What he saw tore his heart in half. Her chin quivered with the effort of holding her tears back.
“Valerie?” he said, coming closer to her.
Without a word, she left the room. Stunned, Gage watched her go. After making sure that the kids were okay and that their argument had been settled, he left them to find his wife.
Valerie heard the knob on the door turn before Gage entered their bedroom and came around the side of the bed. She’d fallen in love with the room the minute she’d laid eyes on it. The vases of flowers she placed around the room added a few feminine touches to the brown walls, stone fireplace, and walnut chest that sat at the foot of the bed. The French doors that were bursting with sunlight lent a warm and airy touch.
Now she sat on the red coverlet with her arms folded around her middle. She’d thought she’d recovered well enough from her emotional bout at church to convince herself that she was just fine. But when Zach introduced the topic of having more children, every ache, every longing for a normal life resurfaced.
Why hadn’t Heavenly Father given her the large family that she’d always wanted? Why was that plan right for someone else but not for her? The questions plagued her.
“Why?” she whispered.
“Why what?”
“So many people seem to get exactly what they want out of life. Are they more righteous than me?”
“‘Heavenly Father places each of us in the circumstances we need to learn and grow.’” When Valerie looked at him in surprise, he shrugged. “Bishop Ames said that to me the other day, just so you know.”
She chuckled, though it came out sounding more like a coughing fit. Well, Valerie thought, at least Gage had been listening.
Gage sat next to her on the bed. “What happened at church, Valerie?”
She flopped back, her hair splaying around her. Her lower legs dangled off the side. “It was nothing.”
He placed his hand over her knee. “Tell me what upset you, sweetheart.”
Gage listened patiently as she described her long-ago dream of having a large family and how, after putting that dream away, those feelings of longing had resurfaced as they sat next to the couple with the darling baby in church and as they watched little Ruthie nibble on her snack.
“I take it you were as shocked as I when Zach and Whitney expressed their hope for a new baby,” Gage said.
“I almost fainted on the spot!”
He lay down beside her and stared at the ceiling. “What are we going to do about it?”
“Nothing,” she said flatly.
Gage swallowed his disappointment, wondering if or when she’d ever be ready to face the obvious. After a few more minutes, he asked, “Are you sure this is what you want?”
“Absolutely.”
Yet her strangled voice said otherwise. “You’re afraid, sweetheart.” Gage held his breath, waiting for a tongue-lashing.
She didn’t disappoint him. “Gage, how can you even think of having another child when we’re struggling with the three we’ve got?”
“When I think of how lucky I am to be married to you and raise the three wonderful children we’ve been given, how can I not?”
“What makes you think that everything will be all right?”
“How do you know it won’t be?”
“Get real, Gage,” she mocked angrily. “The odds are against us for having a normal child.”
“I didn’t know you were a fortune teller, Valerie.”
“Even the best magician can’t make things perfect.”
“No, but I know who can,” Gage answered quietly. “Once upon a time, you told me that you believe Justin will be made perfect in the next life. We don’t have much control over what happens to us in this life. That’s our test, isn’t it? To learn to trust God?”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“It is when you really think about it. Heavenly Father will give us the kind of child He thinks is best for us. Likewise, we’ll be the kind of parents He thinks that child needs. Every kid has issues, Valerie. If it isn’t autism, then it’s something else. Whitney is dealing with being tossed back and forth like a tennis ball between two parents and Zach is dealing with having been rejected by his own mother before losing her altogether. The great thing about this is that we get to learn new parenting skills and techniques. And maybe even learn more about ourselves and our children in the process.”
“And come closer to the Lord,” she concluded, sounding somewhat in awe.
Gage hid a smile. She was catching on. “That too.”
Whether it was from hearing their discussion the day before or whether it came from his own conscience, Valerie would never know. But the next morning as the kids were getting ready for school and Gage was getting ready for work, Justin sat on the kitchen stool to eat his cereal after Valerie had called him in for the umpteenth time. “Mom, my brother and sister are waiting.”
Thinking nothing of Justin’s out-of-the-blue comment, Valerie poured milk into his bowl. “Well, of course they are, honey. Hurry and finish your breakfast so that we can take you to school.”
Justin’s face scrunched up impatiently. “No, Mom. Another brother and sister!”
Valerie paused. “What do you mean, Justin?” she asked gently.
“In heaven. They want to come.”
She set the milk down with a thud. “Are you sure about that?” she whispered, mentally shaking her head. Her inner voice was screaming, Not again! Please, no! Not again! She closed her eyes to quiet her anguished thoughts.
“Valerie?” Gage’s voice penetrated the train that was roaring through her head. Looking up, she saw him standing behind Justin, wearing a perplexed expression.
She cringed. “You heard?”
“Yeah.” He glanced quizzically from her to Justin and back again. “So what gives?”
“Um,” she hedged, knowing that she was going to sound like she had gone totally mental. “Justin has a knack for . . . well, let’s just say he’s very in tune with the Spirit. He actually told me that you would be his new dad before you asked me to marry you.”
“He did?” Gage’s eyes bulged.
I’ve rattled him, Valerie thought smugly as she watched him run his fingers through his hair. “I’m okay with the Lord using Justin as a conduit to His messages for us, but what I can’t understand is why.”
Gage teased, “Maybe it’s because his mother is such a skeptic.”
Great. Now he’d rattled her.
“Or maybe it’s an opportunity for us to show our son that he’s important, that we value what he tells us and that his ideas have merit, even when we don’t always understand him.”
Gage smiled. “I like your explanation a lot better.”
Valerie sat in the Mesa Temple, waiting for the next session to begin. She’d asked Chloe to watch Zach for a few hours. With everything that had been happening lately, she felt unsettled. She’d awoken this morning with a burning desire to attend the temple in the hope that she’d receive some inspiration regarding Gage’s job search and all this baby talk.
Now, as she prayed and listened to the prelude music, she was overcome by a feeling of peace. During a lull in the endowment session, Valerie’s mind wandered to inconsequential matters. Gradually, she became aware of an intensely warm sensation spreading throughout her, eliciting the feeling of joy. Recalling the last thing she’d been thinking about, Valerie realized that she’d been praying concerning whether or not she and Gage should have a baby. She was given a very distinct impression that there were two more spirits eagerly awaiting their chance to experience life here on earth. Valerie could hardly wait for the session to end so she could tell Gage.
Six months later
“Nervous?” Valerie couldn’t resist teasing Gage after watching his attempt to knot his tie for the third time.
“No. Incredibly excited.” Grinning wryly, he turned away from the mirror and walked toward his wife, enveloping her in a warm hug.
Inhaling his wonderfully spicy scent, Valerie tightened her hold and looked up into his handsome face. “I’m so happy, Gage. For you and us.”
Gage was now working as marketing director for the Arizona Office of Tourism. In addition to performing many of the same tasks he’d performed with the Diamondbacks, his job gave him the opportunity to help other government, public, and tribal entities to promote the terrific sights in Arizona.
Valerie pulled back slightly and placed his hand on her rounded belly. Once Valerie had told Gage about the prompting she’d received in the temple, they hadn’t wasted any time. Now they were expecting twins. Gage, who had missed out on seeing Zach on the ultrasound machine, had been thrilled at seeing their babies for the first time.
Zach was thrilled with the prospect of getting his heart’s wish for another brother and sister after being legally adopted by Valerie. He still visited his maternal grandparents and had even given them a Book of Mormon recently.
Today Zach would be sealed to Gage and Valerie. Gage’s eyes lit up as he pulled her to him for a kiss. “I love you, Valerie Logan,” he said with their foreheads touching. “More than you’ll ever know.”
“I love you too, Gage Logan. Everyday I’m grateful that you saw my worth when I didn’t see it myself.”
“I could say the same.”
“The Lord saw it in both of us before we did. He knew what He was doing when He helped us find each other again.”
The promise of brighter todays and better tomorrows was shining in his eyes. “He sure did!”
After I finished writing Pierced by Love, my mind started spinning with possibilities for Pierce’s younger brother, Gage. As I began plotting, memories from my daughter’s toddler years bombarded me, good and bad. My daughter is autistic, and even with the benefit of a very supportive husband, those years were exhausting! I initially dismissed these ideas. I didn’t want to revisit the past. It was too hard to do so.
But then an interesting thing happened. Those memories became sweet to me and the moment I finally realized that the Lord wanted me to deliver a message of hope to the many parents of autistic children who struggle each day was the moment I experienced a true feeling of peace.
My prayer is that this story inspires you, whether you’re a parent, grandparent, teacher, or friend of an autistic child, to look deeper into his or her heart, especially when that child may not be able to express his or her feelings clearly. We are children of God. He loves and cares about each of us.
Also, I want to express many thanks to those who helped me tell this story. The real-life experiences of my sister-in-law inspired the break-in scene. The second burglary occurred at Christmastime. When the family’s presents were torn into and destroyed, her husband’s coworkers stepped in to replace the stolen and damaged items. Goodness still exists in the hearts of many today!
I’m fortunate to have been tutored by some very talented authors from my writers’ group, Typeractive. Janette Rallison, Randy Lindsay, Brock Booher, Adrienne Quintana, R. C. Hancock, Stephen J. Stirling, and Marilee Jackson have taught me to write more effectively. Through them I have grown as an author and been able to (almost) overcome my plaguing overuse of adverbs. If you would like to sample an offering of their work, you can download a free anthology of short stories for your reading pleasure at https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/583279.
I also belong to a local chapter of the American Night Writers Association (ANWA) and have benefited from my writing sisters’ valuable insights on plotting and story structure. I thank authors Jennifer Stewart Griffith and Jennifer Bryce for their invaluable support. Jennifer Griffith has mentored me without complaint, helping me to navigate the confusing world of publishing, many times over.
I owe a huge debt of gratitude to Cedar Fort for allowing me a chance to share my stories with others. I appreciate their staff, especially my editor, Melissa J. Caldwell, for their hard work and upbeat attitudes. I’ve enjoyed working with them.
Most of all, I want to thank my family. My husband, Rob, and our six children are a source of inspiration in my life. I love you!
One more note of importance: Valerie’s mother, Brande, was named after Brande Brock, who won a bid in a charity auction for her name to be used as a character in The Matchup. This auction was held in connection to author Brock Booher’s launch party for his book, The Charity Chip, and benefited the House of Refuge, which is a faith-based non-profit organization located in Mesa, Arizona, that helps the homeless by providing transitional housing to families in need while at the same time helping them to become self-sufficient. You can find them at www.houseofrefuge.org. It was a pleasure to work with Brande. I hope that she will be pleased with my decision to cast her as a mother, which is one of my favorite roles in life!
How does Gage’s childhood affect his decisions in adulthood? What is at the core of Gage’s resistance to his family’s overtures of love? Is he right when he states that Valerie would never go for a guy like him?
Have you ever experienced a prolonged period of discouragement such as Valerie experiences in struggling to raise her autistic son? Who or what lifted you up in your time of need?
Gage learns that Valerie isn’t as unsympathetic to her children as she first appears. Name two or three examples that show Valerie’s compassion for her children. Name two or three examples that show her inner strength.
Do you think true love can grow from a childhood love/ hate relationship?
Did you enjoy reading Gage’s transition into active parenting? What examples have you seen of parents giving in to their children too easily? What examples have you seen of parents being too strict? What do you feel is a proper balance between the two?
Have you known someone who came back into full activity in the Church after being away for several years? What was his or her biggest fear and how did he or she overcome it?
Gage married April for all the wrong reasons. How might hastily made decisions lead us into a trap?
While it’s true that Gage was given an easy “out” in dealing with his ex-wife, real life rarely occurs that way. What are you willing to work hard for in your own life? How do you manage to work with difficult people?
Laura Walker’s first novel, Pierced by Love, was set in beautiful northern Arizona where she earned her bachelor degree in elementary education. Being a native Arizonan, Laura Walker and her husband, Rob, think it’s a great place to raise their six children. She and her family enjoy camping, swimming, reading, and learning history together.
© 2016 Laura L. Walker
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form whatsoever, whether by graphic, visual, electronic, film, microfilm, tape recording, or any other means, without prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief passages embodied in critical reviews and articles.
This is a work of fiction. The characters, names, incidents, places, and dialogue are products of the author’s imagination and are not to be construed as real. The opinions and views expressed herein belong solely to the author and do not necessarily represent the opinions or views of Cedar Fort, Inc. Permission for the use of sources, graphics, and photos is also solely the responsibility of the author.
ISBN 13: 978-1-4621-2568-5
Published by Bonneville Books, an imprint of Cedar Fort, Inc.
2373 W. 700 S., Springville, UT 84663
Distributed by Cedar Fort, Inc. www.cedarfort.com
Cover design by Michelle May
Cover design © 2016 Cedar Fort, Inc.
Edited and typeset by Melissa J. Caldwell
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The Matchup Page 22
