It was still early and I didn’t feel like going in the house to do nothing. I dialed Sheika’s number.
“Hello,” she answered on the first ring.
“Where you at?”
“Sitting out here in front of my building.”
“All right, I’m pulling up in a few.”
I hung the phone up and turned on Sheika’s street. I got out of the car and walked over to her building. I saw a bunch of Keon’s niggas sitting around and talking. I know the hood was in mourning because that nigga looked out for his hood.
“What’s up, bitch?”
“Nothing, just sitting out here, trying to get some damn air. My AC broke earlier and it’s hot as fuck up in there.”
“Damn, I can imagine. Did you go check on London?”
“Nah, ’cause I’m kind of mad because we supposed to be her bitch, and she been fucking wit’ this nigga and kept it a secret all this time.”
“Sheika, are you freaking serious right now? She supposed to be our motherfucking bitch and she going through a rough time and all you can think about is some bullshit? Yo, what’s the real deal? Why are you so angry with London?” I decided to stop beating around the bush.
“What do you mean? Ain’t no real deal and I’m not angry. I just don’t think that London rock wit’ us the way that we rock wit’ her. I think she’s selfish and only care about herself.”
“Wow! This chick looks out for us all the damn time. Even when dude was lacing her with dough she was looking out for us, especially you. I can’t believe that you’re saying this.”
“Listen, Nay, I love you to death and I fuck with London. I was just telling you how I feel.”
“I just feel like we ain’t got nobody but us. We’ve been there for one another way too long to let some bullshit come between us. That’s what separate us from these other bitches is the fact that we keep it one hundred with each other, no matter what. Y’all are family to me and I would hate if we split up for real.”
“Damn, bitch, who the fuck you think you is, Sojourner Truth? You just gave a whole damn speech.” We both busted out laughing.
“Just call me the hood messenger. But I’m serious. We better than this.”
“I hear you. Anyway, where you been? I went to the house earlier and yo’ car was gone.”
“Bitch, I was out getting fucked. Well, kind of fucked.”
“What the hell you mean, kind of getting fucked? Either you were getting fucked or you weren’t.”
“The head was on point, but that dick was garbage.”
“Oh, okay, one of those.”
“Man, that nigga tongue was sharp as a brand new razor, but once he pushed that dick inside of me, that shit blew my damn high. I can’t believe a boss nigga like that has that little-ass dick for real.”
“Who the fuck is he, so I can clown his ass? That nigga know better than that to put that shit inside of you. We’ont want no little teeny-weeny-dick nigga ’round here.”
“Bitch, you’ont know him.”
“Oh, okay, so it was an outside nigga. That make it even worse. The niggas around here be packing that big dick.”
“How the fuck you know that and you claim you like pussy and don’t do niggas? Let me find out you like dick and pussy.”
“Nah, bitch, I’ont do no nasty-ass dick. I’m strictly pussy. But I hear a lot of bitches talking.”
“Oh, okay, ’cause I was goin’ tell you that ain’t no shame if you like both.” I busted out laughing. I knew this ho was lying, and I knew for a fact that she got some dick before, but she was my nigga so I wouldn’t pull her up on her bullshit. We continued laughing and talking, about all kinds of stupid shit.
Blap! Blap! Blap! We both dropped to the ground on our bellies.
“Oh, my God, they shooting. Get the kids,” I heard this chick named Jina holler.
“Is your door open?” I hollered to Sheika.
“Yes, it is, but we can’t move.”
I started praying really fast. There was no way that I was just gonna lie out here and get killed. “God, please protect us,” I cried out while I covered my ears, trying to block out the sounds of gunshots. It was so loud it seemed like there was a full-blown war taking place in our projects.
Suddenly the gunshots stopped and I heard police sirens everywhere. I knew whatever just happened wasn’t good.
“You okay, Sheika?”
“Hell yeah, I’m good. What the fuck was that? I just hope ain’t nobody hit.”
“This shit got to stop for real. This can’t be life for real.”
The police sirens got louder and I knew then that whoever was shooting was gone. Whenever the police came through the projects, it be like a ghost town. I stood up and Sheika did too.
“Man, we need to get out of this place. Ain’t nothing in these projects but death and prison. These niggas don’t even give a fuck it be kids and people outside,” said Sheika.
“Girl, I’m about to get out of here. I’ll call you tomorrow.”
“Nah, let me walk you. The police are here now, so they ain’t gon’ act out.”
We hurriedly walked past what seemed like the entire Richmond police force.
“Bitch, first they kill Keon and now this?”
I didn’t respond; instead, I ran to my car. My motherfucking baby that I saved up to buy, my used 2015 Magnum, was riddled with bullet holes. My glass was shattered. I fell to my knees and started hollering.
“What the fuck? Who did this?” Sheika said once she realized what I was looking at.
“I don’t have no fucking idea, but I’m going to motherfucking find out and, when I do, one of these fuck niggas gonna pay for my shit.” I was livid. I saved all my fucking money that I made when I was working at the nursing home, just so I could have a fucking car.
“I’m sorry, girl.”
“Man, fuck all that. Where the fucking police at?” I looked around to see where the hell they were.
“You not serious, are you? You know they gon’ be mad if you report that shit to the police.”
“You think I’m worried about what these fucking niggas think? They fucked my shit up and disappeared. Who the fuck you think gonna have to pay for this shit? Me, that’s who,” I snapped at this bitch.
“I’m sorry, boo, I just don’t want no harm to come to you.”
This dumb-ass bitch was really pissing me off. “You know what? I’m about to go for real.” Tears filled my eyes as I walked off. I had no idea where I was going to get the money to fix my shit. I was hating all these fuck niggas right now.
CHAPTER NINE
Sheika
Lord knows, I was tired of these bitch snapping and shit. I mean, this bitch Nay was behaving like it was me who fucked her shit up. Shit, it might have been the nigga she just finished fucking. What did she expect, though? We lived in the fucking projects and this bitch knew these niggas be shooting and shit. She knew better than to park her shit around here.
I was pissed off after she walked off. I turned around to go back to the house. I saw the police talking to a group of people. I walked slower so I could hear what they were saying. See, nobody knew it, but I would sit among different people and listen to what they were talking about; then I would tell Big Tony and his boys. Big Tony was Keon’s partner and they had the projects on lock. He would hit me off with a few dollars.
I heard one of the females mention Big Tony’s name and that grabbed my attention. I wanted to get closer, but that would catch the attention of the police. The bitch started talking low as I approached. I rolled my eyes and kept it moving.
I walked into my apartment and locked the door. I quickly snatched up my cell phone.
“Ay, yo, this not a good time,” said Big Tony.
“Shit, I know that, but I got some info. I was just walking by and I heard the big red bitch across from me telling something to the peoples. I couldn’t hear e’erything, but I heard your name mentioned. She started whispering when I got closer. And
don’t trust Nay ass. She talking about she gon’ talk to the peoples ’cause her car is fucked up.”
“You talkin’ ’bout your Nay?”
“Yeah. She just got mad ’cause I checked her ass about snitching on y’all.”
“A’ight, good looking out. I’ll hit you tomorrow. It’s hot out here.”
After I hung the phone up, I walked to the window to see if they were still talking to the police. These bitches were bold. Didn’t they know snitches often get stitches? And then they wonder why motherfuckers be popping up dead in a ditch.
CHAPTER TEN
London
It’d been two damn days since I lost my baby and it seemed like it just happened. Our relationship wasn’t perfect. Shit, let me correct that. We didn’t even have a relationship. But he was my nigga and I was his bitch, even though we were the only ones who knew this.
I hadn’t eaten and, to be honest, food was the last thing on my mind. I still kept replaying the last few hours of his life. I wished I had followed my instinct. Maybe he would still be alive. Keon was hardheaded, because if he had just listened to me—
The ringing of my phone interrupted my thoughts. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but I knew my girls were worried about me. “Hello,” I barely whispered into the phone.
“I’m at the front door. Open it.”
I didn’t want no company, but I knew Nay and I knew she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. So I pulled myself off the couch and stumbled to the door. I opened the door and didn’t wait; I just walked back to my couch.
“How you feeling, boo?”
“I don’t know. I can’t stop thinking about Keon. I want him to come back to me.”
“I can’t say I understand because I don’t. But I know time heals all wounds.”
“You know, he wasn’t my man. To be honest, we were only fucking around, but I loved him and he’d tell me he loved me all the time. He made sure I was straight at all times. They took all that away from me, over what? Over jealousy? These niggas are wack as fuck. They could’ve just taken the drugs and not shot him.” Tears started filling my eyes as I spoke. I tried my best to hide it, but I couldn’t control them so I let them flow freely.
“Baby, I don’t understand it either, but the police gonna catch them, or you know Keon’s people gonna torture them niggas. He is gone, but you’re still here and I need you to get it together. Did you eat?”
I shook my head no, because I had no appetite.
“See there you go; you know you have those bad migraines. You need to eat.” She got up and walked into the kitchen.
When she came back in, she handed me a Cup Noodles soup. “I know you hurting, but you have to put something on your stomach. Here you go.”
I took it from her, because I knew Nay wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I didn’t realize how famished I was until I started eating. I didn’t bother to chew. I swallowed that Cup Noodles like I hadn’t eaten in ages.
“Damn, bitch, yo’ ass was starving. You can’t be doing that.”
“I know, right. I just don’t have the energy to get up and do anything, you know?”
“I feel you, but you won’t be no good to anyone if you not taking care of yourself.”
I shook my head, agreeing with what she was saying. “So, you hear anything about Keon death?”
“Nah, everybody tightlipped about the shit, but you know that’s how it is. I think people just waiting to see how his brother and them handle his death. I’m pissed off at them niggas anyway,” she said.
“Why, what happened?”
“Man, them niggas got to shooting the other day over by Sheika building and shot up my fucking car. Man, that could’ve been me in the damn car.”
“What? Are you fucking serious? So what the fuck they say about it?”
“I ain’t seen none of them niggas since.”
“That’s fucked up. I wonder who they were shooting at.”
“I have no fucking idea, but I know if they don’t stop they all gonna be in somebody jail or dead.”
“Yeah, I agree. Keon always talked about leaving these streets and starting some legit business, but he never got a chance to do it.” I was tired of crying and my eyes were sore. I wished this pain would just go away.
We talked for a little while longer, then she bounced. It’d been days since I bathed and, shit, I didn’t know if Nay smelled anything, but I sure could. With that said, I jumped my ass into the shower.
Tears flooded my face as memory flooded my mind. The shower was the last place that Keon and I made love. “Man. Oh, how am I gonna get through this?” I asked out loud.
* * *
Today was a new day, and I knew I couldn’t stay in the bed all day, every day. I wasn’t feeling too well. Earlier, I was in the bathroom dry heaving. I guessed days of me not eating was finally catching up to me. I hadn’t seen my mother so I decided to go see her. I knew we were not that tight, but whenever I was hurting I could always depend on her to be there.
I was not in the mood to dress up, so I threw on a pair of leggings with a tank top and a pair of flip-flops. I called Uber to take me over to her house because I did not feel like walking in the heat through the hood, or dealing with anyone today.
I got out of the car and noticed Ma was standing in her yard. “Hey, Ma,” I greeted her, and gave her a kiss.
“Hey, baby. I was wondering who the fuck this was coming up in my yard. Child, why you look like you been to hell and back?”
“I feel like it, Ma. You remember the boy I told you I was talking to?”
“Yeah, what about him?”
“Well, they killed him the other day.”
“Oh, no, baby, what happened?”
“They killed him,” I repeated. I didn’t want to tell her that I was in the car with him because I didn’t want to hear no speech.
“I’m sorry, baby.” She threw the broom down and walked over to me. She hugged me tight and I welcomed our closeness. I didn’t say anything. I just cried on my mama’s shoulder.
“I tell you, baby, ain’t nothing in these streets but graves and prison. If I knew then what I know now, I would’ve never dated your daddy.” She finally let me go and we walked into her apartment. We sat on her couch. “You all right? You look a little pale.”
“Pale? What you mean? Maybe ’cause I ain’t been eating or sleeping.”
“Oh, okay.” She took one last look at me.
I started feeling dizzy. Maybe it was from all the heat, but I was exhausted. I stood up. I was trying to tell Mama that I was going home, when the walls around me started spinning. “Mama, I don’t feel too good,” I said as my legs buckled under me and I fell to the ground.
“Hold on, lemme call the ambulance.”
“No, Ma, I’m good. I’m gonna call a cab and go home,” I said as I tried to pick myself up off the ground.
“Let me help you. You really need to get checked out. I don’t like how you look.”
“Ma, I’m just tired, that’s all,” I tried to convince her, as well as myself. Something was terribly wrong and I had no idea what it was.
I should’ve gone straight home, but instead I stopped at Family Dollar. I grabbed one of those cheap pregnancy tests. There was no possible way I could be pregnant, but something in my mind keep telling me to take the test. I requested Uber again, and headed on home.
As soon as I got into the house, I rushed to the bathroom. I wanted to pee and this was the perfect opportunity. I waited a few minutes then checked the result. Shit, I was nervous, ’cause I knew my ass could not be knocked up. Wait! What, two lines? There was no way this was possible. I gathered my thoughts and looked again, hoping for a different result. Tears fell from my eyes when I realized the test was positive.
“Oh, my God. This test is wrong,” I blurted out.
I remembered two tests came in the package, but I had to wait until I wanted to pee again. I dried my tears and tried to control my emotions. I decided to
make a tuna sandwich, thinking food would make me feel better. Wrong. As soon as I smelled the tuna, it instantly upset my stomach. I started to panic. How could this be possible? I took my pills faithfully, because I knew Keon wanted a baby and I wasn’t ready.
“Keon. Oh, my God,” I cried out.
Man, my world was falling apart, and I wasn’t sure I was ready to handle all this shit that life was throwing my way. I didn’t miss a period, so how could I be pregnant? I walked into the kitchen and forced myself to drink a few glasses of water. After thirty minutes, I felt the urge to pee. I rushed to the bathroom to pee on the stick again. I waited a few minutes, all while praying that this test would be negative. My heart sank into a hole, and my eyes popped open when I noticed it was positive again.
“Noooo! This can’t be, God. Keon is gone and now I’m pregnant.” This is some bullshit, I thought as I collapsed on my bed.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Ajanay
Amir kept calling me. I was too pissed off about my car to entertain this nigga. That was, until it popped into my head that maybe his ass would help me get my car fixed.
“Hey, babe,” I said, sounding extra sad.
“Yo, what’s good, shawty? I’ve been trying to reach you.”
“Amir, I know, but I’ve been going through a lot of shit right now.” I busted out crying.
“Damn, shawty, what’s going on witcha?”
“The other night, these niggas got to shooting and shot up my car. Now my car in the shop and I don’t know how I’ma pay for it.”
“Man, say what? You want me to come through?”
“No, I just need my car fixed. That’s my one form of transportation.” I cried harder.
“Man, cut all the crying out. I got you.”
I was beaming with joy inside once I heard those words. “Nah, I’m not asking you to do that. I mean, I don’t even know you and shit.”
“Man, fuck all that. You my bitch and if I say I got you, then I got you.”
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