Familiar Ground

by Michelle Lynn

  I make him some breakfast, we shower, and Jason leaves around eleven. Some line about meeting his parents, which throws my idea of us taking Dani shopping to the wayside. I really want Jason and Dani to bond on some level. I had thought maybe today would be a good time, but just like every other time, if he can’t have me alone, he leaves.

  “Bye, baby, I had a great night.” Jason presses himself against me in the doorframe.

  “Me too, call me later?” I nuzzle into his chest and wrap my arms around his large frame.

  “Of course, when does the kid get home?”

  “The kid’s name is Dani.” I sigh and cock my head to the side.

  “Sorry, when does Dani come home?” he condescendingly repeats, stressing Dani.

  “Adam is bringing her back later this afternoon.”

  “So, now you switch back to mommy role, huh?”

  “It’s not forever. Shane will be back soon.”

  “Hey, I forgot to ask you, do you think the uncle can watch the kid next weekend?”

  “No, we have that family rehab therapy weekend up in Minnesota. Remember, you said you would take us?” I should have known this would happen. He would bail on me for something with his parents. How could he forget something so important to me?

  “Oh crap, I don’t think I can take you.” He peers down at me, stepping back.

  “Why is that?” I say curtly.

  “My dad is having that campaign dinner party. He asked me if you were able to come. I’m sorry, Leah, I have no choice. You know I have to go to the party.” He puts his finger under my chin, bringing my face to meet my eyes.

  “I understand,” I lie. Not sure why, a past version of me would have cussed him to the high heaven. The thought of driving myself with Dani is unnerving, and us having to spend the night half-way there, since we have to leave in the evening, anxiety already arises just thinking about it. I’ve always believed I’m an independent woman, someone who could hold her own, but with this I’m doubting myself. I get it that his dad is up for re-election of Cook County judge, and I know he’s expected to attend the party to put on the family image the Bridges family always portrays.

  “It kills me you’ll be alone, but you know how my dad is with these parties.” He gives me a short peck kiss, ending our conversation abruptly. “Call you later, babe.” He walks down my steps onto the sidewalk, never turning around. Reaffirming for me that having both Jason and Dani in my life is most likely not possible.

  For the next couple hours, I busy myself with laundry and cleaning. I work on my paper for sociology and catch up on reading for my clinical psych class. Anything and everything to keep my mind occupied from pondering the root of the problem. The fact that I’m starting to be tugged two different directions. The safe arms of two men, who can give me very different comfort.

  Jason is sweet and treats me well, but Adam is, too, in a completely opposite way. He goes out of his way to make me happy and make sure that Dani and I have everything we need. Jason was my life until Dani came along. She’s like a rainbow in the wake of a turbulent storm, and I can’t ignore the fact that Jason disregards her. Not that I can blame him, I was happy to forget my past and start new…until her. The minute I laid my eyes on her, I was sucked in.

  Then there’s Adam. The man who loves that little girl as much as I do. But, for him, I have to think about Shane. I’m not so sure Adam can accept him. Sure, he gets the addiction thing, but that part of his life was over the day he buried Cassi. Would he really want to relive those moments of worry and resentment that could possibly come from Shane if rehab doesn’t help him?

  After hours of debate in my head, even with trying to keep busy, I’m just about to leave to get Dani some clothes when my phone beeps.

  Adam: Hey Leah! Is Josh gone? Dani says she is ready to come back.

  Me: You know it’s Jason. Yes, he’s gone.

  Adam: Didn’t want Dani seeing something she shouldn’t.

  Me: Point taken, how long?

  Adam: We’re outside

  My breath hitches in my throat with the realization that he’s outside. An image of him leaning against that black sports car with his ankles crossed and his arms entwined with one another across his chest has heat rising through my body. Get a hold of yourself, Leah, your boyfriend just left two hours ago.

  I open the front door, and Adam’s supped up black Challenger is parked out front, but he’s not leaning against it like Jake Ryan in Sixteen Candles. Dani smiles and waves at me through the window from her car seat and Adam opens his car door and pops open the trunk. I slip on my flip-flops that are by the door and throw a sweater on to go retrieve her out of the car. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed her until I saw her face.

  I jog down the stairs and fling open her door. “Hey, sweetheart! Did you have fun with Uncle Adam?” I exclaim, trying to get her out of the five-belt harness car seat. This contraption has to get easier at some point, right?

  “Auntie Leah, I had sour and sweat chicken, it was so good. Uncle Adam said I ate like a horse.” Tears prick my eyes at Dani so excited and sporting a million dollar smile. My day just got ten times better.

  “Sweet and sour, Dani,” Adam laughingly corrects her.

  “Oh yeah, sweet and sour, Auntie Leah. Can we have it again tonight?” Dani asks impatiently. “Please, Auntie Leah, please,” she pleads.

  “We’ll see, Dani, let’s get you inside first. It’s starting to get cold outside.” I grab her hand, and she jumps to the cement sidewalk. She resembles what I assume a typical three-year-old does, happy and carefree.

  My eyes glance over my shoulder, and I find Adam with armfuls of shopping bags. I spot stamped bags from Gymboree, Gap Kids, and Osh-Kosh.

  “Adam, you didn’t have to get her clothes.” I hold the door open for him.

  “She’s my niece, too. She didn’t have shit in that suitcase. Plus, my mom and dad bought some of the stuff, too.” He puts the bags down by the couch.

  “Thank you, I was just about to leave to buy her some stuff. Please, sit down. Do you want something to drink?”

  “Sure, whatever you have would be great.” He takes a seat on my couch, instantly turning on the TV to a kid’s channel for Dani.

  “Dani, do you want anything?” When I don’t get an answer I search the room with no sign of her. “Dani?” I call a little louder down the hallway, trying not to let fear take over my voice.

  “I’m in my room, Auntie Leah.” I walk towards my guest room, or Dani’s room as she refers to it. Hearing her voice full of excitement, those damn tears well up again. I stand in the doorway and find her hanging pictures up on her wall with tape. Inching further into the room, I recognize them as the pictures Adam took of us that day at the pizza place and a few from the park at his parent’s. There’s one of just her next to the fish tank, one of her and Adam’s parents on the bench at the park, me and her eating our pizza, and the last one is her and Adam next to that prize machine with Dani’s glowing smile as she’s holding her toy in her hand.

  “Uncle Adam printed them for me.” She turns around smiling.

  “You know what?” I bend down on my knees. “We’re going shopping.”

  “Uncle Adam already got me clothes, Auntie Leah,” she says. I’m loving this new side of Dani that Adam brings out.

  “No, we aren’t going clothes shopping. We’re going furniture shopping. It’s time this room becomes yours.”

  “Let’s go then,” his deep voice instructs from the doorway. My lips turn up before I even turn around.

  “You don’t have to take us, Adam.”

  “I want to.” He smiles back at me. As much as it pains me, I want him to take me, too.

  I should let Leah and Dani have some girl bonding, but I’m not ready to leave Dani yet. It’s been twenty-four hours, and I’m already hooked, I don’t want to leave her. I don’t want to miss the next crazy thing to come out of her mouth. Her transformation is unbelievable, even from just yesterday. A
s though she woke up a totally different girl. The whole time we were shopping, she never stopped talking. Nothing about her past, it was all about what was going on around her currently. She’s starting to come out of that shell, and she’s awesome like I knew she was. Of course, it doesn’t hurt that her aunt is a hottie either. I’m enjoying Leah’s company just as much.

  So, all three of us climb into my car and head back out to the suburbs to IKEA and Target. As we walk down each aisle, Leah holds Dani’s hand while I stay a few steps back, allowing them to do their girl thing. Dani’s becoming more comfortable with Leah, showing her the side I saw this afternoon. She starts reaching for Leah’s hand without Leah requesting or initiating, and, from Leah’s elated reaction, I know she loves it too. Leah buys her a toddler bed, pink and purple bedding, and a few other decorative things at IKEA. At Target, Dani picks out princess decals to stick on her walls and a few pillows in the shapes of crowns.

  Leah is remarkable, she gets Dani all excited over every detail and knows everything they need to make the room all girly. I wonder over to the toy aisles to grab some toys for Dani and give them a little more alone time, since I invited myself along. The toy section is a much different scene than I remember as a kid. There’s a whole aisle dedicated to princesses alone. It’s a little girl’s dream colored in pastels. I decide to pick out two stuffed princess dolls, but come up dumbfounded at how many there are to choose from. There are blonde, brown, and red-haired princesses, each having their own color dress. I can only name about four of them. Where did these other ones come from? Not about to rethink it, I snatch two off the shelf and make my way back towards my girls.

  I don’t know where Leah is getting money from to purchase all this stuff. Did Shane leave it to her? Not sure how, since he didn’t have money to contribute to the funeral, leaving the bill with my parents. She doesn’t flinch at the totals, and she never even flips a tag over to look at a price tag before deciding on purchasing it. When I was in college, my eyes went to the price automatically before deciding if I liked the item or not. A sudden desire to dig deeper and find out exactly what I’m up against springs to life.

  My car is full to the brim; my trunk and the whole seat next to Dani are at capacity by the time we finish shopping. We stop on the way back to Leah’s for sweet and sour chicken per Dani’s request. Dani sits on the floor in front of the television with her cut up sweet and sour chicken while Leah and I venture in and out, bringing everything in from the car. I escape into Dani’s room to begin putting the bed together, but Leah grabs my wrist. Her touch is electrifying, shooting a warm current all the way up my arm.

  “Let’s eat, and then we assemble the bed together as a team.” She smiles, playfully pulling me into the kitchen.

  “All right.” I grudgingly go. How am I going deny her dinner, even if it’s platonic?

  She takes out some plates and forks, and I start opening the white cartons. Since Dani ate so much last night, we got her own large sweet and sour chicken along with chow fun, Mongolian beef, and pot stickers. Digging out a pair of chopsticks, Leah breaks them apart as I watch her intently. She slowly returns her eyes to me and a moment passes between us, making my heart skip.

  “Did you want a set?” She extends her hand, holding the set of chopsticks out to me.

  “No, never figured those out.” I grab a fork.

  “Do you want me to show you?” she asks.

  “Sure, but many have tried and failed before you.” I think of all my previous girlfriends who attempted to teach me how to use chopsticks, and after about five tries, I usually end up throwing them across the room.

  “Oh, well if you’d rather me not.” She looks down at her plate, almost embarrassed.

  “No, let’s give it a try. You might just have the magic touch.” Her cheeks flush red, and a wide smile lights up her face. I love making her blush.

  “Great, first separate them.” Excitement begins to radiate out of her. I can tell she wants to be the one who helps me conquer this obstacle. Maybe she’s tenacious just like me.

  I break them apart as told by my gorgeous instructor.

  “Now, place one across the middle finger.” She comes up behind me, leaning over my shoulder and placing her hands over mine. The light scent of vanilla lingers around us.

  God, she smells good. Her hair brushes across my neck as she leans over me. I can practically taste how good I’m sure she is. Her small hands look so delicate and beautiful on top of mine, which are hard, callused, and weathered. I deny my urge to grab it and bring it to my mouth. Instead, I try to concentrate on the chopstick lesson she’s giving me.

  “You almost have it. Try one more time.” Leah’s enthusiasm replicates a cheerleader shouting for her losing team, and I’m the football player at the twenty-yard line on my way to a touchdown. She’s adorable.

  I pick up a piece of Mongolian beef and manage to reach my mouth with the beef still between the two wooden sticks. “Yes! I knew you could do it!” Leah smiles from ear to ear, clapping her hands.

  “It was my teacher.” I smile back at her. “Thank you.”

  “You are welcome.” She nods her head and sits back down to dig into her own food, using chopsticks with the finesse she portrays in everything she does.

  I fumble a few more times, and Leah assures me it takes some time to get used to them. My hand is throbbing because the last thing I want to do is put them down and figure out a way to get them in my hands all over again.

  “So, I have to ask for my own ego, how many have tried and failed?” She pushes her food around her plate, keeping her head down. Not sure why, but her shyness always draws me to her.

  “Hmm…are we still talking about chopsticks?” I raise my eyebrows.

  She peeks her eyes up through her eyelashes and softly giggles to herself as I wait for her response back. Then a small hand grasps the breakfast bar counter. Dani stands between us peering over the edge.

  “Auntie Leah, I’m tired.” She rubs her eyes.

  “Um…okay.” Leah looks like she’s thinking, since Dani’s room is packed with bags and boxes. “You can sleep in my bed tonight, and I’ll set up your room tomorrow. Let’s go get you in the bath.” Leah stands up and starts following Dani down the hall, but then Leah turns around. “Adam, I’m sure you have an early morning, please, don’t stay on our account.”

  “It’s fine. Go ahead and give her a bath. I’ll start on her bed at least.”

  When the water begins running, I pack up the Chinese food and put it in the fridge, rinse the dishes, and start the dishwasher. Then I head into the adult guest room to revamp it into a little girl’s princessland room. No way will I be leaving here tonight without it completely finished.

  I was relieved when Dani interrupted our innuendo charged conversation and happy for the distraction of Dani’s night time routine. I’m not only curious about how many partners Adam’s past contains. Unfortunately, I also want to know if there’s currently a certain someone in his life. Not that I hold a right to, I have Jason, but I can’t help my desire to know everything about him. My whole body rises to alert mode when he’s around, as though I’m a damn dog in heat. His presence brings comfort and a sense of protectiveness, but at the same time my stomach has to adjust to the dozens of butterflies in it the entire time we’re around one another.

  Dani plays in the bathtub, and I can hear the wrenches and screwdrivers torqueing as Adam puts her bed together. I’m thankful I still had Shane’s toolbox from years prior; otherwise, we would have been out of luck. I dress Dani in some new, flannel, two-piece, ladybug pajamas Adam purchased for her today. After I brush her teeth, she walks straight to her room to say goodnight to Adam.

  “Uncle Adam?” I follow her in, and my eyes widen at all the parts on the floor.

  “Oh, those look comfy, do you think I should get a pair?” he jokes.

  “No, they’re for little girls.” She giggles.

  “Awww, man.” Adam snaps his fingers and swings h
is arm across his body.

  “Can you read me a bedtime story?” She pulls out her favorite book, I Love You More, from her suitcase.

  “Anything for you.” He sets his tools down and rises to his feet. “Let’s go.”

  “Come on, Auntie Leah,” she calls for me to join.

  “Oh that’s okay, sweetheart. I’ll finish up in here.” I don’t want to intrude on their special bonding time. Especially, since Adam doesn’t see her as much as I do.

  “I want both of you to read it to me,” she whines. When did she start whining?

  “All right,” I sigh, and Dani takes both our hands, leading us down the hall to my room.

  All three of us enter my room. I’m thankful I gave it a little extra attention this afternoon. It’s neat and appears organized, since I picked up the clothes off the floor. Adam tries to be inconspicuous as he takes in my personal space, but his eyes fixate on a picture of Shane and me. It was taken at a beach party when we were teenagers. A memory I hold dear, since it captures Shane’s honest and genuine smile. He started using a few months after it was snapped, and I’ve never seen that smile again. If you can catch him in a photo now, the smile is forced and rushed, as though he has no time to enjoy life.

  We each sit on either side of Dani on my queen size bed. Adam wraps his arm around her shoulders, and I rest my back against the headboard. Dani dictates that each of us are to take turns reading a page. Because of her instructions, I have no choice but to scoot closer to them. Adam’s fingers lazily rest on Dani’s shoulders and my neck brushes against his fingertips the closer I have lean in. When I jump back, shocked from the touch, his hand clasps my shoulder, holding me in place. We don’t look at one another, but I stay put hip to hip with Dani and Adam’s warm touch on my shoulder. For the first time since I was young, a feeling of security resonates within me. Once we finish reading, Dani hugs me goodnight and then gives Adam a kiss on his cheek, telling him goodnight, too. I turn off the lights, but leave my bathroom light on with the door propped open in case she wakes up.