The lunch crowd had cleared and not too many tables were occupied. They chose to sit at one by the front window, where they’d be able to see Cody when he emerged from his appointment with Robert.
“Hey, guys, how are you?” Michelle greeted them. She had menus in her hands. “Are you eating, or just munching?”
“We’ll have pie and coffee. What kind of pie do you have today?”
“Pecan, apple, and sweet potato.” Michelle grinned. “Kelsey will be glad someone is not on a diet!”
Rebecca laughed, and Greg felt the knot in his belly ease, just a little.
“I’m in an apple pie kind of mood,” Rebecca said.
“Me, too.” Greg picked up Rebecca’s hand and kissed it.
Michelle was back quickly with their coffee and pie. “Here you go. If y’all want anything else, just holler.”
“Robbie acted pretty fast,” Rebecca said. “He must think the situation with Cody is critical. I mean, I only called him yesterday, after Adam and Jake and those investigators left.”
“I think he was waiting for that call, sweetheart. I don’t think it’s necessarily an indication that Cody’s in a bad way.” Then he closed his eyes. In fact, he was afraid of the same damn thing. The moment the gunshots reached them and Cody threw himself on the floor of the truck had been playing on a continuous loop through his mind for the last several hours. “You should have seen him. No, on second thought, I’m kind of glad you didn’t.”
Rebecca reached for his other hand and he gave it to her. “I wish I had seen him. I don’t want or need to be protected in that way, Greg.”
“I know you don’t.” He sat for a moment and tried to get his thoughts in order. “I think it was the gunfire,” he said. Then he shook his head. “No, I know it was the gunfire.” He shivered then because it brought to mind the moment when he’d been afraid he would have had to choose between his lovers.
He knew that help had arrived for Becca, but he’d still wanted to get to her as fast as he could.
“When she fired at you, and then Connor Talbot and Mel Richardson fired back? Those shots came fairly close together, and it was like, suddenly, he was back there. Back to the moment the car he’d been in had been ambushed by those masked men, and they were shooting at him.”
He would never forget the sight of Cody, curled up in a tiny ball, shaking in terror. He’d felt helpless.
“I have a friend who has PTSD,” Rebecca said. “He was deployed for a couple of tours over in Iraq. From what I know, Cody’s is a mild case. I believe he’ll get better. It just might take some time.”
“Whatever it takes.” Greg sighed. “We’ll talk, after this first session. See how he does with it.”
“You know—if it’s psychotherapy, which is generally recommended as the most effective treatment for less severe PTSD—that’s just talking. He’s not a little boy being forced to go to a ‘shrink’ by his parents. He’s a man, fully grown, choosing to reach out for help.”
Greg smiled. “Yeah. I know. When he said that yesterday, I was so proud of him.”
Rebecca smiled. “So was I.”
They let go of each other’s hands and turned their attention to their snack. Greg watched her put cream and sugar into her coffee, and then stir it. Everything she did had a kind of elegant grace to it. Even when she’d run to them yesterday, relief and joy replacing fear on her face as she’d covered the distance that separated them, she’d been elegance in motion.
They ate some of their pie and sipped at their coffee, but Greg felt unsettled. He set his fork aside and looked at Rebecca. “I have a confession to make.”
“All right.” She set her fork down, too.
Greg reached for her. He folded his hands over hers and held tight. “Yesterday, when those shots rang out…it terrified me, too. For one moment I froze. Cody had thrown himself onto the floor of the truck.” He felt his eyes tearing, and every instinct he had told him to stop, to leave it at that.
But hadn’t he always pulled up short when his emotions overflowed? Wasn’t that what he’d learned to do when he’d been with Daniel?
That man had abused his trust and, in a way, abused him. He’d made him afraid to be who he was, deep inside. He’d learned to hide his heart, and had taken that abuse, until finally he’d left him that fateful Christmas season.
Greg met Rebecca’s gaze and saw the only woman he’d ever loved. Even after the way he’d treated her before, she’d welcomed him, and his lover, both.
She loved him and Cody in equal measure. Maybe it was time for him to be worthy of her love. He inhaled deeply and said, “I had Jake on the phone. When I heard the other guns go off, I knew that Adam had reached you. But in those moments, I was torn. It was like I had to choose between getting to you, or helping Cody. Maybe I should have just floored it and gotten to you as fast as possible…but Cody was there, right there suffering and I…” Greg couldn’t finish the sentence.
“How long did it take you and Cody to come to me? From the time those shots rang out until you reached me?”
“Two, maybe three minutes.”
“I know you think you chose between us, but you were too far away to help me. I was heading for the trees, and I was going to find a rock and I was going to bash that woman’s brains in.”
Greg couldn’t hold back his grin. “I think Adam probably saved her more than he saved you, then.”
Rebecca nodded. “It was Connor Talbot who shot her.”
“I knew I liked that man.”
Her smile faded. “That was a tough position to be in—forced to choose between the two people you love. I don’t know how I would have chosen, given the same circumstance.”
“I do. You’d have trusted in the family and reached for Cody.”
“Yeah, I probably would have at that.”
“I love you, Rebecca. I’ll love you until my dying day.”
“I love you, too.”
She pushed aside the rest of her pie and continued to hold his hand. They sat and just looked at each other. And he knew they were both thinking of their lover, the other part of their family, and praying he was going to be all right.
* * * *
Cody didn’t know what to think as Robert Jessop led him into the community center. It was dark inside, even in the middle of the afternoon, because no lights were on—except at the far end.
As they continued on into the complex he saw a large, round table with several other men sitting around it. There was country music playing, muted, but recognizable.
As were the men. He easily put names to faces. Adam Kendall, Morgan Kendall, Dev Wakefield, Drew James, and Joe Grant all seemed to be relaxed, chatting with each other. Two chairs were left—one next to the other.
Cody sat and nodded to the men.
“Would you like a beer, Cody?” Morgan offered.
“Yes, please.” A beer might help. He had no idea what the hell was going on, but one thing helped him to relax.
There wasn’t a single shrink in the place.
“Robbie?”
“Oh, you bet.” Robert Jessop latched onto that beer as if it was his new best friend. He took a long pull on it, and set it down.
“It can be a scary proposition for a man to admit to being afraid,” Robert said. “We tend to think we have to be strong, stiff upper lips, and act as if bullets can bounce off our fucking chests. And yet sometimes, what we have to do is that very thing we don’t do easily. We have to talk about our feelings.”
He said that with a higher pitched voice, and Cody, along with the others at the table, laughed. He felt himself begin to relax.
Robert said, “Women have the right idea, but men are wired differently. So this circle, here, this is a safe circle, because we all have one thing in common. We’ve each of us faced a moment when death could have come in the next heartbeat. Some of us have never spoken of the incidents that happened that were ‘classified.’ And some of us have just never talked about it, period. What we
say here stays here. You can feel free to share your own personal revelations and epiphanies with your families if you want to. But only your own. Agreed?”
Cody understood in that moment that while he was there to get help, so was everyone else.
Each of the men nodded their agreement to the rule Robert had just laid out.
“I’ll start,” Robert said. He took another drink from his beer. “October 15, 2009, I was on duty in the ER, night shift, in the hospital I was working at in Chicago. We got a call from the police that a gang war had erupted, and there were numerous ambulances headed our way with possibly dozens of casualties. My God, that night my ER turned into its own kind of war zone. There’d been a young teen I’d patched up months before, a bright young man I’d been mentoring, since. His name was Bobby.”
Robert looked up and Cody could see the sadness practically pouring out of him. “At about the moment I looked over and realized that it was Bobby lying dead on one of the stretchers, gunfire erupted. Somehow, one of those damned gang-bangers had managed to get into the ER and opened fire. Christ, he aimed right at me. There was a young woman, a volunteer I’d seen throughout the night. She was standing next to me. I grabbed her and hit the floor. It was only by the Grace of God he missed us.” Robert inhaled deeply. “I had nightmares about that night for months afterward.”
He looked down the barrel of a gun, just like I did. Cody felt a bond begin then and there, a special bond with this man who was a brother of the woman he loved.
“I was lost, somewhere in the mountains of Afghanistan.” Morgan Kendall’s voice, quiet, drew Cody’s rapt attention. “I’d been sent in to do a special job, only everything went to hell, fast. My cover was blown and I thought for certain I was a dead man.” He, too, took a drink of beer. “The man following me—the enemy—got too close. Bastard shot me, and I had to fight him, hand to hand. I thought I was going to die, but he slipped on some rocks and I…I had to kill him. I managed to get away and literally headed for the hills. Wandered around, lost and disoriented, for days. Finally found a deserted village, and holed up in one of the small shacks at the edge of the town. I’d activated my emergency transponder, but I didn’t know if it was working. I made my peace.” Morgan inhaled deeply and then exhaled the same way. “I was terrified that I would soon be dead. Was convinced, in fact, that I was going to die. ” He used his thumb to point out the two navy SEALs at the table. “These guys found me. I don’t recall a lot of that because I was feverish. My gunshot wound had gotten infected.”
Morgan’s words resonated inside Cody. I never made my peace. I couldn’t get beyond the fear. It was the way those bastards kept at me, kept threatening me. Cody inhaled, deeply. He blinked. Like him, this man had been shot, and his wound had become infected. He knew what it was like to be so sick he didn’t even know what was happening. He, too, had only been vaguely aware of being rescued. Then he’d seen Greg’s face…Greg’s very scared and worried face.
Morgan seemed such a strong, in-control kind of man. It amazed Cody that he’d had such similar experiences—and that he, too, had been certain he was going to die. “No one is more prepared to face these kinds of situations than we are,” Dev said. “But when we were pinned down, most of our team around us dead or dying, I was scared shitless. I didn’t want to die. We’d met Julia just before that final mission, and we…” He stopped, unable to go on.
“We cried,” Drew said. “Because we knew she was the woman meant to be ours, and we thought we’d never see her again. Christ, I cried like a baby.”
“We both did. Not to mention other bodily functions that happened without our permission in the thick of things.”
That elicited a chuckle from everyone around the table.
Adam told of facing a kidnapper with a gun, only to have the kidnapper’s victim save his life. Joe told of going on what was supposed to be a routine call and being shot, point blank, instead.
All these men, Cody thought. Each one of them strong, self-confident, and steadfast. And each one of them had endured a trauma, nightmares, and hell. They went through it all and came out whole on the other side.
He could come out whole on the other side, too.
There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m not less than a man because I was afraid. I’m not alone in what I went through.
He wasn’t alone in what he went through!
Deep inside him, it felt as if all of his emotions, everything he’d tried to hide, even from himself, began to move and stir and boil. He met the gazes of each man in turn and knew he wanted…no he needed to share. He wondered what he should say, and found the words erupting from him, as if they had a will of their own and would no longer be held back.
“They kept telling me they were going to kill me.” Cody closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply as the memories pounded him. “One of them had an old-fashioned revolver. He had a favorite game. He’d come in, show me the bullet, and then he would put it in the chamber. He’d then spin the damn chamber. Then he’d hold the gun up to my head. Pull the trigger. I’d never been so scared, not in all my life.” He felt the tears tracking down his face, but it didn’t matter.
Greg had said that Lusty had claimed him, and he’d thought it a nice sentiment at the time. But here was proof beyond imagining. These men had come together, to share, to listen, to support.
Because he belonged to Lusty—and he belonged to them. Because he mattered.
Cody looked around the room and saw that no one was judging him lacking because of the tears. He saw compassion, and acceptance, and understanding.
He blinked but didn’t bother to wipe his tears. He didn’t have to hide them or what had happened to him, from these men. He didn’t have to hide anything. So he inhaled deeply, and began to tell them about his nightmares.
He told them everything, and with each word marveled that the tightness he’d felt began, little by little, to ease.
Almost two hours later Cody stepped out onto the sidewalk and sighed, a sense of relief washing over him. He’d thought he didn’t need to talk, and yet with just this first time, he already felt better.
Robert came out of the community center and stood beside him. They began to walk the half block to Main Street. “We’ll do this again, next week. Turns out you aren’t the only one who needs it. I think we all do.”
“Okay, that sounds good.” When they got to the corner, Cody turned to Robert. “Thank you. I mean that. Thank you for making me one of you.” He held his hand out and Robert shook it.
“You’re welcome.” Then he nodded toward the other side of the cross street, and Cody turned to see what had his attention.
Greg and Rebecca were waiting for him. He could read the tension in the way they stood, and the way Rebecca reached for Greg’s hand. Their attention, though, was fixed on him and he knew their tension was for him.
“You might consider telling them what you went through,” Robert said. “When you let in the ones who are closest to you, the ones you love and who love you in return—well, in my opinion, that is one definition of heaven.”
Cody turned to Robert and grinned. “That goes all ways, you know.”
Robert looked at Greg and Rebecca and smiled.
“Yes. Yes, it does. I think you all three have gotten in the habit of putting on armor. You need to learn that when you’re three—when you’re one—the armor just gets in the way of the loving.”
“I have a feeling we’re going to be working on that,” Cody said.
Robert clapped him on the shoulder. “Good. Call if you need me.”
“Thanks, doc. Really.”
“Anytime.”
Cody watched Robert Jessop head off toward the clinic. Then he turned and began his own very short walk—toward his family, and his future.
Chapter 22
Rebecca could tell it had been a good session the moment Cody turned and looked at them. Then when he came to them, he did something that made her heart soar.
He kissed Greg,
a soft gentle, lips-on-lips kiss right there on Main Street. And then he kissed her, too.
“Let’s go home,” Cody said.
“You’ve got it.” Greg looked as happy as she felt.
He took Cody’s right hand and Rebecca took his left. The truck was parked beside the community center, so they walked back that way. Greg got behind the wheel, and Cody bowed to her unspoken request and slid across the seat so he was in the middle, between them.
“We saw Matt at the restaurant. He said the state police will be sending Naomi Lake back to Seattle. They plan to charge her with attempted murder, but hold those charges back to allow Washington to try her first.”
“I’m glad they have her in custody,” Cody said. “But I’d be willing to bet they’re going to consign her to a mental facility, likely for the rest of her life.”
“I think so, too,” Rebecca said. She leaned her head on Cody’s shoulder. He put his arm around her and pulled her close. “How are you doing after your adventure of yesterday, Blue Eyes?”
“I’m okay. Worst part was right after Connor Talbot shot her and I knew I was safe. That’s when I realized what could have happened—that she could have easily killed me. I wanted to throw up I was shaking so bad. Then when I saw you and Greg, that was when I felt safe.”
“You know, Greg thought we ought to spank you for scaring us so—walking off without protection when we knew—at least intellectually—that bitch was headed our way. But in light of the whole screaming and diving for the floor of the truck thing I did yesterday, maybe we should give each other a pass—this time.”
“This time?” Greg said. “There’d fucking well better not be a next time—at least as far as walking blindly into the jaws of death is concerned.”
“That’s what I mean. We get a pass, with the codicil that if we do anything recklessly stupid, from this moment on, the paddle comes out.”
Rebecca chuckled. Cody was different. There was an easiness about him that hadn’t been there that morning. She thought he was more relaxed, and hopefully more at peace. “That sounds like a plan. But first, we need to get ourselves a paddle.”
Love Under Two Adventurers [The Lusty, Texas Collection] (Siren Publishing Ménage Everlasting) Page 22
