She didn’t have the energy to relive everything that had happened over the last week, especially what transpired last night, so she tried to change the subject.
“It’s a long story,” Kenna said. “Besides, you have a wedding to focus on today. Stop worrying about me and Bear.” She pasted on a brave smile, even if she didn’t feel it.
“Tell me,” Sam said, her forehead crinkling slightly above the large shades. “How long have we been friends?”
Kenna thought back for a few seconds. “More than twenty years.”
“Right, so I’m well within my rights to tell you when you’re full of shit.”
“Excuse me?”
Sam’s smile was cocky. “You, Kenna McCord, are full. Of. Shit. You’re changing the subject because you don’t want to face the facts.”
“What facts are those?”
“That you’re afraid to trust Bryan with your heart again. So you’d rather be miserable for another twelve years, holding on to that anger until it consumes you. At least then you can be safe knowing he won’t hurt you again.”
“You don’t know what happened,” Kenna said, indignation making her bite the words out. “Or what he did.”
Sam waved that away with a slice of her hand. “The question isn’t what he did. It’s whether you’re willing to forgive him for it. And the only way you can forgive is if you decide to trust him again.”
Trust. There was that word again. After everything that happened between them, how could she trust him again? What could he ever hope to do to prove to her that he deserved it?
Even if she’d entertain the idea of another word with Bryan, she couldn’t imagine what he could say or do to make things right. To make her forget the pain of the last twelve years.
But Sam had a point. Pain couldn’t heal without a person first accepting it and deciding to forgive. It was up to Kenna whether she could or not.
“So,” Sam asked. “Are you willing to forgive him? Can you let Tyke back into your life and your heart?”
Kenna caught her confused reflection in Sam’s shades. “I don’t know,” she said honestly. “I just don’t know.”
“Well, at least it isn’t a ‘hell no,’ ” Sam said, sliding her gaze over Kenna’s shoulder. “I got her warmed up, now she’s all yours.”
Kenna’s body locked up as she slowly turned to see Bear standing behind her with Ash.
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed and then cleared his throat. He looked a little unsure of himself when he glanced at Ash.
Ash forced Bryan forward with a shove. Bryan stumbled a step or two before regaining his balance.
Kenna jerked a look at Sam, trying to spear the other woman with her gaze. You set me up.
Sam smiled, not worried in the least about the accusation. She clasped Kenna’s hands. “Hear him out. Please? For me?”
“I hate you,” Kenna hissed.
“No, you don’t,” Sam whispered. “I’m helping both of you get out of your own way.” Sam stepped toward her soon-to-be husband but stopped. “Oh, almost forgot.” She dug into her shorts pocket and then started fiddling with something on Kenna’s shirt. “Like I said, this was always about you guys getting out of your own way.”
When Kenna glanced down at the item pinned above her heart, she saw it was oval-shaped, about an inch long and half inch wide, with a decorative E and V inscription in the center.
Aunt Estelle’s brooch.
“Where did you—?”
Sam was already curled under Ash’s arm and they were headed back up toward the resort, holding each other tightly. “Don’t be late for the wedding!” Sam called over her shoulder with a grin. “And remember, it was all for your own good!”
Bear stood with both hands in the front pockets of the same shorts he was wearing the night of the rehearsal dinner. Same shirt, too. And those damn untied black boots. Only difference was his hair. It wasn’t in a tie. Blond strands hung loosely around his shoulders in disarray as if he’d been tugging on it all night. The sight would’ve made her giggle if it weren’t for the fact that she was so shocked to see him at all.
When it seemed like he wasn’t going to start, she said, “You hurt me.”
He took a hesitant step forward. “I know. I was stupid. I was an idiot. I should’ve told you. I should’ve come back. I’m sorry, Kenna. I’m so sorry.”
She studied his face. It looked paler than normal. Crease lines around his forehead and eyes appeared deeper. His expression showed desperation.
“Not good enough,” she said, crossing her arms. “What else?”
His eyes widened slightly like he hadn’t expected that. “It tore me apart to stay away. I thought about you every day and every night. It haunted me. I hated myself because I’d failed you. In more ways than one. I was a wreck. It took me years to even want to be around other people. I just felt so goddamn sorry for myself. For what I’d done to you. If I could take all the pain away, I would.”
He paused like he was trying to gauge her reaction, so she lifted an eyebrow to say, keep going.
“I’m nothing without you, Kenna. You’re the only woman I’ve ever wanted, and the only one I’m ever going to want. Ever.”
A soft wave of warm water ebbed around her ankles, then as it retreated it pulled the sand away, forcing her to shift her weight. “Still not good enough. I know all of that. We want each other, that’s never been our issue. But do you know how hard it is for me to even think about trusting you again?”
Another step forward. “I do. That’s what I regret most. I hate that you can’t trust me. You have every right not to. But I’m telling you, Kenna, I’ve changed.”
She still wasn’t going to relent her closed-off stance. Words. Right now they were just words. “How do I know you won’t go off and make decisions without my input again? How do I know you’ve changed?”
“I have,” he said. “I swear.”
“I don’t believe you,” she said. “You wasted more than a decade thinking I’d care about not having kids with you. If you had thought for one second about us, you would’ve realized that we could’ve worked through it. As long as we were together. There are so many options out there to be parents. Are you okay with the fact that you can’t have kids? Because it seems to be a huge hang-up for you.”
“I don’t even care if we can’t have kids.”
Her eyes narrowed.
He brushed a frustrated hand over his hair. “I mean, I care. Of course, I care. It’s just that I don’t care if they’re not mine.”
Her eyebrows went up.
“Fuck. That’s not what I meant, either.” He blew out a breath, then balled his hands into fists. “They’re never gonna be my kids, you know, biologically. And I’m okay with that. It doesn’t mean I won’t love them. As long as we raise them together, that’s all I care about.”
“So you’d be fine with adoption.”
“Yes,” he said.
“Fostering?”
“Sure.”
“Using a donor?”
He opened his mouth, but then closed it. He hesitated, his features guarded, then tried again. “What do you mean? How does a donor work? Like, you’d be pregnant? You wouldn’t have to… I mean, would another guy have to have sex with you?”
She was proud of herself for swallowing the laugh that wanted to explode. Leave it to Bear to be so naive that he didn’t even know how IVF worked. Of course, why would he? It’s not like it was something the Army or DEA would’ve taught him. But still, it was the twenty-first century.
“Yes, he would,” she said, feeling a bit of triumph at testing him. Her satisfaction grew when his face showed disbelief with a shade of protectiveness.
Muscles popped in his jaw, and his nostrils flared as he was no doubt getting a clear mental picture. “If that’s what you want, I’d try really hard not to kill the guy before, during, and after.”
She fought to conceal the twitch of her lips. He deserved this after all the shit
he’d put them through.
“Good. But I’m sure there are other options,” she said. “Still, it’s nice to know you wouldn’t mind.”
“Oh, I’d mind,” he said quickly. “But I’d look past it for you and our kid.”
Our kid.
The first slice in the protective barrier around her heart cracked and a tiny sliver of hope seeped out.
“Estelle said something that made me think,” he said, moving toward her. He stopped close enough to reach out and touch her if he wanted to, but his hands remained at his sides. “She told me just because you don’t give birth to someone doesn’t mean you can’t love them. I didn’t know it could be like that. But I see the way she is with you. And she’s only your great-aunt and your godmother. But she loves you. A lot.”
“And I love her,” Kenna added.
He nodded as he looked away and readjusted his boots in the sand. “I wanted to do something to prove to you how much I’m okay with not being able to father our kid.”
Turning, he reached for a box she just now noticed behind him on the ground.
Bryan held it out to her. “Here.”
Confused as all get-out, she cautiously peered in. She blinked a few times before looking at Bryan. “It’s a crab.”
“It’s the crab. The one that bit me the other night.”
Taking a closer look, she noticed it had a large claw and a second much smaller one. “I don’t understand.”
“Kenna, meet Spike.” He swallowed hard, then said, “Our adopted son.”
She laughed, couldn’t help it. It just spilled out. “What are you talking about?”
He cleared his throat as color rose into his cheeks. “I’m showing you that I don’t care where our kids come from, the only thing that matters is that we raise them as ours. This one bites like a motherfucker, but I think it’s a coping mechanism because he feels inadequate around his other crabby friends. He knows he’s different, and there’s nothing he can do about it, and that makes him angry. But I’m sure with a lot of love and attention, we can show him that being different makes him special. Just because he doesn’t look like a regular crab, and he might not be able to perform like one, doesn’t mean he can’t be loved. And give love in return. He might think he’s lacking because of his perceived inadequacy, but I love him anyway.” He looked at her with a nervous expression. “Can you?”
Any remaining wall left around Kenna’s heart had completely crumbled and turned to dust. Her vision started to blur. He was talking about himself. He really had come to terms with his condition and was choosing to accept it.
And he’d spent all night searching for one particular crab to prove his point.
“Oh, Bryan,” she said, the words coming out gravelly because of the deep emotion rising in her throat. “Yes, I can love little Spike Tyke. He could never be inadequate in my eyes. He’s so special and unique. He always has been.”
A look of relief flashed over his face before he set the box back on the ground. Then he pulled her to him. Her feet dangled as he squeezed her tight enough against his chest to infuse her with his honesty, his regret, and his love. “I’ll never let you down again. I promise. Tell me you believe me. Tell me you can trust me again.”
She nodded against his chest, tears now spilling down her cheeks. “Yes. I can. I do.”
His hand went into her hair, gently urging her face up to his. He stared into her eyes, a look of relief and astonishment clear in his expression. Something else lingered there, too.
Yearning.
Kenna knew the feeling. They hadn’t freely given themselves to each other in twelve years. Their individual issues always held them back. Everything this week had been because of want, but not because of need. She needed him now and was ready to fully accept every piece of her past, present, and future with Bear.
She dropped her chin once. Yes.
His lips crashed down onto hers as the hand in her hair tightened. She threw her arms around his neck, her fingers immediately tangled into his locks as well. She grabbed a firm handful and kept him right where he was.
This kiss held so much promise. So much meaning. Because it represented their future. The one she never thought was possible.
When he pulled away, breathy, he set her onto the sand but didn’t take his hands away. They moved down her sides to rest on her hips. One corner of his delicious lips curled. “Does this mean we’re giving this thing between us another go?”
Kenna glided a hand up his chest and closed her fist around his shirt. His eyes blazed in response. “I’m ready if you are.”
The other side of his lips joined the first, forming a devilish grin that ignited a slow burn in her belly.
“We should probably make it official,” he said, reaching into his pocket. When he lifted his hand, between his thumb and pointer finger was a platinum ring with diamond baguettes along the band with a two-carat round sapphire in the center.
“How—where did you— You found my mom’s ring!” She leaped at him, trying to kiss anywhere and everywhere she could reach.
“Sam and Estelle,” he said with a chuckle, effortlessly catching her in his capable arms. “It was all a big ploy to get us back together. We can be mad at them later. For now…” He held her snug against him, lowering his mouth. Once. Twice. By the third kiss they were getting pretty into it. All the anger, sadness, joy, and hope over the last twelve years finally broke free.
“Woohoo!” Loud cheers and shouts erupted from farther up the beach, near the resort, where Ash, Sam, Luke, and Cassandra stood watching.
“About time, you jackass!” Ash shouted.
“Yeah, what took you so long, dipshit?” Luke yelled.
Bear spun with her in his arms, and she was pretty sure he flashed his middle finger at his friends, but she didn’t care. He kissed her with the fervor of a man in love, and she kissed him back just as passionately. His big hands cradled her face. She kept her arms locked securely around him. They soaked in the moment like it was their last. But it wasn’t. It was the first of many—together.
They’d found their happily ever after. Finally. There was just one more thing left to do.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Oh, Jesus, God. The music was starting. That meant the wedding was starting. And that meant Tyke was actually doing this. He was getting married. To Kenna.
He didn’t regret it. Wasn’t having second thoughts. It was just the reality of the whole thing. He’d come to the Caribbean to see his friends tie the knot. Not reconnect with the love of his life and stand up here with them.
So he wasn’t too pissed at Sam and Estelle (and on occasion Ash and Luke) for concocting the whole stolen ring and brooch thing. Joseph Landry, Tyke’s boss, was in fact the guy Kenna had seen leaving her hotel room. The group had had no idea about Tyke’s and Kenna’s real issues and what had kept them apart, and felt pretty bad after he and Kenna filled them in. But he had to admit, had they not interfered, Tyke would’ve never faced anything. He would’ve continued to bottle everything up, and it would’ve destroyed them both.
He swayed from side to side, his vision blurring and muscles locking up. Standing beside Ash and Luke under the big, white canopy in the sand, the water to their backs, he looked out in front of him and saw tan, white, some pink, and a sea of bodies in chairs. Couldn’t focus on anything in particular. Violins played a tune that seemed to be pounding in his brain. He managed to pick out Reese, who sat in the first row next to Megan. She cuddled into his shoulder, her arm wrapped around his, their hands interlocked. The way she smiled, secretive and coy, told Tyke that Reese would have a fun night and an even better flight home. Good. He was happy for his friend.
Women started coming toward him in a slow line, spaced about ten feet apart. Some wore short pink dresses and others wore a light golden color, all of them holding white flowers at their waists. Tyke was dressed to match Ash and Luke. White linen shirt, khaki shorts, and bare feet. The same outfit he’d worn for the rehea
rsal, but this time he was at least wearing it for the right occasion. He’d trimmed his beard and spent extra time with the conditioner in the shower so his hair would be smooth and manageable.
Christ almighty, he’d lost his damn mind. He actually said smooth and manageable in reference to his hair. How about just combed and pulled back?
Better. It was one thing to get married, it was another to start stressing about the texture of his hair.
After the last bridesmaid sat in the front row of white chairs, the music changed to something more melodic. The back door of the hotel opened, and Cass appeared, grinning so wide he could see her teeth from here. She held a big-ass gathering of white flowers as she walked toward them in a white dress that was fitted at her waist and hips, then belled out at her knees. It was covered in a bunch of fabric that looked like netting he used for fishing. Though he was pretty sure it was nicer and more expensive than the stuff he used. As she drew closer, he saw the netting had flowers embroidered into it. Yeah, definitely nicer. Luke didn’t seem to care what she wore. He smiled at her like a lovesick pup. Her hair was loose, brunette strands lifting into the gentle breeze coming off the ocean. Her eyes were lined, cheeks more defined, and lips pale. She looked like herself, but prettier. The event might’ve had something to do with her radiance, too.
Cass walked unescorted because her parents couldn’t travel due to her sister’s muscular dystrophy. The couple had held a small ceremony a few weeks ago in Cass’s hometown so her family could see her get married. Today was more of a formality with the rest of her extended family and friends.
About three steps before she got to the altar, Luke broke rank and went out to join her. He grabbed her hand and practically yanked her in front of the priest.
Ash gave his friend a congratulatory smile and then adjusted the collar of his shirt. His chest expanded as he fixed his gaze on the doors Cass had just walked through. Tyke turned, too. Watching. Waiting.
The Man I Want to Be (Under Covers) Page 23
