by SE Jakes
When he told Lucky that last part, Lucky said, “I can take care of that. Let me.”
And Dash did, watched Lucky strip and then let Lucky strip him. Pin his arms above his head. “You really don’t give me credit for anything, Dash.”
“I knew you suspected…”
“From like day one—at least when Rex showed. I figured, what were the chances of you being so invested in this?” Lucky bent down and bit one of Dash’s nipples lightly, but still enough to make Dash gasp. “But I’m patient. Figured you had your reasons, just like I had mine for trying to stay so mellow.”
He bit the other nipple, then licked it, sucked it, until Dash was pressing his hips up, trying to grind his cock into Lucky’s belly. “But now, our reasons are out. And we’re in the same place we were that first night. And I’m thinking that’s a good thing, right?”
“Right.”
He felt Lucky’s cock enter him and he grabbed onto the man’s biceps. Lucky didn’t let up, pushed into him slowly, so fucking slowly. And this was far less an act of dominance than it was allowing Dash to let go. Of his guilt. His anger and shame. Let go of everything, because Lucky had him.
“Not letting go,” Lucky told him. “Life’s too short. If anyone knows that now, I do.”
Dash buried his face in Lucky’s shoulder, letting the man take him, pumping hard until Dash was flying, then breaking into a thousand pieces with his climax.
Lucky was there. Putting me back together.
“We’ll put each other back together. Doesn’t matter if it takes a lifetime,” Lucky told him.
It wasn’t until then that Dash realized he’d spoken the words out loud.
Later, in Dash’s arms, Lucky let his fears out in the dark because they seemed less real that way.
“My whole life needs to be rebuilt. How can you rebuild a man’s entire past?”
“I don’t think you can.”
“Then what do I do?”
“You keep moving forward. And this is the past you’ll remember. So let’s try to make it really damned good,” Dash told him.
“What if…”
“You can’t remember it.”
“What if the memories come back and all I remember is the brainwashing? Maybe I’m just going to snap to converted.”
“That could never happen. You’re not going to forget all of this…”
“Suppose I do? If I remember…” He stopped. “Who am I kidding? I’m the Navy’s bitch, no matter what.”
“They can’t keep you forever, Lucky. At this point, it’s more for your protection.”
“I don’t need their protection.”
“You need someone’s,” Dash told him. “You need mine.”
“So you’d be my keeper.”
“Not like I wouldn’t be around you anyway.”
Lucky stared. “I’d have to choose to believe that was true.”
“Then start believing.”
Chapter Twenty
“Lucky!” Emme yelled into the phone so loudly that Lucky was pretty sure she shattered his eardrum.
And he didn’t care. Hearing her voice was exactly what he needed. “Hey, Em.”
“Should I…can I still call you Lucky?” she asked hesitantly.
“That’s the only name I go by,” he told her.
“So I guess you still don’t remember anything. I was hoping maybe…I don’t know what I was hoping. Just that you were okay. That no one was hurting you.”
“No one is, Em. The Navy has to do its job.”
“Right. The Navy and Dash.”
She sounded angry at her brother, and that was the last thing he wanted to happen. “He’s doing his job. Protecting you.”
“I can’t believe you can defend him after everything. He ruins your life and then he just disappears, like he always does.”
Obviously, Dash hadn’t told her that he was here in Virginia. And although Lucky knew he probably shouldn’t give away that information, he also realized that repairing the relationship of the brother and sister was more important. “He’s here, Em. Dash is here.”
There was a pause of surprise and then she asked, “What? I knew he’d been checking up on you but I thought he meant by phone and through his contacts…”
“He’s here with me,” he said.
“What do you mean, with you?”
“He’s ah…I don’t think it started out that way. I mean, it might’ve. He came here to check on me. And then, when they let me out of the brig—”
“He put you in jail?”
“The Navy did. Come on, Em. You’ve got to understand. And Dash’s staying here with me. He’s trying to help.”
“You’re still sleeping with him.”
“Yes.”
“I’ll never understand men,” she muttered.
“You understand us better than we do ourselves,” he told her. “I really miss you.”
“God, I miss you too, Luck. Do you think…will you be able to come back here?”
“I don’t know. I really don’t.”
“Will I be able to visit you?” she asked.
“I don’t see why not. But probably not anytime soon.”
“For the record, I know you could never hurt us, not me or Mom and Dad. Although I wouldn’t mind if you punched Dash for me.”
He laughed at that. He thought about all Emme didn’t know about Dash, about how his capture was what brought Lucky to him in the first place, that it started a chain of events that would reverberate through their lives and never stop. But that wasn’t his story to tell. Might never be. “Don’t be too hard on him. He’s been good to me.”
“I hate it that I can’t trust his motives anymore.”
“Yeah, well, I do.”
“Were you really a SEAL? I mean, that’s pretty cool. I can see why coming back and bartending might not be so exciting.”
“Sounds like the best job in the world still,” he told her honestly. He looked up and saw Dash coming in the door. “I’ve got to go, Em. But I’ll call soon.”
“Yes, you will,” she told him. “I’m so glad you’re okay, Lucky.”
“Yeah, me too.” He hung up the phone and admitted, “I told her you were here. With me. Why didn’t you tell her?”
“She’s so pissed at me. What the hell would it change?”
“She wants me to punch you.”
“Go for it. I want to punch me too half the time.” Dash smiled, then pointed to the cameras that were on the counters. “Want to go take some pictures with me?”
“Is this some new form of therapy?”
“It’s just picture-taking, Lucky.”
Even though Lucky didn’t fully buy that, he went anyway.
Dash walked with Lucky along the beach, noted that Lucky didn’t hesitate near the water.
Anyone who’d experienced a near drowning probably should’ve. But his body’s instincts, all that water training, had kicked in and saved him. He was too brave to be scared of the water.
“It was hard the first few times,” Lucky said with a sideways glance at him. “You’re thinking about me and the water.”
“Didn’t realize I was that obvious.”
“Yeah, well, I’m guessing I know you better than most. No matter how much you tried not to let that happen.”
Dash frowned.
“Anyway, yeah, the water thing freaked me, but I knew I had to get over it, and fast, since I was going to be living and working on a beach. So I went in one night—”
“Night?”
“Because no one would be around to see me freak out.”
“Or die. Or get eaten by sharks,” Dash pointed out.
“You are so much like your sister.”
“My sister worries too much, so I’m guessing that’s not a compliment.”
“Your sister worries about the people she cares about,” Lucky corrected. “So definitely a compliment.”
“Fuck, this is complicated.”
Lucky answered
by grabbing one of the cameras and starting to shoot the ocean. Dash followed suit, because this, at least, was uncomplicated, and the two of them were caught between the clicking sounds of the cameras and the loud stir of the ocean. They were the only two on the beach—the afternoon had darkened and clouds had begun to rush in, a rolling burst of angry gray that threatened to break over them. A force of nature, just the way Lucky had been trained to be.
Lucky, who’d lost himself in the act of picture-taking. It was the way Dash had felt a long time ago, when he’d allowed himself to sink that deep into creativity. Before he’d become a suspicious bastard by necessity.
It was what he’d allowed to happen today until he remembered that he had to stay on his game.
Lucky lowered the camera. Blinked. Stood silent for several minutes, coming down from the self-imposed high.
“That’s fucking cool. Forgot everything for a while,” he said, then frowned when he realized the irony of his words.
“I’m glad. It’s important to be able to pull away like that,” Dash told him.
Lucky nodded, and then he pulled a pack of pictures out of his back pocket. Dash didn’t have to look at them to know what they were. “I figured the pictures you had me look through must have something to do with the capture. I knew it at the time, but after you told, me, I looked again.”
“How’d you figure it out?”
“It’s the only place you’ve been back to four times.”
He’d forgotten about the dates on the backs of the photos.
“That mission…what a fuck-up. It was like shit went wrong from before we got in country. Jim kept saying it was a good sign but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it wasn’t.” Dash was aware of Lucky studying the pictures of the road.
“You went back there to take this?”
“I had to.”
“Did it help?”
“Not as much as you.”
Lucky kissed the side of his neck, breathed against Dash’s skin.
“So really, you lost everything you had in order to save me,” Dash said. “And you saved me again. And this has nothing to do with the fact that I feel like I owe you. Because you have to know that’s not why this happened. It was coincidence, but it wasn’t, not after that first night. If I hadn’t turned you in…we wouldn’t be here.”
Lucky turned to him, camera dangling by the strap in his hand. “Those guys who took me—who tried to turn me…whether I get my memory back or not, I’m always going to be their target, right?”
It wasn’t anything they’d ever discussed, but of course, he knew. “Yeah, I would’ve told you, but it’s not like you’re not dealing with a lot of shit already.”
“I can put a lot on my shoulders, Dash. Gotta stop babying me.”
“Is that what I’ve been doing?”
“Yes. Even when you were suspicious as shit, you were babying me.”
Dash nodded. “Can’t make any promises, but I’ll try.”
Lucky looked around, conscious of their surroundings. “We need to get to a place where I can kiss you. Now.”
Dash agreed.
Chapter Twenty-One
Jace dropped him off at the marina and Sawyer took his sneakers off and padded barefoot to the dock.
Rex was waiting in the boat. When Sawyer jumped in, he noted that Rex had food and beer laid out on deck. Rex nodded in his direction and steered the boat through the slip and out into the open waters.
Sawyer stood next to him as he steered, watching the sun go down, smelling the fresh brine as it battered his cheeks.
He’d trained like a beast today. Had barely taken a break to eat, did so only because he’d needed to keep his body and mind fueled. Jace stayed with him, because that’s what best friends did, and even though Jace and Clint were very much together, Sawyer knew he and Jace would always stay best friends.
“You think that bothers Clint?” he asked Rex now.
“I think he knows what you went through together. It’s a whole different level of friendship. Clint has a few of them, and so do I.”
“Yeah.” Somehow, that made Sawyer feel better when maybe it should make him feel worse.
Maybe if his mother had more in her life, she’d have been able to move on. Maybe she’d made love a crutch and that’s what had ruined her for other men.
Because you’re not empty, he told himself. Out loud, he muttered, “I’m an idiot.”
Rex ran a hand through Sawyer’s hair, an affectionate, personal gesture that always made Sawyer hard, and Rex knew it, which is why he did it. Because he’d always look between Sawyer’s face and then down to his dick and back up with a small grin on his face.
Pride.
“Maybe we went too fast.”
“Or maybe we went just right,” Rex told him. “Work’s always going to get in the way. We’ve got to find out how to fit in more fishing trips.”
Sawyer smiled. “That’d be cool.”
“I’m glad you stuck with me through this, Sawyer. I know it’s been shitty.”
Tomorrow was Sawyer’s twenty-eighth birthday. And even though they both knew that cancer didn’t always mark itself off on an exact calendar, the fact that Sawyer had gotten past his grandfather’s age of when his cancer had returned was a huge milestone. Something that had weighed so heavily on Sawyer’s mind for so damned long. And he never wanted Sawyer to go through anything alone.
“Relationship shit’s hard,” Sawyer said.
“Guess that’s what makes it worth it. If it was easy, everyone would do it right.” Rex cut the engine, dropped the anchor and turned the lights on. They were in a cove, farther than they’d been the other night.
He motioned for Sawyer to sit on deck and joined him. He spread blankets out and had a picnic of cold foods, lots of seafood, like lobster rolls and potato salad, and as they ate, they talked about their days. Rex was jealous that Sawyer got to spend it outside and free, because he’d been stuck in meetings all day.
After he’d said that, he’d looked at Sawyer and said, “I fucking hate lying to you.”
“You weren’t in meetings all day?”
“I was in therapy sessions. Meetings with JAGs. Navy officials.”
Sawyer’s stomach tightened. “Because of Lucky.”
“Yes. And since there are no indications that I knew he was alive, no contacts made, I’m sure things will be fine. But right now, it’s hell not being one hundred percent believed. I can only imagine what it’s doing to Lucky.”
There was always a pause right before Rex used the name Lucky, like he had to try really hard not to let “Josh” slip out.
“But I didn’t bring you out here to talk about that. I brought you out here to…well, you shared your past. I’ve acted like letting you into what happened to me during my time in captivity made everything okay, like you said. And it’s mostly because I don’t want to deal with it, not because I don’t want to share it.”
Sawyer pushed his food to the side and lay down on one of the big pillows Rex had put out. Rex joined him and they lay side by side, the boat’s easy rocking reassuring. But Sawyer didn’t touch him, was afraid that if he did, they’d be having sex in seconds. Not that that would be the worst thing, but when Rex was ready to talk, Sawyer needed to listen.
“You never mention your parents,” Sawyer said after Rex had been silent for a while.
“Didn’t know them. I was left on the church steps. Brought to an orphanage. I stayed there for several years.”
“I thought babies got adopted pretty easily.”
“Girls more than boys, but yeah, they typically do. I was too serious, from what they told me later.”
Sawyer grabbed for Rex’s hand. “You were born that way then.”
“I didn’t cry or coo or any of that stuff, so everyone through there was something wrong with me. Obviously, I don’t remember that, but I was pretty much in group foster-home-type situations until I was twelve. Then a family took me in. They liked it because
I didn’t cause trouble and they collected a paycheck. And they were nice enough. Disinterested. But I had my own room and food. Roof over my head.”
“And you think that was enough?”
“I didn’t know any better. And don’t feel sorry for me.” He smiled when he said it. “I thought life was serious and I like being quiet and serious. Observing. I learn a hell of a lot that way.”
“Basically, I drive you crazy because I move around all the time.” As he spoke, he realized he’d been jiggling his foot the entire time he’d been lying here.
“Not at all. You’re exactly what I need to remind me that I’d be missing out on so many of the good parts of life without you.”
“I really owe Lucky.”
Rex’s brow furrowed.
“Because I’m guessing he’s the one who showed you how to love. And then you were able to show me. So I definitely owe him.”
Rex smiled. “If you look at it that way, yes. Lucky and I bonded because we came from similar backgrounds. We had each other’s backs because of that, and it never stopped. Never will. And I need to know if you’re really okay with that.”
“I’m really okay with it.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
Lucky sat in the familiar therapy room, Dash by his side.
Cooper was obviously shaken. Lucky rubbed his palms nervously on his thighs and noted that Cooper looked at him oddly.
“What? Josh wouldn’t have shown his nerves?” The added sarcasm didn’t help the already tense situation.
“No, he wouldn’t have,” Cooper answered, cutting a look to Dash.
“Can you just tell me what you brought me here for?” Lucky asked. Because Dash had been weird since he’d ushered Lucky into the car after receiving a phone call from Cooper.
It was two in the morning, not exactly prime time for a therapy session, which meant that Cooper had news. And Lucky might not remember things, but he knew innately that phone calls in the middle of the night could rarely bring good news.
Cooper held up an envelope, plain manila with no writing on it. “I found this in my car tonight. I brought it right back in here and played it.”
