HIS PRONOUNCEMENT WAS MET with differing emotions, Travis noted. Martin Shield looked impressed. Simon Armstrong appeared crushed to think his chance to be a dad was curtailed yet again. Cliff Baxter seemed ticked off—probably because he didn’t like having his high-handed, thoroughly obnoxious plans derailed. And Holly just looked stunned and brokenhearted. Which in turn broke Travis’s heart. The last thing his woman needed was to be disrespected by that cur of an ex-husband again.
“I’m available, if the boys need a father,” he declared.
Holly jumped out of her seat. “If they need a father, I’ll find them one!” she cried. Looking and sounding more emotional than ever, she turned to Simon first. “If you want to be a single dad so badly I suggest you find children to foster or adopt on your own!” Holly whirled back to Cliff. “How could you do this,” she asked angrily. “And at Christmas, no less! Why would you do this?” Moisture gleamed in her eyes. “Why did you even want to see them at all if this is what you had planned?”
He lifted an indifferent hand and then let it drop back to his lap. “I asked to see them because I wanted to make sure I didn’t have some father-son bond with them, after all. As you probably noted—” he paused to let his words sink in “—I didn’t. And I did try to feel something when I saw them, Holly.” He searched his ex-wife’s eyes. “Some paternal pride, some familial bond, something!”
“But you didn’t,” Holly noted sadly, in the awkward silence that fell.
“In fact,” Travis snarled, finding it hard to curtail his own loathing, “you could barely force yourself to stay and chat with them for half an hour.”
“It was torture,” Cliff stated, owning up to his feelings honestly.
Tears pooled on Holly’s lashes, but did not fall. “I get that you don’t want to see them or have much to do with them,” she said thickly, her whole body trembling, “but do you have to disown them—as if they’re nothing to you?”
Cliff winced. “Actually,” he began, exchanging looks with Simon.
“He does if he wants to marry Penelope Kensington,” Simon explained, for his friend.
“The famous English doll manufacturer,” Holly murmured numbly.
Cliff nodded, looking earnest once again. He leaned forward persuasively. “I love her. She loves me. But she does not want to be stuck bringing up someone else’s children, so the only way we’ll marry is if I sever ties with the boys.”
Holly threw up her hands in disgust. “And who said you didn’t have a heart,” she muttered, looking as if it was all she could do not to deck Cliff then and there.
Travis felt the same way, but brawling would solve nothing. They were here in the attorney’s office to craft a solution not make matters worse.
“Please do this,” Cliff begged Holly. “It’s the only way I’ll ever get what I want.”
“And it’s all about you, isn’t it?” she asked wearily.
Cliff had no answer for the rhetorical question, but Travis knew that none was required.
“I MEANT WHAT I SAID,” Travis told Holly after they left the attorney’s office, with nothing resolved save the fact that she refused to make a decision of such importance in the space of a few minutes. She was determined to take as much time as she needed to think about all this.
Travis paused next to his SUV. “If Cliff doesn’t want your boys, I do! I love them like my own, Holly. You know that.”
She leaned against the passenger door, making no move to open it and get in. “It’s not that simple, Travis.”
He jingled the keys in his hand. “It can be. We’ve already talked about marrying—”
Her eyes glittered furiously. “As a convenience, and I vetoed that suggestion.”
“You’ve also vetoed ever falling in love again, or trusting that any romantic relationship would last forever.”
“Because,” Holly repeated with a soul-deep sigh, “romance is based on an illusion of perfection. And that illusion can’t last when confronted with the wear and tear of everyday living.”
Travis grasped her arms and held her in front of him. “But friendship can last under those conditions. And you and I are best friends. We love each other’s children as our own and have already agreed to stand in as Mommy and Daddy as needed.” Raw emotion filled his voice. “We share every aspect of our daily lives and practically live at each other’s houses. And yesterday when we felt like we were one family you were as thrilled as I was.”
“And I still am.” Holly stood stiffly in his arms.
Stung as much by the look in her eyes as by her words, Travis let her go and stepped back. “But…?”
Holly ran a hand through her hair and continued in a cold, calm voice Travis found much more terrifying than her anger. “Look, I know how competitive you are, how you hate it when the bad guys win, and always want justice to prevail. I know how angry you are about the way Cliff has behaved, and that you want my kids to have all the love they deserve and a father who cherishes them.” She sighed. “And I know you want your daughters to have the mommy they want for Christmas, too. But I would never ask you to take on legal responsibility for my kids, any more than you would ask me to do that strictly to make life easier in the moment, Travis.”
Was that what this was to her—a moment? Was that all they were? Apparently so, Travis noted, not sure when he had felt more disappointed. He stared at her with a growing sense of disillusionment. “Because that would be permanent, wouldn’t it?” And Holly didn’t take risks like that. Not anymore, he realized sadly.
She narrowed her eyes, on the defensive once again. “What do you mean—that would be permanent?”
“None of this is about you not trusting romance!” He pointed an accusing finger at her heart. “It’s about you not trusting me!”
Holly’s jaw dropped. “I do trust you!” she vowed.
Really? Travis folded his arms in front of him, and waited for the truth to come out. “Enough to believe I won’t one day do to you what Cliff did…and continues to do?” he challenged, studying the conflicting play of emotions on her face. “The man is a donkey’s rear end!” And I’m being punished for it, Travis thought, incensed.
“Believe me, I know what a jackass he is! But he is still the kids’ father.”
Travis shook his head, stubbornly cutting off that line of argument. “Not in any way that counts,” he declared.
“Listen to me, Travis, it’s bad enough that Cliff has deserted his children!” Holly continued in a choked voice. “But for the twins to find out he’s trying to disown them? That will destroy them when they are old enough to understand!”
Travis ignored the hurt and betrayal glimmering in her eyes. He caught her and held her still when she would have run. “If the boys had me in their lives, it wouldn’t matter what Cliff did or did not do for them—because they would know that I love them more than life and would be there for them always.”
The look on her face told him his words were falling on deaf ears. Travis let her go once again. Stepped back, this time for good. He surveyed Holly with a coldness that rivaled her own, noting the growing aloofness in her eyes. “But you can’t trust that I will be there for them, over the long haul, can you, Holly?” he whispered, more hurt and disappointed than he ever had been in his life.
She swallowed, her own insecurity showing. “I think if you adopt them, you’ll be there for the kids,” she said after a moment.
Well, that was something, Travis noted, not sure whether to be relieved or worried.
Holly was quiet a long time, looking at the ground. When she finally glanced up at him again, the invisible force field was back around her heart, regret and sorrow in her eyes. “It’s the two of us I’m worried about. You can pretend all you want, but at the end of the day you are a man who needs love, Travis,” she reminded him, concern and selflessness etched in her features. She held up a palm before he could interrupt. “Not the kind we share, but the deeply romantic, enduring kind you had with Diana.”
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Holly shook her head, looking to be near tears, then continued thickly, “Maybe you don’t miss it now. But you will,” she insisted stubbornly, stepping back and away from him. “And I don’t want to be there when that day comes, and little by little, your feelings for me begin to change.” She swallowed as if just the idea of it was more painful than she could bear. “Instead of feeling drawn to me, you’ll feel shackled.”
He knew she wanted to believe that. He also knew it was an excuse to cover her fear. “I’m not Cliff,” he insisted quietly, hoping to be able to bring her to her senses.
“No, you’re not,” Holly countered evenly. “You’re a million times more of a man than he ever will be. And that is why you deserve better than I can ever give you.”
Chapter Thirteen
On the morning of Christmas Eve, Travis said goodbye to all four children as they left for a day of yuletide festivities at Mrs. Ruley’s home. Fifteen minutes later, he stood outside in the surprisingly bitter wind, watching as a Carson Construction truck parked in front of the house. A pickup and trailer, with a forklift loaded on the back, followed.
Travis showed the two guys who were making the delivery where the “gifts” were to go.
He knew Holly was home.
He half expected her to come out and watch as the playhouse and spaceship were situated in each of their backyards, then draped with black tarps that would obscure them from view until the kids were presented with them the following morning.
She didn’t. But then, she hadn’t had much to say to him since she had rejected his proposal.
Travis paid the guys well, thanked them for working on Christmas Eve and headed back inside.
Moments later, the doorbell rang.
He hastened to answer it. But instead of the neighbor he wished to see, Grady’s wife, Alexis, stood on the other side of the door. He had only to glance at her face, to see she was in full matchmaker mode.
“I’m really not in the mood for a pep talk,” he said, ushering her in.
Alexis slipped off her jacket and hung it on the coat tree in the foyer. “That’s too bad,” she told him with the resolve of a woman on a mission, as she walked in to admire the presents under the Christmas tree. “Because you really need one.”
Dejectedly, Travis followed. He’d never felt less Christmas spirit in his life. “She rejected my proposal. Twice.”
Alexis lifted her hand in an elegant gesture. “Ring and all, I suppose.”
Guilt flooded his heart. “I didn’t have a ring.”
She settled comfortably on the sofa. “Then it must have been oh, so romantic.”
Travis continued to pace. “Holly isn’t a romantic woman.”
Alexis shook her head. “All women are romantic, deep down,” she told him with a soft smile. “Some of us just don’t want to admit it.”
Travis met her gaze. “You never had a problem with that.”
“Right,” she reflected pleasantly. “It was Grady who did. And look what happened.”
Travis warmed at the thought of how happy Grady was now that he allowed love to come back into his life. “He came around to your way of thinking,” Travis recalled.
Alexis stood and moved gracefully toward him. “I know you feel hurt and angry, but you have to realize that Holly is in a very tough situation.”
Travis felt a muscle tick in his jaw. “You think I don’t know that?” He paused to clear his throat. “I’m the one who’s had to stand around and watch her suffer through her ex’s machinations!”
Alexis placed a hand on his arm and kept it there until he met her penetrating gaze. “And now you’re making Holly suffer, too,” she concluded with the expertise earned from working in the romance arena.
Travis did a double take. “Excuse me?”
Alexis’s eyes narrowed. She held her ground and summed up the situation neatly, “It’s your way or the highway.”
Anger flared within Travis. “She’s the one who dumped me.” He aimed a thumb at his chest.
Alexis’s eyes narrowed. She held her ground and summed up the situation neatly. “Your relationship with Holly isn’t a competition to be won, Travis. Personal lives are different than business.”
“I know that,” Travis replied curtly.
“Do you?” Alexis countered. “Because right now it seems to me that your fierce competitive nature, your need to always see the good guys win in the end, is the real problem here.”
Anger flared within Travis. He’d be the first to admit he’d fought hard for Holly. She just hadn’t wanted to be won. “I think we’re getting off the point,” he groused. “Holly is the one who dumped me.” He aimed a thumb at his chest.
“Only after you gave her a proposal no woman in her right mind would have accepted,” Alexis countered, with the same love and understanding she showed everyone around her. Quietly, she beseeched, “Had you been willing to give Holly the ultimate gift, and sacrificed your own needs—in the short term—and been patient…”
Travis was so tired of waiting! Of having complete happiness just within his reach, only to experience it briefly…and then have it snatched away again. “We’ve known each other for over two years!” he reminded her.
“Exactly.” Alexis nodded, her resolve strengthening. “And in that time Holly has shown you how she felt about you and your daughters day after day….”
Travis couldn’t deny that was true. Holly had been there for him and the girls through good times and bad. Always at the ready with a kind gesture or understanding glance. “You’re saying I should just continue to be there for her, whenever she needs me.”
Alexis shrugged. “Isn’t that what you agreed to do for her sons?” She paused, letting her words sink in. “Why not do it for her, too?”
HOLLY WAS UPSTAIRS, TRYING to decide what to do with Travis’s Christmas present, when she saw Alexis McCabe’s car drive away from Travis’s house. Shortly thereafter, Travis left in his SUV. And then another four vehicles parked in front of her house.
She frowned as the occupants got out, strode up her front walk and rang the bell. Not sure she was up to such a dramatic show of concern, Holly put on her game face and opened the door. All four of Travis’s best guy friends stood there. All clearly with one thing on their mind. The last thing she needed was them making her feel worse than she already did about the way things had turned out with her and Travis.
Using humor as her primary defense, she angled her thumb left and drawled, “If you are looking for Travis, I think you want the house next door.”
The four merely grinned. “We found the lady we want to see,” Grady said, leading the way inside, with the typical McCabe swagger.
No doubt he and his wife were in cahoots about this yuletide matchmaking strategy, Holly thought. The question was, what had Alexis said to Travis? And what were the guys about to say to her?
“We’re at the right place,” Jack agreed.
Dan carried a gift-wrapped serving plate of amazing looking cookies from the woman he loved, chef Emily Stayton. “Where should I put these?” he asked jovially.
Giving up, Holly directed, “The kitchen.” Clearly, Travis’s friends weren’t leaving until they said what they had to say. Until then she might as well make herself comfortable and hear them out. Who knew, maybe they would be able to help Travis and her both deal with the fallout from their breakup. If it could even be called that, she thought dispiritedly. Was it a breakup if they’d been intimately involved only a few weeks?
Looking as if he’d had another late night on the Fort Worth social scene, Nate looked longingly at the pot of coffee she had just brewed. He clapped a companionable hand on her shoulder. “Any chance I could get a cup?”
Holly rolled her eyes at the group. “Sit down.” She waved a hand at the kitchen table, unwrapped the platter of cookies and put it on the center. Poured everyone, including herself, a cup of coffee, then sat down with them. “Obviously, you’ve heard that Travis and I went down a road w
e never should have traveled.”
“Or in other words,” Grady interjected with his customary bluntness, “you broke Travis’s heart.”
“No.” Holly made a face at them, then explained, “I broke up with him so I wouldn’t break his heart.”
“Try telling him that,” Dan muttered with a worried frown. He leaned toward her urgently. “Seriously, Holly, I’ve known the guy for years and I’ve never seen him so blue.”
“And at Christmas, yet,” Jack lamented.
Okay, Holly did feel guilty about that. Especially since she and Travis had made all these plans to spend Christmas together this year. And now it just felt awkward. To the point they had stopped talking, and instead were communicating only as absolutely necessary, through their shared nanny. Yet as much as it hurt her to not have Travis in her life right now, she had to be practical here and do what was best for everyone, not just what would make her happy in the short run. “Look, guys, what Travis offered to do for me was very gallant, and I appreciate his chivalry, but I can’t let him adopt my children and marry me just to let my ex-husband off the hook!”
“Of course you can’t!” Grady concurred, with a grim, disapproving look. “That lousy excuse for a dad doesn’t deserve special accommodation from you—or Travis!”
Dan, who knew a thing or two about errant ex-spouses who hurt their kids with their noninvolvement, harrumphed. “Cliff should have known that in cases like this it’s always better to lie to kids, and pretend you care, even when you don’t.”
He had a point, Holly realized.
“Have you given your ex an answer to his request to terminate his parental rights?” Jack asked, more gently now.
Holly shook her head. “But maybe,” she said slowly, as the long-term implications of Travis’s offer—and her refusal—sank in, “it’s time I did.”
TRAVIS WAS JUST RETURNING from the mall, and some last minute Christmas shopping, when he saw his four best friends driving away from Holly’s house. Swearing—because this was something else that had not been in his plans—Travis pocketed the gift he’d just purchased and headed across the lawn to Holly’s front porch.
A Mommy for Christmas Page 17
