Adam and Veronica had also made their way to Frida's and had been coupled up in the corner since they’d gotten there. They had been at each other’s throats the entire time, far from lovey-dovey. Shaun had read enough romance novels in her life, however, to know that being at each other’s throats was sometimes a more powerful a declaration of love than the actual act itself. She did her best to ignore that Adam was on the other side of the bar with a woman who wasn’t her, and how shitty that was making her feel. He wasn’t hers. She was finding she had to remind herself of that more and more with each passing day.
Noodle slammed his third beer in under an hour and leaned into Shaun from where he was half sitting, half standing in the stool next to her. His curly brown hair was Revlon status and the thick mane ran almost halfway down his back. “So what do you drink, Molten?”
‘Molten’ was the nickname that it had taken Noodle all of five seconds to brilliantly bestow upon Shaun. It stood for ‘molten chocolate.’ Shaun rolled her eyes playfully and tried to raise her voice over the music. “I told you, Noodle, I don’t drink.”
Noodle made a face. “What do you mean you don’t drink?!”
Shaun pretended to think about it. “I feel like we’ve had this exact conversation at least three times in the last twenty minutes.”
“That’s because you have,” Yoshi chimed in.
Shaun turned to Yoshi and smiled.
Yoshi’s eyes jumped from the scotch he was twirling in a slow circle and back to her. “He likes you, you know.”
Shaun’s heart immediately sped up. She attempted to be coy. “Huh? Who?” She blinked rapidly.
Yoshi didn’t entertain her faux confusion. “He likes to play it cool, but…”
Shaun was now sitting tall, all ears. The fact that Yoshi seemed to be done talking drove her insane, but she didn’t want to push him to elaborate for fear that it would make her seem insane.
“Hey,” Noodle whispered softly in her ear, prompting her to turn her attention to him. “You still don’t drink?”
“No, Noodle, I still don’t drink, but you’re sweet to…” Shaun’s words came to a slow stop when Noodle produced a glass of white wine from what seemed out of nowhere.
“Oh Christ.” Yoshi laughed with a shake of his head as he watched Noodle gingerly place the glass of wine in front of Shaun. “You’re determined to make everyone around you as big of a drunk as you are.”
Noodle ignored Yoshi. “Look, Shaun, there’s no pressure or anything…. But you really do need to loosen up,” he said, smoothly, sliding the glass in front of Shaun. He leaned in. “It’s moscato. It’s sweet.”
“I am loosened up. I’m plenty loose,” Shaun said, somewhat offended. Looking back and forth between the questionable expressions on both of their faces, she was even more offended. “I’m loose, god dammit,” she cried, grabbing the attention of onlookers.
“Okay, okay.” Yoshi smiled while placing a soothing hand on her back. “Try not to scream that sentence in the middle of a crowded bar.”
Shaun ran her hand through her hair and slowly reached out to finger the delicate curve of the full wine glass in front of her. Maybe she did need to loosen up.
“So, how did you and Adam meet?” Yoshi asked, watching her fingers as they flirted with the wine glass.
The question grabbed Noodle’s attention, as well.
Shaun’s spine straightened a little. How had she and Adam met? Clearly she couldn’t tell them the truth, but she wasn’t sure if she could take the foul taste of another lie rolling off her tongue.
“Janelle represents her,” Adam said, leaning into the bar between Noodle and Shaun, eyes riveted to her.
The unexpected sound of Adam’s voice caught Shaun off guard.
As if he could sense her apprehension, Adam placed his arm across the back of her stool. “We ran into each other in the hallway at the agency after that unfortunate magazine article. I told her she looked beautiful, because she did.” Adam’s eyes met hers. “And she promptly told me to go fuck myself.”
“The stuff dreams are made of,” Noodle said dryly.
“I see you’re already trying to corrupt my sweet Shaunie.” Adam reached over her and took the full wine glass. Bringing it to his lips, he took a slow sip, keeping his eyes riveted to Shaun. The moment the wine touched his tongue, he cringed.
“It’s moscato,” she said, taking in the expression on his face with amusement.
Adam batted at his mouth with the back of his hand. “Yeah, I noticed.”
“What else was I going to start her off with? A fucking shot of Jameson?”
“You don’t start her off at all. She doesn’t fucking drink, you asshole,” Adam barked to Noodle, still recovering from the lingering flavor of the sweet wine.
“All right, all right, that’s enough boys,” Shaun said, holding her hands out between the two. “Where’s Veronica?” she asked, looking to Adam.
Adam seemed surprised by the question and looked over his shoulder. “Uh… she was right over--” He pointed to an empty corner in the bar, then looked back to Shaun. “I had to come over here and stop the madness that was ensuing. Don’t let Noodle drag you down into his dark hole of despair, babe, there’s no coming back from that.”
Shaun tried to ignore the warm feeling the washed over her when he called her ‘babe.’ “So you just… left her? She doesn’t strike me as the type of woman who takes well to being left.”
“Maybe it’s about time she got a taste of her own medicine.”
Shaun was struck by the words, and it must have showed on her face.
Adam faltered. He didn’t love the turn this conversation was taking. “Look, do you want to get out of here?”
“No,” she said, turning back to the bar.
“No?” Adam took hold of the bar, leaning in.
“No,” she said, again.
“Is that your favorite word to say, or just your favorite word to say to me?”
Yoshi quietly smirked.
Shaun thought long and hard. “A little of both, I suppose.”
“Well can I just talk to you for a second alone,” Adam demanded, before begrudgingly adding, “please?” His teeth clenched.
“Don’t listen to him, Molten!”
“Don’t fucking call her that,” Adam spat.
“It seems like you have a lot of unfinished business,” Shaun said. “Don’t let me stand in your way.”
Adam was surprised. “She showed up. I had no idea she would be here,” he said gently.
Yoshi and Noodle were now pretending not to listen.
“If Veronica is the problem then there is no problem. She’s means nothing to me.”
“You don’t have to do that,” Shaun whispered to him. “You don’t have to explain her to me.”
“Maybe I want to.”
They stared at each other for a long time, long enough to make everyone around them avert their eyes in discomfort. Shaun was the first to break the gaze.
“No, it’s okay.” She fingered the wine glass in front of her, again. “I’m having fun getting to know your band mates,” she said before boldly wrapping her hand around the stem of the glass.
Adam watched her hand intently, tapping his knuckles against the bar. “Not this kind of fun you’re not,” he said, taking the glass clear out of her hand.
“Adam,” Shaun cried.
He raised his eyebrows, silently daring her to argue with him for another second. When Shaun continued to gape at him silently, perhaps a little confused, he turned away and walked off.
“Hey,” she cried, turning in her seat and watching in shock as Adam disappeared through the crowd.
“Don’t worry,” Noodle said, sliding another full glass of wine toward her. “I got you another one.”
“Don’t take it personal,” Yoshi mumbled. “Veronica always makes him a little… crazy.”
Shaun didn’t want to admit that Veronica’s surprise appearance was secretly making her a
little crazy, too.
“Yeah,” she mumbled. “I noticed.”
--
Later that night, Noodle and Yoshi walked Shaun back to the hotel and hugged her goodbye in the lobby. It had taken her a good twenty minutes to remember what room she and Adam were sharing. When she finally found it she felt like she’d hit the jackpot. After fumbling with the plastic room key for an embarrassing amount of time, she finally got the door to the room open. She couldn’t help a smile when she saw Adam hunched over the desk in the corner scribbling wildly on a piece of paper. The moment he heard the door open he looked up. Taking in her wobbly appearance and the goofy look on her face immediately prompted Adam to drop his pen and lean into the desk. His eyes probed her from head to toe and his mind was clearly racing, but he didn’t speak. He had to remind himself that he had no right to ask her why the hell she was walking in so late at night. He couldn’t ask her what she’d been doing, or with who. Regardless, all of those questions were on the very tip of his tongue.
Shaun smiled softly at the sight of him as the door to the room slammed closed behind her. “You’re writing.”
He ran his hands through his hair and then slapped them together, pushing back from the desk. “Trying.” He leaned forward on his knees and looked across the room at her.
Shaun reveled in the silence while swinging her arm back and forth. The bag in her hand slapped the side of her leg each time. She searched Adam’s face, trying to make sense of the look in his eyes.
Adam broke their eye contact and looked out of the window next to the desk. The Sydney Opera House still glowed under the night sky. The astonished look in Shaun’s eyes when she’d first seen it the night before seemed to be burned into his brain.
“No wonder you’ve been writing. Look at that tortured artist gleam in your eye,” she teased.
He looked back at her.
“As an artist myself, I have to tell you,” she slurred, “if you’re writing something--anything… the torture is already over. The worst is already over.”
“Oh yeah?”
She nodded and took a step closer to him. Even though she was fully dressed standing in the middle of the carpet, the way he was watching her made her feel completely naked. “When I can’t write… I feel like a part of me is missing. Like I’m not… real, or something. You know?”
Adam squinted, but didn’t speak.
Shaun held a hand in front of her. “When I can finally get the words out the way I want to… the way they’re meant to be and sound and exist…It’s like being freed from some horrible prison. It’s like the chain that’s been slowly choking me has finally been released. Like the wrench that’s been pulling at my teeth has finally eased up. You know. The tortures over.” She giggled, and then shrugged. Why did he look so serious?
Adam held his hands out. “I didn’t know you wrote.”
The smile on Shaun’s face suddenly fell. Fuck. She tried to think of a way out of everything she’d just said, but instead she stood stewing in her own stupid silence.
Adam’s voice was low and rough. She wondered if he’d had a couple of drinks himself. “I don’t really know you at all, do I?”
Shaun raised her eyebrows. “Don’t you?”
He suddenly smiled. “You know most of the time, when I’m with you… I’m completely convinced that you’re just a total nutjob….”
Shaun was suddenly very eager to shut up and hear what he had to say. The silence lingered between them, making her stomach turn.
Adam’s gaze almost leveled her. “But then there are these times I’m with you, and I just suddenly remember.” He held his hands up, struggling to find the right words. “That there’s still… pure goodness somewhere. Just goodness. It’s so real that I feel like I could even touch it if I wanted to,” he whispered, the darkness in his eyes growing even more glim. “Don’t change, Shaun.”
All Shaun could think was, if he only knew. If he only knew what kind of woman she really was, the things that she was actually capable of. He wouldn’t be saying such nice things. Suddenly, the nice buzz she’d had going was wearing thin and transforming into something that felt a lot less fun than it had with Yoshi and Noodle. “I’m not changing.”
“You’re drunk.”
“I’m not drunk.” She jolted when Adam suddenly shot up from his seat. He shoved his hands in his pockets and stood still for a few moments before slowly making his way toward her. Shaun squared her shoulders, sensing battle, but her eyes quickly narrowed when Adam came within touching distance.
Arm’s length away from her he itched to reach out. “You’re drunk,” he repeated.
Shaun was sure he could smell her breath. “Noodle eventually weaned me up to that shot of Jameson. It only took him a couple of hours. You call him an idiot but he’s surprisingly persuasive.”
“How’d it taste?”
“Like death in a glass.” Shaun laughed.
Adam didn’t laugh. In fact, he turned away from her, running his hand down his face.
“Come on, Adam. What is this? I’m a grown woman. I can have a drink when I want to.”
“But you don’t want to. That stick in the mud who had a list of rules and a no drinking policy at Sushi Samba? I would have never found her having a drink at some shithole in Sydney.”
“Maybe that stick in the mud isn’t real. Maybe you’re right and you never knew her, at all.”
“That’s the thing. I really do know you. Maybe not the bullshit on the surface. Maybe not your hobbies or what you’re favorite color is, but I do know you. I like you. This industry will fucking chew you up and spit you out if you let it. I’ve seen it happen. That goes double for the modeling industry. If you let them shred you to pieces they will, babe.”
There it was again. Babe. Shaun wanted to tell him that she liked him, too. She wanted to shout it from the rooftops. She would have also loved to clarify what he meant by the word ‘like.’ Was it the way he ‘liked’ his second cousin, or the way he used to ‘like’ Veronica? Or perhaps the way he still ‘liked’ Veronica? Did he still like Veronica? Love her? Did he only ‘like’ Shaun because she was a very convenient, sometimes nutjob, distraction? She wanted to ask all these things but she was far too preoccupied trying to figure out what in the world was going on here. Sensing that Adam was genuinely upset was, in turn, upsetting her. “You don’t have to take care of me.”
“I know I don’t have to...” He trailed off.
Shaun dropped her bag and closed the space between them, placing her hand on his shoulders. “Okay, you can take care of me,” she said, trying to lighting the mood. Wrapping her arms all the way around his neck, she lowered her voice. “But only if you let me take care of you, too.”
Naturally, Adam began to lean into her, unable to stop himself, taking her in. Shaun stood on her toes to kiss him and gasped softly when he pulled back suddenly, stopping her.
Adam cupped her waist gently on either side, jamming his eyes closed. He knew she had been drinking and he couldn’t handle just how much that broke him. He didn’t want her to change, but it seemed that was becoming inevitable with every second she spent with him. He felt responsible. He opened his eyes and took in the wounded expression in hers. ‘Not like this,’ he wanted to say, but he couldn’t form the words.
Shaun blinked past the tears threatening to tumble over her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she tried to swallow her pride, but she couldn’t. It was too strong. “No, you’re right. I’m really drunk right now. This is just… just business.”
Business. The word struck him in a way it never had before and he felt the natural need to retaliate. To shield himself from another blow. “Yeah, that’s right.” He immediately jammed his eyes shut the moment he said the words.
Shaun began to fidget, and when she realized she was fidgeting she attempted to control herself, which only made it worse. Eventually, she bent down and swiped her bag up from the floor, holding it in front of her body. Shielding herself from him just as
he’d done with her.
“Shaun, listen—“
“Look the cameras already captured me coming in here so… I’m gonna see about getting my own room now.”
“What?”
“There’s no reason for us to share a room. They already think that we’re in here doing unspeakable things to each other. Mission accomplished. Now we can go back to reality.”
Adam felt struck with each word she spoke. “You can’t afford your own room.”
“You don’t know that. I have a little money put away. Look, don’t worry about it, okay? It’s not your problem.”
“Stop telling me not to worry about you--” He bit his tongue. She had to know that he was already well past controlling the suffocating need to protect her. It was now something that he simply couldn’t help. Did she really expect him to watch her backslide into a sea of sharks, and then not jump in to fish her out? He couldn’t. He wouldn’t. “I’ll sleep on the floor.”
Shaun looked him right in the eye and said it again. “Don’t worry about me. I’m not your girl. I’m you girl for pay and I officially release you. You’re off the clock.”
“Come on, Shaun. You can’t be serious.” Adam’s eyes widened when she opened the door to the room and walked out. Before he could stop himself he was stalking towards the door that had closed behind her, calling after her, unable to control the movement of his body, his legs or even his own mind. When she slammed the door behind her he itched to open it and chase her down the hallway, but he was afraid of what he would do if he did. What he would say.
This was just business. She’d said it herself.
Adam’s hand covered the knob of the door and he gripped it for dear life, his forehead pressed against the cold wood.
--
The moment Shaun made it back downstairs to the lobby, she’d immediately called Celia. Not to strategize their next move, but because she needed her friend.
“What is wrong with you?” Celia demanded through the phone. “The man is trying to tell you that he cares about you and likes you exactly the way you are. Do you have any idea how rare that is? Billy Joel wrote a whole song about it. Why can’t you see how much power you have right now? Get back up there.”
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