by Christina OW
“You can be sure of that!” Carson echoed.
Chapter Twelve
Ellie sat in the rocking chair, her baby curled in her arms as she suckled. She’d never felt as wonderful, as important and as connected to another human being as she felt to her daughter when she nursed her. She laughed at the moments of insecurity she had when Stacey-Ann looked at her with her big brown eyes. She always felt like her baby wasn’t looking at her, but looking through her, into her inner soul.
“How do you like your room?” Ellie asked holding her tiny fist with two fingers, “Mommy did her very best, just to make it extra perfect for you,” she lifted her fist and kissed it. She smiled at the fact it was the size of her own puckered lips. “I like the picture of daddy and me while you were still in mommy’s tummy,” She looked at the large portrait of her bare belly with Dale’s hands above and below it. And right next to it was a new picture of Dale holding Stacey-Ann with her next to them. She had numerous shots of her pregnant belly taken and she’d placed them around the house. Dale was a little reserved about taking the pictures, but once he saw them he loved them.
“But I like it better having you in my arms,” Ellie held her closer; “I could hold you forever.”
Carson stepped into the room, “As long as I get a turn.” He’d been watching them for a while, humbled and overwhelmed by the unexplainable feeling he had watching his two girls. It had been a month and he was still floored by the fact that he was a dad. He was someone’s father. He’d created life, another human being that he’d completely, unequivocally and unquestionably fallen in love with. Ellie glanced up and smiled, she had a flutter in her chest. It always happened when he looked at them like that, “You know if you keep dodging work and coming home early, we are going to get very attached.”
“She’s been our good luck charm,” he crouched down next to the rocker, “you two look so beautiful like this.” He caressed Stacey-Ann’s cheek with his finger then reached up and touched Ellie’s cheek, “Have I told you how much I love you today?”
“Well, let’s see?” She turned her head slightly to kiss his hand, “At three this morning, then at five and finally at seven when you left for work.”
“You haven’t slept yet have you?” he asked concerned, when she yawned. She had bags under her eyes and they were half closed.
“It’s good practise for the next baby,” she smiled tiredly. Why she would want another child, she could only chalk it up to the insane hormones. But she did want Stacey-Ann to have company and she also wanted Dale to have a son. Ellie loved her dad, and her dad had loved them, but he always kept wondering what if. Ellie didn’t want Dale to wonder what if.
“Another baby?” Carson asked with a panicked laugh. He took his daughter from her mother’s arms when she pulled away from her breast, full of her mommy’s milk. The look of pain on Ellie’s face still haunted him. There was no way he was going to put her through that again.
Buttoning up her shirt, “Yeah, maybe a boy.”
“I don’t think so,” he made funny faces at Stacey-Ann, but his audience just stared at him, a questioning look on her face.
Walking across the room, she wrapped her arms around his waist, “Dale you were an only kid and you said it sucked.” Carson raised his arm and tucked her under, and then he rocked, gently dancing with his two girls. “And I know what it’s like to have a dad try to turn me into a son,” rocking with him. “I want us all to have what we want; you a son, Stacey-Ann a playmate and I a boy and a girl.”
“There is no guarantee the next one will be a boy.”
“Then we’ll keep trying until we get one.”
Carson kissed her forehead, “I’ll think about it.”
“You do know you have very little control over my reproductive system?”
Carson looked at her amused. He always thought he let her have everything she wanted because she was pregnant and he didn’t want to stress her, but it was becoming very apparent that he found it difficult to say no to her, and she was stubborn. “After five years,” he conceded.
“In one or two years,” she yawned again, and then placed her head on his chest. She wished Dale Senior and Ann had stayed a while longer. Right now they would have been fussing over their granddaughter and she would be enjoying the comfort of her bed, “I don’t want a very large gap between the two of them.”
“How about you go sleep for a while, and I’ll look after the angel.” He walked her to the open double doors adjoining the two rooms, “I’ll tuck you in.” He pulled the bed covers down and waited for her to climb in, and then he pulled the covers up, securing her comfortably in between the sheets, “Comfy?”
“Very,” her eyes already closed, “Don’t forget to burp her, then change her and then...”
He cut her off, “Dance with her until she falls asleep. I know I’ve done this before.” He reached down and kissed her on the lips, “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Carson crossed back into the nursery and sat on the rocker, the baby secure in his arms. He left the doors open so that he could watch Ellie sleep, he loved watching his girls sleep- they looked so beautiful and peaceful. He also felt at peace having them close and within eyesight... but he couldn’t help but feel that something might still go wrong.
It was an inkling, an inkling he wished he didn’t have.
****
A few months had passed by, Stacey-Ann was bigger, Ellie was smaller and Carson was back at work full time and still worried, the cloud still hanging over his head. They were still fighting about Ellie going back to work, which Carson wasn’t going to sway on. He wanted her with their daughter twenty-four-seven and day care wasn’t going to cut it. They’d reached a temporary arrangement where Ellie had classes two hours a day and Kris would take Stacey-Ann for those two hours. Ellie wasn’t happy about it, but she understood his mentality.
Being home with her and the baby had become his out, his safe haven since hell seemed to have broken loose. He was gone a lot, catching killers and profiling those already behind bars. Then he would go home, place the baby in bed with them- securely on Ellie’s side- and curl up behind Ellie, fitting her body against his. He would watch them sleep awhile before he slept, knowing they were close and safe.
His job had become an illness and they had become his cure. And now, after days of missing them like crazy, he was finally home.
“Ellie where are you?” Carson dropped his bag on the floor by the door and walked into his quiet home. It had been close to three weeks since he last held them in his arms and all he wanted to do was fall asleep with both of them. The quietness could mean one of two things, both Ellie and Stacey-Ann were asleep or they weren’t home, “Is anyone home?”
“I’m here,” a voice sang out of their room.
He stopped by the door when he saw the trail of roses laid out, leading to the bed. He smiled in expectation. They’d postponed date night twice because of their hectic schedules. “Finally, we can have our night.”
She stepped out in skimpy lingerie and high heels. She looked like a long drink of sex, a temptress of desire and a she-devil of lust. He liked it. He approached her, pulling off his shirt, “You’ve never gone all out like this before. You must have really missed me.”
She sauntered seductively towards him, “Never? Well then, you are in for a treat.” She reached up and pulled his head down, trapping his lips hungrily with hers.
Dale broke the kiss, very surprised. He liked it, “That’s different too.” He wrapped his arms around her, “is this some sort of reward for loving you so much?”
She unfastened his belt, “You could say that.”
He kissed her, “Where is the angel?”
“What angel?”
He pulled away, “Ellie, our daughter, Stacey-Ann?”
She pulled him back, “Oh. She’s with... her godmother.” She tried to kiss him again, but he pulled away.
“I left Audrey at the office. What’s wron
g with...?” He pushed her back, taking several steps away from her. “Ellsa?” he uttered the name with disgust, “Where is Ellie? I swear if you’ve hurt her...” he let the threat linger.
She moved towards him and grabbed his hand, but he yanked it away, “No I’m Ellie.”
“Really?” he yelled, his anger mounting, “Lift your straight hair!” That should have been his first clue. Ellie loved curls and she would never wear bangs. She hated them!
He thought this was all over. Since the hospital, he’d had no contact with her except for the greetings passed on by Ellie. How stupid of him to think she’d left him in peace!
“What?” She stuttered, taking a step back.
“Ellie has the baby’s birthday and name tattooed on the back of her neck.” He pointed to his chest, right over his heart, “like the one I have here, right next to her name.” He grabbed at her. She tried to pull away, but he caught hold of her, turned her around and pulled her hair up away from her neck, “You don’t!” He bellowed, pushing her away roughly. She fell to the floor almost hitting her head on the bed frame.
“It was a temporary tattoo, I washed it off!”
“You bitch!” He hissed, “I told you to stay away from me! I don’t love you, I don’t want you! Can’t you get that through you thick skull?”
“Dale...” she cried.
He grabbed her chin and lifted her up, “I wouldn’t cheat on your sister, the love of my life, with you, even if you were the last living being on earth!”
She held his hand and tried to kiss his palm, but he pulled it away. She grabbed it again and held it against her chest, “Dale I love you!” Tears ran down her face, the running mascara ruining her makeup further, “She could never love you like I do!”
“You sound so sure of that.”
Carson pulled away at Ellie’s voice. He turned around and stared at her, lost for words. Audrey and Kris were with her, horrified by the sight, “Honey, it’s not what you think!”
She nodded, a tear escaping her eye, “I know. I’ve been standing here long enough to figure that out. Would you please get dressed?” She handed Stacey-Ann to Audrey, “Ellsa, what exactly were you trying to do?”
Ellsa stomped forward and stood in front of Carson. He moved back as he shrugged on his shirt. “Dale and I love each other, and right before you rudely interrupted us, we were about to make love!” She announced, proudly.
“You have no shame!” Kris sniggered.
Ellie took a step forward, “Make love, in my bed?”
“This is Dale’s apartment and his bed too,” she turned to him, rushing towards him, “Right honey?”
Kris rushed to block her way, “Hey! I told you before, he belongs to Ellie, not you!”
Ellie stopped, shifting her livid gazed to Kris, “What do you mean by before?”
“I told you Ellie. I tried to warn you, but you wouldn’t listen to me!”
Carson moved to stand next to Ellie, “this isn’t the first time she’s tried this.”
She turned to Carson, “Why didn’t you tell me?” her voice quivered, fresh tears running down her cheeks.
“She’s your sister. She was all you had before Stacey-Ann and me,” he moved to touch her, but she shifted away. “Ellie...”
She closed her eyes and shook her head, “Get out of my home Ellsa.”
“No, this is Dale’s apartment!” She yelled, “Dale honey, tell her you want me and not her!”
“Unbelievable,” Audrey whispered.
“Leave before I drag you out Ellsa!” Kris threatened.
Ellie opened her eyes, they were full of hate and anger, “I’m not going to say it again Ellsa.”
“Dale, honey,” Ellsa began, a smile on her face, “I’m pregnant!”
That statement set Ellie off. She rushed at her sister and slapped her hard, sending her sprawling on the floor. Then she grabbed her by her hair and dragged her across the floor out the door and out of the apartment, “I swear if I see you anywhere near my family again, I’ll forget you are my sister!”
Ellie banged the door shut and leaned against it as she struggled to control her breathing.
Ellsa banged on the door, “Ellie you are going to pay for this!”
“Go away!” Ellie yelled back.
“She’s crazy!” Audrey exclaimed.
“I’ve been saying that for years,” Kris exclaimed, moving to stand next to Ellie.
“What she said is not true!” Carson declared, rushing to Ellie, “I swear I have never touched her!”
But Ellie didn’t respond. She just stared blankly at her daughter, fresh tears escaping her eyes.
“She knows. She just needs a minute to process,” Kris offered, “Honey...” Ellie pulled away before she could touch her. She went straight to Audrey, took her sleeping daughter and marched to the guest room, locking the door behind her.
Carson knocked on the door, “Honey please talk to me!” He begged a feeling of dread settling in his belly, “Ellie, please!”
“You are wasting your time Dale. She’s not coming out of there, at least not tonight. I’m so sorry,” Kris spoke, opening the front door.
Audrey went to him and gave him a hug, “Carson if you need anything at all, call me.”
He nodded. Once they left, he sank to the floor his back against the guest room door, “I’ll wait here all night if I have to Ellie.”
Ellie moved to the door and leaned against it. She cried, out of anger, sadness and loss. She couldn’t believe what she saw. What her sister tried to do to her. What could have happened if she hadn’t gotten home in time? No, if Dale hadn’t realized it wasn’t her. But what if he didn’t? What hurt her the most was the fact that her sister had betrayed her in the worst way imaginable.
She leaned closer against the door when Dale called out her name again. It wasn’t his fault, Ellsa was to blame. She knew that, but then again, she was still angry at him from hiding the fact that her twin sister had been trying to sleep with him for months. She could forgive him, but she couldn’t forgive Ellsa. If she did, that would be giving Ellsa permission to try again, and she was going to keep trying until she got what she wanted.
And if she didn’t, she would hate Ellie for the rest of their lives.
She cried harder, her heart ripping in two as she mourned the loss of her sister.
Chapter Thirteen
Ellie sat in front of her canvas, completely lost in her sister’s memory. She hadn’t seen her in over four months. She worried how she was, if she was finally happy, if she was fine and especially if she still hated her. Ellie had tried to contact her, but after a few times of rejecting her calls, emails and letters, Ellsa changed her phone number, her email and her mailing address. She’d shut Ellie out of her life completely, as if she had been wronged, when it was the other way round!
But that didn’t stop Ellie from missing her or feeling guilty. Ellie had a family, but she was all Ellsa had. Her parents would be disappointed in them, fighting over a man.
But he isn’t any man! He is the father of my daughter and my fiancé! Ellie thought to herself.
She raised her left hand and looked at the big, but subtle diamond ring on her finger. Dale had proposed only days after the incident. Ellie felt like it was his way of ensuring himself of her love. She said yes, but it was a hesitant yes. But there was nothing hesitant about the intense lovemaking after. That was his way of ensuring her of his love. She was reassured all right, five times.
“The canvas is still blank. You are either thinking of a wedding date or you are thinking of Ellsa,” Carson spoke behind her.
He’d been standing there for a while, watching her inner turmoil reflect on her face. He wished there was a way he could comfort her, but he knew nothing would help, except seeing Ellsa again. He didn’t want that, ever.
Ellie turned around on her stool and gave him a quick, tight smile, “Where is Stacey-Ann?”
Carson moved to stand next to her, “In her room trying to
climb her dresser. She’s been doing that a lot lately. And to think she’s just learned how to crawl.”
She leaned her head against his belly and wrapped her arms around his waist, “She’s eight months old. She’s getting curious.”
Carson rubbed her shoulders, “At least she’s not putting bugs in her mouth anymore.”
Ellie chuckled, “You wish!”
Carson took a deep breath. He wished he didn’t have to bring it up, but Ellie being down was bringing him down too. She should be in the nursery, taking a video of her daughter trying to climb her dresser and then most definitely fall on her ass! But she was here, staring at a blank canvas, pouting, “You want to talk about it?”
“No.”
“It might help.”
“It won’t.”
He unclasped her hold, pulled another stool over and sat across from her, “I just told you, your daughter is trying to climb her dresser and all you did is hug me and tell me she’s curious. You need to get out of this rut, for Stacey-Ann’s sake.”
She blinked back the tears, “I’m not doing this on purpose.”
He stroked her cheek, “I know you love your sister and you miss her desperately, despite what she’s done. But do you think she is moping around as much as you are?”
She shook her head no.
“Then, why are you making us suffer for her selfishness?”
“Dale...”
He placed his palms on her cheeks, “We are here. Your friends are here and your family is here. Be here with us Ellie. Please. If it makes you feel better, I’ll invite Daniel over more often.”
Ellie chuckled, wiping a stray tear away, “You two don’t like each other.”
“Like is an overstatement, but I’m willing to do anything to make you happy again. Even if it means... finding your sister,” Carson tried to sound like he really meant it.
Ellie’s eyes narrowed suspiciously at him, “I can never tell if you are lying or telling the truth.”
Carson smiled, “It is part of my day job.”
“Aha,” Ellie said, climbing onto his lap and then kissing him deeply, “Well, your other shift has started, soon to be hubby.”
