Go Long

by Joanna Blake

  I sat down on my bed and calmly decided what to do.

  I would leave. But not right away. I'd finish the semester. I'd find an apartment off campus for now, then at another school if I decided to transfer.

  I'd get a sitter for classes and go part time.

  I could do it. I could.

  I was mostly confident as I changed for bed. I wasn't hungry and dinner was burned anyway. I was just tired.

  It was the middle of the night when I heard the drill outside in the hallway. I leapt up and tried to open my door. It wouldn't budge.

  I ran to the window but I couldn't open that either. I stepped backwards in shock. I should have left last night. And now I couldn't. I was trapped.

  My father had locked me in.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Kyle

  The coach frowned on drinking during the season, but that didn't stop the guys from cutting loose now and then. I had a liver of steel anyway. But I didn't care about getting drunk most days.

  Today was not most days.

  I hadn't heard from Bellie in 72 hours. More than three days since I'd told her I loved her. Three days since I'd started looking for an engagement ring.

  Radio fucking silence.

  I guess I had my answer, I thought as I slung back another bourbon. Ben and Louis were holding up the bar with me.

  "So I guess you didn't ask her."

  I shook my head.

  "Can't ask her if I can't find her."

  That's when I felt the tap on my shoulder. I turned to see that groupie girl staring at me. The blond girl seemed to live in the damn place.

  "Hi honey. Great game last week."

  "Yeah, thanks."

  I rolled my eyes and turned back to my drink. Louis grinned at her, waving flirtatiously.

  "Hi Lindsay."

  She pouted, running her finger down my arm.

  "I want to talk to Kyle."

  He made a buzzing sound, making an 'X' with his meaty arms.

  "Sorry, Kyle can't come to his phone right now. But I'd be more than happy to take a message."

  I watched as Lindsay considered her options. Then she smiled and crooked her finger. Louis waved to us as she pulled him out of the bar.

  Ben shook his head.

  "I used to envy guys like that."

  I slapped his shoulder.

  "I don't envy him. I envy you."

  He laughed as I slung back my drink.

  "At least you know where your woman is."

  It was late, but I checked my phone anyway. And because I couldn't help myself, I pecked out another text. I was going out of my head with worry. And jealousy. And anger.

  Basically, I was a basket case.

  Dammit B where are you???

  I stared at the phone for another couple of minutes, willing it to beep. Then I went back to my drink to drown my sorrows. It was going to take a lot of booze to quiet the voices in my head, but I was willing to go the distance.

  Like I said, I wasn't a quitter.

  Belinda

  I stared at the wall, willing myself to think of a way out of this. I literally couldn't get out of my room, or tell anyone what was happening. I knew Kyle must be going out of his mind. But I couldn't do a thing about it. My parents hadn't just locked me in here. They'd taken my laptop and cell phone first.

  My meals were brought to me. My mother would not even look at my face when she brought the food, let alone speak to me. She just carried my tray in while my father stood in the hallway, blocking the door. Then when it was time for the next meal, she'd take the tray out again. Other than that, it was like I was completely shut off from the world.

  I knew they couldn't keep me in here forever, but it was starting to feel like they would. I was starting to run out of escape plans. Most of them involved bum rushing my mom when she opened the door but I didn't want to hurt her, or risk hurting the baby. I was out of ideas.

  So far, I'd only been allowed out to go to the bathroom. Sadly, that window was locked from the outside too. I'd stared at it sadly, wondering if I could use a flashlight to signal my neighbors with morse code.

  Unfortunately, I didn't know morse code.

  This was insanity. My own parents had kidnapped me. Put me on lockdown. In solitary confinement.

  Basically, they had gone off the rails. I could not see a way out of it, other than hand-to-hand combat with my own flesh and blood. I couldn't stay in here. I needed to see the ob/gyn. I needed prenatal vitamins.

  I needed air.

  There was no other way around it.

  I was going to have to make a run for it.

  Every night I heard them arguing. This morning too. My mother wanted to make the best out of the situation. My father was trying to calm down.

  They were both freaked out and upset and worried.

  But more than that, they were pissed.

  Well, so was I.

  I felt bad that they were upset, but they had no right to lock me up like this. This was my life. I had made my own mistake. I hadn't wanted a baby.

  But now I did.

  It might just be the hormones talking. Or the crazy way I felt about Kyle. But I wanted this baby, body and soul. I would do anything to protect it. I wanted Kyle too.

  That part was going to be a little trickier.

  I heard soft footsteps outside in the hallway. There was no other sound except my breathing. Then I heard it. It sounded like she was crying.

  "Mom? You have to let me out of here. Please mom."

  "Just tell him who the father is sweetheart. He'll let you out."

  "Mom. I can't. He'll kill him."

  Silence.

  "Do you love him?"

  I nodded, even though she couldn't hear me.

  "Yes. So help me god, I do."

  I heard the sound of the latches being undone. The doorknob turned and my mother stood there, with red eyes and swollen cheeks. She opened her arms. I ran into them.

  We stood in the hallway crying our eyes out.

  "Come on, let's get you packed. But Bellie?"

  I looked at her.

  "Don't tell me where you are going. I don't want to have to lie to your father."

  Chapter Sixteen

  Kyle

  "Man, Coach Carmichael is in a bad mood."

  We were talking low, under our breath as we waited our turn for yet another set of fucking drills. This was worse than try-outs. We hadn't stopped working at full blast since the first whistle blew. We were beat.

  "He's been like that all week. You just didn't get the extra drills till today. He was saving them all for second string."

  "Any idea why? I mean, we've been winning. He should be happy."

  Dennis nodded.

  "For realz."

  Louis was staring at us like he knew something we didn't know. I groaned, stretching my hammies.

  "Oh man, you didn't hear?"

  "His daughter, man."

  Louis was grinning as he leaned in. My stomach tightened painfully. Did this have something to do with Bellie?

  "What about her?"

  "He's not mad at us, it's her. She fucked up big time."

  He grinned stupidly at me. I had the sudden urge to wipe the grin off his face. Bellie was in trouble. Maybe that's why she hadn't called.

  "He just can't get his baby girl out here to do drills. So we get it. Shit runs downhill my friend."

  I was getting a bad feeling. A really, really bad feeling. Maybe she was hurt or sick.

  Maybe she needed me.

  "How do you know?"

  "I overheard him arguing with his wife on the phone. Sounded like his perfect little angel is knocked up. They have her caged up in the house under lock and key."

  "WHAT?"

  "Yeah, can you believe it? She's got a bun in the oven. That girl looks pristine. Totally untouched- not that she's not seriously fucking touchable. I mean have you see those ti- ow man that fuckin' hurts!"

  I stared at Louis, my fingers bitin
g into his arm. My lips were tight as I answered him.

  "Yes, I can believe it."

  It started to rain as I let go of Louis's arm. I looked around at the field, my mind racing.

  I was stunned. She'd lied to me about the pill. My perfect angel had been keeping secrets. And now she was in trouble because of it. But all of that was overshadowed by one, huge, amazing, mind-bending fact.

  Belinda was having my baby.

  I started to grin, the rain washing the mud off my face. Suddenly it felt like the sun came out, even though it was raining cats and dogs. I felt like doing the touchdown shuffle.

  I was gonna be a daddy.

  Belinda

  I rolled to the side, staring out the window into the darkness. I was lying on my back in my single sleeper room while the train rattled through the desert. It was a tiny bed that formed when the two seats were folded down flat. The porter had laid a mattress and two pillows on top of it after dinner. It was surprisingly comfortable, but I still couldn't seem to sleep.

  So far, the ride had been beautiful.

  Betsy had gotten my ticket for me and everything. All I had to do was call and she'd had me picked up and taken to the station. I'd walked out the door without a backward glance.

  For a space cadet, Bets was amazing under pressure.

  She was saving my life. My baby's life.

  Providing safe haven.

  I'd never taken a train over night, let alone over three nights. That's how long it took to get from California to Woodstock, New York. I'd been too nauseous for the bus, and it was too risky to fly at this stage of the pregnancy.

  So here I was. Riding the rails like they used to in the old days. I wasn't the only one traveling this way either. Older couples, a few young families, some young guys with beards who were traveling from Portland. Everyone was very friendly, wanting to chat. But I was too sad to take part in the social niceties.

  I rolled to my side, letting my eyes trace the edges of the dark trees as we rode past them. The country was bigger than I'd thought. I mean, I'd seen maps all my life but this was different. I guess you could only really see some of the wild and industrial parts of it this way, the desolate parts that were accessible only by train.

  It was strangely reassuring to me that these places still existed.

  Someone told me that tomorrow, we might see wild horses. Or bald eagles. And coyotes. I smiled, holding my pillow against my chest. Even with all the heartbreak and uncertainty, I wasn't alone.

  I had the life growing inside me. The life I would do anything to protect. The life I had made with Kyle.

  I was trying really hard not to think about him.

  He probably hated me.

  If I was him, I know that I would not be feeling very forgiving. I hadn't asked for any of this. But I should have told him. He fell in love with me under false pretenses.

  I had to let him know, if he didn't already.

  I'd buy a prepaid cell phone in Chicago during my layover. Then I would call him, let him know I was alright. The little voice inside me piped up. She sounded snarky.

  And say what Bellie?

  What exactly are you going to tell him?

  That you love him? Want to have a baby with him? Marry him?

  Because the last time I checked, he hadn't asked.

  I reached down towards my belly. It didn't matter. I was going to take care of this baby. I didn't need a man. I didn't need Kyle.

  Even though, deep in my heart, I wanted him.

  I stared out the window as the sky started to lighten. My eyes were wet but I didn't cry.

  I couldn't afford to cry.

  I knew that if I started, I might never stop.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Kyle

  I lifted my arm and brought it down hard, pounding on the door. The door opened and Belinda's mom stood there, staring at me. She looked like she'd been crying. That stopped my fury in its tracks.

  Mostly.

  "Kyle? What are you doing here?"

  I could see Coach come to stand behind her. My anger returned in an instant. He'd locked up my woman, dammit!

  "It's really not a good time Kyle..."

  I met his eyes and nodded. His face drained of color as he realized why I was here. Then he walked away.

  "Let the boy in."

  "Where is she?"

  "What? Who?"

  Coach had a beer in his hand. It was clearly not the first beer of the night. He wouldn't look at me as I followed him into the living room. His lips twisted into a bitter semblance of a smile.

  "Don't you get it Carol? He's the one."

  "Where is she?"

  "How could you do it Kyle? We brought you into our home! We trusted you!"

  I looked at Mrs. Carmichael with a slightly less belligerent look on my face.

  "I met her before I even knew you."

  I looked at Coach.

  "I love her."

  I barely flinched as the beer bottle went careening past my head. I turned to glare at Coach. He was furious.

  "You get the hell out of my house! You are off the team son! It's over!"

  I went toe-to-toe with him, refusing to back down. I wasn't surprised that I was off the team, but it still felt like a blow to my gut. I was here for her. And he was keeping her locked away from me!

  "I don't care! But you aren't keeping her locked up in here one more minute!"

  "GET OUT!"

  "NOT WITHOUT BELINDA!"

  Coach and I were bellowing in each other's faces like a couple of wild animals. He was about to hit me. I knew he wanted to. But he seemed to wilt suddenly and turn away.

  "We don't know where she is."

  He looked like he was collapsing in on himself. Mrs. C took my arm. She looked like she'd been through hell this past week. They both did.

  I probably looked like that too.

  "I'm sorry Kyle. You have to go now."

  "You really don't know where she is?"

  "No. I don't."

  She was about to shut the door when she thought better of it. She looked at me, her eyes pleading.

  "We shouldn't have locked her in. But she's our baby, you see?"

  I nodded. I didn't want to upset her. She looked like a pale reflection of herself. This wasn't her fault.

  It was mine.

  I sat in my car, my mind an utter blank. In the blink of an eye, I had lost everything. My girl. My child. My future.

  But that wasn't going to fucking cut it. I was a Marine. We didn't back down from a fight. Of course, I had to find her to fight for her. The other stuff sucked but I would handle it.

  I would start over at another school. I could do it. But I had to find her first.

  Because she was coming with me.

  Whether she wanted to or not.

  Belinda

  I checked the sleeperette again, making sure I had all of my meager belongings. I hadn't been able to bring much. Just my backpack and an overstuffed tote bag. My mom had shoved a couple of hundreds into my hand. Until I got to the bank in Chicago that was all the cash I had.

  The trip from Chicago had been uneventful. We rode along the Hudson River, which looked gloomy and dramatic in the rain. It was much bigger than I had thought. So was Chicago, which surprised me by being literally the windy city. I'd spent the day before wandering around the park and the Art Institute. It was beautiful but so cold compared to California. At least the museum had been warm.

  I was on autopilot, just following orders from Betsy. Rest on the train. Check. Get some culture. Check. Get your ass out here to me your best friend. Check.

  Speaking of who...

  The phone rang and I answered it, knowing it was Bets before I even glanced at it. Of course I knew who it was. Only one person knew the number.

  "Hey hot stuff."

  "Hey Bets."

  "How's the little mama holding up?"

  "I'm okay."

  "Hmmm... okay is not going to cut it. You are bringing
a new life into this world! You should be jubilant!"

  "Jubilant? Who is this?"

  "I happened to be a straight A lit student before I dropped out and joined the movement."

  I rolled my eyes.

  "Okay, I'm semi-jubilant."

  "Good. Because we are going to celebrate!"

  "Bets, please no."

  "Oh just you wait, we have plans for you!"

  "I'm tired, Bets."

  "And missing that caveman I'm sure."

  I sighed. She knew me too well.

  "Yeah, I miss him."

  "Well, you should let him know where you are."

  "No. He's probably mad and he would just show up and try and carry me away."

  "For sex?"

  "To yell at me."

  "Oh. Well you should at least tell him how you are. He's probably worried sick little B"

  I sighed again. She was right. He was probably worried. That's part of the reason I was afraid to call.

  "Yeah, I guess I better."

  "You've had the phone for a while now, right?"

  "I got it yesterday. But it was late by the time I was on the train. I couldn't exactly call him from the street."

  "You've been on the train for 18 hours. With a private car."

  I chewed my lip. "Yes..."

  "So, what are you waiting for!"

  "I just wanted to... sleep on it."

  "Uh huh. Take the bull by the horns little B. Call him. I'll see you in a few hours."

  "You're right. I know you're right. I'll call him. Thanks Bets."

  I stared at the cheap disposable phone in my hand. I had to call him. I didn't have a choice.

  I'd spent the day before wandering through the silent museum, staring at priceless works of art. It was the kind of place you planned to take your kid someday.

  Your family.

  Your husband.

  I closed my eyes, trying to imagine a future together. But it was useless. I couldn't. He was... a big football war hero. I was just... ordinary. He was wild. I was boring. He was risky. I was safe.

  He'd probably already moved on anyway. That's what I told myself to cut the guilt. Even though I knew it was a lie.