by Pinson, K.
“I’ll leave you alone. If you need me, please let me know. I’ll be right here in the hallway waiting for you.” She walks down the hallway a bit and leans up against the wall. She looks absolutely exhausted and I begin to feel bad about coaxing her into this. Reading my look, she nods her head reassuringly at me, ushering me to go inside. I give her a small smile and walk through the door, closing it quietly behind me.
I look down at the frail, strange figure lying in the hospital bed before me. IV’s hooked up to his arm and oxygen mask on his face, he looks nothing like the strong male presence I’m used to having in my daily life. He’s shattered physically with bruises littering his body and face. His hair is matted to his forehead and his face is puffy and swollen. The sight of him lying there this way instantly brings tears to my eyes. I bite down on my lip hard to keep from making a sound. I can taste the metallic bitterness of blood, but it doesn’t deter me from doing it. I don’t want to disturb him as he looks semi-peaceful in his resting state. I know it’s probably not possible to disturb someone in a coma but my common sense isn’t currently following suit with my heart. That’s not abnormal when it comes to this man lying before me. This man, my man, my everything.
I inch my way closer to his bed, taking care to step lightly. When I am close enough to see just how much damage there really is, I lose it. I’ve never seen him anything but strong. With the exception of him getting colds, he’s a big baby when he’s sick, this is by far the worst state I’ve ever witnessed him in. This person that lies before me looks like an unrecognizable shell of the man I’m in love with. I get down on my knees and place my head by his side. I grab his hand in mine and cry, pleading to whomever it would concern upstairs.
“Please, do not let me lose him. I’ll do anything, I swear it. Anything, oh god, anything. I need him. Abby needs him. I cannot live without him.” My voice came out, barely a whisper, even though I really wanted to be screaming from the top of my lungs. I couldn’t muster enough energy to do it, though; I was completely drained. There was absolutely nothing more I could do at this point, nothing besides hope that my prayers would be answered. I would never ask for another thing in my life if they were.
I talk to him like he’s still with me. I tell him I love him. I beg him to fight. I pray for an answer. Why us?
Chapter 2: The News
Faith’s POV
I roll myself on top of Tripp, peering down at him as a slight hint of dimple appears on his handsome face. I know that he wants to grin, but is trying to remain as stone faced as possible. It’s not very often that he shows his playful side, which makes me want to unearth it all the more. We are still very much “Bene-friends” with no title and I’m not going to be the one to ask for more. I am a stubborn, hard-headed female, that’s for sure and I won’t deny it if anyone asks. He’s gently caressing my bare back and sneakily leans up to lightly kiss my forehead. It always makes me smile when his façade’ comes crashing down, even if it is just for me.
His phone rings and he doesn’t hesitate to lightly push me off and grab it. Well, that wasn’t cool but I understand he has a business to run and all that. I didn’t have to work myself. I had a trust fund that Mother Dearest set up for me. No, I’m not being a bitch. She really makes me call her Mother Dearest, all formal. She’s classy, elegant and everything that I try not to be. I can’t complain too much about my upbringing. I mean, my parents didn’t pay much attention to me, but most of my friends would have loved that. They gave me anything I wanted and pretty much bought me off to keep me happy and out of their hair while they attended parties and went on business trips. The house keeper, Mae, was more like a Mother to me than anyone else.
Tripp quickly put his phone on speaker. He had an old cellphone and the ear piece didn’t quite work anymore so he had to always put it on speaker when he wanted to actually hear what the other person had to say and vice versa. I knew that Tripp had the money to get a new one, but I think he just doesn’t care. He never splurges on things he deems an unnecessary expense, with the exception of his truck which is baby and, of course, his studio. I heard Gabe’s somber voice fill the room. Tripp comes over to sit on the bed next to me while Gabe explains what’s going on. I outwardly gasped when Gabe mentions the accident and the details of Daxton and Abby. Tripp quickly hangs up the phone and flies instantly into action, throwing clothes and grabbing his wallet and keys. It wasn’t until he was about to rush out the door that he realized I hadn’t moved from where I sat. The only task I had completed was grabbing my own cell phone off of the night stand and staring at it, only to find no missed calls or texts. Two thoughts crossed my mind, Abby and Daxton were in such bad shape that Avalynn was a mess or she just didn’t bother to call me. Either way, a million different emotions left me rooted to the same spot for what felt like an eternity. Tripp calmly picked my clothes up off the floor and dressed me as if I were incapable. At the moment, I was.
Tripp brushes back my hair and makes work of throwing it into a pony tail holder; I’m not even sure where he found one. He ushers me to the car and drives us to the hospital with haste. When we arrive, he comes around to my side to let me out, grasping my hand as he goes. Tripp practically has to drag me forward. As much as I know that I need to be here and see what is going on, I am steaming mad at Avalynn. Maybe I’m misplacing my emotion. Truthfully, I’m more scared than anything. I’ve never had to deal with much tragedy in my life - most of the drama in my world is self-constructed. Attention seeking, as Mother Dearest would call it.
Tripp squeezes my hand firmly, showing me that he’s here and snapping me out of my reverie. He makes small circles with his thumb on top of my hand and I know he can tell I’m a bucket of nerves, even though I haven’t said as much out loud.
We finally make it inside the hospital and my knees feel like they could give way at any moment. Tripp asks the woman at the visitor’s desk what floor the emergency room is on. I hadn’t been paying much attention until I hear her giggling like a school girl. Tripp has that effect on women; he’s the bad boy you can’t bring home to your parents. Every woman wants her very own version to use and abuse, but only some of us have enough gall to admit it. I give her the death glare and pull Tripp to the elevator. My best friend’s fiancé and my favorite little girl were laid up in the hospital, God only knows how bad it is, and here this chick is, seriously giving my…well… my fuck buddy, for lack of a better term, googly eyes. Is this chick for real?
Tripp presses the button for our floor and gently drapes his arm around my shoulders, seeming almost cautious. My thoughts start running rampant and my heart’s pounding against my chest. Our best friends were in the hospital; my favorite little girl, practically a niece to me now, was in the ER. The news all hits me at once. I finally feel the reality of the situation and my knees buckle, all the weight that lay on my shoulders forcing pressure down upon them and I crumble. Tripp presses the emergency stop and pulls me up onto my feet and against his chest in one swift movement. I melt into his sinewy, rock hard body like butter, tears flowing effortlessly down my cheeks.
“PB, we’ll get through this okay? I’ve got you.” Tripp whispers against my cheek, where his face was taking up residence.
“PB?” I question. He has never called me that before.
He laughs gruffly and his deep voice resonates loudly throughout the elevator. “Pretty baby.”
My heart soars. This man does things to me that I would probably never feel again. He is so special to me that I almost don’t care; once in a lifetime was just enough to never want for more. Tripp pushes the button to start the elevator back up. We promptly arrive on our floor and when we stepped off of the elevator, he makes his way over to the desk, double checking the location of Daxton’s room. He takes me by the hand once more, leading me down the hallway. I feel like I am walking the green mile toward my death sentence, the whole area seeming dark and gloomy. When we arrived where we were supposed to be, Gram and Gabe stood beside the door, anxiously wa
iting to go in.
“She in there?” I asked and they all knew who I was referring to.
“Yeah, she’s been in there for a while. We don’t want to interrupt her time. She’s really torn apart - not any more so than the rest of us, but the difference is she isn’t dealing with it. She is numb and completely shutting us out. Abby is going to be released today, though. She is doing much better and only sustained minor injuries.” Gabe spoke to us in a clear, assured tone.
“And how is he?” I asked, my voice stuttering. I dreaded asking this question, hoping that I was imagining things to be a lot worse than they were.
“He’s beat to hell, but he’s been in worse predicaments. Ya’ll know Daxton. He’ll pull through.” Gabe sounded confident in his delivery, but his eyes had no sparkle to them like they normally did. I could tell that he was putting on a front for our sake and I commended him for it. I gave him a small pat on the back and a nod of my head to let him know I get what he is trying to tell us. Tripp hovers close behind me, rubbing small circles into my lower back; he seems extremely nervous which is very unlike him. He clears his throat loudly and begins to talk. I think he just needs to get words out before he breaks down.
“Yeah dudes, remember when he drank all of that Tequila and jumped off the shed that Gram has outside of her house, flapping his wings like he could fly. Broke his collarbone in two places and didn’t even bat an eyelash. He’ll be just fine.” Tripp laughs even though I can tell he is feeling so much more that he wouldn’t let out in front of everyone else. The silence was finally broken and we all sat around reminiscing until Ava finally emerges from the room.
Chapter 3: Starting Over
Krissi’s POV
Seeing him again felt exactly like I thought it would. His reaction to me was quite the opposite of what I imagined, however. He acts like I’m not good enough for him anymore. I don’t like that, not one bit. I’m definitely not trying to say that I don’t understand why he is so bitter towards me, because obviously I do. I fucked up, I know that - I’m woman enough to admit it. He wasn’t the only victim, though. It wasn’t like I went off on a whim and started fucking around. He had been fucking around long before me. I had no solid proof of that fact, but I just feel it… call it woman’s intuition. Of course, the women always get the “slut” role while the men come out smelling like a mother fucking rose. Typical cookie cutter bullshit. I’ve never fit into that mold. I’m a rebel I suppose.
When Daxton’s dad died, it was like he died right alongside of him. At least the version that I loved did. I tried to be there for him. I tried to be your stereotypical good girlfriend; it’s just not me, though. I’ve never hidden that fact from Daxton. Actually, I think he really loved that about me. He liked that I didn’t give him shit when he went out with the boys. He enjoyed the fact that I’d get down and dirty; wherever, whenever.
Don’t get me wrong, I relish in attention. I need to be wanted. I attempted to push that side of me away and be there for him; Daxton wouldn’t let me be his shoulder though. He chose other outlets for his grief. He sought numbness more than anything and I felt our relationship crash and burn before my eyes. I lost control over the situation and it fucking devastated me. I love to be in control. I have to be in control.
Truthfully didn’t expect to see Daxton doing so well. Yes, it’s been a couple of years, but still. He looked so devastatingly handsome; all of my old memories of us instantly came rushing back. He looks like the old Daxton, the one I had initially fallen for. When I walked up to him, I saw lust fill his eyes. Granted, it went as soon as it came but I saw it and can’t erase it from my memory. Daxton and I have always had undeniably good chemistry. He knows it and I know it. He thinks that I planned to hook up with Gabe but I didn’t. It just kind of happened and it’s one of the things in my life I’ll actually regret. Not that I don’t love Gabe... he’s a great guy.
Gabe and I had always been close, just in a different way. We all grew up together; we were rarely ever separated. When Gabe sought out comfort, I had every intention on keeping things on a friends-only level. Gabe was like the brother I’d never had; I was an only child and spoiled just like the stereotypes say.
When he started to spew his emotions out at me, I felt that need I was craving and went with it. He told me of his grief in losing his father, his worry for his brother, of course, and just plain loneliness in general and I ate that shit up. Things got out of hand. I had been denied so long by Daxton that I was in the midst of losing myself completely.
Gabe’s need for comfort turned into companionship, which ultimately led to the undoing of Daxton and I. Gabe is, and forever will be, a catch for some lucky girl, so please don’t get me wrong. He was easy for me to get lost in. He made feel like myself again, like I deserved pleasure. When Gabe buried himself inside of me, I temporarily felt whole again. The feeling was short lived though, like most of those guilty pleasures we seek.
After it was said and done, immense guilt consumed us both and we told Daxton the truth. I lost the love of my life that day, but, realistically, he had been lost for quite some time before then and I couldn’t do a damn thing about it.
Needless to say, that little interaction we just had sucked ass. I definitely don’t want a repeat of that anytime soon. I almost broke a heel trying to get out of there. I decided to park a little ways down the road and wait for him to leave. I really had every intention on visiting with Gram. It’d been ages since I’ve been able to go visit with her and even after Daxton and I had our falling out, she’s remained sweet to me. She’s really close with my family so it could just be out of consideration but I love her like she’s my own grandma either way. Daxton and Gabe pulled out and I watched them drive away. My heart was nearly beating out of my chest and I felt like a little kid doing something wrong. I was glad that they were getting along again. That was one of my biggest regrets, tearing the two of them apart.
I turned my engine on, pulled down the mirror to check my appearance and wiped the smudges of my mascara away. I admit it, I cried a bit. Daxton could slice a soul with his words when he wanted to. When he was being nice, he could make you melt. Quite the opposite when he was being mean, though. Words had always been his choice of weaponry and he was damn good with them.
I pulled back up the driveway and knocked on the door. I was slightly nervous when Gram opened the door, but she instantly enveloped me into her arms and I knew that everything was going to be okay. She knew that I wasn’t a bad person deep down. I was passionate, spoiled, and a bit of a bitch when I felt the need but still, that doesn’t make me a bad person. I know that people are going to think what they want regardless. So I appease them by being the bitch that I’m made out to be.
“It’s been awhile young lady. Why haven’t you come by to see me?” Gram asks with an expectant voice, her eyes never leaving my face. I can sense a bit of resentment behind her tone.
“I’m sorry. I’ve missed you. I don’t have any excuse, but I’m here now to visit for a while if you’ll have me?”
“Get in here Krissi,” she states firmly and I realize then how much I missed her voice. I’m far from perfect and she knows that but she takes me how I am. Daxton’s family has always accepted me as their own and that is definitely part of the appeal. I know that things went way off course, but I am hoping that by making amends with the family, Daxton will consider working on things with me. He’s what I want and I never realized how much I was missing out on until I went in search of other men. Nobody has ever been able to fully fulfill my needs and expectations like he could. I will have him. I’m determined and when I’m determined, nothing or nobody will ever get in my way - at least not without a fight.
The visit with Gram feels easy, it feels like home to me. I’m not sure how much time elapses, but I see Gram yawn so I take that as a sign and say goodbye. I walk through the front door and to my car with ease, the weight feeling completely lifted off of my shoulders. I sit in the driver’s seat and prepare to s
tart the engine when all hell breaks loose.
Gabe comes flying franticly into the driveway and up to the door. I watch as Gram opens the door and everything seems to go into slow motion. Gram slowly falls into Gabe’s arms and I rush out of my car to help. When I reach the porch, I hear bits and pieces, mainly of Daxton and an accident.
“What’s happened?” I ask loudly. Gram is looking up at us, obviously in shock. Nobody answers me. Gabe walks Gram to the car, allowing her weight to rest on him fully. He ushers her gently into the passenger seat and speeds off into the distance. I sit down on her front porch, put my head in my hands, and sob for the first time in ages.
Chapter 4: Numb
Avalynn’s POV
I only leave Daxton’s side when he has other visitors. His bandmates all come to the hospital, as well as Faith. The doctors thought it was best to limit the amount of visitors in the room to the bare minimum, not wanting to overwhelm Daxton if he does wake up. I am trying to be understanding, but every moment that I am unable to be in there with him is literally killing me.
Faith doesn’t say a word to me when she first sees me come out of Daxton’s room. She brushes right past me, following Tripp in to see Daxton. I have no clue what her problem is, but this was definitely not the time or the place to deal with it. The tears just won’t stop and I’m sure I look a hot mess, so I decide to make a break for it to the bathroom and take a breather. I am tired of people hugging me and giving their sympathies. Not that I don’t appreciate that they are here for us, but I am mad at myself and it makes me feel guiltier every time someone tries to make me seem like a victim. I just want Daxton to wake up, so we can go home and get back to our normal routine.
