That time, both Revik and I turned, staring at our daughter.
“You’ve been talking to him?” Revik said. “Really?”
She nodded, grinning. “For days. Weeks.”
Seeing me and Revik exchange looks, she burst out in a laugh. So did Tarsi.
Wreg, clearly less amused, jabbed a finger at the virtual map.
“Can we get back to this?” he grumbled. “Given we might all have our spines cracked in half by runt clones in the next twenty-four hours?”
Revik looked at him, then back at me, his eyes openly asking that time.
Giving in, I exhaled in frustration.
“Fine,” I said. “I’ll go take a nap. Can someone tell me where?”
“I’ll take you,” Torek said at once. Raising a hand politely, he motioned in the direction of the tents lining the clear, blue-tinted water of the creek. “This way, Esteemed Bridge.”
Pausing only to give Lily a kiss and to squeeze Revik’s hand, I left.
HE WOKE ME up with a hand over my mouth.
He was probably worried I’d scream. Ironically, I may not have tried to scream if he hadn’t put a hand over my mouth.
As it was, I fought him with everything but the telekinesis.
I swung at him, kicking him off me in instinct as much as anything. If I hadn’t been in such a deep sleep when he woke me, I might have broken his neck––or maybe thrown him through the wall of the tent.
“Allie! Calm down!” he snapped. “Goddamn it! Calm the fuck down! I just want to talk to you! I’m not going to hurt you!”
It was the voice that finally snapped me back to myself.
It might have been disbelief as much as anything.
Opening my eyes, I let my physical vision adjust to the twilight inside the tent, realizing only then that the sun had slid down considerably since I’d last been awake. Staring up at the face of Dalejem, I blinked, still unable to believe it.
It hit me a second later that I hadn’t felt him.
I could no longer feel his light.
He grunted, rolling off where he’d pinned me to the sleeping pad.
“No shit,” he said, his voice openly angry.
Releasing me, he glared at me in the dim light of the tent.
“Maybe it’s the fact that your husband banished me from your royal presence before I even got a chance to see if you were okay after Beijing.” His voice grew colder. “Maybe it’s the fact that I was forbidden from contacting you… that I wasn’t even allowed to have your fucking headset frequency, according to that ex-Rook brother-in-law of yours.”
Jerking his chin towards me, his eyes flickered over me before he added,
“…Or maybe it’s the fact that your husband has clearly done everything in his power to mark your light as his.”
I sat up on my elbows, staring at him incredulously.
“Jesus Christ, Jem. Get the fuck out of here!” I pointed at the entrance of the tent. “Do you have a death wish?”
“Is that what I get from all this?” he snapped. “Death threats?”
“Now isn’t the time for this crap!” I snapped back. “It’s not the time, Jem!”
“So I’m supposed to wait until you’re dead?” He glared at me as angrily as I glared at him. “Or are you hoping the battle might take me, Esteemed Bridge?”
“Jem.” I stared at him, at a loss. “Gaos. We said everything that needed to be said. Didn’t we? You knew all along exactly where things stood with us. I told you how it was with Revik. I never lied to you about any of it. I told you I loved you.” I swallowed, clenching my jaw briefly. “I told you how grateful I was, how grateful we both were––”
“You didn’t tell me you’d never fucking speak to me again!” he exploded. “Goddamn it, Alyson! You never told me I’d be completely erased from your life!”
“Lower your fucking voice,” I said, warning. “If Revik finds you in here––”
“I’m not afraid of your goddamned husband!” he snapped, breathing harder. “I’m not afraid of you either, Esteemed Bridge. If you want to break my neck because it makes your goddamned life easier, then do it.”
For a moment I only stared at him, biting my lip.
Then I motioned with one hand, letting it fall on the thin mattress.
“What do you want, Jem?” I said. “What do you want me to say?”
“Is that my child?” he snarled, motioning towards my belly. “Is that my fucking child you’re carrying? How about we start there, Allie?”
I felt the blood drain from my face.
I’d just assumed someone would have told him. I’d assumed he already knew the truth about this. Realizing he didn’t, that no one had talked to him about it, or likely about anything else, I felt a stab of guilt that was nearly debilitating.
“Yeah… that,” he said, clearly feeling some part of my reaction. “Were you ever going to fucking tell me, Allie? I mean, I guess it’s pretty clear who you want raising it. But can I at least know if it’s mine?”
“No.” I shook my head. “No. It’s not yours.”
“How the fuck do you know that?”
My jaw clenched. “Because I’ve been pregnant before, Jem. We hadn’t been sleeping together long enough. Not the way we would’ve needed to be, for me to get pregnant. I don’t think we’d been sleeping together long enough period, to be honest.”
“So it’s his? Revik’s?”
Hesitating, I shook my head again, slower that time. “No. Well, I don’t know for sure. But I don’t think so.”
There was a silence. I almost felt him now.
I felt him thinking, realizing what I was saying.
His light reacted to the understanding that I thought Dragon had impregnated me, that neither he nor Revik was the father. His light sparked in grief and anger in whispers around my aleimi, and I flinched as I felt it.
It was nothing like before, when I’d leaned on him to ease the blindness before I was back with Revik. Even so, I definitely felt more of him than I had when I first found him in my tent.
The ease with which my light slid into his was disconcerting, to say the least.
I didn’t want to feel him, not now.
I didn’t want Revik to feel him in my light either.
Jem grunted, giving me a hard look. “Yeah. I bet.”
I could see him almost clearly now. My seer combat vision had kicked in, compensating for the low light. From the level of it, the sun had already set inside the canyon. I could see the flicker of at least one campfire through the nylon sides of the tent.
I wondered why no one had come to wake me before now.
I’d assumed I’d be on my way to Ship Rock––or Denver––before it got dark.
“So that’s it, then?” he said.
“Jem.” I exhaled, combing my fingers through my long hair. “Gaos, Jem. We’re about to go to war. Revik and I are trying to fix our marriage. I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant enough now that I can feel the light of my child.” Exhaling again, I clicked at him. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the bandwidth to deal with whatever you want from me right now. If we make it through the rest of this week alive, we can talk about this then, okay?”
He let out a humorless laugh. “Ah. Okay.”
“What do you expect me to say?” I said, exasperated. “Jesus, Jem. Be reasonable. Be a fucking grown up. I have responsibilities. There are bigger things happening right now––”
“Got it.” He held up his hands, sitting up. “So sorry for inconveniencing you, Esteemed Bridge. Perhaps we could make an appointment post-apocalypse? Do lunch?”
“Why are you making this so fucking hard?” Biting my lip harder, I fought to remain silent, then snapped at him in spite of myself. “Damn it, Jem. Do you really want to leave things like this between us? You might hate me, but I don’t hate you. Revik might think he hates you… but he doesn’t hate you either. Can’t you be the bigger person? Rise above this?”
“I don’t hate yo
u,” he growled.
“Well, you could have fooled me,” I began angrily.
“I love you, goddamn it,” he snapped. “I love you! You know I do!”
Clicking at him, I shook my head. “Jem––”
The tent flap jerked open.
Before I could make sense of the sound and motion, a tall, shadowy figure leaned down, reaching through the opening so quickly I could barely follow the motion with my eyes. Before I knew what was happening, hands had caught hold of Jem.
Gripping tight, they dragged him bodily out of the tent.
Jem didn’t seem to have time to react, either.
Letting out an angry sound, he swung at the arms and face of the man holding him, but the man who had him didn’t slow, or hesitate.
By then, I felt him, too. I knew exactly who it was.
“Revik!” I climbed forward, scrambling through the opening of the tent, following them out into the dark camp. “Revik! Don’t! He didn’t do anything!”
The commotion had already attracted others to the scene.
By the time I caught up with them, Wreg stood there with Jon, holding a yisso torch gripped in one hand. From his open shirt and the bleary look in his eyes, he’d been asleep too, or in the middle of something with Jon.
Not wanting to think about which was more likely, I turned back to face Revik, who now held Jem half off his feet, despite their comparable heights and weights.
“Stay the fuck away from my wife!” Revik snarled. “You piece of shit!”
He threw him bodily on the last word, sending him sprawling on the red rock and dust.
Jem landed and slid from the force of the throw, probably cutting up his hands.
A number of seers and humans cried out, stepping back in alarm to get out of the way.
From their faces and harder breaths, they were reacting to the violent pulse of energy that left Revik’s light more than the throw itself. Most had just walked up to see what was going on, and probably hadn’t figured out who the two grappling figures were yet.
“Fucking Rook,” Jem hissed, glaring up at him from the dirt. “What are you going to do? Lock her up? Piss on her every night so the rest of us know to stay away from her? Does she have to check in with you before she talks to anyone? Or just those of us who’ve fucked her?”
I felt a hotter pulse of anger leave Revik’s light.
More than that, I felt hurt.
I’d felt it before with him in relation to Jem, but never this strongly.
Stepping between them, I put my hand on Revik’s chest, pulsing light at him, warmth, before I turned my head, glaring at Jem.
“You knew what you were doing was wrong,” I said, my voice cold. “If you didn’t, you would have walked up to me in broad fucking daylight and asked to speak with me, Jem… like a goddamned adult. You wouldn’t have crawled into my tent while I was sleeping and clamped a hand over my mouth like some kind of rapist.”
Jem turned, staring at me, his eyes holding disbelief.
From my other side, I felt a plume of fury leave Wreg’s light, probably because he stood so close. That, or I felt it through Revik, who was even closer.
As for Revik himself, I felt his chest tense under my hand.
Feeling the plume of anger and disbelief leave his light at my words, I realized he hadn’t known how Jem ended up in my tent, not until I said it. I wondered just how much he’d heard of me and Jem’s conversation before he dragged Jem out.
“Enough,” Revik growled, still glaring at Jem.
Wreg spoke up next, his words aimed furiously at Jem.
“What the fuck is wrong with you, brother? Are you soft in the head? Or do you really not realize the Sword isn’t the only one who might have killed you for this? She’s the goddamned Bridge. Who the fuck do you think you are?”
His expression twisted in a scowl, right before he looked to Torek, Holo and Jax, who ran up on his left, and were now putting together events with cold expressions on their faces.
“What do you think, brothers? Is it time to teach this piece of shit some manners?”
“Long fucking overdue,” Holo muttered.
I looked at them. Realizing they were serious, that they were ready to take Jem somewhere and beat him bloody, I scowled.
“Absolutely not,” I snapped. “Jesus. Were we all at the same meeting today? We. Don’t. Have. Time. For. This.” Giving Wreg a harder look, I added, “Jem is on the Infiltration Team, is he not? Under Adhipan Balidor?”
Wreg scowled at me, but made a respectful gesture with one hand.
“Yes,” he muttered.
“Then get Balidor,” I said, angry. “Now. Tell him to deal with his fucking team. Tell him to do whatever he has to do to establish some fucking order within that team.”
Still frowning, but seeming to hear me that time, Wreg nodded, once.
“Yes, Esteemed Bridge.”
Without another word, he turned on his heel, walking away. I saw him buttoning his shirt as he walked, leaving Jon to stare at me, as bleary-eyed as Wreg had been. Giving Jon a brief, grim look, I stared up at Revik next.
“Have you eaten?” I said, my voice subdued.
Revik looked down. He blinked, as if confused by my question.
Then, seeming to think, he shook his head, once.
“No,” he said.
I jerked my head sideways, towards the campfires. “Me, either. I’m hungry, husband.”
Revik held my gaze, his mouth hardening.
After another few seconds, I saw him glance at Jem, then back at me.
He nodded, once.
“I know where there’s food,” he said, his voice also subdued.
After the barest pause, he held out his hand, offering it to me.
I took it without hesitation, gripping him tightly and holding him there, wrapping my light into his fingers, his arm, his chest and throat.
For the barest instant, he didn’t move, only looked at my face.
Then, nodding again, almost to himself that time, he began leading me away from the tent. Turning his back on Jem, on the crowd of onlookers, even on Jon, Holo and Torek, he began leading me towards the biggest of the five campfires in the box canyon.
We didn’t talk.
We didn’t really need to.
46
NIGHT WALK
WE SAT ON a boulder by a roaring fire made up mostly of dried pine logs. Both of us chewed on the meat and bones of some small animal that had been cooked on a stick.
“Rabbit,” Revik said next to me, chewing. “You want some more?”
I shook my head, lowering the cup of mead-like juice someone had handed me.
“I’m good,” I said. “I feel human again.”
He grunted, looking me over. “You’re not human, so I’m not sure how to take that.” His eyes continued to look at my body. “You’re not eating enough.”
Making a noncommittal gesture with one hand, I tilted my head sideways. “Why are we still here?” I said, looking at him. “Didn’t Declan, Maygar and the others come back? I thought you said the site checked out? That it appears to be exactly what the elders said it was?”
Revik nodded, once. “It is. We leave tonight. I told everyone to catch a few hours of sleep before we pack up.”
“But you didn’t sleep?”
Glancing at me sideways, he shook his head once, slowly. “No.”
“Why not?” I nudged him with my arm. “It might have prevented some… issues.”
Clicking under his breath, he shrugged.
I looked at him, half-smiling. “You’re not going to tell me?” I said. “Really?”
“I was horny.” Exhaling, he looked up, meeting my gaze. “Okay? I was really fucking horny. I wanted to fuck, wife. I didn’t think lying beside you was the best idea, given that. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t have been able to keep my hands off you.”
At my surprised blink, he clicked again, shaking his head in what might have been embarrassment, or mayb
e just annoyance.
“Between that and the fact that I slept on the plane, I thought it was better if I used the time to map out some telekinesis strategies with me, Maygar and Cass… plus the clones.”
Exhaling, he motioned in the direction of tents on the other side of the fire.
“Everyone seemed tired. You seemed tired. I didn’t want to bother you… intentionally or not.” Grumbling, he added, “I didn’t know that fucker was going to wake you up. I would have posted a goddamned guard.”
I felt him trying to sound rational in that, to make it humorous almost, but violence flickered off his light, along with a hotter, more erratic spark.
I could feel the part of him that was still in shock, too.
Under that shock I felt a thread of vulnerability so dense it made my heart hurt.
Sliding closer to him on the log we shared, I wrapped my arm around his, sliding my leg over his thigh. He stiffened slightly, then relaxed all at once, still holding the greasy piece of rabbit on a stick in one hand.
“This isn’t helping with the horniness, wife,” he murmured, kissing my face.
“We don’t have time to work on that other stuff any more,” I said, frowning. “Why are we holding off now? I don’t want to go into this fight worrying we have unfinished business between us. And I sure as hell don’t want to go in without having some alone time together.”
I didn’t say the obvious thing.
Well––either obvious thing.
The first one being that by “alone time,” I meant sex. The second one being that neither of us might see the end of this particular battle.
I didn’t need to say it. I didn’t need to say either thing.
Revik’s hand wrapped around my thigh, gripping the muscle and flesh firmly with his hand while he thought about my words. I felt grief on him, regret. I felt him wish he’d pushed me harder, that we’d spent more time working on things between us.
More than that, I felt him wishing he’d spent more time on our marriage before Dalejem, before Dubai… hell, back in Seattle, when we were first married. I felt regret on him, so much of it, it nearly brought tears to my eyes. He regretted that we hadn’t completed the bond back at the very beginning of things between us.
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