“Just think of it as publicity, Shaun. They say all press is good press and they’re not completely wrong.”
Shaun turned to face Adam, worry stricken. Watching him stand against the backdrop of the Sydney sunset, all Shaun could think was that she’d never seen a man more handsome than he was right at that moment. The thought of losing even his friendship shook her all the way to her bones.
“Just try to look at it as a favor they’re doing for you. Every time they say your name they’re doing you a favor. And if that weren’t enough, you’re walking in that huge show tomorrow. Combine that with the press putting your face everywhere and you’ll be the biggest name in the modeling world before you open your eyes tomorrow morning. Who gives a shit what they say? Just let those assholes say your name. Let them keep saying it. Let them. Your career will explode overnight. All because they’re saying your name.” Adam shook his head. “Isn’t this what you wanted all along? Exposure? Notoriety? You got it, babe.”
Adam was right. What he didn’t know was that with every word he said, he was scaring Shaun ten times more.
--
Later that night Adam and Shaun learned something completely new about one another. They were both raging insomniacs.
It had taken hours for Adam to calm Shaun down and convince her that the public slaying the media were giving her was actually a good thing. Now, hours later, he was sitting at the hotel room desk working on his music and she was sitting cross-legged on the bed typing away on her laptop. She was so entranced by whatever it was she was writing that she hadn’t even noticed he’d been watching her for the last few minutes.
Thankfully, Shaun wasn’t the only one getting work done that night. Adam had written more than he had in ages and, looking down at the pad he’d been scribbling on, he realized it was a higher quality of writing than anything he’d put to paper in months.
Was the inspiration he’d been chasing for so long finally coming alive in him… or was it the woman sharing this room with him bringing it alive? He was almost afraid to seriously ask himself that question. Every time his mind went into that arena he ended up reminding himself that this was nothing but an arrangement for Shaun. Business. She’d said it herself just last night. Even though she’d apologized to him for it Adam couldn’t shake the cold thought that he really was just a means to an end for her. A bigger paycheck. A brighter career. A better future.
When Shaun suddenly looked up from her laptop and locked eyes with him he visibly flinched and immediately looked down at his pad. The moment he looked away from her he cursed himself. Never in his life had he ever shown shame when a woman caught him admiring her, but there was something about Shaun that made him want to keep his growing attraction to her more private than he usually would. Probably because he’d never been so confused about what page a woman was on as he was with Shaun.
“What are you doing over there?” she called.
Adam was surprised when he found it a struggle to even look up at her. He’d never felt so out of control in his entire life. He was embarrassed that she’d not only caught him staring at her, but that he’d immediately looked away like some chump. “Nothin’,” he mumbled.
“Nothin’.” Shaun mimicked. “Are you working on your music?”
“Something like that.”
“Anything good?”
“Maybe.” He smiled. “The real question is… what are you doing?” he asked, suddenly hopping out of his seat and making his way over to the bed. He liked the way she looked in that bed.
Shaun’s eyes grew wide and she immediately slammed her laptop closed.
Adam was momentarily distracted by how hard she closed her laptop. She might have shattered the screen she’d closed it so hard. “What are you trying to hide?”
Shaun tucked her closed laptop under her butt and began to scoot away when Adam climbed onto the bed next to her. She squealed when he reached under her body, feeling around for the laptop. “Oh my god, stop it!”
He pulled away with a laugh, leaning against the bed. “What do you like to write about? At least tell me that.”
“I write erotic novels,” Shaun said, desperate to change the subject.
“The fuck you do.”
“No, I’m serious.”
“You underestimate how well I’ve gotten to know you. I doubt you can even spell erotica, let alone write it.”
“And what makes you so sure?”
Adam leaned deeper into the bed. “Virgins don’t write dirty novels.”
“Says who?” Shaun exclaimed. “Just because someone is a virgin doesn’t make them erotically stunted or unable to concoct a hot story. If anything a virgin would write an even better erotic novel because they have way more tension stored inside of them to spill out onto the page. Someone who’s getting laid every night couldn’t write a tension filled erotic novel half as well as a virgin could.”
Adam didn’t even know where to begin responding to everything she’d just said. “Say ‘erotic’ again.”
She held back a smile. “Screw you.”
“No, it was seriously hot. Just say it one more time.”
“Screw. You.”
“Okay, you win,” he whispered while leaning in, going straight for her smiling mouth.
Shaun screamed and fell back onto the pillows, covering her face with her hands.
Adam laughed at her. “I’ll let you read mine if you let me read yours.”
Shaun couldn’t tell him that he couldn’t read what she was writing because he would never forgive her if he did. Hell, she wasn’t sure she could ever forgive herself. She removed her hands from her face and turned towards him while tucking them under her cheek. “No, I have to go to sleep. I have a runway to walk tomorrow, remember?”
“Just make sure to do you and you’ll be great. Just do you, Shaun.”
“Thanks.”
“Can I sleep with you?”
“There’s only one bed,” she said, her eyes narrowing.
“I know… I’m not tired yet, but, I just wanted to make sure… when I do get tired…”
“You can sleep in the bed. But no funny business.”
Adam was beginning to hate that word. Business. “Goodnight, Shaun.”
Nine
Shaun didn’t know when she’d fallen asleep, but she did know that waking up to Adam’s sleeping face was something that she definitely could not allow herself to get used to. He was lying next to her on his back, with one hand tucked under his head and the other slung across his stomach. His body faced the ceiling but his head was craned towards her. She’d slept facing him the entire night and had woken up with her arm splayed across his chest and her fingers mere inches from his lips.
It frightened her that, with all of the terrifying events that day was going to hold, it was the best night’s sleep that she’d gotten in a long, long time.
She attempted to climb out of bed quietly, but Adam’s voice rang out the moment her feet hit the carpet.
“Are you ready for today?” his sleepy voice asked.
Shaun answered honestly. “No.”
“Just do you.”
“You already said that.”
“I know… I mean it.”
--
Hours later Shaun was peeking out of the backstage curtain. The show was about to begin. The hundreds of chairs that had been empty yesterday were now packed with people—not an empty seat in sight. The lights were dimmed for show time and the guests of the show were murmuring excitedly for what was to come. Towards the end of the runway Shaun could see Adam, Yoshi and Noodle in the first row and had to smile. They stuck out like sore thumbs among the fashion elite—almost as much as she felt like she herself was sticking out. She had never, however, been happier to see three people in her entire life.
She was completely made-up, and she was the second model slated to walk the runway, right after Jessica Stam, one of the biggest names in the modeling world. With dark smoky eyes and shinier, bouncier cur
ls than she’d ever had, Shaun felt somewhat like she belonged, but it still wasn’t enough to give her the confidence she was sure she’d need to make it out of this alive. Thankfully, she only had to make it up and down that runway once and then she was done for the day. She’d get a pretty decent paycheck for it, too. Shaun couldn’t lie… she understood what so many women found appealing about this job. Wear beautiful clothes, have your hair and make-up done every day and get paid a pretty penny just to walk around looking hot? Pretty sweet gig.
“Shaun, I NEED YOU,” the show manager screamed, waving Shaun up towards the bright opening that led out to the runway.
Shaun stepped up, shaking in her bright yellow dress and heels. She could feel her entire body trembling from the tips of her ties to the top of her poufy head and willed herself to relax.
“And three, two, one… go!” The manager gave Shaun a small push, prompting her to step out.
The moment she stepped out onto the runway she was shocked at how bright the lights were. She could barely see the walkway in front of her, let alone Adam—who was supposed to be her strength. Her saving grace… and she couldn’t see him.
Taking a deep breath, she began to walk, struggling to remember everything she’d done yesterday. Whatever she’d had inside of her that made her tear up the runway the day before seemed to have completely left her and as she walked down the shiny back runway she could feel her knees begin to shake, then her ankles. A panic like she’d never felt before seized her and all she could do was pray that she didn’t fall. Don’t fall, Shaun. Please don’t fall.
Every prayer for grace and stability that she made seemed to only make her feel more off balance and, before she knew it, that familiar feeling of the high heels she wore tilting to the side stole her breath. The heels of her shoes had somehow locked together, and the feeling that she was about to fall caused Shaun to attempt to save herself—to overcorrect—and she flew, face first, onto the runway. The only thing that stopped her teeth from smashing onto the shiny black runway where her elbows crashing onto it instead. She landed with a boom that elicited a gasp from what seemed to be every soul in the room. There was dead silence. Burying her forehead into the runway, Shaun couldn’t move. She wanted to die right there.
But she refused. She had to stand up. Had to finish.
With much effort, she swallowed her pride, shook her curls out of her face and looked up. When her eyes locked with Adam’s, who was out of his seat and standing at the edge of the runway, she was awestruck at the effect just looking at him immediately had on her entire psyche. For a split second she wondered if he had any idea, standing there in his stupid skinny jeans and tiny black t-shirt with his hands clasped together, what kind of profound effect his mere existence had on her at that point. Her eyes fell to his lips and even though she couldn’t hear him as he whispered, “Do you,” she could feel him. She could feel the blind confidence he had in her, the faith, and it was as if everything he believed in his heart was climbing right out of him and into her.
Eyes riveted to his, Shaun stood on one shaky foot, then the other, a timid smile crossing her lips. Adam broke into applause, causing applause to erupt from everyone in the room. Choking back her anxiety, Shaun used to applause to give her the strength to take another step, to keep walking. Alongside the stage, Adam walked with her, passing each seat and blocking many people’s view as he did. His gaze never left hers as he clapped and whooped for her violently, taking every step with her until she was at the end of the runway.
“Yes!” Adam cheered, laughing out loud when she posed dramatically for the cameras. When she turned he turned with her, following her every step back up the runway, until she was out of sight.
Shaun’s heart thundered as she finally made it into the backstage area and out of the sight of the audience that still seemed to be clapping for her. Lord, that had been the longest walk of her life. For a minute there she’d been convinced that it would never end. Even though she was mortified, she was also relieved. If that didn’t spell the end of this ‘modeling’ career of hers forever, she didn’t know what would. For that she was grateful. Now she could go back to focusing on what was really important to her. Her writing. Her future. Her career.
The moment she was in the safety of the backstage area, away from the probing eyes of the audience, she realized she now had to deal with the probing eyes of everyone backstage, as well.
To her surprise, where she was expecting venom and judgment, she actually found herself surrounded with support.
“Nice recovery, girl,” a make-up artist called.
“Way to go, Shaun!”
“Happens to the best of us.”
Several models and stylists whispered their encouragement as they passed. High fives and friendly arm squeezes were bestowed upon her from every angle. Shaun was amazed. All this time she’d been so desperate to do a perfect job for these people and now that she’d screwed up royally they were finally showing her some support. What kind of crazy assed, backwards industry was this?
When her eyes landed on Adam jogging backstage, she suddenly didn’t care about anything else.
He came to a stop when he caught sight of her.
Shaun couldn’t help herself, she ran across the backstage area and rocketed her body at him, sighing in pure relief when she felt his arms wrap around her, catching her, protecting her.
“Oh my god, Adam, I fell,” she cried, tucking her head into his neck.
Adam held her around the waist for dear life while burying his other hand into her soft curls. Her smell engulfed him and he had to take a moment to gather himself when he felt her lips brushing against the crook of his neck. Her breath was warm, vaguely similar to the warmth he felt whenever she allowed him to be this close to her. “Of course you fell,” he whispered. “But you got up.”
“But I fell,” she mumbled into his neck.
“You got up, babe.” He couldn’t take another second. Pulling her closer, he buried his head into her curls and breathed deep.
“I wouldn’t have had to get up if I hadn’t fell.”
“Stop, stop, stop.”
“Why do I always fall?”
“Because you’re constantly denying that you have the strength to get back up.” If it was even possible, he held her tighter. “As long as you keep denying your power the karmic gods are going to keep fucking with your life.”
Shaun had to laugh.
The sound was more beautiful than it ever had been to Adam. “But you always get up. Do you know how amazing that is?”
Shaun buried her head deeper.
“Most people would just stay down, but you never do.”
She tried to blink back the emotion bubbling up inside of her. “It’s not like I had a choice. It was either get up, or die a slow death on the runway.”
Adam chortled, prompting Shaun to release the laugh she’d been holding, as well until they were both locked into a laughing embrace.
For the first time since they’d met, they were completely unaware of the cameras surrounding them--snapping away.
--
Later that night Noodle, Yoshi and Adam were all treating Shaun to her favorite food at one of Sydney’s premier sushi restaurants, Zushi.
“Don’t you guys have better things to be doing right now?” she asked midway through the meal, sipping her warm sake. “Is this some kind of pity dinner?”
“This is definitely a pity dinner make no mistake,” Yoshi confirmed with a laugh.
Noodle jumped in. “You fucking bit it out there, dude. I mean you honestly ate that runway… I’m surprised you didn’t break something. Like you really went down hard as fuck, Molten.”
“Okay, all right… that’s enough. She knows what happened… she was there.” Adam squinted across the table at his friend, holding a hand out to silence him.
“And you--” Noodle pointed his chopsticks at Adam. “Following her up and down the runway like some lovesick puppy. Jesus. What a shit show.”
Shaun was covering her face with her hand, trying to hold back her laughter. “I know Noodle, it was awful.”
“Awful,” Noodle agreed.
“I’m such a spaz.”
“Completely,” Noodle confirmed, again.
Seeing the smile on her face, Adam had to jump in. “You know now that I think about it… I don’t think this girl has ever made it an entire day without falling on her ass. And I mean ever,” he emphasized. “Ever in life.”
As laughter erupted around the table, Shaun thought long and hard. “I think you’re right,” she said, in shock. It was true. She couldn’t think of a single day in her life when she hadn’t bit the dust in the most terrible way.
“It’s actually kind of perfect that you fell.”
“I’m not sure perfect is the word I would use,” Shaun said, eyeing Adam suspiciously.
“No, it really couldn’t have happened any other way.” He insisted.
“It’s already all over the internet. They even have your fall synched to a rap song in one—it’s pretty hilarious. Do you want to see it?” Noodle went to fish his phone out of his pocket.
“No!” Shaun cried. “I don’t want to see it.”
Adam’s shoulders shook with laughter.
“Well you looked hot, at least,” Noodle said with a shrug.
“Hot as hell,” Adam agreed.
“Super hot.” Yoshi nodded.
“Well, thanks,” Shaun said, dryly. “Just to be safe I’m definitely going to stay in my seat during you guys’ show tonight. I think I’ve had enough falls for today.”
“You’re adorable,” Adam said.
Shaun’s head and stomach both fell at the same time. In order to avoid Adam’s gaze she fingered her cellphone out of her pocket and her eyes bulged out of her head at the sight. “Holy shit I have like… thirty missed calls.” She looked at Adam as if he had all of the answers.
“Of course you have thirty missed calls, Molten, you’ve gone viral,” Noodle beamed, holding up his phone where he had YouTube pulled up. “No, honestly, you have to see this video.”
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