I walked out less confident than I had walked in and headed straight to my truck.
Putting my truck into gear, I headed to see the one person I had to see.
*****
When I arrived at Terry and Carol’s, he was outside messing with his truck. As soon as I pulled up, he smiled his lip barely crinkled and then started to wipe his hands, turning to face me. Terry had more wrinkles than a Shar-Pei.
“To what do I owe this pleasure?” He shook my hand as if he always did.
“Hoping we could talk for a few minutes. What’s going on with the truck?”
“Just tinkering …”
“Need any help with it?” I asked. I sure as hell wasn’t a mechanic, by any means, but I could do the basic stuff. At the very least, if we were under the hood, I wouldn’t have to look him directly in the eyes.
I’d hate for him to change his opinion of me. I cared more about what he thought of me than what my father did. Terry was the man I wanted to be.
He walked back over to his hood and shut it before turning to me and began walking. “I need to check on a couple of spots in the right pasture. I need to turn the horses out later. Wanna jump on the Gator?”
“Yes, sir.” We walked to the Gator, and he jumped into the passenger side instead of driving. It was clear he didn’t need to check anything but rather was trying to make it less uncomfortable to me. I wondered what he knew. Elise had surely filled them in, but as for me, I didn’t. I didn’t think I would be able to get the words out.
I drove into the pasture toward where he had mentioned he needed to check. When we arrived, I stopped and turned the motor off, turning my head to him slightly but not moving my body. I kept my hands on the steering wheel and was thankful that I had something to occupy my hands.
“Terry … I am sick.” I paused and waited to see his reaction.
He wiped his hand right above his knee like he was trying to figure out what to say.
“I know.”
“I assumed you did.”
“I hate that you are going through this … I can’t say I understand what it is, but I know enough that it isn’t good.”
“No, it isn’t.” Terry wasn’t anything if he wasn’t honest. He didn’t think before speaking. He was an old country boy who would rather beg for forgiveness than ask for permission.
“Ford, I have always loved you like a son. You are a good man and have made my niece very happy. That wasn’t an easy task …”
I smiled but loving Elise was easy. She definitely was one who had walls put up, but they had fallen quickly once her trust grew.
“I need your help,” I asked, making myself even though I would rather change the subject to anything other than what I had to say. The weather, the horses, the grass, whatever. Anything was better than this.
“My doctor wants me to have surgery, but it goes without saying that it is very risky. The original plan was to do radiation, but it doesn’t seem to be helping. On top of it not helping me, its side effects are making me, let’s just say, not the man who I want to be.”
“I don’t think that anyone would be normal going through what you are going through, son.”
“Maybe. Have you ever felt like you are more trouble here than if you were gone?”
“No. I love my life. Others might look at it and say I am an old fool, but I’m one hundred percent happy with it.”
“But you …?”
“I have had my own struggles, health wise and otherwise.”
“Can I ask what?”
“You can, but I’m not going to tell you. You didn’t come here to discuss my health; you came here because you needed help.”
“I’m getting further and further into a hole. I don’t even want to live anymore, and really, when I really think about it, I worry that Elise seeing me suffer is only making it worse.”
He didn’t respond thankfully.
“And it is only going to get worse.”
“Possibly. But you never know; miracles do happen. They have happened to me.”
“I don’t have much hope.”
“Who said anything about hope? I’m talking about faith.”
“Not much of that, either, I’m ashamed to say. I need to make sure that if I die… when I die …” I choked up against my best efforts. “If I am no longer here, will you take care of her? And can you help her with anything she needs help with?”
“It sounds like you are throwing in the towel. I didn’t peg you as a quitter.”
“I’m not, sir. I just have so much going through my mind.”
“I will take care of Elise if she needs taking care of, but I think you are giving up, and I think you are better than that. This is your battle, Ford, so put on your boots and fight. Don’t surrender so quickly.”
“I don’t know if I can anymore.”
“Elise wouldn’t want you to give up, and Carol and I don’t want you to. You are family, son, and I have enough faith for you even if you don’t have any.”
“What if it comes to surgery, and what if—?”
“What if it doesn’t?” He looked at me confidently.
I stared off into the distance for a few minutes in silence before I started the engine back up.
“Ford, you are a good man, and good things happen to good people. I am proud of you and know that if you live, and you appreciate every minute, you will be shocked at what can happen. Faith …”
I drove off and back toward the house with my heart feeling a little less heavy, but my thoughts were spastic as I processed what this wise old man was saying.
Maybe I could fight this.
Chapter 11
Elise
My phone rang, and I hesitated to answer due to not recognizing the number. I had been looking at a few different places in Humble for us to move to once Ford started to feel better but wasn’t having much luck.
“Hello.”
“Elise?”
I hadn’t heard her voice in years, but I knew exactly who it was.
“Yes.” I probably could have said a lot of things, but that was the only thing I could think of.
“Do you have a minute?”
“A minute.” Which she didn’t deserve. She really didn’t deserve a second of my time.
“I’d like to meet with you and discuss the lawsuit.”
“Are you sure your lawyer would approve of that?” I asked, trying to play her like I knew what I was talking about, which I didn’t.
Maybe she was hoping I would just write a check and be done with it when we met. Maybe she would try to trap me and say something else … go after something else. Or maybe she would not let Thad keep his headstone.
Surely, she wouldn’t be so cold.
“I have a lot going on right now, so I’m not really sure when we could get together. Are you coming to Humble?” I wasn’t going back to Liberty unless I absolutely had to. Especially after what happened last time.
Truthfully, it was the last thing I wanted to be dealing with now. My focus was on my husband, who was fighting a real battle, and not this immature shit that my mother was pulling.
“How about I meet you halfway? Maybe in Smithville?”
“When?”
“Sunday?”
“I guess. One o’clock work?” Might as well get this done.
“Meet me at the Sandwich Shop on Braker and South 45.”
“Okay.”
“Bye, Elise.”
“Bye.”
*****
A daughter meeting her mother wasn’t something she should ever feel like she needed reinforcements for, but I did. I asked Carol to go along with me just because I feared that whatever my mother would say would hurt. I had dealt with her shit for my entire life, but now, I didn’t, well, I know I couldn’t handle it.
My life was unbalanced right now with Ford being sick, him pushing me away, and me being a complete mess, attempting to hold it together the best that I could.
“I hate to be com
ing with you, dear,” Carol said sweetly as we drove to meet Lisa.
“I know you hate it—”
“I don’t mean that, Elise. I mean the fact you need someone with you to see your own mother. How is that right? I was so close to my mother, and she made me what I am. I don’t want to even think about how it would have been if I had gone through what you have.”
“I know. I really just don’t know what else I can handle. I have said that before… but now I mean it. With Ford being as sick as he is, and us trying to figure everything out, I just …”
“There is not a person in the world with the weight on your shoulders who wouldn’t feel the same way, sugar.”
She laid her hand on top of mine on the console and squeezed but then moved it away, a small gesture that spoke volumes to me.
I was quiet for the majority of the ride, listening to Carol tell stories about when she was growing up. A big part of me was jealous but happy that she got that upbringing. I didn’t dare share my stories with her, especially in light of us about to meet my mother. Carol knew some of what I had been through but not even a quarter of it.
My mother treated me like I was the stepchild in her home, and I got the leftovers quite literally. She showed very little interest in my life and honestly wouldn’t have noticed if I hadn’t come for days, weeks even. New clothes were rarely bought for me, and that wasn’t a big deal except for when I was a teen. It was more the true statement that she didn’t want me that hurt.
She felt that I was guilty of killing my father who had died in a car accident when I was little, and she never let me live it down. It reflected in everything she did, and she intended for that.
She made me feel worthless, unwanted, meaningless, and not worthy of love. Frankly, if it wasn’t for Thad, there was no telling where I would be.
“It looks like it is on the right ahead.” Carol interrupted my thoughts thankfully.
“Okay.” I began to feel nervous, wondering what would come of this.
Putting the Jeep in park, I paused, waiting before I got out, and fought the urge to turn around and head back home. I didn’t need this right now.
I looked over at Carol, and she smiled, showing me she was here and would support me. There wasn’t a chance in hell I could ever repay her for what she had been there for me for.
“Here goes nothing.” I took a final deep breath before exiting the Jeep.
I spotted her immediately when I walked in, unfortunately, hoping that I would have a chance to sit and be the first here.
“She is sitting at the table to the left,” I told Carol and began walking toward it.
“Mom,” I said, uttering a word that she really didn’t deserve.
“Elise … Carol … I didn’t know you were coming, Carol?” She hugged us both, but it felt like an obligation rather than want.
“I asked her to,” I responded, jumping to her defense immediately. We all took a seat, and I kept an eye on my mother because I wasn’t sure if she would play nice or show her true colors. Just by chance, I hoped that she would be something she had never been before.
“I asked the waiter to come back over once he sees you since I wasn’t sure what you wanted to order,” Mom said.
“I’m sure it will be her normal sweet tea,” Carol said, smiling sweetly at me as if she was the one who had given birth to me.
“You would be right.” I smiled.
“Elise, thank you for meeting me. I hated to do this in town with all the gossip.”
“Gossip never seemed to bother you before, Mom.” One thing I was fully aware of was when I was with my mother, the mean came out. I wasn’t proud of the person I was when I was in her presence because I became a person I didn’t recognize.
“Some things change,” she responded.
The waiter came, and Carol ordered for us both and then returned promptly.
“Anyway, I wanted to talk to you about the …”
“The lawsuit that you filed against your only daughter,” I finished for her.
“Elise, look, the money was not Thad’s to give.”
“I disagree.”
“I don’t expect you to understand what I am feeling or why I feel like I am obligated to that money, but in case you have forgotten, I did raise you and pay for you your entire life until you moved.”
“I didn’t move, Mom. You forced me to leave, or actually, you shipped me off quicker than you could say ‘done’ so that you wouldn’t have to deal with what I was going through. Yes, you paid for me in the sense of you fed me. Big deal. Hell, even prisoners are fed.”
“And you had a roof over your head.”
“Yes, I did. But honestly, if it wasn’t for Thad, you probably wouldn’t have been able to afford that. Lisa, if you don’t mind me asking, how did you find out I even got the money? It wasn’t like you had access to it.”
“What makes you think I didn’t have access to it?”
“Because if you had, it would’ve been long gone.”
She looked at me with pain in her eyes. Her normal hate wasn’t there, but I was guessing that was because she was hoping she would have a payday sooner rather than later. And she was right.
“I heard through a friend. Liberty is a small town, and when you order a headstone like you did for … for my son, I was told about it. It wasn’t like it would be at a store in Liberty and was clearly going to have to be sent and placed at the cemetery. Do you forget that I go to the cemetery just like you do? I lost something too.”
“Yes, I know that.” It was unusual for my mother to show any emotion, and I would be lying if I didn’t say that it was throwing me off a little. Could this woman be human? Nah, I doubted it. “I’m not saying you didn’t hurt for the loss of Thad.”
“I still hurt. I did a lot of things wrong, but with Thad, I did something right.”
“Are you saying your daughter wasn’t something right, Lisa?” Carol spoke up unable to hold her piece.
“No, Carol, that is not what I am saying.” Lisa then turned her attention back to me.
“Garrett said that you were willing to give up all the money but what you had used for school and what you had spent on Thad. Is that correct?”
“You call your lawyer Garrett?” It struck me as interesting that she would call her representation by his first name.
“Yes, I do.”
“Hmmm …” Carol looked at me like she was just as befuddled.
“Mom, I am confused. One, why do you want to meet out of your lawyer’s office, and two, why now?”
“I needed to see when I would be able to get the money from you. It seems I am in a bit of a situation and owe some money to a person who isn’t being as cooperative as they had been originally.”
“So let me get this straight. You want me to put my life on hold and get you the money that was gifted to me from Thad? And my dad, for that matter.”
“That money was not for you, Elise. Why do I have to keep saying this like you are a brick wall with no ears?”
“Why do I have to keep saying that if it wasn’t for me, Thad would have never left it for ME! He had never cheated, lied, or done anything remotely bad his entire life.”
“It is complicated.”
“It always is. Carol, are you almost ready? This doesn’t seem to be getting anywhere.” She nodded that she was. I knew she would be, but I wanted to ask, so Lisa knew I was getting my fill.
“I already told Mr. Walker that I would give you what you wanted. I have too many other things going on in my life that are far more important than money and your nonsense. And no, I didn’t learn that from you. I learned it from people who really loved me.”
“I did love you … I do love you.”
“Doubtful … you have made it your mission to make me suffer from the minute my dad died. You may have loved him, but I did too. I may not remember a lot, but I remember that he loved me.”
“Yes, he did.” I was shocked at the kindness coming from her mouth.
It couldn’t be my real mother.
I started to stand and froze when I saw the man I had just met at the law firm. Why would he be here? This was a conversation between a mother and a daughter not with a lawyer.
“You know, Mom, I feel sorry for you. I really hope that one day you can learn that there are more things in life than money. It won’t buy you happiness. You will still be the cold, pathetic woman who you have always been. Not to mention heartless. But don’t worry … I will get to the bank this next week and get you what you want …”
Mom started to cry, and I felt for her for the first time in as long as I could remember. Why was she upset? She had never been before.
The man came from the bar area and put his arm around her, hugging her and telling her it was okay right before my eyes. I looked at her with confusion as did Carol.
“It’s okay, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart? What was I missing?
“Do you really think that was called for, Ms. Kelly?” he asked as I put my purse on my shoulder getting ready to make my exit.
“Excuse me? You don’t know anything about me and my mother.”
“I know she loves you.”
I rolled my eyes in unison with Carol’s blatant, “Ha.”
“Yeah, she loves me all right … she is suing me for money that was left to me by my DEAD BROTHER. He loved me and wanted to make sure I was taken care of, which is something she never thought of doing. If that is love, then I don’t want it.” I paused. “And why are you here in the first place? This has nothing to do with you. Is she paying you overtime or what?”
Mom looked up at me with the tears in her eyes that I had ignored. “He’s my husband.”
*****
A week later, I had the saving account closed, and a cashier’s check made to Lisa Riley. It wasn’t something that I had wanted to do, but I knew I needed to. I wasn’t going to be her in any way, shape, or form, so letting this go would be easy.
My security was with Ford—if he could just realize that again—and I had to hope that he would. I had no other choice.
Changing Us Page 12
