Gage felt like his stomach had dropped to the ground. He couldn’t believe it. April was gone? His ex-wife? The mother of his son? He couldn’t help but think of their last phone call and all the rude things he’d said. He could never take it back now. . . . “I’ll hold on to Zach for now,” he said hoarsely.
“We’ll let you know when we find out more information,” Keith said, his voice still filled with anguish. “The police did tell us that an autopsy has been scheduled. Witnesses testified that their car didn’t slow down even in the swirling dust. They rammed another vehicle from behind.”
Gage groaned at the mental image of Keith’s description. Oh, April, his heart cried. Why? Had it been a result of inebriation or a simple lack of clear vision?
Then another thought struck just as forcefully. How was he going to tell Zach that his mother was dead? His heart beat an uneven pattern as he approached Zach, who was stuffing his toy cars into his backpack. His world was about to change drastically. And Gage was the lucky guy who had to break the news to the poor kid.
After asking Keith to keep him posted, Gage ended the call. It was going to be a heck of a day.
Two days later, Gage and Zach headed to Tucson to retrieve Zach’s belongings. Having taken a week’s worth of vacation time to be there for Zach, Gage decided that Zach needed to see his grandparents and they needed to see him.
April’s funeral was scheduled for Friday. Exhausted from the sleepless nights of holding and comforting his distraught son, Gage reassured Zach that he loved him and that his mother loved and missed him too.
Sarah and Jared both expressed their condolences and pledged their support when Gage shared the news over the phone. Gage thanked them and told them that his first concern at the moment was his son. He wanted to make the transition from living with his mother to living with him as smooth as possible.
“Mommy’s in heaven now, right?” Zach asked Gage. “That’s what Grandma told me on the phone.”
Gage hesitated, knowing that it was a little more complicated than that. But how to tell a four-year-old the intricacies of the afterlife, especially when he himself wasn’t even sure about all of it anymore?
If the goal was to live with Heavenly Father again, then Gage wasn’t feeling so sure about April’s chances.
And what about him? What was going to happen to him after he died? He grunted impatiently, mad at himself for getting worked up over it. He hadn’t given much thought for his salvation in a very long time, so why start now? Suppositions were totally useless in the real world.
Zach ran straight into his grandmother’s arms as soon as his feet hit the ground. Gage watched Madeline Westbrook stoop down to hug him for all she was worth, a bittersweet feeling enveloping him at the sight of their reunion. If Gage was being honest with himself, he’d admit that he was a little jealous of their loving relationship. He wanted Zach to feel that way about him someday.
Gage approached them slowly, lamenting their red eyes and long faces. “She’s dead,” Madeline whispered as she gathered Gage into her embrace. “I can’t believe my precious girl is gone.”
“I’m sorry.” His words felt inadequate, yet Gage could offer no more consolation than that.
He looked past her shoulder to see Keith wiping a tear from his eyes. “We did everything we could to get her to change her ways. We tried to make her understand that she was ruining her life, but she wouldn’t listen to us.”
April hadn’t listened to him, either. What good did it do to be incredibly beautiful and have lots of money if you didn’t use those gifts in the right way?
April’s funeral was held at a non-denominational church in Oro Valley near Tucson. Gage helped Zach into a suit that he’d purchased at the mall. Zach had been silent for the past three days, crying quietly at unexpected times. Gage hurt for the little boy, but his detachment to April made it nearly impossible for him to keep his impatience with Zach’s sorrow in check. Gage had to remind himself that it was all right for Zach to grieve for his mother, even if he couldn’t do it.
After parking his car outside the church and leaning on the steering wheel, memories of April’s smiling face assaulted him. She really had been a stunning woman. But she’d been heartless and deceitful too. He wasn’t sure how he was going to endure sitting through her funeral. He certainly didn’t want to listen to her family members carry on about what a wonderful person she’d been. He was still mad at her for all the heartache she’d caused him, but somehow it didn’t feel right to condemn a dead person.
Gage did a double take when he and Zach walked up to the church building. His parents and their spouses, Craig and Marissa, and Pierce and Noelle were all waiting for him on the front lawn. With a lighter heart, he squeezed Zach’s shoulder. “Look, Zach. Remember Uncle Pierce and Aunt Noelle?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, there they are with your Uncle Craig and Aunt Marissa and your other grandparents,” he said, gesturing toward them. “Come on.”
Upon approaching them, Gage shook his head in disbelief. “Hey, y’all,” he intoned for the benefit of his stepmother, Tamara, who hailed from North Carolina. She sent him a wide grin in return. “I can’t believe you’re all here.”
“We wanted to be here for you, Gage. You shouldn’t have to go through this alone.” His father, Jared Logan, stepped forward and embraced his youngest son. It still felt strange to give his dad a hug. It was ironic, really, that Gage hadn’t been able to help bring his dad back into the Church when he was preparing for his mission. Then his dad suddenly turned a new leaf, embracing the gospel again after Gage had discarded it. He knew that his father’s marriage to Tamara had a lot to do with the change.
“Thanks, Dad.”
Hugging his dad was just a precursor to the gigantic one he knew he’d have to endure from Tamara. “Hello, sugar.” He braced himself before she nearly squeezed the breath out of him. Just when he thought he might pass out, she let go. “Gage, we haven’t seen you for so long. You’re looking a little run-down, honey. Is there anything we can do to help?”
Mustering every ounce of strength he had left, he flashed her a brilliant smile. “Now that you’re all here, I’m doing much better.” Turning to Zach, who was looking at this bunch of people like the strangers they were, he said, “I want you all to meet my son, Zach.” Lifting him up, he introduced him to each of his parents and their spouses, followed by Craig and Marissa. Zach looked at Gage in awe. “You have two brothers?”
“Yep.” He nodded. “Uncle Craig is the oldest.”
“And the smartest,” Craig quipped.
“And the best looking, although your dad comes in a close second,” Marissa put in with a wink. Craig shared a loving smile with his wife, ignoring Pierce’s good-natured protest. In that moment, Gage knew that he’d never felt that kind of connection with April and wished that he could find a woman who was meant just for him, one whom he could laugh with and share his dreams with.
The group headed inside and Gage reluctantly pulled Zach away from his family to take him to April’s parents.
To say that the funeral service for April Westbrook Logan was very different than any funeral Gage had ever attended was a huge understatement. The minister prayed for her soul but spoke very little of an afterlife. “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust . . .” Was this all there was to look forward to? Surely God in all His glory had prepared a better place for His children after this life. As choices went, April had made several stupid ones. But surely all was not lost, especially since April had never received the gospel message, thanks to him.
What am I thinking? Gage asked himself silently. He’d already decided that he didn’t believe in that nonsense anymore.
How can you be sure? He’d asked his mother that question just last week right before all of this headache began. Her answer came back to him. The Lord still loved me. He never left me alone.
But how could any person know with certainty, with an undying conviction?
Just
then, a soft whisper came to his heart. You know it’s true.
Tuning out the words of the minister’s misguided sermon, Gage’s mind went back to the first time he’d read the account of Alma the Younger as a teenager. His chest had felt like it was on fire. Tears had come to his eyes and he knew that Alma had relied on the mercy of Christ, knowing without a doubt that his sins had been forgiven.
Last Sunday, his mother had told him that he knew the gospel backward and forward but no longer felt the Spirit. Maybe she was right.
Maybe the Holy Ghost was speaking to him right now.
And maybe it was time to listen.
Standing next to her husband, Eric, on the grass outside the church building, Sarah Nielsen watched her ex-husband exit the building with his wife, Tamara. She bore no ill feelings toward him. Hers and Jared’s lives had turned out surprisingly well after the trials they’d gone through during their twenty-five years of marriage. Still, she felt a pang for causing their sons to suffer. Craig and Pierce had recovered well with the help of their beautiful wives. But who did Gage have?
She squeezed Eric’s arm. “I need to talk to Jared for a moment.” Eric smiled at her. She really was fortunate to have found such a wonderful man.
Sarah’s palms became damp as she approached the happy couple. Although she had no qualms about talking to her ex-husband, talking to his wife always put her on edge. Shrugging off her discomfort, she lightly touched Tamara’s shoulder. “Do you mind if I steal a moment of Jared’s time? There is something we need to discuss.”
Looking mildly surprised, Tamara glanced at her husband, whose brows knitted together. “Not at all, sugar,” she said in her Southern drawl, her drawn features conveying her curiosity.
“Thank you.” Without looking to see if he followed, she walked to a nearby tree. Jared joined her shortly.
“What’s this about, Sarah?”
Sarah scrutinized her ex-husband’s face, unsure of what exactly she was searching for. The pride he’d carried like a shield for so long was gone. Deeper lines had appeared on his face, perhaps etched in time by the tremendous stress of his job through the years. When he’d lost his business, he’d had to build a new one along with a new relationship with his sons. He’d made a valiant effort. However, Sarah’s conversation with Gage the other night confirmed her suspicions that all was not right between Jared and their youngest son.
“I talked to Gage a few nights ago after meeting Zach for the first time. He was more open with me than he’s been in a very long time. I suspect it was due to the stress he has experienced lately. He’s finally starting to realize that he needs help.”
Noting a bit of impatience on Jared’s face, Sarah came right to the point.
“Gage is still hurting, Jared. He told me himself that he regrets all the wild things he’s done. But he also mentioned the time when he received his mission call. He remembers you pushing him away when he was learning so much about the gospel. I could be wrong, but Gage made it sound like your negative reaction cut more deeply than he first let on.”
A look of remorse replaced Jared’s impatience. “I was harsh with him, wasn’t I? Why didn’t he say something to me?”
“I don’t know. You might want to talk to him about it.”
He nodded thoughtfully. “I will.”
She smiled wanly. “Thank you. I’m worried about him, Jared. I think he knows what he’s missing by staying away from the Church and us, but he’s afraid to come back.”
“It’s hard to take the first step.” Jared Logan, with his coal-black eyes and chiseled face, was still a handsome man. She’d known that she couldn’t make any demands. However, she wanted to make sure that he understood her concern. If the pained expression on his face was any indication, he did.
“So what did you think of that sermon?” Pierce asked Gage as they left the church grounds.
Gage grimaced, glancing back to where he had left Zach standing with his grandparents, who would keep him for the next week. “It was . . . different. Kind of missed the mark, didn’t it?”
“By a mile,” Pierce replied, shrugging. “Then again, I learned from my mission that there are a lot of people out there who believe that this is the end.”
“Then what gives them hope for the next life?”
“I have yet to figure that one out, bro.” He regarded Gage thoughtfully. “Now that you’ll have Zach full-time, are you going to raise him to believe there’s nothing to look forward to?”
“No.” Gage looked down at the ground and then back up at him. “But if you’re asking if I’m ready to take him to the LDS Church, I’m not sure about that, either.” That was as close as he’d come to admitting that he’d had an epiphany a few moments ago.
“Who’s going to take care of him while you’re at work?” Pierce asked. “If you’re planning on asking Noelle, the answer is no.”
Gage shook his head in consternation. His actions of late might not have been stellar, but even he knew that Noelle was not a candidate for the position. “I haven’t had much time to think about this problem. Zach will be staying with April’s parents for a week or so until I can make arrangements for full-time care.”
“As in day care?”
Gage nodded. “At least part of the time.” But he wasn’t sure how that would work with his crazy schedule. And deep down, he knew that day care wasn’t the right answer. Gage wanted to find someone who could give his son the care he really needed. Sure, Zach’s teachers at day care might praise and encourage him. But Zach needed a motherly type who would speak to him softly in place of April’s shrill voice. A woman who would take the time to really listen to him.
“Wait a minute!” he exclaimed, snapping his fingers. “Would you be willing to get Valerie Hall’s phone number from Kurt?”
Pierce quickly connected the dots. “You want to ask Valerie to babysit Zach?”
Brother and Sister Levington had mentioned that Valerie was struggling financially. This might be a deal both of them needed. “It’s worth a try.”
“She already has a job. And she’s a single parent. What makes you think she’d want to take on your little squirt?” Pierce grinned to soften his words.
“Maybe if I offer her more money than she’s earning now, she’ll agree.”
“What about her autistic son? Do you think Zach can handle being around him?”
“Zach dealt with an incompetent mother for the first four years of his life. He’s sensitive to others who aren’t fully capable of handling themselves. I think he’ll be fine with Justin.”
Pierce pulled his phone out of his pocket. “It might work. I’ll call Kurt right now.”
“Thanks, Chloe. I sure am glad my kids have a good place to go to every day after school. See you tomorrow.”
“You’re welcome. Take it easy, sister. You look beat.”
Valerie nodded wearily. Chloe had her pegged. Waitressing wasn’t a fun job. Most days, Valerie was able to placate her customers with an easy-going smile and cheerful word. But today, she was weighed down with decisions that needed to be made soon.
Justin’s preschool teacher was preparing the necessary paperwork for Justin’s next IEP meeting and needed to know Valerie’s decision on where to place him for the next school year. On the one hand, Justin was in a good situation where he was but Valerie wanted him to progress at the same rate as other kids his age, although that would entail finding a teacher who would minimize his tantrums through patience and understanding and allow him to work at his own pace. Teachers like this were rare gems. Valerie had been praying for a decision.
Once in the car, Whitney piped up, “Mom, I’m so glad that summer is almost here. I’m tired of school.”
“I’m thankful too, sweetie.” Though how she was going to manage to work with them being home was a mystery. Last summer, Valerie’s mom had filled in as much as she could because there was no way that Valerie could afford full-time child care. But now her time was largely spent on her new calling
as the Relief Society president in her ward.
Forty-five minutes later, the phone was ringing as she walked inside from the backyard. Her arms were laden with zucchini squash, red ripe tomatoes, and green peppers from the garden for the salad she’d decided would go nicely with her chicken casserole. In this regard, Valerie was a lot like her grandmother, Molly Skylar, whose gardening talents rivaled that of a pro. Because the extreme heat of central Arizona’s summers zapped the plants in early summer, Valerie had planted her “summer” garden in a raised bed of soil in early February. The tomato vines were already showing signs of heat-related stress.
Dumping the vegetables on the nearest countertop, Valerie answered on the third ring. “Hello?”
A deep male voice greeted her, sending shivers up her arm. “Hey, Valerie. This is Gage Logan. How are you?”
“Gage?” she asked, wondering why he would be calling her and how he’d gotten her number. “I’m fine. And you?”
A pause followed before Gage admitted, “Things haven’t been going so great lately. I hope you don’t mind that I got your number through Kurt. I have a dilemma—a business proposition, really—that I’m hoping you might consider.”
That sounded intriguing. What could Gage possibly need from her? It wasn’t like Valerie had had a chance to develop many business skills through the years. “I’m listening.”
“I would rather explain it in person. Would you mind if I dropped by your place in a little while?”
Mentally, she reviewed the condition of the house. If the three of them quickly picked up the toys in the living room, they could make it look presentable. And she had plenty of food to share. That wasn’t the problem.
The problem was that Gage Logan had a habit of making her feel nervous. And the other problem was that Valerie almost never invited company over. She’d learned from past experience that outside influences were better off left . . . well, outside, as far as Justin was concerned.
The Matchup Page 8
