I crawl into the queen bed next to Dani. It’s already like an oven under the blankets. I swear this girl gives off more heat than Jason. Keeping the TV on the sports channel, I throw the remote back over on Adam’s bed. Laying my head on the pillow, I pull the covers to my chin, anticipating Adam’s return. The thought of him maybe walking out in boxer briefs has my insides tingling, but then again Dani is here, so I’ll probably be lucky to get a glimpse of a bare chest. The door clicks open, and he turns the bathroom light off. The television is bright enough to reveal him in a pair of sleep pants and no shirt. Holy shit, his chest is absolutely spectacular. His muscles are defined across his chest and shoulders tapering down to his flat stomach. It’s a good thing Dani is between us; otherwise, I would stay awake staring at him all night. He quietly crawls into bed and turns off the television.
“Good night, Leah.” His voice a beat up from a whisper.
“Good night, Adam,” I say in return, trying to relax my heart back down to its normal beat.
Play it cool, man, act casual and don’t stare. Although I wouldn’t have minded a skimpier bedtime outfit, she’s just as desirable in her Capris and t-shirt. Debating on if I should wear a t-shirt until I get into bed, I decide that I’d rather remind her what she could have. Not that I’m bragging, but since I started working construction, my body has never been so insanely sculpted. Mission accomplished when I hear her breath catch as I step out of the bathroom. I bite the inside of my lip, attempting to keep my pleasure at her reaction from being apparent. I slide under the covers, and when I say goodnight to her, her voice quivers when she responds. As small of a feat that it is, I still wish she were lying next to me.
I toss and turn, unable to find sleep, hearing Dani and Leah’s slow breathing while they’re in dreamland. I love taking care of them, but I’m surprised that not only does Leah let me but she seems so appreciative of everything I do. There’s so much I want her to trust me with. Just that little bit of information she gave on the train isn’t enough. She holds everything bottled up, and I can’t help but feel like she has no one who cares enough to coax it out of her. What did that jackass of an ex-boyfriend ever do? Obviously, he only cared about himself. I try not to put him down in front of her. I don’t want to win her over by pointing out every flaw her ex-boyfriend possessed.
The next morning, I wake up around seven, and my two girls are still asleep. I decide to jump in the shower, as I imagine Leah has her own routine in the morning. When I emerge with a towel wrapped around my waist, I’m surprised that Leah’s at the end of the bed with her phone out. Luckily, Dani is lightly snoring. That little girl needs all the sleep she can get after our long trip yesterday. Leah looks up from her phone, and her jaw drops. Yeah, baby, it’s all yours if you want it.
“Sorry, I thought you would still be asleep,” I half attempt to apologize, although I don’t really mean it. I slowly walk over to my duffle bag, allowing her to continue salivating over my body.
“Do you want me to turn around or something?” she asks with her eyes center on my waist.
“No, I’m not really shy. I’ll just get some clothes and go back into the bathroom to change. Then, it’s all yours.” I dig through my bag, grabbing boxers, jeans, and a t-shirt.
“Okay, sounds good.” She finally turns her attention back to her phone. “My brother just texted me. He would like us there around nine or so. Dani isn’t allowed in the group therapy, obviously, so he wants to spend some time with her before.”
“All right, do you want me to bring her back here while you do the therapy thing, and we can come back and get you?” I ask, pausing in front of the bathroom door, holding my clothes. Hopefully, Leah’s enjoying her last look.
“I wanted to talk to you about that. They have a daycare set up for all the small kids that Dani can play in. Shane would like you to join some of the therapy groups.” She starts playing with her fingers in her lap. Her nervous habit of picking the skin around the nail beds of her fingers kicking in.
Irritated, I say, “Oh, I didn’t know I signed up for therapy.” Does the dip shit think that after three weeks of rehab, he’s ready to save everyone?
“You don’t have to go. I’m not sure why Shane is asking you to attend,” she adds softly, and I suddenly feel like an asshole.
“It just took me by surprise. I’m open to go today, but I won’t make any promises for the future.” I try to sound nicer, but my blood is starting to boil, and I quickly realize I don’t know what will happen when I see Shane today. I hope I don’t beat the shit out of him, might kill my chances with Leah.
“Thank you, Adam.” Her eyes rise to meet mine, and, even though I’m still in my towel, her sincere green gaze is directed toward my eyes. Hell, I don’t want her to go through this alone.
“You don’t have to thank me, Leah. I do it for Dani. I want this situation to work out between both families,” I proclaim while turning around and escaping into the bathroom. Really, I’m doing this for you, too, though.
An hour later, Dani and I are eating breakfast on the bed. I’d grabbed some stuff from the pathetic continental breakfast. Dani’s watching cartoons while Leah finishes getting ready. When she emerges out of the confines of the small bathroom, I lose my breath. Her hair is in a million perfect curls that bounce off her shoulders. Her skintight jeans make her legs crazy awesome, and her sweater covers up too much, but then she turns around, and, at the sight of her ass in those jeans, I have to adjust myself. She looks beautiful, but I can still see the torment in her eyes. Today is sure to be a hard day for her.
She nervously picks up her phone and quickly texts something back to someone, probably her brother.
My cuticles are going to be raw before we arrive. I can’t stop playing with my fingers in my lap. Dani’s so excited, she’s singing in the back, and Adam keeps glancing over at me like he wants to say something, but remains quiet.
Just as my pointer finger digs into my thumb’s skin about to draw blood, Adam grabs it and intertwines our fingers. “It’s going to be okay. I’m here for you—no matter what.” He lets go way too soon, and I realize it’s because we’ve arrived. How did this man next to me become by biggest support? Then it hits me, that even if Jason were here it wouldn’t be like this. He’d be on his phone, or most likely just drop me off and go somewhere for the day. Adam agreed to sit with us during the family rehab, and I know how much he despises my brother. I see how his body tenses every time we mention his name. So, it’s a huge step he’s taking, coming and participating in the therapy, and I appreciate his willingness to support me throughout this process.
Adam comes around and opens my door before opening the door behind me to get Dani out. I step out of the car and spot Shane walking towards us. He’s put on some weight that he desperately needed. He cut his hair short, making him look youthful and more innocent. I smile, seeing him appearing so healthy and clean. Dani hops out and runs towards her dad. I’m surprised she recognizes him, from the drastic difference.
“Daddy, Daddy,” she screams, leaping into his arms. I turn toward Adam whose jaw is clenched down in a tight lock.
“Oh, baby, you look beautiful,” Shane says, letting her down and putting a hand on each cheek.
“There’s a pool at our hotel, and Aunt Leah and Uncle Adam said I can go swimming one of the nights,” she tells him. “As long as I am good.”
“Aren’t you always good?” He bends down to be at her level.
“Yep,” she remarks.
Adam and I slowly walk up, after trying to give them some time together before interrupting.
“Leah.” Shane gives me a long tight hug. “Thank you, thank you so Goddamn much,” he says softly in my ear. His words feel heartfelt, but no way am I letting my guard down.
“How’s it going, Shane?” I question.
“Surprisingly, better than expected.” He puts his hand out towards Adam, and I suck in my breath holding it for a moment. Please, Adam don’t hit him.
“Adam, it’s good to see you again,” Shane says.
Adam looks down at Dani’s curious eyes, watching us all go back and forth. He reluctantly clasps his hand with Shane’s. “You too, Shane.”
The tension in the air is so thick I can hardly breathe. I think even Dani can feel it, since her head remains down, and she shuffles her feet back and forth.
“Dani, why don’t you tell Daddy about your room?” I suggest, trying to divert the conversation to something we’ll all enjoy—Dani.
“Daddy, Auntie Leah and Uncle Adam made a room for me. I have princesses all over the walls and pink blankets. It’s so pretty, Daddy, I can’t wait for you to see it.” She flails her arms and jumps around as she explains it to him.
“Oh, that sounds awesome, baby. I can’t wait to see it,” Shane says and then looks my way. “Do you mind if Dani and I go for a walk before the session? I’ll meet you here in about twenty minutes or so?” Shane asks.
Adam stiffens next to me, but what are we to do, he’s her father. “Sure, Shane. Adam and I will look around while we wait.”
Watching Shane and Dani walk away is hard for both of us as we stare at them until they’re only specks off in the distance. More so for Adam than me. I have the faith that my brother wouldn’t harm his own daughter, but all Adam knows about Shane is that Cassi is dead from having an association with him. We sit on a bench in the garden and talk about nothing important. Adam rambles about his mother and her flowers. I don’t interrupt and only half listen as my mind wanders to what will fill today. What are these counselors going to tell me? My biggest worry in the forefront of my mind, will Adam and Shane make amends?
Shane and Dani return a half hour later, which makes Adam stop pacing back and forth in front of me like he has been for the last ten minutes. I’d assured him Shane was coming back, but he just kept pacing quietly, nodding his head.
We walk down the hallway in which Shane bumps fists with almost every person that walks by us saying ‘What’s up’ followed by their name. I should’ve known that after three weeks Shane has made himself comfortable here, which starts my mind to think that he’s fooled everyone here just like at home.
We drop Dani off in a toy filled room with a bunch of other kids running and screaming. I pat Adam on the back and motion with my head that it’s time to go. He’s like an over protective father, staring at all the kids as she enters the room. It’s kind of endearing. He raises an eyebrow at me, questioning leaving her there, but I hook my arm through his, leading him out of the room.
“It will only be a few hours, Adam,” I whisper in his ear. All I get back is a look clearly telling me he isn’t comfortable with it.
Shane leads us to the counseling session, introducing us to the therapist that’s running it. He’s an older balding male, whose teeth are stained yellow from what I assume is too much coffee consumption and nicotine use, named Jim. Nonetheless, he’s more than friendly to both of us. He looks at Adam and me, as though he knows us already, making me uneasy and closed off from the start. Millions of things speed through my mind on what Shane could have told him. This man knows everything about my life; however, I’ve never met him.
Adam and I take a seat on the blue sofa centered in front of the window. Tables on either side contain lamps, inspirational brochures, and tissue boxes. Shane takes the mismatched armchair next to it.
“It’s nice to meet you both. I’m Shane’s primary counselor,” Jim introduces himself, sitting in the chair across from us.
“I know you weren’t expecting to come, Adam, but I’m pleased to have you, and I think we can do a lot more work with you here,” he continues, pulling out his notepad and pen.
“Jim, can I be frank?” Adam asks, sitting up to the edge of the sofa, leaning his elbows on his legs, clasping his hands together in between them.
“Of course, Adam, we only want honesty here.” Jim motions his hands across the room.
“Well, I didn’t find out until this morning that I would be involved in this family therapy, and I’ve agreed to come today for my niece’s sake, but I can’t promise how long I’ll stay or how much I’ll contribute,” Adam says candidly.
“Okay, Adam, thank you for that. We completely understand how hard this is for you. Let me fill you both in on the family rehabilitation schedule, so you have a jest of what happens and what’s expected to reach the full experience.” Jim doesn’t seem fazed by Adam at all. I’m hoping he’s dealt with worse through his years.
“Today, you will only meet with me. Tomorrow, is family only. It’ll be Leah and Adam, if you wish to join, among other family members in some therapy sessions. Third day, you will be split up with other addicts and family members, but you two will not be with Shane. In the afternoon, all four of us will reconvene and talk about where therapy should go from here regarding Shane.”
“Sounds good,” I say. “What are we doing today exactly?”
“I want to find out where you stand with your brother, and he has some things he wants to tell you both.” Jim motions his hand out to Shane to start the conversation. I take a deep breath to mentally prepare myself.
Shane nods back to Jim in acknowledgement. I see the hesitation in his face. He’s scared, which in turn makes me more worried. “Leah, I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. I know I haven’t been there since Mom…” Shane stops, biting his lower lip. I swear I can see his heart pounding out of his chest. He looks like a kid about to read his college acceptance letter. Did he get in, or didn’t he? I guess I can’t really compare though, since Shane was long gone by his senior year in high school.
“Please, Shane, continue.” Jim moves his hand up, motioning Shane to continue trusting that he’s strong enough to get through this apology.
“Um…since Mom died. I’ve been nothing but a jackass, leaving you to deal with more shit on top of all the shit she left us with. I can’t expect you to forgive me, but I want you to know I am truly sorry.” He looks at me straight on, and our matching emerald eyes stare at each other for a few beats of a minute. I’m at a loss for words. Although he seems genuine and truthful, he’s fooled me too many times in the past.
“Leah, what do you think about Shane’s apology?” Jim asks.
“Honestly, I appreciate it, but I don’t know if I believe it. Am I able to ask questions?” My voice low and hesitant.
“Please, do so. Shane has to realize the hurt he has caused you, just because he apologizes doesn’t mean it can be brushed under the rug,” Jim says.
“Are you an addict?” I know the question may sound absurd, but up until today Shane had always sworn to me he didn’t have a problem, so I need to hear him admit it.
“Step one, Leah, admit you have a problem. I admitted I was an addict the day I decided to drop Dani off at your house to get myself better. So, your answer is yes I am an addict,” Shane says sitting straight. Finally. It’s amazing how comforting that sentence is to me.
“I accept your apology, Shane,” I remark.
“Great, that’s the first step, Leah. It’ll be a long road for you both, but that’s an excellent first step,” Jim comments.
“Thank you, Jim, but I have a ton more questions for my brother about Dani and Cassi. Is this where we need to address them, or should we address them privately between us?” I hastily ask, now that I have Shane here willingly being straightforward, I want my answers.
“Either is fine, but Shane needs to discuss some issues with Adam as well,” Jim says.
Shane’s eyes move from me to Adam and then back to his hands. “Adam, I don’t know what to say. I can’t apologize enough for what happened to Cassi. I’m positive you won’t believe me, but I loved her, and well, we were so fucked up and couldn’t get our shit together. I wish I could—would have saved her. I’m really sorry, Adam.” This time Shane looks in his lap and not in Adam’s eyes like he did me, which only infuriates Adam further.
“Look at me when you say that, Goddamnit,” Adam growls. I’m thin
king having Adam here with us wasn’t the best idea. What if it sets Shane back in his progress? That damn wart always worrying about Shane’s feelings roars to life, making me desperate to make the situation ease up. Luckily, I don’t have to this time.
Shane raises his face with a jolt and meets Adam’s dark eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t save her, Adam, so fucking sorry.” Shane shakes his head back and forth, obviously distraught.
Adam puts his hand out. “Thank you.” I guess like I needed Shane to admit his addiction, and Adam needed him to stand up and admit his failure to Cassi. I swear Adam’s an anomaly to the male species.
Everything appears smooth until Cassi’s brought up again. Adam resembles a faucet, turning hot and cold by a switch of topic, which I can’t complain about. If roles were reversed, I’m sure I’d be the same way. If Shane was dead and Cassi was sitting in front of us, I don’t know if I would have Adam’s self-control.
“Shane wants to fill in a lot of blanks that the two of you have when it comes to Cassi and his relationship, but I want this to be a safe place for him. Can we all agree to not swing fists and not slay ugly words?” Jim asks.
“Yes,” I answer while Adam replies differently, “I can’t promise anything.”
“Adam, I suggest you leave then,” Jim instructs. “Shane has made great strides in only three weeks, and I won’t sacrifice his improvement.” With Jim’s words, a pressure rises off my shoulders to make sure everything stays nice in the room. The fact that Jim will make sure Shane can handle what’s happening is comforting to me.
“No. It’s fine Jim, let him stay,” Shane finalizes.
“It’s your choice, Shane,” Jim states, and Shane nods at him, reassuring that it will be okay.
Familiar Ground Page 14
