“What is it, Cat?”
“I…” my eyes shot back to Scott. “I…nothing. It’s been a long day,” I murmured.
It sounded ludicrous, even in my own head. If Scott were somehow involved, then surely Liam would have some knowledge of what happened? NO, that was out of the question. After everything we’d been through, I had no doubts about Liam’s feelings toward me. Should I tell him about Scott? I silently shook my head and turned to gaze out the window at the Houston traffic. Liam would think I’d lost my mind. Scott was an old, trusted friend.
When we stepped off the elevator on our floor, the door to our suite opened. Liam’s father stood, holding the door for us.
“Dad, thanks for coming. It means a lot to me, and to Kelly,” he said, turning to me. I recovered my surprise as I held my hand out timidly to Liam’s father. He immediately reached out and pulled me into a hug.
“Ellen and I are so sorry about your sister. This has been a trying day for you, come in. We’ve ordered dinner already, and it’s waiting for you,” he murmured as he placed a kiss on my forehead.
“We?” I asked, stepping into the room. Ellen met us in the entrance to the suite, holding her arms out to me. I rushed into them.
“We’re here for you, Kelly. Anything you and Liam need,” she whispered, stroking my hair. I hadn’t felt a mother’s love in so long. I tightened my arms around her as I felt tears on her face. It was so foreign to me someone like Liam’s parents would be crying for my loss. I pulled away, suddenly embarrassed at my display. Wiping my tears from under my eyes, I cleared my throat and murmured, “I’m so sorry…it’s been a long day.”
“Kelly, there is nothing to be sorry for. You must be exhausted. Here, sit down and take your shoes off.”
“Where’s Masen?” I asked, remembering the baby.
“Little Masen just took a bottle and went down for a nap. The pediatrician just left. He is such a precious little boy,” Ellen said. Liam took my purse from me and carried it into the bedroom.
“Something smells good,” Liam said as he came back into the room.
“I ordered steaks, baked potatoes and salads, not knowing what everyone would want,” Ellen said. She urged me to sit at the table. “We waited so we could eat with you.”
“Thanks, Mom. This is great,” Liam told her as he pulled my chair out for me.
I picked at my food, drinking my tea, watching the television absent-mindedly. Liam’s father had the sound turned down, and when I glanced back at the screen again, I moaned.
“Oh, no…”
Liam put his fork down, and turned to see what I was watching. It was a picture on the local news, of Dana’s apartment building, complete with yellow tape and a body being loaded into an ambulance. It was parked next to Dana’s car in the parking lot.
“That’s her yellow car,” I whispered. Liam rose to turn the television off.
“I’m sorry. I should have turned it off,” Liam’s father apologized as I shook my head.
“No, it’s all right. Nothing should upset me after what I saw today,” I whispered, glancing back down at my food. My stomach turned over, remembering the smell of the morgue, Dana’s face, her neck covered in bruises, the fixed stare into space. Now that my adrenalin wasn’t pumping and the anger had left my body, the visions made me weak. I began to sway in my chair.
Without a word, I rose from my chair and darted for our bedroom. Once in the master bath, I knelt in front of the toilet, emptying the meager contents of my stomach in one heave. Liam was immediately at my side, pulling my hair back as I continued to heave. When my stomach finally relaxed, I sat back in the floor. Liam shut the lid on the bowl and grabbed a washrag to place on my forehead.
“Kel, I’m going to run you some bathwater. Just sit back here for a while…I’ll get your tea for you. I think the steak is a little much for your system right now. How about some chicken soup?” Liam urged. I shook my head.
“No, I couldn’t eat it,” I whispered. I pulled my knees into my chest and curled up on my side in the floor.
“I’ll be right back,” Liam assured me as he left the room. A few minutes later he returned with my tea and some pills.
“Here, Kel…Mom said the doctor left these for you, to help you sleep.” He handed me the pills, and I took them both without question. Anything to make me forget for a while was welcome. Liam disappeared into the bedroom and then returned, barefoot, wearing only his jeans.
“Liam, I’m fine…go and eat your dinner.” I murmured, finally making eye contact with him.
“I’m finished. And I already changed to get comfortable. Come on, let’s get you in the tub.”
He started to lift me, and I shook my head.
“No, I can walk.” As I stood, Liam unzipped my dress for me, and I dropped it to the floor, stepping out of it as he took it from me and placed it on a hanger. I watched every detail like it was in slow motion, methodically thought out. I realized when you’ve had such a shock as to lose someone close, such as a sister or parent, every minute seems painful, every task a monumental feat.
“Come on, Kel…get in,” Liam urged. I sank down in the water and then lay my head sideways on my knees, grasping them against my chest. Liam added some bath salts to the water, and then placed towels on the marble floor beside the tub. I heard him start the shower, and then he disappeared into it. Unaware of how much time had passed, I was startled when I felt him squeezing body wash on my back and lathering my torso with soap.
“Kel, look at me,” he whispered. I raised my eyes to look at him.
“You’re scaring me. I’m lost, I don’t know what to do for you,” he said, his voice breaking. “Tell me what to do for you, baby,” he murmured. I forced myself to focus on his face, willing myself to snap out of my daze. I nodded, and sat up and took a rag from him. After washing, I stood and wrapped a towel around myself and stepped from the tub. Liam disappeared into the bedroom, and I could hear him zipping and unzipping bags. When I entered the bedroom moments later, he’d opened my suitcase and left it on the bed. I donned a gown and robe, and then slipped between the sheets. I stirred slightly when I felt Liam slide in beside me hours later. Just as I was about to drift off again, I heard Masen stir in his crib.
I jumped from the bed and rushed to the crib, picking him up before he began to wail.
“Kel, I can do that,” Liam offered, sitting up in bed.
“No, I’ve got him,” I whispered, clutching him to me. It suddenly occurred to me, I’d never kept Masen before. I’d never kept any baby. I’d changed his diaper several times at Dana’s, thankfully, so I knew how to do that. After I had a dry diaper on him, I slipped out of our room into the living area of the suite. Searching through the mini-fridge, I found some bottles of formula mixed and ready to go. I popped one in the microwave and then turned. Liam’s father sat at the dining table, a reading lamp positioned over some papers.
”Sorry, I couldn’t sleep. Harris County social services sent this packet of papers over to be signed and notarized regarding Masen. I just thought I’d look them over for you,” he explained as I nodded. “I hope you don’t mind.”
“No, not at all. Thank you for that,” I whispered, juggling Masen on my shoulder. I took him and the warm bottle and sank down in a rocker that had mysteriously appeared in the living area.
“Liam had them bring it up; he thought you might need it,” his father explained as I nodded.
“It was very thoughtful of him.”
I’d only fed Masen a handful of times when visiting Dana, and I was amazed at how natural it all seemed. Rocking him gently, I hummed to him as he played with the bottle and then my hair. Before he’d finished all of it, he was fast asleep. I rose and crossed silently to put him back in his bed. Knowing I’d never be able to go back to sleep, I changed my mind and returned to the living room to cuddle with him on the couch.
Masen snuggled into my neck, making little baby noises. My heart ached with the overwhelming love I felt
for him. Then the realization hit me he was now my sole responsibility. I lived in a loft, for pity’s sake! Where would I put a baby? I lay awake, staring at Liam’s father’s shadow across the living room floor. Every now and then, the silence was broken by the sound of the papers turning on the table when he shuffled through them.
Thousands of questions ran through my mind. How would I pay for daycare on my salary? I didn’t even know how to go about finding day care. I would have to take a week of vacation to look for a smaller apartment, one I could afford on my own, possibly as far away as Round Rock. I’d just have to drive further to work every morning. My heart was suddenly racing, thinking about all of the hurdles I’d face. But all of that was nothing compared to the pain of losing Dana. I placed my lips on Masen’s head and shut my eyes.
“Kel? Baby, come back to bed,” Liam murmured in my ear. I jumped; Masen still lay curled on my chest in a little ball, sleeping soundly. “He’s sound asleep. Let me put him back in his crib,” Liam offered. Picking him up gently, Liam cradled him to his chest and reached for me with his other hand.
“Night, kids,” Davis called to us as Liam closed the bedroom door behind us. I was almost emotional again, thinking about how Liam’s parents had come immediately to my aid, his father taking charge of the legal side of things voluntarily.
I crawled into bed as Liam placed Masen gently down in the crib. He pressed a soft kiss on Masen’s cheek.
“I love you, Liam Covington,” I whispered. He curled his arm around me and pulled me into his chest. “Thank you for being here for me,” I continued.
“There isn’t anywhere else in the world I’d want to be right now, than here with you, Kel,” he answered back. He relaxed moments later, his chest rising and falling in a slow rhythm against my back, obviously in slumber. I held his hands tightly against my tummy, feeling safe in his arms, but wondering what my new status as mother would mean to our relationship. It was just one of the thousands of questions clouding my thoughts, keeping sleep at bay.
* * *
The next three days were a haze of fuzzy memories. After three more exhaustive sessions at the police station, two meetings with county officials regarding Masen’s custody, and two meetings with Liam’s family attorney, we were checking out of the hotel. Ellen had insisted she take me shopping for Masen as well as a dress for me to wear to Dana’s funeral, so now we were ready to make the drive south to Fredericksburg with Dana’s body. The burial plot beside Aunt Deb was empty, and it was the most appropriate place in my mind for Dana to rest. The pastor at Aunt Deb’s church was still in Fredericksburg, and he remembered Aunt Deb bringing Dana and me to church when we lived with her. It was a huge relief once the Coroner’s office had released her body. Everything just seemed to fall naturally into place.
I was still in a state of just existing when we arrived at the cemetery, so when I glanced up at the large gathering of people already there beside the plot, my mouth gaped open. I’d expected only a handful of people from my aunt’s church, because no one really knew Dana there. As Liam’s parents accompanied us between the rows of headstones, I recognized faces. Tana, Sunni and Jen stood holding hands, waiting for me in front. Other faces from our office in Austin were there as were Stuart, Lisa and Gabby. Ethan and Chelsea waited also, joining us when we walked closer. I’d never felt more overwhelmed. They were all here for me. For the first time in a couple of days, I broke down.
“Okay, Kelly…I’ve got you, tough girl. You can do this,” Liam whispered. He reached down and took Masen from my arms, holding him against his chest as he pulled me closer to his side.
The service was a bigger blur. I vaguely remembered the pastor saying some things about her short life, and how much Aunt Deb had loved us like her own daughters. Something else broke through the numb fog in my brain, about God’s plans for us, and how we aren’t meant to understand them, that acceptance was a part of our faith here on earth. He read the verses from the bible…From Ecclesiastes 3:4, I thought incredibly so, it was one of my aunts favorite passages…to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven…a time to be born, and a time to die…a time to weep, and a time to laugh, a time to mourn, and a time to dance. He mentioned the small child my sister left behind. Liam’s arms tightened around us, Masen dozing peacefully on my shoulder.
I hugged dozens of people after the brief service, my roommates, and friends from the office…even some kids who’d attended high school in Fredericksburg with Dana. I couldn’t believe how comforted I was to know so many other people cared about her, about us. Something clicked in my brain at that moment, making me feel as if my life and Dana’s hadn’t been so insignificant after all. I finally felt worthy of love, standing in that ancient German cemetery, surrounded by all of the Texas wildflowers.
Twenty-Five
I was so exhausted afterward, I fell asleep immediately on the drive back to Austin. I woke as Liam unstrapped Masen from his car seat.
“We’re home, Kel. Come on, Scott will bring our bags in.”
I followed Liam into the Four Seasons, suddenly wondering where we were going to put Masen. I decided on the elevator ride up a pallet beside the bed would have to suffice tonight, until I could go shopping tomorrow. A pack-n-play--that’s what Dana had called that thing the day we’d shopped at Goodwill. I could buy one of those and haul it back and forth between my apartment and Liam’s if needed.
A crib in the dining room of the suite stopped me in my tracks. Liam had already made arrangements for Masen. From the looks of it, he hadn’t simply ordered a fold-away from the hotel, but had arranged for someone to go shopping at a baby furniture store, because it looked like high-end expensive wood.
“Liam, when did you do this?” I whispered, watching while he placed Masen in the crib.
“I called Tana and asked her for another favor,” he replied as he straightened. “I knew we’d need it as soon as we got home, so I had her set it up. Home…Hmmm.” He looked around the hotel suite and shook his head, characteristically running his hand through his brown locks. “I’m sorry, I should have been more committed to looking for a house before now, a hotel room just isn’t right for you and little Masen. I thought maybe we could do some house hunting tomorrow and the next day, before we have to go back to work,” Liam said softly. My eyes snapped up at him. I knew I was in for a battle. But there was no way Liam Covington, the man I loved with all of my heart and soul, was going to marry me or re-arrange his life out of necessity. My pride and overwhelming love for him wouldn’t allow it. It just wasn’t right.
“Liam,” I began, shaking my head.
“Okay, Hellcat, I’m prepared for this. Before you start that crap about me feeling obligated and this isn’t what I need, I’ve got something to shut your sweet little stubborn mouth,” he stated, bounding out of the room. He hurried back mere moments later, clutching something in his hand.
“I’m just angry with myself I didn’t do this the right way, when I came back from Dallas. Remember, I told you I had a surprise for you. I should have dropped to one knee at your desk,” he declared, kneeling in front of me and flipping the red box open, revealing the largest diamond ring I’d ever seen up close.
“Liam,” I gasped.
“Don’t say it, Hellcat. I have the receipt in my pocket to prove to you I’d already bought the ring three days before we found out about your sister and that you were about to get custody of Masen. I’d already made an appointment to go house shopping before Dana died. This was already in the works. So you can’t say no because you think I’m only doing it for Masen. He only sweetens the deal for me.”
I was stunned. All of my arguments were suddenly silenced by this incredible man. This man knew me better than I knew myself. I forced myself to breathe. I hadn’t taken a breath since he’d sunk to his knees minutes before.
“Search that incredibly hard head for some point to argue. Come on, don’t disappoint me,” he said, grinning broadly, searching my eye
s.
I found my voice. “Liam Covington, you spent too much on that incredible diamond. A plain platinum band would have sufficed,” I breathed softly as he pulled me down on his knee. He took the diamond out of the box, and then slipped it on my finger. Flipping my hand over, he kissed my palm lovingly as I gazed down at him.
“Kelly Catherine Sanger, you’re the bravest, most beautiful, most determined woman I know. I have to have all of you. I want you to be mine, always. Will you please share the rest of your life with me?” Liam asked.
“Yes…yes, I will,” I whispered my reply, barely able to breathe as his mouth covered mine. Masen shifted in his crib, prompting Liam to break away to look at him.
“Masen, whether you like it or not, you’ve now got a daddy,” Liam called out toward him as he settled his little head back down on the mattress, totally unconcerned about what was transpiring across the room. Liam looked back down at me and wiped a tear sliding down my cheek. “You will let me legally adopt Masen?”
“Yes, of course,” I replied, the rather large lump in my throat threatening to cut off my air supply.
Texas Hellcat Page 29
