Chapter 5
White Magic, Safety First!
Time was running out. I knew for certain that I was able to affect the love lives of just about anyone with my new found power. I guess you could say, I had become the witch I once daydreamed about, although, I didn’t know how it happened. In a way, it made me feel invincible. If I wanted to let my dark side out, I could really fuck up someone’s day. I’m just not that kind of girl. Really, I do try to have a sense of morals. Any good woman will tell you, I may be an angel, but fuck with me and the halo is coming off. You can bet your ass the horns are coming out!
I needed another test. I needed to see if I would have the same effect on something completely nonromantic. If I could succeed at that, then I would be able to easily make adjustments to my parents’ upcoming dinner party. I had to think of something that really couldn’t go wrong. In adherence to the code of all good witches, I wouldn’t use it for my own benefit.
I started thinking about the people I knew that could use a little boost in their lives. There was Lindsey, I remember she had complained about needing her roof worked on. My friend, Jennifer hadn’t taken a day off of her job in 30 years. She needed a vacation. Then there was Kim, who had been driving the same piece of junk car since she got her driver’s license. I figured, if I very carefully wrote something for each of them, I could do something really good for all of them. I would just have to write it as a snippet within a story.
It was time to whip up some white magic. Without a clue as to how any of my magic worked, I sat down at my little antique writing desk and started with my first victim. Poor choice for words, I know. Don’t worry, I’ll explain.
A new roof for Lindsey
Lindsey looked up and saw yet another tiny but steady cascade of water dripping down from the ceiling in her kitchen. She selected an empty coffee can and set it in place to catch the droplets of water. If this kept happening, she would be out of cans, pans, tubs, and pails. It was a disaster. The problem was the roof on her old house had simply exceeded the life expectancy of the old shingles. Not only were they no longer functional, they made the house look like hell.
Lindsey was one to always sign up for the promotional giveaways in the stores she went to. It didn’t matter that she never actually won, it was the hope of winning that pushed her along. Today was different. Her phone rang, and when she answered the call, she nearly fainted. The man calling her said she had won the home improvement grand prize from Big Box Home and Garden. The value of the prize was limited to a home improvement project that didn’t exceed $8,000. She was ecstatic. Finally, her efforts of frantically scribbling her personal information down and stuffing it into the overflowing cardboard displays had paid off. They would be sending an estimator to her home that afternoon. How much better could her day have gone?
Next up was Jennifer and a long overdue vacation.
Cruising with Jennifer
It was more like a parking lot out on the interstate during rush hour, but day after day she dutifully climbed into her car and prepared herself for another ninety minutes of sweltering torture, otherwise known as The Commute. Normally, road rage set in for Jennifer at about twenty minutes into the drive. Today, traffic was at a standstill. Her doctor told her during her fifty year physical that she needed to find ways to relax. It just wasn’t healthy to get so stressed out over the traffic. The doctor said the stress would take years off of her life. Jennifer thought of it as a positive for her. She figured about another month of this and she would be all the way back to twenty years old again.
Jennifer bounced from radio station to radio station until she found something relaxing. Before long, the DJ began to announce the daily trivia contest winners. Jennifer cranked up the volume and intently listened. She had been hoping for months that she would be the lucky one to be selected for the grand prize. It would be heaven, a seven day all inclusive Caribbean cruise. The DJ rambled on and on. “Jesus! Would you just tell us who won already?” Jennifer occasionally pressed down on her horn and shouted obscene epithets for poor drivers while she waited for the announcement. Then it came, a grand prize winner had been selected. The catch was that they had to take an immediate cruise, leaving from Houston in just two days. The winner would be announced after the commercial break. “Oh, easy! That’s a piece of cake for me. I’m already in Houston and I am just dying to get out of this boxed-in traffic, and boxed-in life.” Traffic finally broke free and she shouted out to the broken down pickup truck that had been holding everyone up. “Hey, you! With that piece of junk, why don’t ya tie a quarter to it and throw it away, and you can say you lost something! And take yer ugly girlfriend with ya!”
The woman in the truck shouted back at Jennifer, “Who you calling ugly?”
Jennifer was a Texan, and by God, she loved every chance she had at using her full repertoire of Southern euphemisms. “You! You’re so ugly, you probably have to slap your feet to get them to go to bed with you! You’re so ugly, you look like you were pulled through a knothole backwards! You’re so ugly-”
“Yeah, yeah, we get it! She’s ugly! Let’s move!” The people in the car behind her shouted.
Jennifer was still listening to the radio as she made her way forward through the snarled traffic. When the DJ came back on the air, he finally made his announcement. Jennifer screamed with joy as she heard her name called. Finally, Jennifer was going to get out of the box and experience a true awakening! Further down the road she said to herself, “Well, no lie. That woman was ugly. She looked like she sorts bobcats for a livin’.”
Not to be forgotten was my third friend, Kim. She not only needed a new car, she deserved one. She worked like mad and got nowhere fast. I really wanted to help her out in any way that I could!
It’s a Brand New Car!
Kim was ecstatic. She had been waiting for weeks for this day. She had been selected as a contestant on the top listed TV game show Fortune Wheel. They were coming to Chicago this week and Kim was primed. She had been doing crossword puzzles in every spare minute and more. She even woke up an hour early every day to squeeze in more prep time, before the big show.
When Kim was finally called to the podium, she felt nervous yet confident that she was well prepared to solve every word puzzle that Janna could throw at her. It was ridiculously easy. Every spin of the wheel landed her more cash. She solved every puzzle, leaving her fellow competitors standing there open-mouthed with shock and awe.
The time had come for the final puzzle and the grand prize. A new car! It was a beauty. Her dream car. A yellow Mustang with black racing stripes and it was fully loaded with every possible option. Fortune smiled on Kim that day.
Now, how could anything bad happen? With wonderful, happy stories like these, I was certain that I would have three very happy friends. My phone rang and I cheerfully answered. It was Kelly, she wanted to know if anything happened with Sarah and Bill. I told her everything that happened with the hot date night that ended up at the ER. Kelly was in full agreement with my new plan to test out some white magic. All I had to do now, was to wait for the good news to come rolling in.
I remembered to ask Kelly about the wedding she attended. I wanted the scoop on the doctor. Inquiring minds needed to know if he was panty wetting hot, drop dead gorgeous, or just finger licking good. “What about that doctor you were hoping to hook up with!”
“Oh, he got called in to the hospital, I guess. The wedding was nice, but as far as meeting anyone, it was a complete failure.”
I started to hatch a plan. “Oh, that’s too bad. What was the doctor’s name?”
“Florian. Florian Klempner. I know, the name sounds horrid. I can’t even imagine what somebody with a name like that would be like, but he is a young single doctor and those don’t come around very often, if at all.”
“That’s true. Too bad, huh? Well, sorry to hear that.”
“That’s OK. I have to run though. I’m supposed to drop off the shoes I borrowed for the wedding. She needs them back today.”
I knew I had to write one more little story. Very short and sweet. Just to put a spark under Florian’s ass. After we hung up, I went back to my desk.
Phone call for Kelly!
Kelly was wondering how the wedding could have went had she gotten a chance to meet up with the doctor that couldn’t make it. She thought, perhaps there would be another chance someday. She really didn’t know anything about him. What kind of doctor was he? Was he good looking? Kelly tried to relax and slouched in her favorite comfortable chair and tried not to think about it. She had just opened up a hot new romance book and began to read when her phone rang.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Kelly? This is Florian, Florian Klempner.”
“Oh! Hi. You’re the guy that was supposed to be my date for the wedding! How are you?”
“I’m fine, thanks. I got your number from your cousin. Sorry, but when I’m on the on-call rotation schedule, things get really crazy for me. I hope you don’t mind that I asked your cousin for your number. I just wanted to apologize for skipping out on you.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s perfectly understandable. Everyone knows what a huge responsibility it is to be a doctor and all.”
“Well, I have a question for you. How would you feel about going out on a date? I understand that it’s unexpected and basically a blind date.”
“I’d love to! What do you have in mind?”
“I was wondering if you were free this evening, we could go out to eat. There’s a new Thai place that I’ve been wanting to check out. I’ve heard great things about it. How does that sound?”
“Sounds great, Florian. The only thing is that we need to drop by my sister’s house for a minute. I promised I would drop off some shoes I borrowed.”
“How about five o’clock, then? I just need your address. Oh and my friends call me Bob. Yeah, Florian isn’t the name I would have picked.”
“Ha ha, no problem, Bob. It’s 2771 Monroe. It’s a tiny little white house with blue shutters. I’m looking forward to meeting you.
“Sounds great, Kelly. See you at five then.”
I wanted to pat myself on the back. I managed to come up with four great stories for my friends. Lindsey would get a new roof, Jennifer would get the vacation she deserved, Kim would get a shiny new set of wheels, and now Kelly would finally meet up with the doctor.
Chapter Six
Leigh - Paranormal Investigator
Now that I had a few experiments set up, I had some time to try to figure out why all of this crazy stuff was happening. I knew the only thing that had changed in my house was the procurement of the antique desk. I took a close look at it. It was pretty plain. The small drawer at the front was empty when I brought it home. I pulled it out and looked into the recess where the drawer had been. Nothing. I set the drawer down and crouched under the desk to see if I could spot anything out of the ordinary. Again, I found nothing.
I became distracted by Luna who was pleading for her food. I went to the kitchen and filled her dish with her favorite fatty catty food, but when I called her, she wouldn’t come. She continued to cry from the other room. I went to find out what her problem was. She was laying down with her front paws extended over the drawer. There, between her paws, I could make out a small section that was covered in faded writing on the bottom of the drawer. The writing wasn’t in English. I shooed the cat away and brought the drawer up to my desk lamp to get a closer look. The strange writing appeared to be Latin.
Cave quid dicis, quando, et cui
I don’t know any Latin. This was a job for my internet research partner, Google, more specifically. Thank God, my internet had been restored and I could finally connect to the world again. I sat down at my computer and entered the words into the search bar. The translation shocked me with how appropriate it was for my situation.
Beware of what you say, when, and to whom.
Exactly. You got that right. Who wrote this? Where on earth did this desk come from? I scrambled through the papers that I had removed from the drawer. I’ll admit it, I’m a pack rat. I never throw away any sort of correspondence, notes, lists, or receipts. Somewhere in the mess, I had to have kept the piece of paper with the phone number and address of the place where I picked up the desk. I had more than a few serious questions for the old lady. I rustled through the papers until I found it. I quickly dialed the phone number and fortunately someone answered.
“Hello.” It was the same grumpy old woman I talked to months ago.
“Hi, my name is Leigh. I’m the one who picked up your old desk-”
The call hung up. “Bitch!” I yelled. “Rude!” I hate getting hung up on, even when it’s a wrong number. Which could have been the case. I carefully dialed it again rather than opting for the redial feature.
“Hello.” Said the same crusty voice.
“Please, don’t hang up on me. Please?” I thought if I pleaded in a helpless voice, she would have some mercy and talk to me.
“What is it?” Although she said it more like a statement than a question.
“All I want to know is a little history on the desk. You see, someone is very interested in buying it from me, and they would like to know some of its history. I would be willing to split the sale price with you, if you help me out.” I lied through my teeth.
Bingo! Money talks. She started to tell me something. “It is very old. It came from someplace in New England. Massachusetts, I think.”
“Thank you! How old do you think it is? Do you know who owned it before? Or perhaps you know the story of who wrote on the bottom of the drawer, in Latin?”
“Listen to me little girl, if someone is willing to buy that desk from you, sell it, give it away. Whatever you do with it, you must not destroy it or your problem will only get worse. That desk is a curse. It belonged to a witch. I think you have found out already that it casts spells. Magic has consequences and you must have found that out, as well, or you wouldn’t have called me.”
“Fine. I’m sorry for lying to you. Nobody wants to buy it. It’s causing everything I write to happen to people I know. Literally! I know I can handle this. I just want to know one thing. Who was the witch?”
“That is all I know. Goodbye.”
“Wait, I-”
That was it. The end of the call. The bitty old bitch hung up on me again! I did learn something, or at least I confirmed my suspicions. It was the desk, and I wasn’t the first person to experience its so-called curse. The way I look at it, this desk was bewitched for a good reason, and it even came with its very own warning label!
I really wanted to know more about this original witch. Who was she? Where in New England? Could it have been Massachusetts? Could it be? Imagine if my very desk was used by a genuine Salem witch! Then again, I don’t think they were writers. I think they were young girls and midwives. Back to my best friend, the internet. I needed to learn more about witches in Massachusetts. I wondered if any writers were ever accused of being witches. There were none that I found in my search, although there were a few very educated and prominent people accused of it. Perhaps, someone who had survived the nonsense of the Salem witch trials decided to actually seek revenge later by trying their hand at real witchcraft? Now, that would be a great form of payback. Maybe, just maybe, someone figured out a way to cast spells through writing out scenarios for their victims!
For now, I was satisfied I had enough information to consider that with the power vested in my desk, I was officially a witch. My heart jumped a little with glee. OK, once I admitted it to myself, I actually jumped for joy. Trust me, this was a childhood dream come true! Sure, I was apprehensive about it all. Once I had talked to the old woman and confirmed my suspicions, I decided to embrace it. This could be great! After all, look at all of the white magic spells I wrote already. Who says that I would need to be the stereotypical Halloween witch? Modern fiction was full of fun and sexy witches and I really was one of them now!
I was overjoyed when mornin
g came, because I knew good reports would start rolling in from my friends. The first call came from Lindsey. She told me the wonderful news about winning the home improvement prize. What was probably even more magical, was that the roofers were already at her house and had started to work. Lindsey told me, there were three young men on the crew. She described them as a virtual buffet of delectable and mouthwatering man snacks. She must have been hungry. I had a great idea. It was a warm summer day, we were teachers on summer break and we deserved to have a picnic. I called Kelly and left her a message to come over to Lindsey’s house at noon. I let her know that swimsuits and cold adult beverages were required.
Chapter Seven
A Hot Picnic
I showed up at Lindsey’s house at noon. I brought the essentials, suntan oil, a couple of folding beach chairs, and the skimpiest two piece swimsuit I owned. I glanced up at the guys on the roof as I walked in through Lindsey’s front door. She was right. Her house was crawling with hotties. How exciting! We met in the kitchen for a bit and laughed about her good fortune. I didn’t say a thing about the little spell I had written. We headed into another room and changed into our skimpy little bikinis. Now, we aren’t supermodels, but I think we looked damn hot, except for the fact that our pale skin made us look like we had spent our entire lives living in an underground mushroom farm.
We placed our chairs in the backyard, facing the house. With a cooler full of hard lemonade between us, we watched the show. The guys working on the roof had already stripped off their t-shirts and were covered in sweat. Their hot, toned bodies were well tanned and every bit as scrumptious as Lindsey had described. Kelly arrived and noticed how we had set up to ogle the roofers.
“Holy man feast! How do I get three hot men to pound on my roof?”
Lindsey and I laughed hysterically at the look on Kelly’s face as she darted into the house to get changed. Once she came out of the door, she jogged over to where we set up her chair. Drinks in hand, we continued to watch the panty melting entertainment.
Accidental Leigh Page 4
