Perfectly boring.
Maybe he ought to decorate Zach’s bedroom. Visions of brightly painted dinosaurs amid Jurassic period scenery came to life in his mind’s eye. Or maybe Zach would prefer a racetrack with cars whizzing by.
After helping his son brush his teeth and reading him his favorite bedtime story for the third time, Gage had given in to the urge to stretch his long frame out on Zach’s bed, saying that it felt more comfortable than his. Thankfully, Zach had taken the bait and stretched his little body out too. If Zach didn’t settle down soon, Gage just might be desperate enough to try a nighttime prayer with him.
He closed his eyes, listening to the pounding inside his head, while Zach chattered on. Gradually, Zach’s speech slowed and his breathing became even. Cocking one eye open, Gage breathed a sigh of relief. This parenting business was a little tougher than taking a kid to an amusement park for an afternoon of fun. Gage soon fell asleep in his own bed.
The next morning, Gage awoke with a start when he turned over and bumped into a warm little body. What? Oh, yeah. Gage felt guilty for not hearing Zach come in. The aspirin he’d taken for his headache had knocked him out.
He quickly got up and headed toward the shower. Twenty minutes later, he was standing in his kitchen, dressed in shorts and a T-shirt and brewing some coffee when Zach wandered in appearing groggy. As soon as he saw Gage, his eyes brightened and he ran toward him. “Hi, Daddy!”
“Morning, Zach.” Gage caught him and lifted him up in his arms, loving the feel of the little guy’s weight along with his chubby arms wrapped around his neck. Gently setting him down, he asked, “Are you ready for breakfast?”
“Yep. I’m hungry.”
“All right. What’ll it be?” He named the variety of kids’ cereal he’d bought when he’d run into Valerie the other night.
His mind conjured the image of her standing there with her grocery cart. It had been such an unexpected encounter. How ironic that amid all the upheaval of that day, a familiar and welcome diversion had come in the form of Valerie Levington. Hall, he reminded himself, inexplicably hating the sound of it. Had Gage imagined it or had she understood and even empathized with the stress he was going through? For a split second, her eyes had regarded him with compassion even after looking unhappy to see him. Seeing her had grounded him, however, and calmed his nerves.
Gage’s eyes gradually refocused on Zach’s face staring up at him. As if coming out of a trance, he realized that Zach’s mouth was moving but that he hadn’t heard any sound. And Zach didn’t look too pleased. “Daddy! Did you hear me?”
Feeling chagrined at being caught daydreaming, he said, “Sorry, Zach. What were you saying?”
Zach told him what kind of cereal he wanted—and didn’t want—then Gage poured some into a bowl. “Promise me that you won’t be picky about food tonight at Uncle Pierce’s house.” Zach’s eyebrows slashed together as his expression grew stormy. “What’s wrong?”
“Do I hafta go to somebody else’s house today? I wanna stay here with you.”
Gage sat down at the table next to his son. “I’m sorry, Zach. Your mom didn’t give me enough time to rearrange my work schedule. I promise you’ll like Caleb. The two of you will be best friends by the end of the day.”
“Pleeeze, Daddy?” he asked again, his voice going up an octave. “I don’t want you to leave me too.”
Gage’s heart dropped to his stomach. He’d suspected that this wouldn’t go off smoothly, but he’d had no idea how much his little boy was hurting. Even at his young age, Zach knew that he wasn’t wanted by his own mother. Gage didn’t know what to say.
Zach stared up at him with a mixture of pleading and childlike trust. Gage swallowed the lump in his throat. “Listen, Zach. There’s a difference between why your mom leaves you at day care or with your Grandma and Grandpa Westbrook and why I have to tonight. If I stayed home with you, my boss wouldn’t be very happy and then I wouldn’t have a job. I’m sorry, but that’s the way things work in the real world.” Something your mom knows nothing about, he wanted to add.
The dejected look on Zach’s face undid Gage like nothing else would have. “Hey, buddy. What if I take you to McDonald’s for lunch?” That would fit nicely into his schedule before heading over to Pierce and Noelle’s house. “Will that be okay?”
Zach’s face brightened and he gave Gage an exuberant hug. “Yeah. I love McDonald’s.”
Gage already knew that, which was why he’d bribed him with it. Taking a swig of his coffee, he smiled at his son. One meltdown averted.
Gage slowed his Camaro down to park in front of Pierce and Noelle’s house. Holding his breath, Gage nervously rang the doorbell, hoping that Pierce had had a chance to cool down for Zach’s sake.
Noelle opened the door and welcomed them inside. Bending down as far as she could go to look Zach in the eyes, she smiled at him and stuck out her hand. “You must be Zachary. I’m your Aunt Noelle. And this is your Uncle Pierce.”
Gage looked up to see Pierce approaching. Looking at Pierce in wonder, Zach said, “You look like my daddy, but kinda different too.”
Smiling, Pierce answered, “That’s because your dad and I are brothers.”
Zach then turned to Gage and exclaimed, “Cool! I wanted a brother, but Mommy said I couldn’t have one.” He said it like it was as easy as buying one at the store.
Zach might have had a younger brother if things with April had worked out differently. Then again, there would be much more to argue with her over. Squeezing his shoulder to catch his attention, Noelle told Zach lightly, “You have a cousin. And that’s almost as good as having a brother.”
“Is there a baby in your tummy?” Zach blurted.
Noelle chuckled. Crouching down beside him, Pierce said, “Yep. Looks like you’re going to have another cousin soon. This one is a girl.”
Zach’s face scrunched up. “Eeww.” Looking up at Noelle again, he asked, “How did the baby get in there?”
Pierce straightened, sporting a huge grin. “I’ll let your dad explain that to you.”
Gage shook his head in exasperation and with monumental effort, clamped his mouth shut.
Pierce noticed and asked, “Something bothering you, little brother?”
“Nope,” he muttered, ignoring him and turning to Noelle.
“Where’s Caleb?”
“He’s feeding the dog.” She took Zach’s hand and led him toward the kitchen. “Come on. I bet you’ll like our dog. She’s a chocolate lab named Midnight.”
“Very original,” Gage said drily.
Noelle shrugged. “Caleb named her.” Gage watched Zach go with apprehension, wondering if he’d be okay here with people he didn’t know. Added to the fact that Gage would pick him up late tonight when the Diamondbacks’ game was over and then bring Zach back here early tomorrow before the midday game, he wondered if this was such a good idea after all. Yet what else could he have done? He hadn’t volunteered for this weekend duty.
Pierce’s voice brought him back to attention. “Cute kid. Doesn’t look like you, though.”
Gage’s eyes narrowed. He was well aware of the fact that Zach favored his mother with his blond hair and blue eyes. “Look, I get the fact that you disapprove of my lifestyle and maybe I haven’t made the best choices through the years, but don’t think for one minute that I’m going to let you drag Zach into this. He already has enough to deal with. So I’d appreciate you keeping your comments to yourself.”
Pierce held up his hands in surrender. “Wait a minute. I’m not trying to pick a fight—”
“Well, it seems like it.”
“Believe it or not, I realize that things weren’t going well for you with April. But we would have rallied around you had we been given the opportunity. And to not know about you having a son really hurts, man. We used to be close.”
Gage’s eyes shut tightly as the memories collided inside his brain—the accusations and constant yelling. What good was a marriage when neit
her partner could stand to be in the same room with the other? Had it ever been good with April? Except for their elopement and honeymoon in Las Vegas when they were blissfully beyond worries (and common sense), once they’d sobered up, the futility of their marriage had come crashing in on them. “Some things are better left in the past. I was just trying to cope.” Gage swallowed hard and looked away.
He felt a hand on his shoulder. Finally meeting Pierce’s gaze, Gage was startled to see remorse in his eyes. “Sorry, Gage. I wish I had been there for you.”
He smiled to lighten the mood. “You and Noelle had just gotten married. I thought I had found someone to share my hopes and dreams with too. Just because April wasn’t the woman I thought she was didn’t mean that I wanted to advertise it to the rest of the family.”
Studying Gage closely, Pierce said, “If I’m not mistaken, you’re still not over her.”
Gage opened his mouth to protest. He was definitely over April. But the failure of his marriage was another matter. “I’m all right,” he stammered. “I have a few things to work out, but life is good.”
“Life could be even better with help.” Pierce paused. “Ours and the Lord’s.”
Not this same discussion again. How many times had he told his family members that he wasn’t interested in talking about this? Gage shook his head. “Thanks, anyway.”
“Gage.” Pierce’s voice was stern. Gage looked at him sharply. “Come to church with us. You might find that you’ve actually missed it after all this time.”
He laughed humorlessly. “Really, Pierce? Who would want me there after all I’ve done?”
Slowly, Pierce’s eyebrows untangled themselves as he met Gage’s eyes squarely. “We would.”
Abruptly, Gage turned and headed toward the door. “I’d better get to work. Thanks again for taking care of Zach. Call me if something comes up.”
“He’ll be fine. It’s you I’m not so sure about.”
Gage whirled on him with a force that shook him. “Stop acting like you have all the answers. Going to church might make you feel like you’re some sort of saint, but I’ve had it with your self-righteous attitude.”
“Come on, Gage. I wasn’t—“
But Gage didn’t wait long enough to find out what Pierce was refuting. He slammed the door behind him and stalked off to his car. Turning the ignition, he gunned the engine and tore out of the driveway.
The only problem was, while he could outrun his brother, he couldn’t outrun his tumultuous thoughts or ignore the jagged ripping of his heart. He had learned early in life that things rarely turned out the way he wanted them to. He’d grown up singing “I Love to See the Temple” and “Families Are Forever.” He’d loved and trusted his parents until he gradually became aware of their arguments behind closed doors. When Gage’s mom faithfully attended church week after week without his dad and he realized that their marriage was just a sham, he’d tried to fill the emptiness he felt inside with parties and beer.
The sheer heartache of it all came crashing down on him as he drove into Phoenix. When his parents’ divorce became final, Gage knew that he could never go back to being that pre-missionary teenager believing in eternal families. Nothing anybody said or did could have altered the chain of events that occurred like a stack of dominoes falling. He’d crossed over an invisible line, wearing his devil-may-care attitude like protective armor.
Arriving at Chase Field, Gage parked the car in the garage there and took several deep breaths. It wouldn’t be wise to go in breathing fire. Moments later, feeling reasonably calmer, he entered his office. Sitting at his desk and pulling up his email, Gage ran a hand through his hair before the thought hit him.
Families were nice to belong to but not always easy to get along with. And that was the crux of the problem.
The next day in church, Valerie shushed her children, sending them a stern look. “Justin won’t share the crayons.” Whitney’s long-suffering sigh prompted Valerie to suggest that she look at a book instead. “No. I want to color!”
“Whitney!” This came out in the loudest whisper that she dared. “Please cooperate. Give him a turn first, and when he’s finished, you can use them.” Justin was still in the everything-is-mine mode that most children had outgrown by this age. Valerie figured they needed to be patient with him a little longer. In time, he would outgrow it, too, she hoped.
When Whitney’s mouth tightened and her brows scrunched together dramatically, Valerie resisted the urge to roll her eyes at her daughter’s antics. “Why does he always get what he wants?” she demanded.
Surprised by the venom in her daughter’s voice, Valerie placed her hand on her shoulder. “You make a lot of concessions for your brother and I appreciate it. Now Uncle Kurt is almost ready to bless little Hope. You can help me to keep Justin quiet by being happy.”
They were visiting her brother and sister-in-law’s ward in Queen Creek, a large community that had mushroomed in the farmland southeast of Mesa and Gilbert in the last decade or so. Whitney frowned at Valerie but opened her book. Valerie sighed in relief just as her brother Kurt stood with his infant daughter, who looked like a little angel in her billowy white gown, and made his way to the front of the chapel.
Justin looked up as the blessing concluded and Kurt walked proudly back to his little family. “There’s Hope!” he blurted loudly. “Hi, Hope!” He stood on the bench and waved his arm back and forth, causing Valerie to freeze. Feeling others’ eyes on her and Justin, she forced herself to remain still. This was nothing new. Her own ward members were used to Justin’s outbursts by now. The silver lining on this particular cloud was the unlikelihood of her seeing these people again.
Valerie’s younger brother, Luke, and his wife were also there with their children from Texas. “Hi, Val,” Luke said jovially after the closing prayer. “How’s it going?”
“Good. I’m glad you could make it.”
“Uncle Luke! Guess what?” Whitney smiled up at him, her amber-colored locks swaying when she hugged him.
“What, squirt?”
“Mommy said we could go to the beach this summer if we saved enough money, and we now almost have enough to go!”
“You’re not going to come see us?” Luke’s teasing eyes held hers for another second, then focused on Valerie. “I’m hurt.”
Valerie chuckled. “We’re actually going the other direction,” Valerie replied. “To California.”
“Disneyland too?”
She hesitated. Taking her kids to Disneyland was something she’d always wanted to do, but Valerie could never afford it. Not only that, she didn’t even want to attempt it alone with Justin’s unpredictable behavior. His tendency to storm off without warning when he became upset at insignificant things meant she had to always be alert. “Not this time. But we’ll still have fun doing other things.”
“You work hard, sis. You deserve a vacation.”
Her smile was fleeting. “Thanks.” She had spent this year scrimping and saving every penny she had earned from working as a waitress to plan something fun for her kids.
The Levingtons, who were a close-knit clan, gathered around to take a few pictures of Kurt and his wife with their darling daughters. Two-year-old Sonja seemed to be enamored by her baby sister, Hope.
Two parents, two babies. All appeared right in their world. Remembering when she had posed for the camera after Justin’s baby blessing, Valerie couldn’t help but compare the happy couple before her to her own troubled marriage. Until that point, Valerie had ignored the misgivings that had pervaded her marital bliss. Justin’s arrival had upset the precarious balance on that scale.
She turned away to hide her melancholy and came face-to-face with Pierce Logan. As distracted with her kids as she’d been during sacrament meeting, Valerie had only glanced at him as he approached the priesthood circle for Hope’s blessing. Now she realized that Pierce and his wife looked like the perfect little family with their two boys.
“Oh, hi, Valerie. How
are you?”
“Fine, thanks. How are you?”
“Good.” He smiled. “This is my wife, Noelle. Sweetheart, this is Valerie Levington, Kurt’s sister.” An awkward pause followed. “I’m sorry. I don’t know your married name.”
“Hall,” she supplied. “And this is my son, Justin. My daughter is around here somewhere. Probably with her cousins.”
“No husband?”
Why did it still hurt to hear it that way? “No. I’m divorced.”
“Oh.”
Oh, yeah, that was why. As soon as she said the word divorced, the person she was talking to suddenly clammed up, leaving Valerie feeling like she was some sort of misfit.
To Pierce’s credit, he offered, “I’m sorry to hear that.”
She smiled to cover her discomfort. “So you have two little boys?” And a third one on the way, from what it looked like. Valerie unsuccessfully fought the encroaching feeling of envy. She’d always wanted a large family, maybe not as large as her parents’ but definitely more than two.
“No, actually. This is our son, Caleb, and our nephew, Zach,” Noelle said, indicating each one in turn.
Pierce and Noelle’s son looked to be about three years old and had his father’s dark eyes and delightful dimples. Zach was blond and blue-eyed and looked like he would fit right in with the four-year-olds she taught in Primary.
“You remember Gage, right?” Pierce asked. “We’re watching his son for him today.”
Valerie gave Zach a second look. “Really? He doesn’t look much like him.”
“He takes after his mother, Gage’s ex-wife. Drop-dead gorgeous but nothing underneath.”
“So he married her after all,” she murmured to herself, remembering her doubt and how she’d practically ran away from Gage at the store.
“Excuse me?”
“Oh, it’s nothing.” Valerie’s cheeks burned as she came out of her trance. “I wasn’t sure if . . . well, when Gage mentioned his custody issue with his son, I wondered . . . about her,” she finished lamely.
The Matchup Page 5
