THE FIFTH STORY
[Day the Eighth]
THREE YOUNG MEN PULL THE BREECHES OFF A MARCHEGAN JUDGE IN FLORENCE, WHAT WHILE HE IS ON THE BENCH, ADMINISTERING JUSTICE
Emilia having made an end of her story and the widow lady having beencommended of all, the queen looked to Filostrato and said, "It is nowthy turn to tell." He answered promptly that he was ready and began,"Delightsome ladies, the mention by Elisa a little before of a certainyoung man, to wit, Maso del Saggio, hath caused me leave a story Ipurposed to tell you, so I may relate to you one of him and certaincompanions of his, which, if (albeit it is nowise unseemly) it offercertain expressions which you think shame to use, is natheless solaughable that I will e'en tell it.
As you may all have heard, there come oftentimes to our city governorsfrom the Marches of Ancona, who are commonly mean-spirited folk and sopaltry and sordid of life that their every fashion seemeth noughtother than a lousy cadger's trick; and of this innate paltriness andavarice, they bring with them judges and notaries, who seem men takenfrom the plough-tail or the cobbler's stall rather than from theschools of law. Now, one of these being come hither for Provost, amongthe many judges whom he brought with him was one who styled himselfMesser Niccola da San Lepidio and who had more the air of a tinkerthan of aught else, and he was set with other judges to hear criminalcauses. As it oft happeneth that, for all the townsfolk have nought inthe world to do at the courts of law, yet bytimes they go thither, itbefell that Maso del Saggio went thither one morning, in quest of afriend of his, and chancing to cast his eyes whereas this said MesserNiccola sat, himseemed that here was a rare outlandish kind of wildfowl. Accordingly, he went on to examine him from head to foot, andalbeit he saw him with the miniver bonnet on his head all black withsmoke and grease and a paltry inkhorn at his girdle, a gown longerthan his mantle and store of other things all foreign to a man of goodbreeding and manners, yet of all these the most notable, to histhinking, was a pair of breeches, the backside whereof, as the judgesat, with his clothes standing open in front for straitness, heperceived came halfway down his legs. Thereupon, without tarryinglonger to look upon him, he left him with whom he went seeking andbeginning a new quest, presently found two comrades of his, called oneRibi and the other Matteuzzo, men much of the same mad humour ashimself, and said to them, 'As you tender me, come with me to the lawcourts, for I wish to show you the rarest scarecrow you ever saw.'
Accordingly, carrying them to the court house, he showed them theaforesaid judge and his breeches, whereat they fell a-laughing, assoon as they caught sight of him afar off; then, drawing nearer to theplatform whereon my lord judge sat, they saw that one might lightlypass thereunder and that, moreover, the boards under his feet were sobroken that one might with great ease thrust his hand and arm betweenthem; whereupon quoth Maso to his comrades, 'Needs must we pull himoff those breeches of his altogether, for that it may very well bedone.' Each of the others had already seen how;[381] wherefore, havingagreed among themselves what they should say and do, they returnedthither next morning, when, the court being very full of folk,Matteuzzo, without being seen of any, crept under the bench and postedhimself immediately beneath the judge's feet. Meanwhile, Maso came upto my lord judge on one side and taking him by the skirt of his gown,whilst Ribi did the like on the other side, began to say, 'My lord,my lord, I pray you for God's sake, ere yonder scurvy thief on theother side of you go elsewhere, make him restore me a pair ofsaddle-bags whereof he hath saith indeed he did it not; but I saw him,not a month ago, in act to have them resoled.' Ribi on his side criedout with all his might, 'Believe him not, my lord; he is an arrantknave, and for that he knoweth I am come to lay a complaint againsthim for a pair of saddle-bags whereof he hath robbed me, he cometh nowwith his story of the boothose, which I have had in my house this manya day. An you believe me not, I can bring you to witness my next-doorneighbor Trecca and Grassa the tripewoman and one who goeth gatheringthe sweepings from Santa Masia at Verjaza, who saw him when he cameback from the country.
[Footnote 381: _i.e._ how they might do this.]
Maso on the other hand suffered not Ribi to speak, but bawled hisloudest, whereupon the other but shouted the more. The judge stood upand leaned towards them, so he might the better apprehend what theyhad to say, wherefore Matteuzzo, watching his opportunity, thrust hishand between the crack of the boards and laying hold of MesserNiccola's galligaskins by the breech, tugged at them amain. Thebreeches came down incontinent, for that the judge was lean and lankof the crupper; whereupon, feeling this and knowing not what it mightbe, he would have sat down again and pulled his skirts forward tocover himself; but Maso on the one side and Ribi on the other stillheld him fast and cried out, 'My lord, you do ill not to do me justiceand to seek to avoid hearing me and get you gone otherwhere; there beno writs granted in this city for such small matters as this.' Sosaying, they held him fast by the clothes on such wise that all whowere in the court perceived that his breeches had been pulled down.However, Matteuzzo, after he had held them awhile, let them go andcoming forth from under the platform, made off out of the court andwent his way without being seen; whereupon quoth Ribi, himseeming hehad done enough, 'I vow to God I will appeal to the syndicate!' WhilstMaso, on his part, let go the mantle and said, 'Nay, I will e'en comehither again and again until such time as I find you not hindered asyou seem to be this morning.' So saying, they both made off asquickliest they might, each on his own side, whilst my lord judgepulled up his breeches in every one's presence, as if he were arisenfrom sleep; then, perceiving how the case stood, he enquired whitherthey were gone who were at difference anent the boothose and thesaddle-bags; but they were not to be found, whereupon he began toswear by Cock's bowels that need must he know and learn if it were thewont at Florence to pull down the judges' breeches, whenas they sat onthe judicial bench. The Provost, on his part, hearing of this, made agreat stir; but, his friends having shown him that this had only beendone to give him notice that the Florentines right well understoodhow, whereas he should have brought judges, he had brought them sorrypatches, to have them better cheap, he thought it best to hold hispeace, and so the thing went no farther for the nonce."
The Decameron of Giovanni Boccaccio Page 85
