by David Ohle
Udo carried a long, paper-wrapped package under one arm. The girl had a canvas bag over her shoulder. “Hello, mister,” she said. “You look a little stupid. Are you?” She grinned. “Just kidding.” Her teeth were mottled with blue, like a jay’s egg.
“The name’s Moldenke. I’m painfully shy, but not stupid.”
“You a new arrival?” Udo asked.
“Just now checked in. Got my uniform, my pass card, my maps, but no coat.”
“You’ll freeze,” Udo said. “Cold spells around here come up quick and hard.”
“They said I might get a coat in about a month. The shortage should be over soon.”
“Don’t bother. They just say that. You’ll never get one.”
“The scrapple is good here,” Salmonella said. “I really, really like it.”
“They make it with pigeon, you know,” Udo said.
“Whatever it is, I like it.”
In the alleyway, outside the back door of the deli, a kitchen worker dipped pigeons into hot water to loosen the feathers for plucking then dressed the birds and tossed them into a bucket.
Udo shrugged. “Moldenke…you want to kill a jelly or two?”
“I’ve never tried it.”
“It’s a sublime experience. They’re out there by the Old Reactor like herds of wildebeests. I pop them all the time.” Udo hooked a thumb behind his canvas belt. “Didn’t they tell you? You get time off for every ear valve you bring in. They got a valve return office in Point Blast.”
“No, they didn’t tell me that. And it wasn’t in the brochures either.”
“Well, let me tell you. Cutting off those valves is pretty disgusting. The stuff that squirts out’ll make you gag. It’s got cadaverine in it, and it smells like a dead body.”
For Moldenke, the idea of killing jellies and cutting off their valves wholesale seemed a little distasteful. Besides, his sentence was indeterminate. How could he shave time from that?
“He’s my daddy, but I don’t love him for the way he loves killing jellies,” Salmonella said. “It makes me sick.”
Udo raised his open hand. “I’ll slap you if you don’t shut down that tongue of yours.”
Salmonella folded her arms and looked away.
When Saposcat’s doors finally opened, the three new acquaintances were seated at a booth. Udo’s tightly wrapped package rested beside him.
A waitress took orders.
Moldenke said, “The mud fish, please.”
Salmonella ordered scrapple with a side of fried kerd and a glass of green soda.
Udo waived the waitress off. “A bowl of meal, that’s all.”
Moldenke said, “I’m told new arrivals can get a streetcar outside that goes to the downtown, to the west side. I think I’ll catch it. That’s where I’ll be going. It’s the address they gave me at relocation.”
Udo shook his head. “You’ll wait all day. I’ve got my motor parked around the corner.” He indicated the wrapped package. “We came here to get a new water tube for it, shipped in from Bunkerville. We’re driving back to Altobello. You want to ride with us?”
Salmonella said, “I’m warning you. He’s going to stop at the Old Reactor and shoot some jellies. He’ll try to make you do it too.”
“You want to shoot one, Moldenke? I got extra weapons.”
“I wouldn’t know what part to aim at.”
“Not at the belly and not at the head,” Udo said. “Huge stinking mess. They’ve got one gel sack inside the skull and eight in the belly. The one in the skull is what squirts out when you cut a valve. You don’t want to puncture any of those. Aim for the upper chest. There’s no sacks there. There’s a heart. Some kind of heart.”
Moldenke wasn’t moved. “Thank you anyway. I think I’ll maybe stay here in Point Blast, get a job net mending or working on the docks. It might be nice, close to the sea, the salty air, the sound of the waves.”
Udo laughed. “Forget that. The menders and the dock workers formed a union, years of dues and apprenticeship before you get in. Nobody stays on the Point long. It’s just a port. You come here to get things, you go back to the City. How long you here for?”
“Don’t know.”
“What offense?”
“Desecrating a grave. You?”
“I spit at the mayor’s wife twenty years ago. Same deal: indeterminate. Salmonella was born here. She’s freeborn.”
Salmonella bared her teeth. “That’s why I’ve got these blue spots.”
“Most freeborn have the spots,” Udo said. “Nobody knows why.”
Salmonella said, “Freedom’s fun. I can do anything. I don’t care about the spots or anything else. I just don’t care.”
“Give me Bunkerville or give me death,” Udo said. “That’s what I think. I hate this place. Pure freedom is not what it’s cracked up to be. See what it’s done to my daughter? She likes jellyheads. She whines when I bust one. You heard her.”
“He used to cut off the valves with a scissors, now he pinches them off with his fingers. It’s sickening.”
Moldenke gnawed on a crispy mud fish fin and considered his options. With little hope of getting on as a net mender or working on the docks, he thought it best to go on to Altobello and see how the free life would treat him.
“All right. I’ll go along. I can’t say I’ll do any shooting.”
Udo said, “It’s the most fun you can have around here. You’ll see. Now, hurry up and finish eating. The sun is up and it’s getting hot. Let’s get a move on.” He ate the last of his meal. “Don’t be dawdling, girl. Eat! You, too, Moldenke.” He called the waitress over and showed her his passcard. “We’re done. We’re leaving.”
As the three of them walked toward the motor with the sun ogling fiercely at mid-heaven, Salmonella recited a litany of complaints. “My shoes are too tight…My stomach hurts… That kerd was bad…The weather keeps changing.”
Udo grew aggravated and slapped her to the ground. “You little bag of shit! Shut up and walk! I’ve had enough of you!”
“He treats me like a six-year-old,” Salmonella sobbed. “He hurts me all the time. I really hate him.”
Moldenke was surprised by the viciousness of Udo’s slap but reminded himself that it was a parent’s prerogative as a free person in Altobello to treat a child any way he wished. That he remembered from the brochures.
Undaunted by the slapping, Salmonella continued her complaints. “I can’t walk any more. My legs are tired. I’ve got blisters.”
Udo said, “Let’s drag the little priss.” He held the water tube under one arm and took Salmonella’s hand. Moldenke grasped the other and they pulled her along. Once the motor was in sight she stood up straight and bolted for it.
“See what I mean,” Udo said, “all the freeborn kids are like that. They piss and moan all the time. You and me, we’ve got some Bunkerville in us. She don’t. That’s the difference.”
The temperature was above a hundred and ten already and Moldenke’s stomach was full of oily mud fish and churning. “Is there a commode aboard your motor? I’ve got a bowel that gets angry.”
“There is. Even got a few gallons of flush water.”
Udo went into the big motor first and opened the windows to air out the living quarters. Salmonella said she felt feverish and asked Moldenke to feel her forehead with his hand. He did.
“Am I hot? Do I have a fever?”
“Yes. You feel very warm.”
“Go take a nap!” Udo barked.
Salmonella went to her nook and flopped onto a cot.
Moldenke was tired. He lay on the divan for a while, then relieved himself on the commode. When he poured in the flush water he could hear it spattering into the dirt below the motor. There was a bucket of shredded issues of City Moon for wiping and a pitcher of clean water for rinsing the hands.
Udo spent what remained of the afternoon putting in the new tube and tinkering with the drive box and the boiler enough to get the motor purring nicely, all
with just a screw driver and a box wrench. It was a “cranky” machine, he warned Moldenke, with worn shifters and bad bearings everywhere. The clutch was the devil to engage, the steering stiff, the brakes unreliable, and the boiler wearing out.
As he fumbled with the tube, trying to get the temperature adjusted exactly right, it came loose for a moment, long enough to scald him slightly on the chest. He fainted in pain but recovered quickly and had replaced the burst tube by evening. The drive to Altobello was underway.
A reporter for the City Moon stationed in Altobello was enjoying a glass of bitters in the Come On Inn when a jellyhead from the Old Reactor area came in, set her suitcase down, and claimed she had eaten nothing but grasshoppers since the Fourth of July. Her stomach was in an awful condition. She could feel their thorny legs scratching her alimentary canal. She had had a husband and seven famished children at home and had come to Altobello with their heads in a suitcase. She had done it to save them from starvation.
She asked the bartender for a glass of bitters. It was the only thing that would stupefy the hoppers and keep them dormant for a few hours. She said she had killed many of them with bitters before but that their eggs were always hatching. She believed there were at least ten thousand in her stomach and that some were moving toward one of her gel sacks.
She asked him to add a little peppermint and a few grains of sugar. That would make the concoction more potent. If peppermint wasn’t handy, then a drop of mud fish oil would do.
The bartender, who had seen these desperate, hopper-eating jellyheads before, said, “I have a better idea.” He poured two tablespoons of the essence of Jamaica ginger into a tumbler, added an equal quantity of piquant sauce, shook in a thimbleful of ground red pepper, emptied a jigger of heavy water on top, then sprinkled a few drops of tangle-foot over the mixture and handed it to the jellyhead. “Drink it quick,” he said.
Without delay, the jellyhead swallowed the decoction.
“How do you like it?” asked the bartender, laughing under his breath.
The jellyhead’s yellow eyes rolled in their wide sockets and tears ran out of them in cloudy streams. Her valves dripped gel, her mouth opened almost wide enough to swallow the barkeep and all his decanters then gradually grew smaller, her lips contracted, and the air rushed into her throat with a whistling sound. At last the barkeeper felt compassion and gave her a glass of water to cool her throat. When she was able to speak, she looked reproachfully at him and said, “See here, stranger, if that’s the kind of stuff you give me for grasshoppers, I’d like to know what in the hell you’d give me if I had a tapeworm.”
Having said that that she set the bloody suitcase beside the broken jukebox and left.
The reporter ventured to stand near the suitcase and jot down a few notes.
“What should I do?” the barkeep asked. “I thought they always left them at Saposcat’s.”
The reporter said, “With a thing like this it’s best to do nothing. I’ll write it up for the paper tomorrow. Take that suitcase and throw it off the public pier at Point Blast. Forget it happened. It’s Coward’s Day. They go crazy.”
Udo’s motor neared the Old Reactor and drove along a fenced in area that extended for miles. Inside, blue metal barrels were stacked in high pyramids. Most of them had burst at the seams and were leaking thick brown syrup. Udo said, “Jellyheads call that barrel honey. They put it on cuts and scrapes, like an ointment. They slick their hair with it. They might even eat it.”
A jellyhead appeared in the motor’s headlamps wearing a bone-colored straw hat and a soot-black coat that hung all the way to the ground. Udo braked hard. The jelly stood at the window, his face veiled by the sagging brim of his sweat-soaked hat. “You people going to the Reactor? Gonna do you some shooting?”
Salmonella came out of her nook.
Before opening his window, Udo said, “Bring me my weapon, girl.”
“No.”
“If I wasn’t driving I’d smack her. Moldenke, go in the back. There’s a satchel. Get my nine millimeter and bring it to me.”
“All right.”
“If you want to take a shot, there are a couple of other weapons in there.”
Salmonella put her hands on her hips. “Don’t be stupid, Moldenke. Don’t shoot a jellyhead.”
Udo turned and glared. “Shut up. Leave that man alone.”
Moldenke brought the weapon to Udo, who opened the window and waved the niner at the jelly. “You by yourself out here?”
Cone-like concretions of dried jelly dangled from the jellyhead’s ear valves.
“No, no. I’m going to bring out my friends.” He curled two middle fingers toward his palm, raised his hand, poked the little and index fingers into the corners of his mouth and whistled shrilly three times—short, long, short. A sound like dry clay coming un-caked floated on the dark along with the sweet odor of wet rags as the jellies emerged from the shrubbery. When they appeared in the motor’s dimming lights, Moldenke mistook their sewed-on smiles for friendliness. But in a canyon-low voice, one of them said he wanted Moldenke to put his arm out the window so that it could be touched.
“Don’t do it,” Udo said. “He’ll squirt you with deformant. You won’t have any skin left.” Other jellies came out of the dark. “I don’t like the looks of this bunch. They’re about to go critical.”
The one in the long coat shouted, “Why in the world do you want to be shooting us? We are the peaceful type.”
Udo put the motor in low gear and crept forward. “Running over a jelly is well within the law here, but it could eat away at the tires.” He revved the engine as a warning to the jellies standing in front of the vehicle. None of them budged.
Udo said, “I’m going to shoot a few.” He took aim out the window and fired once. One of the jellies sank to his knees. “Oh, no, I hit him in the head.” He jammed the motor into reverse and backed away as jellies ran to their dying friend. “I’m sorry I took the shot.” He wheeled the motor hard right and re-set the finder for Altobello.
It was a slow machine, and the hard-scrabble road cut away at all the tires. “We need some heavy water,” Udo said. “It’s almost empty. There’s a station on the By up here, not far. Big sign, says HEAVY WATER. Watch out for it.”
“I will.”
“Say something when you see it. I’m half blind at night.”
“I will.”
The night air whistled through the motor’s open windows. Salmonella said she was cold and was going to bed. “Good night, Moldenke.”
“Good night.”
Moldenke slept, chin on chest, while Udo drove for an hour, until the HEAVY WATER sign came into view.
“There it is,” Udo said, “heavy water.” He angled into the station. There were only three or four motors, all shrouded in steam, filling up ahead of them.
Moldenke confessed he was anxious about living in Altobello.
Udo said, “You’ll get accustomed.”
Once they were inside Altobello limits, Udo pulled the motor up in front of the Wayfarer’s Lodge. “Stay here tonight, Moldenke. Go look for a room tomorrow. There’re plenty of places on the west side. Me and the girl, we’re rooming at the Heeney Hotel over there. It’s full, but there’s a place down the street: the Tunney. They might have a room.”
“I’ll do that. Thank you for the ride.”
A Bunkerville jellyhead who calls himself “Nick the Fuehrer”—a self-appointed, crusading detective—was arrested. Officers said the fifteen-year-old youth went too far this week when complaints poured in that he had been seen wearing a fuehrer veil, carrying a bull whip, and moving “very fast” through the City. After his arrest, the fake fuehrer protested to police that his only intent was to punish anyone seen breaking the law.
When Ozzie read in the City Moon that Darby “the Kicker” Nelson would be exploded on Friday, along with “Nick the Fuehrer,” he made plans to attend. Nelson was a high-kicking jellyhead vandal who caved in four fender panels at Boxberger
motors and lodged his foot a little too far into a windshield during one of his famous kicks. The next morning the police found him, the following day the courts judged him, and Friday he will die humanely.
Also exploding that day would be another jellyhead, Joseph Bloom, a self-described “sublime traveler” arrested along with his wife, Marvona, on the staircase leading to the second-floor bedroom of ten-term mayor Felix Grendon’s home. Bloom defended his right to be there, producing a copy of a letter he had sent to the Mayor. The letter said, “Honorable Mayor, sir, I am a sublime jellyhead traveler and my old lady will be with me when I visit you. She will be wearing wraparound shades, ’cause she’s got wraparound eyes. We have very important information you need to know. Stand by.”
As things would have it, Grendon intervened in the arrest and agreed to talk to the couple for a few minutes before they were taken away. The press later learned that Bloom apologized to the mayor for his intrusion and said that in exchange for his freedom, he would reveal secret knowledge about gel sacks. “Marvona knows a lot, too,” Bloom said.
Though the Mayor showed restraint and patience in listening to the delusional Blooms, they would soon face serious charges. While Marvona escaped punishment, Bloom was sentenced to death by detonation.
When asked how he felt about the harsh sentence, Bloom said, “Death is stronger than I am. It will blow me to kingdom come.”
Most every day he sits in his cell playing a nose flute. A tea kettle boils on a hot plate. A small radio broadcasts Radio Bunkerville and he listens distractedly. In the jail yard, final preparations are being made to the three “boom” chairs where Bloom, Nelson, and the Fuehrer will sit.
Moldenke spent his first free night at the Lodge, sleepless. Twenty or thirty fellow arrivals, including an extended family of jellyheads, snored and farted and coughed in their bunks. Someone opened a window for air only to let in the stink of garbage and a pair of gulls who flew crazily in the dark. A wing struck Moldenke in the jaw with enough force to cause a bruise and swelling. He closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands, hoping for sleep that never came.
