“I bet she is. She’s hoping Rick will give her a ring for Christmas.”
I looked up from the punch I was making. “Do you think he will?”
“I think he wants to, but it’s complicated.”
“Isn’t it always?”
“That’s why I started Binary Search, to hopefully alleviate some of that.”
“It was genius.”
“I don’t know if I’ve thanked you enough for getting involved in all this wedding mess.”
“Really, it’s my pleasure. Thanks for sharing your family with me.”
“You miss yours?”
“Especially this time of year, so this has been welcome.”
“I’m just happy that between my momma and Zander, they didn’t drive you away.”
I gave her a small smile and turned back to mixing the sparkling punch.
She surprised me and came over to give me a little hug. “I know these past few weeks haven’t been easy on you. Zander has all but pushed me away. I was really hoping this go around he would be here for me.”
I felt terrible. I gave her a real hug. “It’s all my fault. I’m sorry I ever went out with him.”
“Don’t be. He’s the one being the idiot.”
She wasn’t lying.
Mrs. Marshall’s place started hopping. I think everyone that got an invite came. Everyone was so happy that after Kenadie’s horrifying experience at the altar and her seven years of swearing off relationships that she had finally found love. There were so many people, I felt like I was constantly refilling and restocking the refreshment tables, but I wanted to take care of that so Lana and Mrs. Marshall were free to entertain their friends. After all, I hardly knew anybody, except Eva and Cara. I wished they hadn’t come and that they weren’t bridesmaids. The crafts were a huge hit. There were several ladies who commented they were happy they didn’t have to play any ridiculous shower games.
I watched Kenadie do her best to be gracious, even when she opened her mom’s gift and pulled out the barely-there-why-bother-to-wear lingerie. The Nanettes laughed and laughed. Kenadie quickly put it back in the bag and moved on. When Kenadie was halfway through her gifts, there was a party crasher in a Santa hat carrying mistletoe.
“Ho, Ho, Ho. I heard this is where the prettiest ladies in Georgia were today.” Zander sauntered right into the family room.
The Nanettes were to him in seconds, kissing him on the cheek. All the other ladies in the room also looked delighted at the interruption. It didn’t matter if they were old or young, they were all hoping for a kiss with Santa.
But it was Kenadie I paid attention to. She seemed relieved and touched that he had come. Even if he was stealing the show.
I watched for a minute as he sat on a chair and each woman took her turn sitting on his lap and kissing his cheek. Some he asked if they had been naughty or nice. The giggling was ridiculous. And I was fine until Eva sat on his lap and, instead of kissing his cheek, she kissed his lips and lingered. I waited to see what he would do. He pulled away. “She’s obviously been naughty.” I couldn’t tell if that meant he liked it or not; he wouldn’t face me. She made sure, though, to smile at me afterward. She rubbed her lips together to taunt me like she knew it would hurt. I made myself not react, at least on the outside. Inside it felt like a huge stone had been dropped on my gut.
I couldn’t take it anymore. I headed for the kitchen to check on the food and drink situation. Which maybe wasn’t the best idea. There were several women filling up plates when I walked in. The conversations went something like:
“If I weren’t married and a few years younger, ooh what I wouldn’t do to be with him.”
“I always wondered why he and Kenadie never ended up together, but she still snagged a fine catch.”
“I think I’m going to go back for seconds, but this time I’m aiming for his lips.”
All the women smiled at me. “Make sure you get your turn, honey.”
I had already had mine, thank you very much. And guess what? He kissed me. But it meant nothing. So go ahead and kiss him.
I busied myself in the kitchen and then started cleaning off the craft tables. The crafts turned out so cute. They were going to look great on Mr. and Mrs. Hadley’s tree next year. I listened to the commotion in the family room. You would have thought we hired a stripper.
Mrs. Marshall came in to find me starting in on the dishes. “Dear, I was wondering where you had gone off to. We can do the dishes later. Come back and join the fun. Zander’s going to help Kennie finish opening her gifts.”
“There’s a lot to clean up and I want to get home early.”
“I’m sorry.”
She caught me off guard. “What for?”
“We all made fools of ourselves, didn’t we?”
“No. No.”
She approached me and patted my cheeks. “You’re actually a good liar.”
I laughed at her. “I did get away with a lot growing up.”
“Regardless, I’m sure it wasn’t easy for you to see that spectacle.”
“I missed most of it. And really, there’s nothing between us, so it doesn’t matter.”
“Then why are you in here?”
“Because I foolishly wanted there to be.”
“Ahh, truth, except I don’t know if I would call you foolish.”
“Really? He brought mistletoe to a bridal shower.”
She laughed. “I’ll give you that one.”
“Go back and enjoy this moment with your daughter.”
She kissed my cheek. It made my eyes water. “I will, but know this, he could do no better than you.”
I took a deep breath to stave off any tears. She made me miss my own mother so much it ached.
Women were in and out getting food while I cleaned up. The noise died down as people began to say their goodbyes. I wanted to go home too, but I couldn’t leave Mrs. Marshall and Lana with the aftermath. The good news was there was barely any leftover food. But there were lots of dishes, because apparently properly bred Southern women did not use plastic service ware. I would have to remember that.
I was elbow deep in suds when I heard voices outside the kitchen door. I swore I heard my name. I stood still.
“Did you see how Meg left after she saw me kiss Zander?”
So Eva thought I was already gone. I listened closer.
“You suspected there was something going on between them,” Cara replied. She was trying to keep her voice down.
“I more than suspect. I overheard Kenadie and Zander fighting about Meg in her office yesterday. Can you believe she thought she had a chance with him? He was playing her, and she went right along with it. She probably couldn’t satisfy him, so he tossed her aside. He needs a real woman,” Eva surmised.
“Are you going for it?” Cara asked.
“Uh, yeah. Now that Little Miss Muffet with her basket of goodies is out of the way.”
“She’s pretty.”
“She’s tolerable. But it doesn’t matter now. From what I heard through the door, he got what he wanted from her and dumped her.”
“Ouch.”
“Let’s catch him before he leaves. I’ll offer to show him what a real woman can do for him.”
I leaned against the sink for support. Tears streamed down my face. I had no idea how awful my coworkers were. I doubted Kenadie did, either. But I was done with them and Zander.
Something in me snapped. I threw the sponge in the sink and grabbed a hand towel to dry my hands. I marched myself out to the living room where Cara and Eva were engaging Zander in conversation. Eva was pulling on his Santa hat and laughing. The Nanettes and Lana were helping Kenadie organize her gifts to make sure they knew who each one came from so thank you cards could be sent. There were a few other women lingering that I didn’t know, but I didn’t care.
“I’m leaving,” I announced with tear-stained cheeks.
All eyes focused on me, but the only ones I paid attention to were Zander�
�s. He at least had the decency to step away from Eva. For a second, he acted like he was going to approach me, but like always, he stayed where he was.
Mrs. Marshall was by my side in no time. She placed her arm around me. “Dear, what’s wrong?”
“I’m tired of pretending, so I’m done. Eva, good luck with Zander. And just so you know, you might want to check to see if anyone can hear you when you’re talking about them. Your voice carries. And you might also want to get your hearing checked for the next time you eavesdrop on Kenadie in her office.”
“I never,” she swore.
“Right. You stick with that story, but just so you know, I was never anyone’s plaything nor will I ever be.” Tears continued to pour down my face. It was so not me, but I couldn’t help it. I turned toward Kenadie. “I’m really sorry, but I quit.”
Several voices erupted, though I couldn’t make out what was being said.
I tore away from Mrs. Marshall, and headed for the kitchen to get my bag and get out of Dodge, like my mom used to say. I wasn’t sure what had just happened. I didn’t really plan on quitting, but seeing them there like that killed me. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do now. All I could think was that I wanted to go home.
“Meg.” All the Nanettes and Kenadie called after me and followed me into the kitchen.
I found myself in a Nanette sandwich and bawling like a baby. “I’m sorry I ruined the shower.”
“Nonsense, dear,” Mrs. Marshall tried to comfort me.
“Meg,” Kenadie spoke and the Nanettes parted, “please don’t quit. You’re the best, most reliable employee I have.”
“I can’t work with him or them anymore.”
“Why didn’t you tell me there were issues?”
“It’s not my style. I thought I could handle it, and before today it was only small slights here and there.”
“I should pay better attention.”
“It’s not your fault.”
She bit her lip. “Meg, what can I do to keep you?”
“I just want to go home.”
“I’ll drive you.”
“No. I want to go home.”
Her eyes widened. “Oh.”
“You can’t leave.” Mrs. Marshall took my hand.
“I can’t stay. I’ve made a fool out of myself.”
“Honey, if I left town every time I made a fool of myself, I’d be gone more than at home.” Adelaide smiled.
“How’s this?” Kenadie’s eyes looked hopeful. “Go home to Wyoming and take a few days to relax, spend Christmas with your family. It will be a paid vacation. Then see how you feel. You at least need to come back and be in my wedding.”
“Yes, yes,” the Nanettes sang in tune.
“That’s not fair to you.”
“You always take the extra client dates and assignments without complaint; this is well deserved. Please don’t quit yet,” Kenadie begged.
I took a deep breath and shuddered. “Okay.” Though I wasn’t sure that was going to change my mind.
Relief washed over Kenadie’s pretty face.
Before I knew it, Cissy was wiping my face with a warm towel. “We got to put your face back on, darlin’, before you go out in public.”
Kenadie pulled Cissy away. “Don’t scare her.”
All the women laughed.
The laughter died when Zander snuck in. He looked unsure and maybe afraid of what awaited him. He took off that stupid Santa hat and ran his fingers through his messed-up hair.
“I hope you sent those tramps packing,” Mrs. Marshall snarled at him. “And if they think they are going to be in my wedding now, they have another thing coming. Girls,” she turned to her best friends, “we are on the hunt for some new bridesmaids. Let’s go.” She kissed my cheek before turning to leave. “You come back here, ya hear?”
I watched the Nanettes leave and each one smacked Zander’s arm before they walked out. He winced each time. Kenadie was last. “Watch yourself, butthead.”
He half-smirked and nodded.
All that was left was the two of us.
“I’ve got some packing to do, so I better go.”
“Where are you going?”
“Does it really matter to you?”
“Meg . . .”
“I don’t expect you to answer. I hope you have a Merry Christmas and you get everything you’ve ever wanted.”
He tilted his head. “How long are you going to be gone?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know if I’m coming back.”
“Don’t let Eva and Cara get to you. You’re better than that.” He so easily dismissed his own part, though how could I blame him? He made no promises, he didn’t even lie to me.
“Goodbye, Zander.”
He stepped forward and reached for my hand. “Meg, what if I don’t know what I want?”
The connection was real and it hurt. “I guess if I were you I would figure that out.” I pulled away from him.
He wasn’t letting go. “Don’t leave.”
I laughed. “I’ve heard that before. The last time you asked me to stay, it didn’t work out so well.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I want to believe you.” But I couldn’t. I let go and walked away.
Chapter Twenty-One
I leaned my head against the cold window in my dad’s truck. The snow reflecting the sun was almost blinding as we headed out of Salt Lake City. It was the most snow I had seen in a long time on the mountains. Once out of the city, it was slow going through Parley’s Canyon. I took the time to close my eyes. I was exhausted. I had caught a flight early this morning out of Atlanta after a night with no sleep. I used a good chunk of my Christmas bonus to buy the one-way flight home. I wasn’t sure exactly when I was going back.
Sleep still wouldn’t come. I kept running through my head all that had happened yesterday, and even the past couple of months. Maybe even this last year. I thought about how blind I was about Lucas and how I fooled myself into thinking I was in love with him, all while harboring a small crush for Zander that turned into a full-blown . . . I didn’t know what to call it. It was real, whatever it was. At least I hoped so. I was so confused. All I knew was it was different than anything I had ever felt before.
He was different.
I kept thinking about him asking me to stay yesterday. When I said I wanted to believe him, I meant that more than anything I had ever said. I not only wanted to believe he wanted me to stay, I wanted to believe in him, in us. But how could I, when he didn’t know what he believed in?
“Megan.”
I sat up and turned toward my dad, who was concentrating on the road. It wasn’t snowing now, but it had recently and the roads were treacherous, especially where the sun couldn’t reach.
“Yeah?”
“You don’t belong here.”
I sighed and leaned my head against the window. “Thanks, dad. I know.” I set my sights out the window again, wondering where I did belong.
“Megan, I love you.” He rarely said those words. “You’re meant for better.”
“What about the boys?”
“They’re stubborn fools, like their old man.”
“They love the land like you.”
“I suppose. Are you going to tell me why you’ve come running home?”
I sighed. “Because I’m a stubborn fool, too.”
Exhaustion took over and I was finally able to fall sleep. I slept for most of the drive. I didn’t feel too bad for leaving my dad without the company. He wasn’t much of a talker and I was spent, emotionally and physically. Dad gave me a gentle shake as we drove through Addison. Not much, if anything, had changed except the lampposts down Main Street were decorated for Christmas. The snow made it look like a scene from a snow globe.
“I miss this place.”
My dad frowned.
“I’m not staying, I just need to be with you and the boys. Is that so bad?”
“I don’t want you getting any ideas or romant
ic notions about living back here. There’s nothing here for you but back-breaking work and a lot of heartache.”
“Heartache is everywhere.”
He glanced my way. “I thought you weren’t in a relationship right now.”
I wrapped my arms around myself. “I’m not.” Though this felt worse than a breakup. How could that be?
“Megan, what’s wrong? It’s not like you to come running home.”
I stared out the window at the sleepy town I called home. Life seemed simpler here, but maybe now that I was older it would be just as complicated as living in Atlanta. I didn’t even know how to begin to tell my dad about Zander. I thought for a moment. “There was a man and I wanted him, but he didn’t want me.” That summed it up. No need to tell my dad all the gory details.
He scrubbed his hand over his face. No words of wisdom or comfort. I didn’t expect any. He was the kind of man who talked with nature, not people.
I forgot about my troubles for a moment as we neared the ranch. I first saw the steel gray outlying building, then the barn and stable. Everything was covered in a blanket of snow. My favorite was the wood-carved sign that read, Dawson’s Ranch. My dad had to throw the truck in four-wheel drive to make it up the long gravel drive to the house.
“Lincoln was supposed to clear the drive,” Dad grumbled to himself.
I wasn’t surprised he hadn’t. Lincoln probably got a call from a buddy and they were off hunting or some girl caught his eye. Maybe both.
I smiled as we neared the modest log cabin home. I noticed my dad’s patience was thinning as we trudged on in the snow. Driving on the snow was going to make it harder to clear. Dad pulled into the large metal outbuilding near the house that served as a garage as well as housing large equipment like tractors, not to mention the four-wheelers.
Dad was first out of the truck and still grumbling. “Do you want me to clear a path to the house?”
I looked down at my UGG boots. “I haven’t gone all the way soft. I think I can handle it.”
I think he was hoping I couldn’t. He grabbed my bags and we walked in the knee-deep snow to the house. The cold against the skin on my face was biting and it crept through my lightweight coat. Breathing in the cold air burned my lungs. So maybe I had gone soft.
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