by J. S. Cooper
“And who, pray tell, is Jimmy?”
“My friend.” I grinned at her, seeing nothing wrong in having a friend who was a boy.
“Give him the note back and tell him you can’t be friends.”
“What?” I hadn’t understood why she was saying that, but I had sensed that she was suddenly angry.
“Boys aren’t friends with girls. They only want one thing.”
“What’s that, Grandma?”
“They only want to take from you.” She sighed. “Everything that they can. And then they leave you. Ain’t no point being friends with boys. They will always hurt you.”
“He hasn’t hurt me though, Grandma.”
“He will.” She grabbed my hands. “Don’t ever let no boy get so close to you that he can hurt you. People will talk to you about love, but it ain’t real, baby girl. Men don’t love no one but themselves.”
“Okay.” I’d walked to my room feeling confused and upset, but I never doubted what she said. Grandma was never wrong. That was the first of many conversations I’d had with my grandma about men, and her words were never far from my brain. I lived my life with her rules and I tried to never let any guy get so close that he could hurt me.
I’m not ashamed to say that Dominic showed up fifteen minutes after Brad left that morning. It was weird seeing him, knowing that the last time I’d seen him he had been with Jessie. It was even weirder knowing that I’d already gotten over it. I’d been more shocked than hurt. Frankly, him being with Jessie was more of a pride thing. Which is why I think I agreed to what he asked me next.
So, when Dominic asked me to marry him, he didn’t actually mean he wanted to marry me. Well, he did and he didn’t. You see, at the time Jessie was threatening to go to the press about the shenanigans going on between her, Dominic, and Aiden. Turns out she was as big a bitch as I thought. When I heard that, I wanted to call Aiden’s wife and laugh in her face, but I thought that would be a bit hypocritical. I wasn’t exactly in the position to be throwing stones. Dominic wanted me to be his cover. When he explained it to me, I wasn’t sure what to think. I mean, it’s not the most romantic thing in the world, but I’m a practical girl, I don’t need romantic.
Let’s be honest, what I need is money. I don’t have a job, I’m not well educated, and I don’t want to live in the streets or even a studio apartment in Jersey City. I want a nice, big, luxurious apartment in Manhattan and I want to be taken care of.
When Dominic showed up, I was happy to see him. There’s something about a man with a handsome face that makes you forget a multitude of sins. Especially when you realize you’re all alone, with no income coming in and no one else to fall back on.
“So, I have something exciting to tell you.” Dominic was grinning from ear to ear. It was as if he didn’t know how grossed out I’d been by him. In all actuality, I couldn’t even remember if I had told him. All I could think about was Brad and what had happened after I had left Dominic.
“What’s that?”
“You know how you used to hook up with my dad?”
“That’s exciting?” I frowned at him. Here it comes, I thought. He’s going to ask me for a threesome.
“No, of course not.” He gave me a weird look. “However, he said he wants to give us a special gift.”
“For what?”
“He feels bad that he fucked his son’s future wife.” Dominic shrugged. “He’s handing over his company to me.”
“What?” My voice rose. “Are you kidding?” I looked at him in shock, not really understanding why Aiden would do all that.
“Not kidding.” He grabbed ahold of me. “I’m going to be CEO, baby.”
“Okay, that’s great.” I frowned. “But why?”
“Do you really care why?” He frowned then. “You should be happy.”
“I should be happy?”
“You fucked my dad.” His eyes glinted.
“You had a threesome with your dad,” I shot back at him straight-faced.
“We never touched.” His eyes widened in shock and I smiled sweetly.
“You’re a sick fucker.”
“That’s to be decided.” He grabbed my hands. “Though it takes one to know one.”
I stared into his eyes and for one brief moment, all I could think about was Brad. The Brad I could never be with. I only allowed myself to think about him for a moment, though. That part of my life was over. I needed to move on and who better than with Dominic? He was just as messed up as me. We could play dirty with each other. And if he was about to become CEO, that would make it all better.
So, as you can see, I didn’t get my happily ever after. I got a happy with money and a beautiful baby. I got a husband that uses the word love but doesn’t know what it means. I got to prove my grandma right. I got everything someone like me could ask for. But oh, my story doesn’t end here. You see, what happened next in my life shook everything around me and caused it to collapse. Everything I thought I knew. Everything you think you know. Well, it’s all wrong. It’s all twisted. You see, my story goes back a lot further and a lot deeper than you knew. You see, everything in my life was about to change once again. Only this time, this time, you’re going to see it from the other side.
II
Prologue
Saskia thinks I don’t know who the father of her son is. She couldn’t be further from the truth. Of course, I know that he’s mine. He’s got my eyes. He’s got my smile. I sit in my car and watch them as they go to the park and the store. I’m just biding my time. She’s silly if she thinks I’m going to give up that easily.
Even now, on Father’s Day watching her and her husband play happy family, I wait. I wait because I know the truth. I wait because this isn’t just above love. This is about forever. Only Saskia doesn’t know that she’ll never escape me. She doesn’t know what I’ve done. Sometimes I feel guilty, like a master manipulator, but other times, I feel powerful and on top of the world. I’m going to get what I want and you’re going to witness every part of it. This is my story. And I’m not going to hold back. I’ve loved her since we were teenagers. Just because I’m married to her best friend doesn’t mean I don’t want her. In fact, I want her more than anything. And I’m going to make sure I get her. I’ve waited long enough.
2
I’ve gotten into the habit of staring at my phone pretending I’m reading something really important when Natasha comes into the room. I know that she knows that it’s not important, but she never asks me what I’m thinking about. She already knows. We both know that I’m thinking about Saskia. Saskia thinks she’s protecting her best friend by not being with me. Little does she know that Natasha has always known I’ve wanted Saskia. Little does she know that Natasha is a bigger bitch than she could ever be.
For the last ten years, I’ve wondered if I made a wrong decision letting Saskia walk away from me not knowing the truth. She was the love of my life, but she had issues. I didn’t realize quite how complicated everything would get and I wasn’t sure how to get out of the mess I was in.
“Brad, I’m going to bed.” Natasha gave me a look, and I ignored her. “I said good night.” She pouted at me and I stifled a sigh.
“Good night.”
“You’re not coming?” She frowned.
“No.”
“Brad, I’ve had enough…”
“How could you?” I asked her softly.
“How could I what?” She froze and stared at me with a blank expression.
“How could you get your dad to sleep with Saskia?” I asked her, my voice hard. She stared at me in silence for a few minutes, not saying a thing. I knew she was shocked that I knew the truth about that night. Did she really think that I didn’t know who she was?
“When did you figure it out?” She licked her lips nervously.
“Years ago.” I shrugged and looked down. “I’ve known for years that you’re a shitty friend to her.”
“Yet, you never told her.” She looked surprised.<
br />
“You were everything to her.” My eyes narrowed. “Her friendship with you was the pinnacle of her life. It was the only thing she had. You were the only one she ever truly loved.”
“Ironic.” She laughed. “Stupid bitch.”
“Why did you pretend?” I shook my head. “All these years you pretended to love her and be her best friend?”
“I knew that as long as you believed Saskia needed me, you’d leave her alone. I knew that you loved her so much that you’d put her needs first.” She sounded bitter. “What’s that saying? Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.”
“Wow.” I shook my head. “But you used your dad as well?”
“I knew you wanted her. I knew she wanted you. I didn’t want you to sleep with her. She’s a slut, she wouldn’t care if it was my dad or not that she fucked.”
“What about your mom?”
“She hasn’t had sex with him in years.” She laughed. “A bit like you and me.”
“I don’t love you.”
“Yet, you married me.” She smiled. “You chose me.”
“I didn’t choose you.” I shook my head. “You tricked me.”
“It was so easy to convince my dad, you know,” she laughed. “My dad jumped at the chance to do me a favor.”
“You’re disgusting.”
“I’m your wife.” She took a step toward me. “And I know you. You think you can just leave me? I know your secrets.”
“You wouldn’t dare!” I froze and her lips curled up like a catty witch.
“Oh, but I would, dear husband.” She ran her fingers down my chest. “Did you really think I was going to let you fuck her in our bathroom?”
“Why couldn’t you just let us be together?” I frowned at her. “Why couldn’t you just let us be?”
“Why should I have?” She shrugged and leaned forward and kissed me. “I wanted you. And I get what I want.” And with that, she walked out of the room. I sat back down on the couch and stared at my phone blankly. All I could think about was Saskia. I wanted her to know the truth about her friendship with Natasha. I wanted her to know that Natasha had never been a true blue friend, but I knew that would break her heart. Natasha was the only thread of hope she had in humanity. If she found out the truth, that would be it. If she found out the truth about everything, she’d hate both of us. I felt my fingers gripping the phone tightly and before I knew it, it was crushed in my hands. The plastic punctured my skin, yet I didn’t care. I couldn’t care. I needed a way to get Saskia without her knowing everything. Only I didn’t know what to do.
I suppose you think I’m a douchebag. The married man that cheats on his wife. I’m not that guy. Well, technically I am that guy, but I’m not so bad. There are things you don’t know about me. There are things you don’t know about Saskia. I don’t know if it’s my place to tell you, but I need you to understand. I want you to understand why she’s the way she is. I love her, you know. It’s a feeling in my heart that I can’t get rid of. She loves me too, in her own way, yet she doesn’t know everything. Not about Natasha and not about me. There are certain things that I’m not proud of. Certain things I’ve done, but I’m not going to mention them yet. I want you to get to know me before you judge me. I want you to see who I really am. Who I really was. Before everything. I know, I know I’m confusing you. Let me start at the beginning.
The first time I saw her
I know you think you know our story. The story you know starts with the fact that I’d been seeing Natasha casually for a few weeks and then met Saskia. That’s not the beginning of our story. The beginning of our story starts the summer after our freshman year of college. I was a lifeguard at one of the local YMCAs. The moment I saw Saskia in her tiny white bikini, I knew I had to have her. She looked so gorgeous with her long dark hair. She reminded me of some Cindy Crawford look-alike. She didn’t even look at me. I’m pretty sure she never noticed me. She was too busy talking to a friend. That friend was Natasha. Natasha definitely noticed me when I stole Saskia’s purse, but she didn’t say anything. I never understood why. To this day, I still don’t get it. Why didn’t she scream or shout thief? But she didn’t. So I was able to steal Saskia’s purse and get her name and address from her driver’s license.
It was easy from there. Once I had her information, I was able to watch her. My plan had been to follow her and accidentally bump into her. But then I’d reconnected with Natasha again and she recognized me right away. It’s funny how life goes, some people might call me a stalker. Some people might say we were doomed from the beginning, but I don’t agree. You see, the first time Saskia and I met and she actually looked at me, her eyes lit up. They lit up as if she knew in that moment, what I knew.
Things shouldn’t have ended up like this. Saskia’s married now to a horrible man and it’s all my fault. Everything is all wrong. I have to get her. I need her to be mine, but I’m scared. I don’t know what Natasha will do. We both have our secrets. There are things Saskia doesn’t know. Things that could keep us apart forever. I just need to get her to understand how much I need her.
My story will be focused on one thing. My quest to get back Saskia. The girl you think you know. Get ready for a wild ride because trust me, you know absolutely nothing.
13
There’s something you don’t know about Saskia. Her parents died when she was younger. In fact, her father killed her mother and then himself. She doesn’t really tell people that about herself. She doesn’t want people to feel sorry for her. She doesn’t want to get “labeled.” She grew up with her grandmother, a hard witch of a woman that hated men because her husband left her for some hippie chick and moved to California. Saskia never talks badly about her grandmother, but her grandmother scarred her. Made her do things with men for money that no teenage girl should ever have to do. I can’t say I was sad when her grandmother died. No, I wasn’t sad at all.
It’s not a mystery as to why Saskia’s fucked up. It’s more a mystery as to why she’s still so sane. Because out of everyone I know, she’s the kindest most genuine person in the world.
You’re wondering how did we get to this crazy place, aren’t you? We got here because Natasha is a manipulator. That’s not new. It’s part of her psychosis. That’s the other thing you don’t know. Natasha and Saskia met in therapy not in college as she would have most people believe. Natasha knows both of our secrets. She controls us. She has no heart, so she doesn’t care. I suppose you want to know what her problem is? That’s one thing none of us really knows. Her dad is a sex addict. Her mom looks the other way and she gets whatever she wants, whenever she wants. She plays everyone and most people think she’s an angel. Aside from me and Tom. Though, part of me thinks that Tom is still under her spell.
Natasha is a highly functional sociopath. That’s my diagnosis, not a professional’s, by the way. I have to be careful about what I say. She’s everywhere. Reads everything. She’d sue me if she could. That’s not going to stop me from telling you the truth and not just part of the truth. Natasha wants to control me, but she doesn’t know that I don’t care what comes out anymore.
Saskia is so different from Natasha. Yes, she likes to shock and awe people. That’s how she’s always gone through life. Part of her wants you to hate her. The other part hopes you see through the mask she wears. The mask that hides that deep down she’s a good person. I suppose she told you about the lap dance at the bachelor party? I suppose she told you that she was testing me to ensure I was a good guy. Did she tell you that she and I were supposed to be married? Did she tell you that I proposed to her first? Did she tell you that that night I begged her to run away with me? I’ve always loved her, yet she never thought she was good enough. I blame her grandmother and I blame Natasha. I took care of one of them and I’m ready to take care of the next one.
Tom always asks me why I don’t just tell her that Natasha’s a bitch and beg her to come away with me. He thinks that I’m deluding myself. He thinks I don’t
love her as much as I say I do. He’s wrong there. I love her more than I say. I love her more than anything. Only I have two secrets. Two very big secrets and Natasha knows both of them. And so I have to bide my time. I know that if Saskia found out either of them, I’d never stand a chance with her and I couldn’t risk that.
I have a plan. A plan that I hope will work. A plan that I’ve already set into motion. It’s a plan three years in the making and now it’s all coming to fruition. I just needed to make sure that everyone and everything followed the script I had in my head.
“Hey,” I picked up my phone and spoke quietly.
“Hey you.” Her voice was soft and low.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m here in my bed, hoping to see you.” She moaned, and I knew she was playing with herself.
“That can be arranged.” I lowered my voice again.
“You know that bitch set me up to sleep with Tom.”
“You know you enjoyed it.” My voice wasn’t as low as before. I didn’t like anyone calling Saskia a bitch.
“I always enjoyed it.” She laughed. “I think we put on a good show.”
“You have to be careful, Jessie. No one can tie us all together.”
“No one’s going to tie us all together.” She sighed and then paused. “So are you coming over tonight?”
“I can.” I tried not to sound reluctant. I couldn’t let her know that I wasn’t really into her. If she did, I knew she would not be as helpful.
“You can come over to my place.” She was breathing hard.
“You sure you need me?”
“My fingers aren’t as good as your cock.”
“You’re a dirty girl, Jessie.” I laughed and looked at my watch. “I can be over in a few hours.”
