by Patty Deans
"I believe you have been misinformed. It's Keven's joke. James intends to see me married soon. He has not picked out the man. But I'm sure he has someone in mind. He has insisted I have a season with a fine dowry to find a husband."
"Keven is right. You're both fools. Frankly I feel disappointed you didn't ask me to flirt with you another day. You've managed to bring about two proposals that would have happened sooner or later. A true matchmaker. I appreciate that you haven't thrown Winnie's sisters on Keven and myself. I doubt we could withstand your elaborate schemes, and two such marriages would end in the devil's cave."
"I never tried to make anyone fall in love. I only threw together those who were already in love."
"A shame you can't do as well by yourself and James."
"You are deluding yourself."
With a chuckle, Gabby said, "I will dance at your wedding."
"If I marry."
"That won't fudge. Even if you wanted to omit me from your guest list, I still remain James' friend, and he will invite me."
"The music has stopped, and we have nothing more to say."
With a bow and wink, he said, "I and all the Hawkthorn ghosts of years past will dance at your wedding."
She forced the thought of ghosts roaming the manor from her mind when the musicians began to play another waltz.
James turned to Julia and they waltzed again. Her eyes were held hostage by his and she felt she were floating among the rainbows. When the waltz ended she felt reluctant to leave his arms, but Keven came to claim a dance.
The musicians continued to play waltzes and the second time she danced with Keven he pulled her closer and whispered into her ear, "I wish I was the man who could bring the light from your heart to your eyes."
She gasped, stunned by his words.
"Love shows, my dear, Julia. At this moment, on this dance floor, I would be on my knees begging you to marry me if you once looked at me the way you look at James."
A tremor ran through her body. Was her love for James so obvious to the others? If so, could James see her love for him, too?
"You didn't know that James loves you?" A look of shock flashed from Keven's eyes. He paused. "Dear Julia, I wonder if James knows it himself. How can such smart people..."
"You're wrong, Keven, there is nothing between James and me."
"Think about it, Julia, think about it."
The rest of the evening she laughed when others laughed and waited to escape. Keven's words raced through her mind, circling again and again. There was much to think about and sort out in her life. Falling in love with James had set her body on fire and left her soul without honor. She had tricked an honorable man when she climbed into bed with him. James probably never was a scoundrel. She did not deserve his love or sympathy. There was nothing left but to confess her deceit, and live with the consequences.
***
James waited impatiently for Julia in the library. Something wonderful had happened to him today. Almost magical among the crystal balls and tinkling bells he had found some sort of inner knowledge as though for the first time. He had discovered deep within himself something more important than Hawkthorn to him. He felt unsure how to share it with her. He had fallen in love with Julia and Robert. They were a family. A happy family. He didn't know when it had happened, but he knew he had never felt so lighthearted before.
He must let her know he wants a real marriage based on love. He would ask her to marry him. What if she refused him? He could not bear that. Yet he loved her enough that anything she wanted no matter how his heart bled, he would help her attain. Robert and he could convince her of their love; she could not refuse.
He should kiss Aunt Shredda for insisting he have a wedding dress made for Julia. The dress arrived today. Should he give her the sapphire ring he had bought for her Christmas present as an engagement ring? Had he even then known he was in love? Is that why he chose it for her? He could hardly wait to see Julia's eyes light up with pleasure.
The knocking on the door startled James. "Come in."
The door opened, Ellis walked over to James and presented the silver dish with an envelope on it. "From Lady Julia."
James grabbed the envelope and opened it.
Dear James,
I'm too tired to meet you tonight. We will go for the Yule log tomorrow as soon as everyone has stirred the pudding. Cook insists we do that first and I am forced to agree with her.
Have a good night's sleep.
As ever, Julia
James looked up at Ellis.
"Louise reported Lady Julia seemed unusually tired. She took her up a drink of warm milk and tucked her into bed. It was a long day, my lord."
James smiled. "You need not worry. I am not angry with Julia. I couldn't bear to have her sick."
"Just as you should feel, my lord."
Though disappointed, James chuckled. How many servants did the chit have under her thumb? Is it good that a man knows ahead of time that his own servants love and protect his bride-to-be more than they do their master? Julia, Julia, you are the love of Hawkthorn. Especially the Earl of Hawkthorn.
And she must marry him or disappoint all of Hawkthorn, Robert and his dear imaginary friend, the Old Earl.
***
The afternoon sun glistened on last night's freshly fallen snow. Even the frightening maze looked harmless with its evergreen bushes snow-covered.
While most of the group chose to ride in a sleigh, Julia, eager to escape James, held Robert's hand and allowed him to excitedly pull her through the snow. In the woods, the snow scarcely covered the ground and the gentle wind whistled through the trees. Clumps of snow plunged from the trees to the ground unexpectedly, delighting Robert. Ten feet away a frosty haze rose from the ground, cutting visibility and Robert's enthusiasm became boundless.
Gabby quickly caught up with Julia and took Robert's right hand. "I think you need a little help with such a strong boy."
Robert looked up into Gabby's eyes. "Sir, I didn't pull her."
"Of course not! It appeared more like dragging."
Julia laughed and Robert, quick to catch an adult's nuance, relaxed.
"Julia likes to linger on a walk, but races only on a horse. I like to run about more than girls."
"'Tis the bane of the male species to endure female wiles. Do you race your horse?"
"I don't have Julia's bottom."
This brought a smile to Gabby's face, but his voice remained serious.
"Practice and time will bring that about."
"James told me I would become a fine horseman."
"I'm sure you will, Robert. Have you ever chosen a Yule log before?"
"Martin scouts out Yule logs all year long." Julia answered for Robert. "I suspect he has hinted to James exactly where the best one is."
Gabby pointedly looked at Robert. "Perhaps we might beat him to it. James has gone for the old wooden sled and will be far behind us."
"We do not have enough head start on him. James is quicker than everyone," Robert said with conviction.
Gabby could not restrain his laughter. "An older brother holds a bit of greatness in his sibling's heart."
Julia, knowing Robert did not understand, said, "Robert loves James and James loves Robert. It stands to reason they know each other's habits."
With a wink to Julia, Gabby bent down and whispered into Robert's ear, "You are lucky to have a brother like James."
Robert smiled and ran ahead of them to a fallen tree and sat on the trunk with a proud smirk on his face. "This is my choice," he shouted in a voice much like James.
"The trunk is the right size," Gabby declared. He walked around the downed tree with a frown and then a nod. "I'll whistle to the others. It seems a good choice to me."
James appeared with the sleigh bells echoing in the woods. "A perfect Yule log. Did you find it, Robert?"
Jumping up and down in the snow, Robert shouted, "I did! I did! I found it myself!"
Julia stepped back t
o watch James hug Robert and sing his praise for all to hear. It seemed like a bit of magic cast a spell out in the woods and bound the two half brothers. Robert and James were happy together. Julia looked into the misty backdrop searching for the blue sky beyond the brothers. Robert no longer needed her; he had James.
Winnie, Glen and Keven set to sawing off the limbs. James, Gabby and Robert took the sleigh back to the stable to get a hefty horse and a few stable hands to haul the log back to the manor.
In a short time the snow began to fall thicker, so thick at times, it hid the sun and darkened the sky. James returned with extra lanterns and opened the metal grating to let light spill among the trees.
Finally James had the log secured by rope and attached to a team of horses. Two stable hands led the team back to the manor. The other stable boys picked up the sawed off branches to take to the barn.
Following the two horses, Julia, with a lantern in her hand, lit the way for Robert who had hitched a ride on Gabby's back. Julia led them off into various patterns allowing the other sleighs to pass them by.
When Julia arrived at the manor, James stood waiting. He quickly lifted Robert to the ground and handed him to Miss Harper who rushed Robert to the nursery. He turned to Julia. "You had better go to your room, a hot bath is waiting for you. Being drenched is not good." Then James turned to Gabby. "How did Julia and Robert talk you into walking back?"
"I'm not sure. I think they desired me to join them in listening to you all sing Christmas carols.
"Gabby, I heard your deep voice singing!"
"I listened, too," Gabby retorted in a lighthearted manner.
"Julia, get up to your room!" James' voice seemed harsh.
Angry at his tone of voice she bit her tongue and turned toward the stairs, but her ears did not miss James' remark to Gabby. "Julia and Robert seem to delight in worrying me. You should not have encouraged their walking during a snow storm."
"A few snow flakes, not a storm. Come now, James. They are young, and you don't seem to find it necessary to take such care of yourself."
Julia smiled at Gabby's defense, and raced up the stairs forgetting her anger, remembering only that she must talk to Robert. And soon!
CHAPTER 17
Where had Julia's good sense gone? Aunt Shredda wanted her to flirt and entice James into marriage. Did she believe James deserved to be tricked? Truthfully, the dear old lady never suggested compromise. Julia had only herself to blame. Aunt Shredda let Julia believe she would save Robert from being shoved away from Hawkthorn. Did she even invent a ghost to help her conscience? Has she no honor? How could she have purposely compromised James and still play the innocent? She cannot marry a man because others believed he compromised her. Did she judge James as she equated all men? She respected her father's brain, but not his weakness for ladies of the night. She respected her step-uncle for his intelligence and faithfulness to her aunt, but not for his neglect of Hawkthorn. Julia never knew anyone like James, a man of his word with the respect of his peers, and love for Robert, his half-brother. How dare she marry him, to stay here with Robert?
She had only a few more days to snatch a bit of pleasure in James' company before leaving. How will she ever bear to see him married with children? And Robert growing in his likeness. How could anyone keep from falling in love with James? She could not deny him a chance of happiness with someone he loved. It had been so easy, such a wonderful plan. He loved no one. No, he loved Robert. And now she loved them both. She must not cry.
All night she tossed and turned and thought of nothing but Keven and his implications. If only they were true. Even a blind man would realize James had not changed. Poor James, spending his time searching for a man to please her. Never wanting to hurt her. Never complaining about being compromised. A loving person like James needed to marry someone he loved, not spend his life doing his duty. You're wrong, Aunt Shredda. James didn't need a wife to save him from his wild ways. Heaven knows if he ever had a wild day. Had Aunt Shredda dreamed it all hoping to create a James more like those heroes in the gothic novels? He takes his responsibility seriously. He needs someone he loves with all his heart to make him happy.
After breakfast Julia hurried to the nursery. She had promised Robert to wrap his Christmas gifts. "Robert, we need to prepare...as soon as you finish breakfast. Don't gulp your food down."
Robert with his mouth stuffed, smiled. Miss Harper put away his books and soldiers before she left the room.
Julia reached out for the crystal dragon. Robert had chosen the gift to show James his love. It would take so little to shatter it into hundreds of slivers and it could never be restored. James had that power over her heart. She set the dragon on the shelf then slowly drew her hand away. Tomorrow night the great ball, the next night Christmas Eve. How could she ever explain to sweet, trusting Robert that she must leave the manor? Against her own logic and against her own will she had fallen in love with James. She was aware of her feelings for him, from the first time she had kissed him. How long had Keven and the others recognized it?
"Julia, why aren't you listening to me? You said we had to prepare. Prepare for what?"
"Robert," she tried to inspire a morsel of courage to her heart. "I'm not able to go through with the marriage."
He stared at her. Her heart raced with trepidation. "You promised."
"Have I ever broken a promise before?" Her eyes searched his for compassion.
"He isn't a dragon!" His hair fell over his eyes just like James' did when he shook his head. "Why, Julia?" Robert persisted.
She tried to penetrate the depths of understanding in the darkened eyes of this six- year old boy. "I thought James deserved no more than an arranged marriage. I believed he had no respect for women. I expected him to leave Hawkthorn to live an unsavory life in London. I thought him all sorts of things. I knew nothing about love in marriage. Robert, I only wanted you to be happy. He will teach you to be a good and trustworthy man. I tried not to fall in love with Jameson. I tried not to see his good qualities. And yet, I have grown to love him so much. I cannot bear to trick him into a marriage he never wanted. I've been dishonest with him. He does not deserve that." With a deep breath she took Robert's hand and held it to her lips. Tears trickled down her cheeks.
Robert trembled, frightened. "You said it didn't matter about love. It's an arranged marriage. I can keep a secret. James will never know."
"You must keep it a secret." She sighed and pulled the child closer into her arms, whispering, "It didn't matter, at first. I lost my integrity. I only thought of myself, and making you happy, my darling Robert. But James will make you a man, and teach you things I do not know. Marrying me would ruin his life. He deserves to marry a woman he loves, a woman whom he chooses, who can share the joys of London and Hawkthorn with him. He loves you, Robert. He will always take care of you, and I won't marry anyone that would not allow you to spend time with me."
"You promised to stay. You promised to protect me from the Dragon!" His lip trembled, his small hands knotted into fists against her sides.
"You admitted he's not a dragon. Please understand, Robert. I found how important love can be between a man and woman. I can't tie James to me for life. He is full of happiness and love. I want him to have love, just as I want it for you."
"The Old Earl lied. James lied. And you lied." He jerked himself from her arms and ran out the door.
The loud slam forced Julia to her feet. She ran out into the garden after him. "Oh, Robert, stop!" she shouted through her tears. She saw him turn toward the maze. Blinded from her tears, unthinking, she ran into the overgrown, frightening tangle of bushes, and began to hunt for Robert. Where had he gone? She ran through the twists and turns shouting his name over and over. She trembled with fear, remembering the time she had been lost for hours in the dense shrubbery. Martin had found her and admonished her to never again go into the maze alone. Oh, God, what am I doing here? I am so frightened. God, help me find Robert.
She sc
reamed for Robert, though she knew he considered the maze his and he knew every winding inch of it, she feared he might be hurt. Panic drove her to racing about in a fitful manner. She stumbled over twisted roots and rocks until she twisted her ankle. Unable to put her weight on her left leg she hopped around seeking a way out. She limped in random directions until she became hopelessly lost. When the clouds floated in front of the moon and darkened the sky, she feared it would soon rain or snow. At long last, she staggered to a bench, sat down and screeched at the top of her lungs for help. When no one came, she put her face in her hands and sobbed.
In her willful way of solving every problem, she had spoiled everything she touched. She had disillusioned Robert, and he ran away to heaven knows where. And she had gone and fallen in love with James, who considered her a pesky problem that needed to be married off to some young unsuspecting lord. Had she harmed Ginny and Winnie or Glen and Becca? Had she forced them to marry? Has her touch become a curse?
"Help!" The howling wind tore the cry from her throat and swallowed her scream.
No one came. A house full of guests and servants and yet no one heard her. She shivered from cold and knew she must move around to search for a way out. She rose, limped a few feet when she heard a familiar voice. She recognized the vague outline of the mist standing in front of her.
She stood still, fear racing through her blood stream, the mist coiled, tangled and bent until it formed the shape of the Old Earl smiling behind his beard.
Thank you God for sending the Old Earl. "Please, take me out of here, Sir." Her bones shook with cold. Why doesn't he answer? "Please, help me." The ghostly form faded and reappeared, but each time it spiraled closer. Julia's teeth chattered. "Help me."
The wispy haze again began to look more like the Old Earl and he pointed to a tall bush. "Come, my dear. Follow me."
