Adam and Shaun both stared off in opposite directions, neither having any idea what to say to Janelle and neither willing to look at each other.
“What in the world is going on here that the two of you are utterly incapable of keeping this entire arrangement professional? Don’t bother answering. I already know…. and I have just one thing to say. Whichever one of you is catching feelings for the other—I don’t give a shit which one of you it is—whichever one of you… just stop it. Stop it now or you’re going to ruin this for all of us.” Janelle continued to glare at them. “Adam do you have any idea how much stronger this band’s demographic has become since you started being seen with Shaun? It’s not just black people who are buying more of your music—but everybody. The new song is already number 1 on iTunes. It’s only been out for an hour. That is no coincidence my friend, that’s you… and her.” She motioned to Shaun.
Adam jammed his eyes shut, still looking away from both of them. It was taking everything he had not to blow up right there at that table.
“So whoever is getting doe eyed… stop it now.”
Adam shot her a look. “Is that all?”
Janelle stared right back at him for several seconds, contemplating whether or not she was done ripping him a new one. “Yeah, that’s all,” she decided.
Adam stood quickly from his chair, causing it to creak across the ground and didn’t look at Shaun or Janelle as he headed away from their patio table.
The two women watched him storm down the sidewalk, turning every head as he passed, with their mouths agape.
“To think I almost called TMZ for this,” Janelle mumbled. Thankfully the paparazzi hadn’t been called for this lunch and Adam had yet to be spotted, so there were no media around to catch his outburst.
A silent moment passed. Janelle shook her red bob back and zeroed in on Shaun. “Now, let’s talk about all the photo shoots I have set up for you this week.”
Shaun was still staring down the sidewalk Adam was walking, fighting with everything she had not to stand from her chair and follow him, but what would she say? What would she do? It had to be this way. She faltered, only half hearing what Janelle had said.
“What? Photo shoots?” she asked absently, still gazing after him as he climbed into a grey Lexus, one of his many luxury cars.
“Yes!” Janelle cried, successfully grabbing Shaun’s full attention. “Work! Shoots! Money! The next one I have lined up is for tomorrow morning at Vogue. It’s not a full spread but… give me time.”
That got Shaun’s full attention.
“It’s already a done deal,” Janelle said, sensing that Shaun was about to put up a fight.
Shaun didn’t know what to say, she felt backed into a corner and was still slightly shaken at Adam’s abrupt exit.
She finally gave in to Janelle. “What time tomorrow?”
--
Later that night Shaun found herself knocking desperately on the last door in the world that she thought she’d find herself knocking on.
Within moments Celia’s face appeared on the other side of the door without a hint of anger or fight in her eyes. She seemed legitimately and genuinely happy just to see her best friend standing on her doorstep.
Shaun shook her head, breathing heavily. “I can’t write the article.”
“Okay.” Celia opened her door a little wider. “Okay… let’s not do anything rash. Come in.” She motioned into her apartment and waited for Shaun to walk through.
Shaun made it into the middle of the foyer before she was forced to repeat herself. “I can’t write the article.” She turned to Celia with her arms out at her sides. “It’ll fucking hurt him. It’ll fucking hurt me.”
Celia nodded as she made her way towards Shaun and took her friend’s arm, leading her into the kitchen. “Talk to me, tell me what’s going on and what’s got you freaking out, and we’ll figure out a solution to all of this.”
“There is no solution, that’s what I’m saying,” Shaun yelped, allowing herself to be led into the kitchen.
“There’s always a solution,” Celia said, grabbing a bottle of red wine from her counter and turning to look at Shaun. “And where there isn’t a solution there’s logic, with is a solution in itself.” She shook the bottle of red. “You still a drunk or what?”
“The drunkest,” Shaun grumbled, collapsing into one of the plush kitchen chairs that circled Celia’s beautiful glass dining table. Her legs sprawled haphazardly in front of her. She was beat. “I can’t write it,” she said, again. “I can’t do it.”
“So exactly what are you planning to do if you decide not to write that article? You’ll lose your internship. If you lose your internship, you lose the required internship credits at school—you know, the ones you need in order to graduate.”
Shaun rolled her eyes while nodding her head vigorously. Did Celia think she didn’t already know all of this?! And why was she enunciating everything?
Celia powered on. “If you lose Cosmo you not only lose your only chance at a stable income but also the UCLA degree that you’ve been dreaming about since we were ten.”
Shaun buried her head in her hands.
“You have to write the article.”
She removed her head from her hands and made claws in the air. “I can’t.”
“Well, fucking do it anyway.”
“You didn’t see him today, Celia. He completely lost it on me because he wants to be a real… thing… which we will obviously never be. He can’t be reasoned with.”
“He’s not the only one.”
Shaun shot her a look.
“Shaun, if Adam finds out about this article he’s going to drop you like you’re on fire. When the magazine finds out you’re not writing the article they’re going to drop your ass, too, and no one in this city will hire you, again. Then what are you going to do? How are you going to pay your bills? How are you going to eat? Where are you going to live? Huh? You gonna move back in with your parents? Good luck with that. Wake up, Shaun. This is the only way… unless you’ve got some secret job lined up that I don’t know about. You’re already in an apartment you can barely afford with student loans that are going to haunt you until you’re ninety. You can’t afford to lose this job and you can’t get out of this. One way or another Adam is going to find out so you really only have two options here. He can find out, leave you and you lose your job or he can find out, leave you and you still have your job, your home and food on your table. Make the decision.”
Shaun’s head fell. She hated to admit it, but Celia was right.
When her phone vibrated to life in her pocket Shaun gasped and snatched it out. It was Adam.
Celia raised an eyebrow at her. “Guess he’s not so mad after all.” Her smile fell when she saw Shaun’s fingers playing at the screen. “Don’t answer it.”
“I have to.” But Shaun was too slow. It had already been sent to voicemail. “Shit…” She dropped the phone on the table. She was so royally screwed.
Celia nodded to her phone. “Play the message.”
Shaun put it on speakerphone, biting her lip when his voice wafted through the speakers, immediately comforting her. When the hell had she gotten in so deep? There was a long pause before he spoke, as if he were contemplating leaving a message, at all.
“Shaun…”
A long silence followed his saying her name, and Shaun wondered if that was the end of his message. The sound of him suddenly sighing made her hold her breath.
“I don’t want to wait for a camera to come along just to kiss you when I want to…”
Shaun buried her head in her hands.
“…I guess that’s all I have to say.”
The phone went silent and Shaun couldn’t bring herself to look up.
Twelve
“What do you think about that Adam?” The young blonde journalist watched Adam for several long moments, her heartbeat increasing with every second that passed without him answering. Perhaps she had gone too
far in asking him such a personal question. As she looked on at the raven haired rocker sitting dead center with his band mates surrounding him on either side, flushed with bright studio lights, she realized that he hadn’t heard a word she’d said, at all.
Jon, The White Keys’ guitarist, nudged Adam and chuckled when he watched his longtime best friend jolt upward, eyes wide.
“Oh hey,” Jon beamed, as if he were seeing Adam for the first time since they’d sat down. “Welcome back, bro.”
“I’m sorry.” Adam massaged his eyes before looking toward the newscaster.
She was platinum blonde, exactly his type. In any other circumstance he would be completely alert during this interview just for the simple fact that she was hot, but he found himself plagued by thoughts of Shaun. The way he’d lost his cool with her was making him sick to his stomach. Never in his life had he shown a woman the kind of hand he’d shown Shaun so quickly—and she had barely even let him kiss her! He felt like she must have cast some terrible spell on him, one that made him want her more than he wanted anything… without any hope of ever getting it. Her reluctance to be with him was confusing, something he’d never experienced. Maybe she could never be with him because of the fucked up things he said in that article. That had to be what was holding her back.
Had what he’d said been so unforgiveable? Would it really be that easy for her to let him go once their arrangement was over? The thought of it being over, at all, made his already sick stomach rumble even harder. When another elbow came plowing into his side, this time from Noodle, Adam almost jumped out of his chair. His big eyes met the equally wide blue eyes of their interviewer.
“Wow. I’m really sorry.” He said, bashfully. He just couldn’t focus.
“Crazy night last night?” she asked. Though she was smiling, the hint of aggravation at his inability to focus on her was not lost on him or his band mates.
Adam chuckled, staring at the floor. “Yeah, something like that.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “What was the question?”
“Shaun Green.”
Adam was very suddenly all ears.
“It seems that the two of you happened, well, overnight. And right on the tail of your, now infamous, quote in US Magazine.”
Adam eyed her, waiting for an actual question. When none came, he squinted his eyes at her. “Yeah?”
“Well… it does seem a little… convenient.”
Adam could see his band mates shifting uncomfortably around him. This journalist did have a reputation for pushing the envelope where everyone else was too afraid, and apparently today was no exception.
Adam took a deep breath. “I had the unfortunate luck of saying something fucked up right before I met a beautiful, amazing woman. Because she’s such an amazing woman she was able to look past that and forgive me.” As he spoke his mind raced. Had Shaun been able to forgive him? Or was she merely tolerating him? “We met, we clicked, we care about each other, we’re together. That’s all there is.”
The interviewer sputtered. “You had some pretty strong opinions towards women of color… you’re saying Shaun is… completely okay with that?” She gave Adam time to hear the question. “In the short time you’ve been together?”
Adam’s mind raced. Though he was annoyed that this woman was so comfortable getting this deep into his personal business he had to consider what she was saying to him. When had Shaun actually told him that she was okay with all of the things he’d said? She never had. In fact, all she’d really done was remind him that what he’d said wasn’t about her, but about him. His eyes went to the journalist. Did Shaun forgive him, or had he just assumed she did?
“Yeah.” His eyes narrowed. “I’m sure.”
The journalist was dubious and did nothing to hide it. It was written all over her face. “Well, okay,” she said, turning her attention to Noodle. “Speaking of forgiveness, Noodle, are you still banned from Sweden?”
--
“You should give him what he wants.”
Shaun faltered. “What? I’m sorry? Give him what he wants? What happened to the ‘power of the word no’?” she asked, with finger quotes.
Celia shook her head. “You only push him with ‘no’ until you’ve gotten what you want. He’s yours. You’ve got him. In fact you’ve got him so completely that you’re about to lose him. He’s hopeless, he knows it, and if you keep pushing him he’s eventually going to run for his life.”
“He probably already has.”
“No. If he was running he wouldn’t have called you last night. You’ve done everything perfectly and now you’ve got him chasing you. Guys hate it when they can’t read a woman’s mind. He can’t read you right now and it’s freaking him the hell out, but we don’t want it to freak him out too much. When he first met you, you were this insecure, lost, hopeless little girl. He definitely assumed that you were going to be an easy lay once he decided whether or not he wanted to take you to bed. Now that you’ve shut him down on more than one occasion he is plum confused and desperate to impress you. You’ve done a phenomenal job, but now it’s time to reward him a bit. Give him a little of what he wants. And while you’re at it you should probably figure out what you want too,” Celia said soberly, gazing at her friend out of the corner of her eye. “What do you want? I want you to make a list tonight of things you want from Adam. I think this will help you keep your focus. Do you want to be his friend? Do you only want his status, his name, to help you get ahead in your career? Or is it more than that now? Do you want to have sex with him?”
The question opened a floodgate that Shaun hadn’t even been aware had been bubbling up inside of her. “I really do. You know that I have never had the courage to even look at a man in a sexual way since I lost all of this weight. They were never interested in me when I was big, so I guess I never learned how to pursue a guy that I’m really, really attracted to. It’s like I’ve constructed a wall around myself that I can’t break down. I just assume any man I’m marginally attracted to would never give me the time of day. Adam is the first guy I’ve wanted who’s ever wanted me back.”
She sighed as her childhood memories came crashing down on her, realizing that the toxic pattern of I’m-not-good-enough had started for her as early as nine years old.
“So you genuinely like Adam. As much as he claims to like you?”
It surprised Shaun that she hadn’t actually taken the time to ask herself that very important question. The truth hit her like a ton of bricks. “I’m crazy about him.”
“Well there you go,” Celia whispered. “Just don’t have sex with him right away. Make out with him if you want to. You can even let him play with your tits a little. But don’t have sex. If you just give him a small taste here and there it’ll drive him so crazy that you’ll be all he thinks about.”
“Yeah that’s if he ever speaks to me, again.”
“He already is. He called you last night.”
“Only to ream me some more.”
“Have you ever noticed how everything is about what he wants and not what you want? I think it’s high time that Shaun Green starts getting what she wants for a change.” Celia crossed her arms over her chest. “What do you want friend?”
Shaun’s eyes widened. “I want him. Only him. I want him almost… violently.”
Celia chuckled. “Okay you little whore.”
“Besides, how many girls can say they lost their virginity to a celebrity?” Shaun blushed suddenly, then covered her face with her hands. “That sounded horrible.”
“I’ve never been prouder,” Celia stated, with a sharp nod. “Just don’t give him the whole cookie right away. A little bit at a time, just like I said.”
Shaun was becoming more and more dubious of Celia and her advice. She’d been on her own with Adam for the better part of this arrangement and it hadn’t exactly failed her yet. She was beginning to wonder whether she had given her friend too much credit. After all, Adam did like Shaun, he’d told her as much himself
, and she’d been the one to get him there… NOT her friend. If she wanted to have sex with him right now then why the hell couldn’t she?
Celia suddenly sobered up. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t around. You know how protective I get over you. It makes me a little nuts.”
“I know…”
“I hate being in arguments with you more than anything. More than pap smears, more than tornadoes…”
“More than peach schnapps?” Shaun asked, knowing Celia’s deep hatred for the sweet drink.
Celia’s face curled. “Even more than that.”
Shaun blushed, again. “It’s okay. You were just being your usual pain in the ass self and so was I. If we can’t be at our worst with each other then who can we be at our worst with?”
“Hmm.” Celia grinned. “I couldn’t have said it better myself.”
“Okay, so…. He’s beyond irritated with me. How do I turn that around and make him adore me, again?”
“He never stopped adoring you. In fact he clearly adores you more now than he ever has. This is an easy fix. Just make him feel like you need him. Get stranded somewhere, slash a hole in your tire and call him for help, call him in the middle of the night and tell him you’re scared and need some company. Whatever! Anything. Just make him feel needed and he’ll come crawling back to you like the drooling puppy he is,” she said, with a wave of her hand and a snicker.
Shaun gaped at her friend. “You’re a brilliant, beautiful monster.”
After she said those words the awful truth hit Shaun. She was slowly turning into a monster, too. And it didn’t feel brilliant at all.
--
“I hate journalists,” Adam uttered the second the door to the Cadillac Escalade closed behind him, blocking out the large CBS tower he’d just walked out of, as well as all of the screaming fans that had been waiting outside for him after the interview. He turned to look at Katie as the driver immediately sped away. He’d spent the last half an hour signing autographs and taking pictures and was exhausted by the time he climbed in to the truck to be met with her face.
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