by Lauren Helms
Contents
Title Page
Copyright
Dedication
Author Note
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Epilogue
Playlist
Acknowledgements
Also by Lauren Helms
About the Author
A Gamer Boy Novel
Lauren Helms
Copyright © 2018 Lauren Helms
This book is meant for personal enjoyment only. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you're reading this book and did not purchase it from a proper retailer, won in a verified contest, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please delete or return to your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Published by Lauren Helms (www.authorlaurenhelms.com)
Cover design by BxThree Designs (https://www.facebook.com/bxthreedesigns), inspired by Sweet Birds Design.
Editing by JL Anderson (TheAverillScribe.wordpress.com) and Judy Zweifel (www.judysproofreading.com)
To my father-in-law, (FiL) Rusty.
Who read and loved Level Me Up and couldn’t wait for Gia and Simon’s story.
Author Note
I spent hours over the past year researching mental health issues. I read and listened to personal accounts of what it is like to hallucinate and know what is happening but have to fight for the reality to stay with them. I may have drawn some similarities from my own past experiences as well. Having said that, I did take some liberties to make some of these issues work within the parameters of Gia and Simon’s story. So please just remember that this is a work of fiction.
While I changed the name of the video game my gamer boys play, it’s closely based on the Activision game, Call of Duty. The Call of Duty Endowment is a real thing and The Race to Prestige happens in real life every November. I highly recommend you check it out. For more information on The Endowment visit [https://www.callofdutyendowment.org/].
Chapter One
Gia
"I'm serious. You are going to marry The Rock, live in a shack with four kids, and drive a Jeep to your job as a phone sex operator," Ruby says.
"No way! You totally kept adding tallies after I said stop," whines Bernie.
We are playing MASH and it seems Ruby and Bernie take this childish game extremely seriously.
I'm in the kitchen refilling drinks when I hear the whistle of Morgan's text tone.
I chuckle as I make my way back into the living room where Morgan, Ruby, and Bernie are sprawled across the room. Since all of us girls are here, it must be Dex, Morgan's boyfriend. The two are practically attached at the hip. I laugh because girls’ night has only been going on for less than two hours, and he already misses her.
I probably would have rolled my eyes a few months ago, but he pretty much moved in to take care of Morgan after a horrible car accident several weeks ago. While it was hard at first to have him around, being all bossy and telling me how to take care of my best friend, we found our groove and made things work.
Now that she is heading back to work next week, we wanted to have a girls’ night to celebrate. That means no Dex.
"Well, that lasted all of about ninety minutes," Ruby chirps.
"Oh, stuff it, Rube, he just wanted to see if he left his headset over here."
With raised eyebrows, Bernie asks, "Oh, his Turtle Beaches? Because, I've had my eye on that for a few weeks, and he won't even let me try it out during practice. Please tell me it’s here, I want to wear it," she says longingly.
"That very headset. And yes, I think he did," Morgan says as she retreats to her room to check.
"So, whose turn is it for MASH? I haven't gotten to be the Destiny Keeper yet," I say, snagging the notebook out of Ruby's hand.
"I think it's Morgan's turn. Let's get started without her. Go ahead and list Pee-Wee Herman and Bart Simpson as two of the guys she's gonna marry," Ruby says excitedly.
"And why are we playing this again? Are we going to make those paper fortune tellers next?" Morgan asks as she plops down beside me on the couch.
"Oh, I love those," I add.
"We are playing this because watching movies and playing video games are all we ever do these days. I thought some margaritas and MASH would be fun," Ruby defends.
"Fair enough. But might I point out, that you are the only one really playing video games in your downtime? It doesn't count for Bern since that's what she does for a living. So ..." Morgan trails off as she goes back to reading her texts.
She's right though. Video games have been thrown into our lives ever since Dex came along. He is a professional video gamer, so our little group—Morgan, Ruby, and I—has kind of been taken into Dex's group. Well, more like his team. He's on a team with several other players, Bernie being one of them, so video games are now a very prevalent fixture in our lives.
I don't mind. I used to love playing video games when I was younger. But, I stopped playing them the day my family uprooted our lives and moved to a new state. I pretty much left my life, and those in it, back in Wisconsin. A shiver shoots down my spine at the thought of that mess.
Along with Dex, my best friend from my old life, Simon, came crashing back into my new life. I hadn't thought about Simon in years. Mostly because I taught myself years ago not to. It hurt too much. But now, he's here. He's always around. Things are awkward. I mean, like he-hates-me awkward. I can feel it. I can see it in his face. I'd say I could see it in his eyes, but he'd have to make eye contact with me first.
Redirecting my thoughts, I realize that I'm being watched intently by Ruby. She's on to me. These days, I feel like she is always watching me, waiting for the perfect moment to ask me about Simon. I have this gut feeling that she, and probably Link, have been plotting and planning on how they are going to figure out what the hell is going on with Simon and me.
I've done a swell job of keeping the real history of Simon and Gia at bay. I've told them the basics. He was my friend, we had to move abruptly for family reasons, and we lost touch. The girls questioned how that would have caused the iciness Simon saves for jus
t me, and I let on that we may have been more than just friends and I had let the communication between us drop.
It's the truth. More or less.
Fortunately, they've been so consumed with why after months of coldness between us, they haven't asked why we had to move. I consider that another bullet dodged. For the moment. Simon is the only one who knows why. He knows everything, and I've just got to hope that he will keep it to himself because if he doesn't people are gonna find out I'm really not the cool, easy-going, caring Gia everyone thinks I am.
Chapter Two
Gia
Girls’ night was a success. Enough pizza and popcorn were consumed last night to ease the hangover that was barely there this morning when I woke up. Well, not this morning really, it was almost noon. I'm a late sleeper. Every day.
I'm a freelance writer for a few popular entertainment blogs. So, I work on my own time and that in turn allows me to sleep in. In my defense, I do some of my best writing late into the night and early morning, so I like to think of it as working third shift.
I won’t complain though, I absolutely love my job. I adore everything to do with the silver and big screen. I have about 20 or so shows I watch on a regular basis and write up reviews on them for the sites I freelance for. It's been a long road, but I'm finally getting paid to write those reviews. Living in Chicago, I've even had a few opportunities to interview actors from lower-budget movies.
My end goal is to work for Weekly Entertainment on their TV or movie team or TVEdge.com. With my degree in journalism and mass communications, plus several years of experience as a freelancer, it feels like I’m finally getting somewhere in my career path. I've been on a trial run with TVedge.com. There are a few shows I recap and review weekly, as well as a few entertainment fluff pieces. I've grown a following on Twitter and engagement on my posts is starting to pick up. This is all great news, because after this trial run, I'll have a shot at a full-time gig with them. It doesn't matter which team I join, if it's TV, I'll get early access to shows and pilots. If I join the movie side, I get red carpet access. That has me giddy every time I think about it. I'm not normally a giddy person, but every once in a while, I can't help it. The only downfall to getting the full-time job—and it’s a biggie—would be that I'd have to move to sunny California. That's a long way from the Windy City. Too far away from my besties.
My parents live about three hours away in Indiana; I only see them a few times a year. It would be the move away from Morgan and Ruby that would be more painful.
Almost three years ago, Morgan and I moved to Chicago after we graduated from college. We wanted a fresh start. With my freelance work and her brand-spanking-new marketing degree, we thought Chicago would be the ideal place to get our start on adulting. I think we would both agree that it was a good decision.
I'm watching the new Harry Styles music video, when a new email pops up from my mom. Oh, God. This can't be good. I cringe as I hover my mouse over the email, contemplating whether or not to open it.
My mom and I usually communicate via text, sometimes even Facebook messenger. I know, it really is a sign of the times. She only emails when she has something important to tell me. She calls when there is something serious going on. It's her M.O. I'm not even sure if she is aware of what she does. My anxiety levels skyrocket when I see her name on the caller ID. And right now, as I click open the email, I brace myself for what I'm about to read.
Gia,
I wanted to update you on a few things going on here at home. Todd is having a bad week. Well, I should say, more like a bad month. As you know, he has been doing great on his medication and he's been seeing his psychiatrist only once a week now. But it seems that your brother decided a few weeks ago that he didn't want to take his medication anymore, so he stopped. Again.
He missed a couple of appointments, so Dr. Rosenthal called your father to let him know he could not get a hold of Todd. Long story short, we found him on a bender in his apartment and all trace of his medicine was gone. He's telling us that he sold them for $200 a pill. I just don't understand where he finds people to buy his bipolar medicine. I didn't know that was a thing. Anyway, we drove him to his appointment with Rosenthal and I guess Todd showed some red flags, so he has moved back in with us for the foreseeable future. If things don't start to look better for him, Rosenthal wants to admit him back into Neuro, the psychiatric hospital.
I know you don't like these kinds of emails from me, Gia. But he is your brother and you need to know what is going on. I've taken some time off from my job to make sure he gets to his work and home. I also just need to keep a closer eye on him while he goes back on his medicine. I would like it if you would make a trip home and visit with him. In the meantime, please just call him. He's your brother.
OK, well, I'll talk to you soon. Should I make up your old room for next weekend?
Mom
Well. Shit. That just ruined my whole freaking day. Why did I read the email? Why didn't I just watch some Harry Styles music videos for a while longer? Why? Because even though I hate getting these emails—even though it's been a while—I do want to know what's going on with my twin.
Todd and I have a very strained relationship. We always have. Growing up, it took several years for me to realize that this was just how our relationship was going to be. When we were in elementary school, there were two other sets of twins in our year. The teachers were baffled. It was kind of cool at first. The six of us naturally migrated into the same group. But quickly, I realized that Todd and I didn't have that "twin bond" that the others did. The bond I so desperately tried to have with him.
He never had my back, but always expected me to have his. He didn't want to be around me, ever. And his moods were always up and down. Most of the time, I felt as if we were on a never-ending roller coaster. By the time we were in fifth grade, I just wanted off the ride. I couldn't take it anymore. My twin didn't want to be my twin.
My parents had the hardest time with the shifts in his behavior. He was either depressed, angry, super happy, or just plain mean. The pediatrician diagnosed him as having ADD and placed him on medication. Which only made it worse. His first suicide attempt came the night before the Young Authors award ceremony where I won first place for my sixth-grade novel. It was a state-wide event, so it was a real honor. But I accepted the award with no family in the audience because my mom had found my brother in the bathroom on her way to the ceremony with an empty bottle of Tylenol lying next to him.
Thankfully, he had only taken about five pills, so it wouldn't have killed him. He was admitted to the psychiatric ward in the local children's hospital. Life changed after that night.
I know my parents didn't mean to cast me aside, but it just happened. They had a son who had something terribly wrong mentally, so they threw themselves into getting him the best help they could. As they should. During this first stint in the hospital, he was diagnosed as having bipolar disorder. It took a few years for the team of doctors and my parents to find a treatment that worked.
My relationship with Todd, never got better. Only more strained. It was hard for me to accept the back seat to life. Even when he wasn't at his worst, he was hard to deal with. He only cared about himself. Eventually, I lost track of all the times he was admitted to the hospital, all the times he stopped taking his meds. His manic episodes clouded my home life. At times it really felt like my brother hated me. And I hated being at home. I was treading water and it was hard to see any outcome that didn't have me drowning along with him. That is, until I met Simon Palmer.
Chapter Three
Gia
I snap my laptop shut and let out a long sigh. As always, an email like that will derail the rest of my day. I might as well resign myself to not getting any work done.
I could probably move past the family drama that was just revealed in my inbox if I had someone to talk to about it. There is just one slight problem: the fact that no one from my new life knows about Todd. Morgan has no clue I have
a twin. Am I ashamed of that fact? Absolutely. But it just kind of happened that way and it’s bound to bite me in the ass sooner or later.
She knows that we moved from Wisconsin for a fresh start. Honestly though, I think Morgan suspects there is something more that I'm not telling her. She pushed about it at first and I shut it down. She's always just been there for me the way I need her to be. She's my best friend for a reason. I love her for that.
I hear a knock at the front door, and I assume it’s probably Dex. I could really use the distraction from my thoughts, so I decide to go hang out with them. I won't admit this to anyone, but I kind of miss the guy being here 24/7.
As I reach the living room, sure enough, I see Dex standing at the bar that faces into the kitchen. Morgan is standing at the sink filling up a glass of water from the filtered pitcher.
"Hey there, stranger," I say to Dex.
"Yo," he says with a grin. "What? It’s been about twenty-four hours, you missed me already?"
"Yeah, but not as much as our girl here has," I counter and head into the kitchen for a drink of my own.
"You get used to someone living with you and taking care of your sorry ass all the time, of course you’re going to miss them." Morgan laughs.
"Oh, that's the reason? I thought it would have been because you missed seeing my panty-melting smile and devilishly good looks at all hours of the day," Dex scoffs. I round the corner with a chuckle when I hear a deep, familiar laugh in front of me.
I miss Morgan's reply but distantly hear lips smacking and I'm suddenly aware that Simon is sitting on the couch.
He’s all lean and muscular. Not at all the gangly teenager I used to know. His crew cut, dirty-blond hair is still thick, it looks more like an Ivy League cut. He’s wearing his black, plastic-rimmed glasses today, which does nothing to mask his dark, inquisitive eyes. I’m instinctively drawn to him and my traitorous fingers itch to run through his hair, much like they used to when we were younger.
