Again he shakes his head. "It's not you . . ." he trails off, shaking his head as if to clear it. "The beast's desires - sex won't be enough for it, I would feed on you."
My eyes widen slightly. Me? Food? Of course, I know vampires feed on humans, I just left a nightmare room of that very thing, but not Wolf, and he has not taken human blood since we met. He wouldn't feed on me, relegate me to the role of food, prey not predator. Then it clicks, that is what he doesn't want to do, he doesn't want to treat me as prey. I nod to him.
"I get it," I tell him, and then I shiver. The loss of body heat in the night air is being accelerated by my wet clothing. "Let's go the cave, I need dry clothes." I start off walking, leading the way this time. Let him follow me.
What am I doing? I wonder as we walk. I’m sleeping in a cave, with a vampire. My life takes one strange turn after another but at least I can make the choices now. I comfort myself with that; each step to the place I am at has been by my choice. In my old life, I would go wherever chance fell. I had no control, didn't really make decisions, I just did what I had to do in order to survive. Wolf changed that. Now I make the choices, right or wrong.
Walking into the cave that is home I go to the pile of clothes I've never asked him the origin of and rummage for something to change into. I find a pair of leather pants and while not my size, I'm able to roll up the legs to make them work. The leather is soft, well worn but obviously sized for a woman both taller and more filled out than I am. I dig a moment more and find a sweatshirt to wear. I run my fingers through my hair to get the tangles out, noting not much red is coming out anymore. I sit down next to a camping lantern that Wolf has lit and placed in the middle of the floor.
"What is this trial? How much trouble am I in?" I ask him at last. He stares at me without speaking, and then one of the wolves comes in, circles the cave once stopping by Wolf, curling up on the ground between us. Wolf idly scratches the animal's ears.
"They're still using you to get me." When he speaks his voice is soft but carries around the cave. The wolf next to him yawns widely before resting its head on its haunches. "The trial is a sham, they want something from me."
"What do they want?" I remain calm. I am the predator, I am Lynx.
Wolf shrugs. "I don't know," he says. "Heard rumors of a lot of deaths in town recently, violent. Reckon they got themselves a big bad. Don't want to risk themselves, plotting to get me to handle it."
"And they can't just ask?"
Wolf snorts, then chortles.
So he can laugh, there's that.
"There is nothing free in this world," he says at last. "Everything has a price, more so in the society they create for themselves. Favors are traded, markers will be called. They bury their instinct to hunt in a social facade."
I nod slowly. "Why do they hate you?" I ask at last.
His head bows, his shoulders hunch over, I watch and wait. "They fear me," he says at last.
Oh good, I think. The monsters in the night fear the man I am falling . . . I stop the thought, I can't complete that yet. He doesn't want me; I can't have this man - this monster.
"What do we do now then?" I ask.
He looks up at me and slowly a smile spreads across his face, his fangs glint in the light. "Play the game," he growls.
I feel my guts tighten in fear again as I nod.
CHAPTER FOUR
M
y shift at the radio station goes fast. Wolf didn't want me to keep the job, but I’m not ready to walk away from it yet, not for a cave in the woods and whatever cast off clothes he has gotten Lord knows where. Besides, the people out there need me. There are some people, the cast-offs of society, who depend on 'Overnight with Lily' to keep them going. I think it's validation for them that they're not crazy.
So far I have been able to keep pushing aside the dark thoughts that keep invading my mind; I have had a lifetime of experience in compartmentalizing away the bad. It's a survival trick.
The evening has been pretty routine and uneventful. The clock on the wall flashes two am and I glance at it as I walk down the tight hallway from the sound booth. Ricky, my sound engineer, steps out in front of me; his massive bulk is lit by the red off-air lights of the station, the constant sweat on his face glistens. I can see the ravaged remains of his latest dessert cake still stuck to his chin. Gross.
"Lily," he says his voice husky, and I know what is about to happen. "You missed night before last . . ." he trails off as his eyes rove over me and I feel my skin crawl.
Something inside me starts to wilt, I feel a sinking feeling and I look at the floor between my feet. The scared, lonely voice in my head tells me to just get it over with and it will be quick. His massive hand lands on my shoulder with the weight of the past behind it, I feel my knees want to buckle beneath it. His hand is fumbling at his pants and a tight heat like I've never felt before grows in my breast. My jaw clenches and I can feel the muscles in by entire body stiffen with rage. I hear a wolf howl, and then I hear a wildcat scream.
"No!" the scream is mine as my knee comes up fast into his groin. The look of surprise on his fat, pig face is priceless to me.
His lips pucker up as air races out of him and he drops to his knees with a whoof of exhaled breath. I stand over him, looking down at him and I feel strong; righteous anger fills me.
He looks up at me and my hand drops to my side where Wolf would put the guns he gave me. Then it is not Ricky looking at me, it's Stones; cold eyes blank and without fear, accepting the fate I am about to deliver. I gasp, blinking, and it's Ricky before me again.
"You . . . can't . . . you're . . ." Ricky struggles to get words out.
"I'm what? Fired? Just try it. You just try it," what started as anger is now cold. Lynx takes over, predator not prey. I smile at him baring my teeth. I push him over with strength I didn't know I had, step over him and walk out the door.
I lean against the now closed door and take a deep breath of the cool night air, then exhale slowly. Sure Lily, pick on the fat man because the mean vampire beat you up. Bully. Whatever. I ignore my own thoughts and look around to make sure I'm alone in the lot. No need for a repeat of the night Wolf saved me. I don't see anyone or anything waiting for me, so I start walking.
The hairs on the back of my neck immediately start to rise, my stomach tightens. I trust my instincts so I spin around looking fast to find the source of attack. A pale woman crouches on the pavement a few steps behind me. She is dressed in a long red velvet coat, her jet black hair lies in loose curls hiding her face. She looks up at me and smiles. She would be a classic beauty like a fifties pinup; her round, pale face is highlighted by ruby red lips and soft brown eyes. She would be absolutely perfect except the left side of her face is marred with three scars that start just below her eye, crossing her cheek to her jawbone. The wound is old and well healed, twisted tissue accents the rivets where something has imprinted itself permanently on her. She straightens and walks towards me with hips swaying, extra full breasts push out and are emphasized by a waistcoat under her jacket. I can feel power exuding from her like the sound of a bass drum pounding against my skin, shaking my bones. I know she is a vampire; my life is suddenly filled with them it seems. More than that, I know she is powerful. She feels different than Wolf, lighter somehow - the darkness in her is unlike any other I've met.
"Lily," her voice rolls like musical notes. I stand there stupidly watching the way her lip curls up on the left as she speaks with the stiffness of the scar, it reveals a tell tale hint of fang.
"Yeah?" I reply. Smooth, good one. I berate myself.
She smiles and walks right up to me, raising a hand to my face she traces the line of my jaw with the tips of her fingers and I shudder at her cold touch.
"You carry a dark past child," she says softly, her smile reassuring.
I feel calmness spreading through me, nothing could be wrong with this woman here to protect me. She will make everything alright. I relax, breathing deeply; the stress of the
last several days just fades away.
"What do you want?" Internally I rally myself, pushing against the calm. I reach for my anger but find nothing.
"I would see the one who brings the Wolf back into play," she leans into me and whispers in my ear. "They've tried for years to move him, to manipulate him, but Wolf stands apart, until you." She walks around me as she speaks, her finger trailing around my collar bone, across my neck, my shoulder. I try to turn to keep my eyes on her, but I can't find the desire to actually make the move.
"What are you doing to me?" I ask, trying to fight against the inertia I feel inside. I hear her chuckle softly.
"I'm keeping you calm," she says.
I resist, inside I feel my anger, my rage, my will as if it is locked in a glass sphere but I can't reach it. I can see it, remember it, recall clearly what I should be feeling but I'm unable to find it, to experience it.
"How?" I ask.
"They seek to use you. I'm undecided," she says, totally ignoring my question. She goes around me again; slow step, then another, her finger dragging across me the whole time. "You are a crux, which way will you make the game turn? Who will you cause to fall?"
"I don't know what you're talking about!" My voice rises at the end; I feel a spark of anger.
"Ally or enemy?" She says, continuing her pace. "In the darkness, Wolf runs free, seeking knowledge. He runs where no others dare to go, will he return? Are you the anchor or the shoal that will wreck him?"
"Lady, you're nuts!" I force the words out, fanning the spark inside.
"Oh yes, yes I am," she chuckles. "But sometimes a shattered view is the only way to see truth. You have to look deeper, you have to see more. That is neither here nor there. Fate is spinning and her lines converge on you. Do you feel it?"
I don't feel it. I feel very little. Decision, my decisions got me here, if I want control then I have to take it.
"Who are you?" I ask, grasping for dominance of my emotions.
She smiles at me. "You can call me Athene."
I nod; gaining information helps boost my confidence. "What do you mean Wolf runs into darkness?" I ask.
She stops in front of me, her brown eyes locking onto mine. She stares at me a moment and then smiles again. "You are fighting for control," she observes. Her eyes narrow for a moment in indecision. "If I release you, may we talk? It is easier by far. I do not wish to anger the Wolf . . ." her voice trails off.
"Yes," I say, and the sphere of my emotions bursts, the inertia is gone. I look at her and feel for the first time the impulse to trace the scars of her face and ask her what happened. "Okay, let's talk."
She smiles a half smile at me, and then nods.
"It is too open here, dangerous. Let us move as we talk." She starts off walking deeper into the city, when she reaches the end of the block the station is on she turns left. I follow along silently waiting and watching all around us as best I can. Athene turns into an alley, walks up to a fire escape and begins climbing.
I stare up at her and shake my head. "Seriously?"
She doesn't stop her climb, so I follow. I pull myself over the edge of the roof and see her silhouetted against the sliver of moon overhead, the dim light from a lone street lamp glows behind her.
Athene is staring off across the city. The sounds of traffic pass by; cat calls of thugs taunt each other or others. Sirens drift through the air, in the distance an orange glow indicates a fire. Someone's scream carries through the night followed by the popping of gunfire. Just another night in the city after dark.
"He stands here sometimes, watching them. Trying to understand I think, part of his search."
"Who does?" I ask.
She turns to look at me, her face in shadow now. "Wolf," she replies.
I nod. "What do you mean Wolf runs into darkness?" I try again. "Vampires can't go out in the daylight, everyone knows that. So what do you mean?"
She sighs and looks back out over the city. Just as I'm about to give up on her answering she speaks.
"We all walk our own paths to understanding, his leads into the darkest corners in search of knowledge. Some of us reach for the heavens, some of us dive into hell, and some of us just revel in what we are."
"You're talking about the beast?"
She nods. "That is what he calls it, yes. It is not really, it is . . . so much more yet so much less."
"Can any of you just say what the hell you mean?"
She looks amused, I feel it as much as see it in the shadows. "Vampires are not the only ones who kill," Athene watches my face as she speaks.
"You're monsters," I say it matter-of-factly. No matter the horrors I've seen, the wreck of my own life, the truth is what it is.
"Are we?"
"You're inhumane savages!" Memories of the Assembly the night before crowd my mind, the people being used for decor and food - my stomach roils at the thought of it. Vampires are cold, callous, and monstrous.
"Are we worse than what man does to himself? Do you think every murder is the result of one of us? Every mutilation? Serial killers, be-headings, stonings, human trafficking. Shall I go on?"
I stare at her, unable to argue with what she says and guilt makes me feel nauseous.
"We are just an evolution of humanity. There is darkness in each of you, a dark voice that craves violence and destruction. Primal instinct; to kill, to eat, to mate. It is your basest of instincts. Strip away the society, the customs, the mores down to the animal base and you find nothing but the fulfillment of desires. Wolf calls it a beast, and it is, but it is not unique to Vampires, it is just stronger in us. It is not a beast so much as it is a primal urge."
I remember the gun in my hand, how right it felt, pressing it to Stones's temple, squeezing that trigger, the kick, how deep down inside I felt free for having ended him.
"Why are you here?" I ask her, changing the subject.
"I wanted to see you, to judge you myself."
"What do you mean judge me?" Anger flares in me at her words.
"I need to see what fate you will spin, you are the crux."
"You said that before, what does that mean?"
"That fate is spinning and it turns on you. Many futures come off of what you do, you crack the playing field. They don't know what they've done; you don't know what you've done. I see too many fates playing out and I would know which is most likely."
A gun fires three times on the street close to us, I hear another scream. I turn my attention from Athene to look out over the city. Cars speed by racing down the highway a few blocks over and the sounds of tires on pavement sets music to the night. The wind picks up and blows my hair into my face, obscuring my vision. I wrestle it back under control, only to find that the woman with me is gone.
"What?" I turn around looking for her. Realizing something is in my hand; I open it and see a small note stuck there.
"Tell Wolf hello."
Great. I'm sure this will make him happy. I see the lightening of the sky to the east and know it is too late to go find Wolf tonight so I climb down from the roof and head for my apartment.
CHAPTER FIVE
T
he sound from my radio alarm wakes me from a sound sleep. "Another series of grisly murders is under investigation in the Burrows section of town. Officers responded last night to reports of screams and shots fired at Club Aces. On arrival at the scene, officers found a massacre. Currently they believe it is gang related, evidence pointing to known drug activity at that location. Speculation is that it might have been a Cartel incident . . ."
I click the radio off then stretch as I climb out of bed. Murder is nothing new in this city, a nightly event only surprising in its absence, but mass murder is not the status quo. It is bad enough that we have the vampire predators sucking the life out of the city; do we really need to add in mass murderers and drug cartels? I'd slept deeply, straight through the daylight hours.
I don't sleep in pajamas and there are no windows in my apartment, so I head n
aked to the bathroom and lean over the tub. I quickly turn on and off each faucet to let the rust water run out. Once the coppery, sulphur smelling water has run down the drain, I turn them on again and the water runs clear. I adjust the heat and pull the lever for the shower, stepping over the tub ledge into the stream, I pull the curtain closed. I close my eyes and lift my face up into the steamy water, letting it wash over me, releasing the tension I have been trying to ignore. My sleep has been plagued by nightmares of running, always running from something, to what or where I’m not sure. Running and hearing the howl of a wolf in the distance.
"Your place is not very nice."
The completely unexpected voice terrifies me and I shriek, slipping as I spin. My arms pinwheel as I grab for the shower curtain, pulling it down on me as I fall. Just before my head hits the tub, I'm stopped. I'm inches away from deep brown eyes that I recognize instantly.
"Athene!" I scream at her. Adrenaline and outrage make my heart thud painfully against my ribs.
She smirks at me, her ruby lips are so close to mine and awareness of my nakedness makes my blood rush to my face. I blush crimson as she leans in even closer and her lips brush against mine. Athene's brown eyes fill my vision. I feel her larger breasts pressing against me, lightly her lips touch mine. She stands, effortlessly bringing me with her and setting me on my feet. I am wrapped in my shower curtain; water runs off my hair and down my body. The shower is still beating down into my tub; steam fills the small space which barely holds the two of us together. I feel vulnerable and exposed; confusion wars in me and my breath comes heavy. Her arms release me slowly, almost reluctantly. As she takes a half step back from me, her right hand rises to rest against the left side of my face.
"How and why are you in my house?" Focus, I tell myself. Concentrate on what matters.
She smiles that smile again, beautiful, even the way her scar twists with it does nothing to diminish the lift in my heart.
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