning and rode into town with him—my sign to him that I'd heeded what we had argued about last night—so I can always drive away if he becomes too argumentative. When we had to leave the party, I thought it would be best to come here to break up. Now he doesn’t have to drive anywhere drunk and I have a getaway.

  “You’ve got be damn well kidding me!” he explodes. “You are not doing this to me. You are my girlfriend. I say if we end and I'm telling you that it's not happening!”

  He grabs me by the waist and throws me onto my back. He pins me down with his body weight. I push against him, trying to roll him off of me. That doesn't work so I hit out at him. He doesn't budge, instead he stares down at me in anger. I expected him to get mad about the breakup, maybe even argue with me a bit, but it never crossed my mind that he’d tell me I couldn't and then attack me.

  I'm failing to get him to let me go by physically defending myself so changing tack, I try to reason with him. “Brendan, you need to calm down. When you sit back and think, you’ll realize this is for the best. You deserve someone who loves you.”

  I try to sit up but he shoves me back down. When he tries to force his hips between my legs, I head-butt him and then knee him in the stomach. He grunts in pain before he slams his whole body weight onto me. My breath rushes from me and my ribs feel like they are going to explode. Grabbing my face roughly, he leers down at me. Eyes wild and panting heavily, he looks crazy.

  “You’re going to need to do better than that, baby girl.”

  I was angry at him but now I’m scared. His parents are away in the city so we’re alone and I’m not sure I can fight him off if he gets further out of hand. I’m at a huge disadvantage being pinned on my back and he knows it.

  Brendan sits up and straddles my belly, using his knees to pin my arms next to me. I buck furiously, trying to dislodge him but it does nothing. I knee him ferociously in the back with my grazed knees but he doesn’t even flinch. He rips open my shirt and unsnaps the front clasp of my bra. My breasts fall free. It's humiliating. He’s touched me over my clothes before but I’ve never bared myself to him. He stares at my breasts, with reverence. “Absolute perfection and all mine. Tell me you’re mine, Lainey,” he murmurs.

  I shake my head and tears of anger springing from my eyes. His words make me feel sick. I can’t believe he’s doing this to me.

  “No, I'm not yours!” I shout. “Get off me!”

  I try to pull my hands up but he’s too heavy. This situation is escalating out of control and I don't know how to end it. He pinches my right nipple then twists it. I scream and squeeze my eyes shut.

  “That’s it, Lainey. Scream for me, baby. You’re gonna love what I’m about to do to you. I’m going to have you screaming my name so loudly that they'll hear you all the way in town. There will be no doubt who you belong to then. You’re going to forget all about that dirty biker you had on the back of your ridiculous motorcycle. I saw you throwing yourself at him on the dance floor afterwards.” He slaps my face, lightly, almost arrogantly, forcing me to open my eyes.

  He glares down at me. “I’m sure you thought you got away with it but I saw everything. I saw you dancing like a slut with him, making a fool of me in front of everyone. You're lucky that your step-mother asked me to help her because I was ready to kill him for touching you. You got lucky then but your luck’s run out now. I'm going to punish you. Teach you how to behave like a proper woman, not the whore you were raised to be.”

  He leans down and licks me from my collarbone and all the way up the side of my face. My stomach lurches at the disgusting wet trail he leaves and I pull away from him. He follows and kisses me, biting my bottom lip before he grabs my arms from under his knees and pins them above my head.

  "Do you think his cock is bigger than mine? Is that why you're trying to leave me?”

  “Just stop this. Let me go. NOW!” I yell over his horrible words, finally finding my voice.

  "Not going to happen. My Lainey. My Angel.” Brendan bites my shoulder as he taunts me with each of Mik's endearments for me.

  “I'm going to show you how wrong you are. My cock will fill every inch of your sexy little body and you'll love it.” He bites my nipple so hard that he breaks the skin.

  “No. I said no. Please stop.” I whimper through the stinging pain.

  “You don't get to say no. You're mine so I can do what I like, when I like.”

  He pulls my face to his, running his eyes over my face as if he's trying to read my thoughts.

  “Don't you understand that I can give you so much more than he can. I've got money and class. I have manners. I'm educated and I come from an elite family. I can make you someone. I can take you anywhere, give you anything you want. He can't give you anything. He's worthless.”

  “You're insane. None of that matters to me,” I argue. He doesn't know me at all if he thinks any of that will change my mind. “You need to stop right now. My father is going to kill you if you do this.”

  He laughs, unmoved by my threat.

  “You aren’t going to tell anyone anything, Lainey. You do, and I’ll email every journalist in Australia pictures of Benji smoking a glass pipe. They’ll love pictures of the number one draft pick smoking meth, don’t you think?”

  “You don't have…”

  I don’t finish my sentence as everything falls into place, leaving my mouth hanging open in shock. That explains why Benji has been so moody and volatile for the last few months. He’s using hard core drugs.

  “I most definitely do, Lainey.” He laughs at my mortification. “You’re going to be a good girl now aren’t you? You're going to stop fighting me and make this a proper relationship or I'm going
to ruin everyone you love. One at a time. Starting with your junkie twin.”

  I shake my head. I’m not staying with him—having sex with him—just because he says he has a picture. He could be bluffing.

  “You’ll learn the hard way to do what I say.”

  He secures my hands with one of his before he uses the other to undo my jeans. I squirm and buck trying to make it as hard as possible for him but between his body weight and superior strength he quickly dispenses of them.

  “No panties, Lainey…I knew you were a slut deep in your cold virginal heart.” He laughs with menace. “There's no way someone with a body like yours could really be the frigid bitch you pretend to be.”

  I'm vulnerable and completely exposed because Mik put my panties in his pocket after he'd found them mixed with his clothes as we got dressed in his motel room. I’d laughed at the time but now I wish I had a barrier to protect myself from Brendan’s sickening leering.

  Still holding my arms securely, he settles himself between my legs and pushes his erection against me. His rough jeans make it hurt. He pulls his hips away and rubs my core without finesse before he forces a finger inside me. I yelp because it burns. He pumps in and out roughly a few times, before he brings his finger to his mouth.

  “You taste like honey,” he murmurs seductively. “Next time I’m going to take my time tasting you, biting you, eating you.”

  His words feel like a threat not seduction.

  Still pinning me, he awkwardly undoes his jeans and kicks them off. He’s commando and I can see his large erection pointing to the sky. He touches himself appreciatively, his cock jerking in response. I use his momentary distraction to kick out at him. He easily dodges my leg, maintaining his unwelcome position between my thighs. I try to hold them closed but he’s too wide. He punches me in the ribs, twice, and I cry out in pain.

  I feel his hard cock against my entrance.

  Prodding.

  Seeking to enter my body without permission.